Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, February 1 Thank you, Joan! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Clovis police arrest couple for abusing 5-year-old child ___________________________________________________ Today, February 1, in 1788 Isaac Briggs and William Longstreet patented the steamboat. ___________________________________________________ O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. --- Saint Augustine (354 AD - 430 AD) ___________________________________________________ Two social workers were walking through a rough part of the city in the evening. They heard moans and muted cries for help from a back lane. Upon investigation, they found a semi-conscious man in a pool of blood. "Help me, I've been mugged and beaten", he pleaded. The two social workers turned and walked away. One remarked to his colleague: "You know the person that did this *really* needs help. We'll have to do a study in spring when it's not so cold, and file a report." ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Clovis police arrest couple for abusing 5-year-old child ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ It's been determined that it's a bad idea to give chocolate to a woman with PMS. It can worsen the condition. However, it's an even WORSE idea to try to take AWAY chocolate from a woman with PMS. ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicholas James, 33, Ann James, 46, Clovis, California, USA Clovis police arrest couple for abusing 5-year-old child This is the third time 33-year-old Nicholas James has been arrested for child abuse, Clovis police say. Clovis police have arrested a man and woman for abusing a 5- year-old child. The man is 33-year-old Nicholas James, and the woman is his wife, 46-year-old Ann James. The Clovis police investigation began in December, when officers were called to the emergency department of Valley Children's Hospital, where a 5-year-old child was being treated, and met officials from Fresno County Child Protective Services (CPS). Clovis police say this is Nicholas' third arrest for child abuse. He has been booked into Fresno County Jail and is facing charges of felony child abuse, aggravated battery causing serious bodily injury, and felony child endangerment. Ann has been booked for one count of felony child endangerment. The child was taken by officers and CPS and placed with other family members. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Lynn Re: How do you use memory chips? Dear Webby I think those memory chips that you keep mentioning, are a great idea. I got the money set aside for one. Question is, how do I use them? Lynn Dear Lynn Get a chip reader. Some totally braindead designs have no or a very short USB conection cord. Those are useless garbage! If your computer is under the desk, a 2 inch cord on it would require you to crawl under your desk to plug in a memory chip, and mess up your beautiful hair! Screech a temper tantrum at any salesperson suggesting one of those! Get one with a 4 - 6 foot cord, or else buy a USB extension cord that fits. Plug it into an empty USB port, and attach the chip reader with double sided tape onto some place, that is easy and conveniently within reach. Push the memory chip into the slot on the reader. Windos will show options about what to do with the new drive. ONLY ever use the one about looking at the files. Once you do that, Windows will treat it as a new hard drive and show you all the stuff on it in the Windows File Explorer. You can also browse it with your graphics program. That is all there is to it! Have FUN! DearWebby The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was interviewing a prospective student, "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked. "I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied. "Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the dean much impressed. "No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ At Sunday school, the teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?" "Sure," Little Johnny replied. "They go out into the bushes in the back of the church yard." ______________________________________________ "We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight or if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'" --- Elayne Boosler ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Someone in our neighborhood put a huge sofa out by the curb for trash collection. Since it was in good shape, many motorists slowed down for a look. But when they saw how enormous it was, they'd leave. Eventually a compact car pulled up, and two men got out. "This I've got to see," I thought. They removed the cushions, turned the sofa upside down, and shook it hard. Then they picked up all the coins that had tumbled out and drove off. ___________________________________________________ | Today, February 1, in 1788 Isaac Briggs and William Longstreet patented the steamboat. 1793 France declared war on Britain and Holland. 1793 Ralph Hodgson patented oiled silk. 1842 In New York City, the "City Despatch Post" began operations. It was a private company that was the first to introduce adhesive postage stamps in the western hemisphere. The company was bought by the U.S. governemnt a few months later and renamed "United States City Despatch Post." 1862 "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," by Julia Ward Howe was first published in the "Atlantic Monthly." 1865 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln signed a Joint Resolution submitting the proposed 13th Amendment to the states. 1867 In the U.S., bricklayers start working 8-hour days. 1898 The Travelers Insurance Company of Hartford, CT, issued the first automobile insurance policy. Dr. Truman Martin of Buffalo, NY, paid $11.25 for the policy, which gave him $5,000 in liability coverage. 1900 Eastman Kodak Co. introduced the $1 Brownie box camera. 1913 Grand Central Terminal (also known as Grand Central Station) opened in New York City, NY. It was the largest train station in the world. 1920 The first armored car was introduced. 1920 Canada's Royal North West Mounted Police changed their name to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. The organization was commissioned in 1873. 1921 Carmen Fasanella registered as a taxicab owner and driver in Princeton, New Jersey. Fasanella retired November 2, 1989 after 68 years and 243 days of service. 1929 Weightlifter Charles Rigoulet of France achieved the first 400 pound clean and jerk as he lifted 402-1/2 pounds. 1951 The first telecast of an atomic explosion took place. 1951 The first X-ray moving picture process was demonstrated. 1957 P.H. Young became the first black pilot on a scheduled passenger airline. 1960 Four black college students began a sit-in protest at a lunch counter in Greensboro, NC. They had been refused service. 1968 During the Vietnam War, South Vietnamese National Police Chief Brig. Gen. Nguyen Ngoc Loan executed a Viet Cong officer with a pistol shot to the head. The scene was captured in a news photograph. 1979 Patty Hearst was released from prison after serving 22 months of a seven-year sentence for bank robbery. Her sentence had been commuted by U.S. President Carter. 1979 Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini was welcomed in Tehran as he ended nearly 15 years of exile. 1987 Terry Williams won the largest slot machine payoff, at the time, when won $4.9 million after getting four lucky 7s on a machine in Reno, NV. 1991 A USAir jetliner crashed atop a commuter plane at Los Angeles International Airport. 35 people were killed. 1994 Jeff Gillooly pled guilty in Portland, OR, for his role in the attack on figure skater Nancy Kerrigan. Gillooly, Tonya Harding's ex-husband, struck a plea bargain under which he confessed to racketeering charges in exchange for testimony implicating Harding. 1996 Visa and Mastercard announced security measures that would make it safe to shop on the Internet. 1999 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky gave a deposition that was videotaped for senators weighing impeachment charges against U.S. President Clinton. 2001 Three Scottish judges found Abdel Basset al-Mergrahi guilty of the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103, which killed 270 people. The court said that Megrahi was a member of the Libyan intelligence service. Al-Amin Khalifa, who had been co-accused, was acquitted and freed. 2003 NASA's space shuttle Columbia exploded while re- entering the Earth's atmosphere. All seven astronauts on board were killed. 2019 U.S. President Trump confirmed that the U.S. would leave the Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty of 1987 due to Russian non-compliance. Russia suspended its obligations to the treaty the next day. 2021 Do smiled. |
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