Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, November 11 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Floriduh man named Shaquille ONeal crashed car, stole veteran's wheelchair during police chase Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, November 10, in 1918 World War I came to an end when the Allies and Germany signed an armistice. This day became recognized as Veteran's Day in the United States and Remembranc e Day in Canada. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment. --- Willis Player ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Anthony proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he is an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a Hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is." ______________________________________________________ Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup Play-Offs. I kicked the TV and broke my leg." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shaquille ONeal Clemons, 21, Largo, Floriduh Largo man named Shaquille ONeal crashed car, stole veteran's wheelchair during police chase A Largo man, whose name is similar to that of a retired NBA star, is accused of stealing a disabled veterans wheelchair to get away from police after he crashed his car during a chase. Largo police say Shaquille ONeal Clemons, age 21, tried to flee from officers on Oct. 25. Robert Druce, a veteran, witnessed the crash. He attempted to help Clemons, not knowing that was who police were looking for. Druce offered Clemons his wheelchair. Saw the big wreck and then saw a guy helping a guy out of the car. His leg was broken or something. He fell down in the street, and I let him sit on my chair so he could drive up to the front by the store, so he could sit down on the sidewalk and not be laying in the street, Druce said. All of a sudden, Im chasing my chair down the street. Instead, Clemons tried to roll away to escape. I couldnt catch him, Druce said. Officers say Clemons was driving a White Mercedes 250 near the area of 36th Street and Melody Lane by East Bay Drive. They tried to pull him over, but police say Clemons took off eastbound on East Bay Drive and then sideswiped a white car and a school bus. There were no kids on the bus. Detectives say Clemons then drove southbound on Belcher Road, where he crashed into two more vehicles at the intersection at Ulmerton Road. It was pretty crazy. I didnt even hear it really, until I was looking outside the window and seen everything, Nina Peralta said. Peralta shot video of the crash on her phone. I just remember seeing trucks everywhere and cars and police everywhere, she said. Police say Clemons got into the wheelchair and then headed east on Ulmerton Road, trying to get away from officers. Druce, who suffered a stroke a year ago, says he tried to go after Clemons, but was too weak. A Pinellas Park police officer was in the area and was able to stop Clemons a few blocks away from the crash scene. Druce was able to get his chair back. No good deed goes unpunished, he said. One person involved in the crash was critically injured. Clemons was arrested on charges of driving with a suspended or revoked license, reckless driving with property damage and injury, and leaving the scene of a crash with property damage and injury. He has previously been arrested for fleeing and eluding, possession of hydromorphone hydrochloride, possession of marijuana, fleeing and eluding, and violation of probation for aggravated battery. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits >From Fran Re: How do you catch Mis-spellings in spam Dear Webby, Yes, I too have seen all those mif-sbellinks in spam sneaking past my filters. How do I sto that? Fran Dear Fran In MailWasher you can use Regular Expressions. A handy one is the "OR" symbol: | You can for example tell it to look IN THE BODY (pull down selection), then in the second pull down select CONTAINS and then in the content put Vigor|vigar|vogir|vugor and so on. Every time one slips through, look what word they use, and add it. That of course is just one of almost a hundred operators you can use. In the second line you can select the FROM line, in the second selector pull down to BUT NOT IF and put gramma's address into the content part, and a pipe | and [email protected] as the second address. So, if any of the naughty words exist in the body, but the FROM address is NOT gramma's address, then it triggers the filter. You can selct what it does with that mail, for example delete it automatically, without even bothering to show it in the list. Until you get comfortable with making filters you can tell it to just flag it for deleting and give you the option to see if your filter is maybe too radical. After a while crafting good filters becomes a game. With MailWasher YOU will win every time. Have FUN! DearWebby A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams and wanted to know what he should do next. His mother suggested, "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?" He thought this was a great idea and arranged a date for the next weekend. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone. He moaned, "Oh, mom, the evening was a complete disaster." His mother said, "Why, didn't she come over?" And the young man said, "Oh, she came over, but she can't cook either." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Find Hidden Places to Store Things By Sandi/Poor But Proud [541 Posts, 2,300 Comments] If you have a door you seldom close like I do or even if you do close it, you can often find hidden storage places. I did this today to keep all my crochet thread and ribbon. I love shoe bags and this one is especially good as I can see what is in each pouch. Some are plastic, but flimsy, and others are sturdy, but made of solid fabric. This is the best of both. With these in here, I now have an empty tub to put in my storage closet for other things, and I just garnered a 4 square foot space on my floor. Recently, I moved everything home from storage to save $500.00 over the next 12 months. It's been a challenge to find spaces for things, but it's getting done. And if you think I am kidding don't look in the top shelves of all my kitchen cabinets, under my bathroom sink, or under the day bed. Seriously, don't. N-JOY! Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
