Good Morning, Do! Thank you, Arlene!! Today is Friday, December 31 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award David Gutierrez is arrested for robbing multiple cell phone stores in Phoenix with a machete and pepper spray. ____________________________________________________ Today, December 31, in 1974 Private U.S. citizens were allowed to buy and own gold for the first time in more than 40 years. ____________________________________________________ Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy. --- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914) ____________________________________________________ Now that they are retired, my mother and father are discussing all aspects of their future. "What will you do if I die before you do?" dad asked mom. After some thought, she said that she'd probably look for a house sharing situation with three other single or widowed women who might be a little younger than herself, since she is so active for her age. Then mom asked dad, "What will you do if I die first?" He replied, "Probably the same thing." ____________________________________________________ Eared Grebe ____________________________________________________ Some goofy quotes to sneak onto your church bulletin board - Sex on the television can't hurt you . . . unless you fall off. - Love thine enemies...it REALLY pisses them off. - I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. - A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Gutierrez, Phoenix, Arizona, USA David Gutierrez is arrested for robbing multiple cell phone stores in Phoenix with a machete and pepper spray. A Phoenix man is behind bars for allegedly robbing four cell phone stores in Maryvale while wielding a machete and pepper spray, Phoenix police said. David Gutierrez is accused of robbing two Cricket Wireless stores and two T-Mobile stores in the area. In each case, Gutierrez would enter the store with a machete and demand money before forcing the employees to go in either the back room or the bathroom, locking them in. Phoenix officers tracked the missing phones to an area near 23rd Avenue and Bell Road, where they found him in a car with another woman. Gutierrez reportedly admitted to police that he committed all the robberies and was able to describe details about the crimes, including where they happened, what weapons were used and how many employees were in each store. He faces multiple armed robbery and kidnapping charges. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Elsa Re: How do you use MailWasher? Dear Webby How do you use MailWasher? Elsa Dear Elsa Just download it and install it. You need your regular email info, just like you had changed ISPs. After that, F5 checks the email, and color codes it. Red for spam / scam, green for OK. The red already has a checkmark in the "To be deleted" column. Have a look and see if there is anything good in that "To be deleted" column. Unlikely, but it could happen. Then look at the green (Good) stuff. It can happen that some bad stuff slithers into that, like your Mother In Law asking if she is invited. You see the subject line and the first 200 words. After you have checked that, hit F6 and the bad stuff is moved to the recycle bin, and your mail program is opened, ready to download the cleaned mail. If there is a repeat of undesirable mail, then you hit TOOLS, SPAM TOOLS Filters and have some fun! Making filters is hilariously easy. You paste the email address or subject line, pull down conditions and results, and hit ADD. You can use all regular expressions like IF, but not if, contains, does not contain, and so on. That may sound confusing here, but once you are in it, it is a fun strategy game, that you always win. Have FUN! DearWebby Three men at the local Funny-Farm are in the office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three ?" "274," is his reply. The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and asks the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three ?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three ?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," he says, "Just subtract 274 from Tuesday." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery. The operation went well and, as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun, gently patting his hand. "We do need to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun. "I'm afraid I cannot, Sister." "Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun questioned sternly. "Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered. "But she's a humble spinster nun." "Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not spinsters - they are married to God." "Wonderful," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please send the bill to my brother-in-law." ______________________________________________ A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' station saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too." ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
"As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses." ___________________________________________________ | Today, December 31, in 1687 The first Huguenots set sail from France for the Cape of Good Hope, where they would later create the South African wine industry with the vines they took with them on the voyage. 1695 The window tax was imposed in Britain, which resulted in many windows being bricked up. 1711 The Duke of Marlborough was dismissed as commander-in- chief. 1775 The British repulsed an attack by Continental Army generals Richard Montgomery and Benedict Arnold at Quebec. Montgomery was killed in the battle. 1841 The State of Alabama enacted the first dental legislation in the U.S. 1857 Britain's Queen Victoria decided to make Ottawa the capital of Canada. 1862 U.S. President Lincoln signed an act admitting West Virginia to the Union. 1877 U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes became the first U.S. President to celebrate his silver (25th) wedding anniversary in the White House. 1879 Thomas Edison gave his first public demonstration of incandescent lighting to an audience in Menlo Park, NJ. 1891 New York's new Immigration Depot was opened at Ellis Island, to provide improved facilities for the massive numbers of arrivals. 1897 Brooklyn, NY, spent its last day as a separate entity before becoming part of New York City. 1923 In London, the BBC first broadcast the chimes of Big Ben. 1929 Guy Lombardo and his Royal Canadians played "Auld Lang Syne" as a New Year's Eve song for the first time. 1946 U.S. President Truman officially proclaimed the end of hostilities in World War II. 1955 General Motors became the first U.S. corporation to earn more than one billion dollars in a single year. 1960 The farthing coin, which had been in use in Great Britain since the 13th century, ceased to be legal tender. 1961 In the U.S., the Marshall Plan expired after distributing more than $12 billion worth of US made goods as foreign aid. 1974 Private U.S. citizens were allowed to buy and own gold for the first time in more than 40 years. 1978 Taiwanese diplomats struck their colors for the final time from the embassy flagpole in Washington, DC. The event marked the end of diplomatic relations with the U.S. 1979 At year end oil prices were 88% higher than at the start of 1979. 1986 A fire at the Dupont Plaza Hotel in San Juan, Puerto Rico, killed 97 and injured 140 people. Three hotel workers later pled guilty to charges in connection with the fire. 1997 Michael Kennedy, 39-year-old son of the late U.S. Sen. Robert F. Kennedy, was killed in a skiing accident on Aspen Mountain in Colorado. 1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin resigned. Prime Minister Vladimir Putin was designated acting president. 1999 Five hijackers left the airport where they had been holding 150 hostages on an Indian Airlines plane. They left with two Islamic clerics that they had demanded be freed from an Indian prison. The plane had been hijacked during a flight from Katmandu, Nepal to New Dehli on December 24. 1999 Sarah Knauss died at the age of 119 years. She was the world's oldest person. She was born September 24, 1880. 2004 In Taiwan, the Taipei 101 skyscraper opened to the public. 2021 Do smiled. |
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