Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, November 17 Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: "Law-Abiding Pervert" Faces Child Porn Raps Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, November 17 in  1869 - The Suez Canal opened in Egypt, linking the Mediterranean and the Red seas. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ A cult is a religion with no political power. --- Tom Wolfe (1931 - ) Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion. --- Robertson Davies ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine." ______________________________________________________  BUZZWORDS BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato. SITCOMS: (Single Income, Two Children, Opressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids. STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property, and no regrets. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. SWIPED OUT: an ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again. VULCAN NERVE PINCH: The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the arm reboot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control Key, the Command Key, the Return Key, and the Power On Key. GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions. OHNOSECOND: That miniscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've made a BIG mistake. WOOFYS: Well Off Older Folks. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture of her orchid   ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Anthony Coiro, 76, Port Orange, Florida  "Law-Abiding Pervert" Faces Child Porn Raps  Suspect: "I'm not a pedophile, I'm just a pervert." A Florida man suspected of possessing child pornography asserted that he was not a pedophile, instead telling police that he was a law-abiding pervert, according to records. As investigators were executing a search warrant last month at his residence, Anthony Coiro, 76, admitted that he looked at crazy pornography, a practice that he anticipated could lead to contact by law enforcement. Cops searched Coiros home in Port Orange, a city just south of Daytona Beach, after initially receiving a tip from the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. A search of Coiros e-mail account had turned up numerous images and videos of depictions of sexual performance by a child, according to a Volusia County Sheriffs Office report. When investigators arrived to seize his computer equipment and electronic devices, Coiro was asked if he knew why they were there. Because I look at porn on the Internet, the retiree answered. Asked what kind of porn he looked at, Coiro replied, crazy shit. But Coiro wanted to make something clear: I'm not a pedophile, I'm just a pervert." He also described himself as a law-abiding pervert. Despite those protestations, Coiro reportedly also told police he was guilty of possessing illicit images of children. After a subsequent examination of Coiros computer, investigators found more than 4000 photos and videos depicting child pornography, prompting Coiros arrest Tuesday on 52 felony counts of possessing child pornography. Pictured in the above mug shot, Coiro is locked up in the county jail, where he is being held without bond.  ______________________________________________________  Tech Support Pits >From Helen Re: Outgoing mystery stuff Dear Webby, Norton keeps alerting me that WINTOOLS.EXE is attempting to access the internet. It is listed as Medium Risk. Since I don't know what they are, I have come to the master to ask if I should permanently block them or if they are useful and should be allowed. Thanks once again for you help! Helen  Dear Helen If medium risk (or any risk) stuff is trying to get from your machine out onto the Internet, then obviously your machine is infected with them. I don't use Norton because it doesn't stop stuff like that from coming in in the first place. Try running Spybot-Search&Destroy, update it to it's newest version, and see if that will find those things. To me they sound a lot more like malicious spyware than viruses, and just want to report your bra size, weight, visa numbers and stuff like that. Please let me know if Spybot-Search&Destroy catches them or if you need bigger ammunition for that. Have FUN! DearWebby    "How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist. The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car and gave a long, painful groan and put his face in his hands. He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit. "Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious." "It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what happened to my trailer and my boat and six cases of beer in the boat?" 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making Drinking Glasses From Glass Bottles  By DearWebby in 2010 In the 50's, when I was a wee widdle kid, we used postal twine, a cheap hemp string, tied to the top and bottom of a thumb-thick willow stick, like it was a fiddle string. Looping the string completely around the bottle, turned the fiddle stick into a bow. "Sawing" rapidly heated up the glass and splashing water on it cracked it. In the 60's we got lazy and used butcher twine and white gas. In the 70's they sold bottle cutting jigs, that let you roll a bottle in a V shaped trough with one end stop and a glass cutter. I improved on that by drilling two holes into each side of the trough and gluing marbles into three of them for smooth sliding bearings, and the glass cutter into the fourth hole. For the neck side end stop I just clamped a block of wood into the trough with a C-clamp. For the smoothest rotation I wrapped a strip of rubber cut from an old bicycle inner-tube a couple of times around the bottle and out through a hole in the bottom of the trough. That resulted in smooth and precise cuts and the 100th bottle was cut exactly the same as the first. To get the edge perfectly smooth I always used a torch. As long as you never stop and keep the torch moving around the top, it works quite well. Keep in mind, though, even with a perfect cut and a perfectly beaded edge, cut bottle glasses are just a goofy novelty and will be retired to a shelf or given away pretty soon. They are not comfortable for drinking, but if you use colored bottles, they can be used to make very pretty storm candles. Have FUN! DearWebby http://webby.com/humor/blog If I may add an update to that: Keep in mind that the glass cutter is not intended to cut through the glass. All you do is scribe or scratch a fine line. Then a gentle tap with the smooth handle of a wrench will crack the bottle exactly where you scribed it. 
  