President Trump was in the Oval Office wondering which country to invade next, when his telephone rang." Hallo, President Trump" a heavily accented voice said. This is Archie, up 'ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland, Canada ey? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ey!" Well Archie,"President Trump replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is myself, me cousin Harold, me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole dart team from the pub. That makes eight!" President Trump paused. "I must tell you Archie, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Holy jeez," said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "President Trump, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Archie?", President Trump asked. "Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor." President Trump sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke." Lard T'underin' Jaysus, bye", said Archie, I'll be getting back to ya." Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day. "President Trump, the war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four byes from the Legion have joined us as well!" President Trump was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and ! 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!" Jeysus, Mary and Joseph," said Archie,"I'll have ta call youse back." Sure enough, Archie called again the next day. "President Trump! I am sorry to have to tell you dat we have had to call off dis 'ere war." I'm sorry to hear that" said President Trump. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's just no darn way we can feed two million prisoners." ____________________________________________________ On a vacation in Texas Mike exhibited the exuberance of a tourist. At a diner, he and his brothers ordered cheeseburgers. When his meal arrived, the first thing Mike noticed was its size. "Wow," he exclaimed, "everything really IS bigger in Texas!" As he lifted the burger off the plate, his eyes met the cold stare of the 300-pound waitress and the 2 gallon water pitcher she carried. ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ | Today on November 11 1620 The Mayflower Compact was signed by the 41 men on the Mayflower when they landed in what is now Provincetown Harbor near Cape Cod. The compact called for "just and equal laws." 1831 Nat Turner, a slave and educated minister, was hanged in Jerusalem, VA, after inciting a violent slave uprising. 1851 The telescope was patented by Alvan Clark. 1868 The first indoor amateur track and field meet was held by the New York Athletic Club. 1880 Australian outlaw and bank robber Ned Kelly was hanged at the Melbourne jail at age 25. 1887 Labor Activists were hanged in Illinois after being convicted of being connected to a bombing that killed eight police officers. 1889 Washington became the 42nd state of the United States. 1918 World War I came to an end when the Allies and Germany signed an armistice. This day became recognized as Veteran's Day in the United States. 1918 Poland was reestablished shortly after the surrender of Germany. 1920 The body of an unknown British soldier was buried in Westminster Abbey. The service was recorded with the first electronic recording process developed by Lionel Guest and H.O. Merriman. 1921 The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier was dedicated at Arlington Cemetery in Virginia by U.S. President Harding. 1938 Kate Smith first sang Irving Berlin's "God Bless America" on network radio. 1940 The Jeep made its debut. 1942 During World War II, Germany completed its occupation of France. 1946 The New York Knickerbockers (now the Knicks) played their first game at Madison Square Garden. 1952 The first video recorder was demonstrated by John Mullin and Wayne Johnson in Beverly Hills, CA. 1965 The government of Rhodesia declared its independence from Britain. The country later became known as Zimbabwe. 1966 The U.S. launched Gemini 12 from Cape Kennedy, FL. The craft circled the Earth 59 times before returning. 1972 The U.S. Army turned over its base at Long Bihn to the South Vietnamese army. The event symbolized the end of direct involvement in the Vietnam War by the U.S. military. 1975 Civil war broke out when Angola gained independence from Portugal. 1981 Stuntman Dan Goodwin scaled the outside of the 100-story John Hancock Center in Chicago in about six hours. 1981 The U.S.S. Ohio was commissioned at the Electric Boat Division in Groton, CT. It was the first Trident class submarine. 1984 The Reverend Martin Luther King Sr. died in Atlanta at age 84. 1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan accepted the Vietnam Veterans Memorial as a gift to the nation from the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund. 1984 Gary Coleman, at age 13, underwent his second kidney transplant in Los Angeles. He had his first transplant at age 5. 1986 Sperry Rand and Burroughs merged to form "Unisys," becoming the second largest computer company. 1987 Vincent Van Gogh's "Irises" was sold for a then record 53.9 million dollars in New York. 1988 Police in Sacramento, CA, found the first of seven bodies buried on the grounds of a boardinghouse. Dorothea Puente was later charged in the deaths of nine people, convicted of three murders and sentenced to life in prison. 1990 Stormie Jones, the world's first heart-liver transplant recipient, died at a Pittsburgh hospital at age 13. 1991 The U.S. stationed its first diplomat in Cambodia in 16 years to help the nation arrange democratic elections. 1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin told U.S. senators in a letter that Americans had been held in prison camps after World War II. Some were "summarily executed," but others were still living in his country voluntarily. 1992 The Church of England voted to ordain women as priests. 1993 Walt Disney Co. announced plans to build a U.S. history theme park in a Virginia suburb of Washington. The plan was halted later due to local opposition. 1993 In Washington, DC, the Vietnam Women's Memorial was dedicated to honor the more than 11,000 women who had served in the Vietnam War. 1994 In Gaza, a suicide bomber detonated his explosives at an Israeli military checkpoint killing three soldiers. 1996 The Vietnam Veterans Memorial Fund unveiled "The Wall That Heals." The work was a half-scale replica of the Vietnam Veterans Memorial that would tour communities throughout the United States. 1997 The Eastman Kodak Company announced that they were laying off 10,000 employees. 1997 Roger Clemens (Toronto Blue Jays) became the third major league player to win the Cy Young Award four times. 1998 Jay Cochrane set a record for the longest blindfolded skywalk. He walked on a tightrope between the towers of the Flamingo Hilton in Las Vegas, NV. The towers are 600 feet apart. 1998 Israel's Cabinet ratified a land-for-peace agreement with the Palestinians. 2002 Microsoft Chairman Bill Gates pledged $100 million to fight AIDS in India. 2016 Do smiled. |
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