All catching a snake 
 ____________________________________________________ Mike was explaining to Judi about when he'd been a kid he fell through the ice on the pond. He went all the way under. Several panicked minuted passed when Mike couldn't find the hole get out and he was running out of air quickly. Judi put her hand to her mouth and interrupted: "Oh my God, did you get out ?" ____________________________________________________ Pilots the world over are known to have no sense of humor and to be web-illiterate. The opposite is known about aircraft mechanics. The following maintenance log excerpts seem to illustrate that: P = The problem logged by the pilot. S = The solution and action taken by the mechanics. P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tire. P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough. S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft. P: No. 2 propeller seeping prop fluid. S: No. 2 propeller seepage normal. No's 1, 3, and 4 propellers lack normal seepage. P: Something loose in cockpit. S: Something tightened in cockpit. P: Dead bugs on windshield. S: Live bugs on back-order. P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 FPM descent. S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground. P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. S: Evidence removed. P: DME volume unbelievably loud. S: DME volume set to believable level. P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. S: That's what they're there for. P: IFF inoperative. S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode. P: Suspected crack in windshield. S: Suspect you're right. P: Number 3 engine missing. S: Engine found on right wing after brief search. P: Target radar hums. S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics. P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed. P: Aircraft handles funny. S: Aircraft warned that pilots have no sense of humor. ____________________________________________________  
  
 
What a great idea! Solar powered glow in the dark bike lanes. 
 Arriving at his residence the professor told his housekeeper, "Sarah, I've invited three of my students to dinner tonight at 6:30, but I think I'll give them a half-hour's grace." "Professor, I'm as religious as the next person." Sarah said shaking her head, "But I think with my cooking, half an hour of grace is over-doing it." 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's News
 No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today on November 17 1558 - Elizabeth I ascended the English throne upon the death of Queen Mary Tudor. 1603 - Sir Walter Raleigh went on trial for treason. 1796 - Catherine the Great of Russia died at the age of 67. 1798 - Irish nationalist leader Wolfe Tone committed suicide while in jail awaiting execution. 1800 - The U.S. Congress held its first session in Washington, DC, in the partially completed Capitol building. 1869 - The Suez Canal opened in Egypt, linking the Mediterranean and the Red seas. 1880 - The first three British female graduates received their Bachelor of Arts degrees from London University. 1903 - Russia's Social Democrats officially split into two groups - Bolsheviks and Mensheviks. 1913 - The steamship Louise became the first ship to travel through the Panama Canal. 1913 - In Germany, Kaiser Wilhelm banned the armed forces from dancing the tango. 1922 - Siberia voted for union with the U.S.S.R. 1962 - Washington's Dulles International Airport was dedicated by U.S. President Kennedy. 1968 - NBC cut away from the final minutes of a New York Jets-Oakland Raiders game to begin a TV special, "Heidi," on schedule. The Raiders came from behind to beat the Jets 43- 32. 1970 - The Soviet Union landed an unmanned, remote-controlled vehicle on the moon, the Lunokhod 1. The vehicle was released by Luna 17. 1973 - U.S. President Nixon told an Associated Press managing editors meeting in Orlando, FL, "people have got to know whether or not their president is a crook. Well, I'm not a crook." 1979 - Iran's Ayatollah Khomeini ordered the release of 13 female and black American hostages being held at the U.S. Embassy in Tehran. 1982 - The Empire State Building was added to the National Register of Historical Places. 1988 - Benazir Bhutto became the first woman leader of an Islamic country. She was elected in the first democratic elections in Pakistan in 11 years. 1990 - A mass grave was discovered by the bridge over the River Kwai in Thailand. The bodies were believed to be those of World War II prisoners of war. 1990 - The Soviet government agreed to change the country's constitution. 1997 - 62 people were killed by 6 Islamic militants outside the Temple of Hatshepsut in Luxor, Egypt. The attackers were killed by police. 1997 - Mario Lemieux was voted into the NHL Hall of Fame. 2006 - Sony's PlayStation 3 went on sale in the United States. 2010 - Reasearchers trapped 38 antihydrogen atoms. It was the first time humans had trapped antimatter. 2016 Do smiled. 
 

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