Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, June 2 20-June2L.jpg Thank you, John!! ___________________________________________________ Today, June 2 in 1969 Australian aircraft carrier Melbourne sliced the destroyer USS Frank E. Evans in half off the shore of South Vietnam. This wayside chapel marks the spot where "The Pest", the original Black Plague, stopped in 1413. I grew up 300 feet east of that chapel. In the early 1400s the mongols tried to take over Europe. They got stopped by the walls of Vienna. So they sent some riders back to Mongolia, where they knew there was a deadly plague just past the border to China. They wrapped recent victims in clay and hauled them in blankets stretched between horses all the way to Vienna. There they fired them over the walls with catapults. That was in 1412. They killed many thousands of people, but Vienna did not surrender. So the mongols proceded westward and eventually were beaten and sent back home. The Pest continued westward and even crossed the Alps. Half way between the Alps and Lake Constance, in Rankweil, it stopped. Another stream of the plague went around the Alps, devastated Germany and even went to England. That is where the word "PEST" comes from. The CoronaVirus is not the first virus from China. We will survive. ______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: Man Charged With Setting Grandmother's Home on Fire ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
_____________________________________________________ Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water. --- W. C. Fields (1880 - 1946) _____________________________________________________ >From Connie If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too. If you're a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that. __________________________________________ Rapper Brown __________________________________________ A client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they had to be baptized." "Oh, yes!" I told her. "You would not want heathen dogs!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dustin Sneed, 30, East Ridge, Tennessee, Man Charged With Setting Grandmother's Home on Fire The fire took place in the home of Sneeds grandmother. A Tennessee man has been arrested in connection with an early May fire in which two dogs were locked in a room that was then set ablaze. East Ridge, Tennessee, police arrested a man named Dustin Sneed on May 14, WTVC reported. Police said that when they arrived at the scene of the fire, the house had smoke coming from it. The woman living there said two dogs had been in a room that police later determined was where the fire started. Police Chief Stan Allen said the dogs were not killed in the fire. A computer and several other possessions of the woman who lived there were destroyed, police said. The back door of the house had been unlocked. Police said that the fire had been started intentionally and that a bottle of vodka had been taken. They were told by the woman that Sneed was the only person aside from herself who would know how to find the vodka. A short time later, a nearby diner reported that Sneed had gone there and asked for a beer. He was refused service because he did not have identification. He also asked for matches. Diner staff did not give him any, police said. After Sneed left, police said he poured out the vodka on the sidewalk and threw the bottle of vodka on the ground. Sneed used the phone at the business to call his grandmother. He was arrested and charged with aggravated arson, arson, aggravated burglary, aggravated cruelty to animals and vandalism. It is hoped that Mr Monica gets to share a cell with some dog lovers. DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Vin Re: Hot printer Dear Webby, I absolutely LOVE that Search Everything, that you gave us today. I found pictures of my wife, when she was still quite cute! Printed all kinds of pictures and noticed that the paper coming out is hot, and even the top front of the printer is hot. Does that indicate it will die soon? Vin Dear Vin On a Laser printer, that is normal and expected. The toner is very fine beads of iron and pigment and wax. The printer uses some extremely fancy magic to make tiny dots of that powder to adhere to the paper. You may have noticed on very dry days how your comb attracts and lifts your hair. Even more if you try it with your wife;s cat. It uses the same trick to attract toner to the paper, 300 to 1200 dots per inch, depending on your settings. Then it gently pulls that paper, with the toner on it, through hot rollers, that melt the wax. At that temperature the paper is like a sponge and sucks the melted wax deep into it. Then it spits the paper out. If you print at 10 or 12 pages per minute, the paper had no time to cool off. It is cool enough, to that the toner does not smear, but it definitely feels hot. That is the way it is supposed to be. If the paper is NOT hot, when it comes out, then you got a problem and need expensive repairs. It is easy enough to replace the "fuser", that is what the hot roller is called. However ordering one can be a nuisance, since most manufactuers change model numbers every Tuesday to wiggle out of warranty. So as long as the paper comes out hot or very warm, be happy and enjoy a good printer. Have FUN! DearWebby
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____________________________________________________ | | Lawnmower DUI Helicopter Chase |
_____________________________________________ TO: Medical Personnel FROM: Human Resources It has come to our attention from several emergency rooms that many EMS narratives have taken a decidedly creative direction lately. Effective immediately, all members are to refrain from using slang and abbreviations to describe patients, such as the following. Cardiac patients should not be referred to with MUH (messed up heart), PBS (pretty bad shape), PCL (pre-code looking) or HIBGIA (had it before, got it again). Stroke patients are NOT "Charlie Carrots." Nor are rescuers to use CCFCCP (Coo Coo for Cocoa Puffs) to describe their mental state. Trauma patients are not FDGB (fall down, go boom), TBC (total body crunch) or "hamburger helper". Similarly, descriptions of a car crash do not have to include phrases like "negative vehicle to vehicle interface" or "terminal deceleration syndrome." HAZMAT teams are highly trained professionals, not "glow worms." Persons with altered mental states as a result of drug use are not considered "pharmaceutically gifted." Gunshot wounds to the head are not "trans-occipital implants." The homeless are not "urban outdoorsmen", nor is endotracheal intubation referred to as a "PVC Challenge". And finally, do not refer to recently deceased persons as being "paws up," ART (assuming room temperature), or CTD (circling the drain). I know you will all join me in respecting the cultural diversity of our patients to include their medical orientations in creating proper, narratives and log entries. Sincerely, Director of Human Resources _____________________________________________ "Misc. Signs" On a ski lift in Taos, NM: 'No jumping from the lift. Survivors will be prosecuted.' -- Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened. -- Guys: No shirt, No service Girls: No shirt, No charge -- Road sign seen on the island of Cyprus (translation of the Greek): 'Caution: Road Slippery from Grapejuice' -- A sign advertising a Company wide skiing race Let's see who can go downhill the fastest -- Sign in King's Canyon in California. 'Slow Parking Ahead' -- Two signs found on top of one another in a country kitchen several years ago: Restrooms | | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today June 2 in 1537 Pope Paul III banned the enslavement of Indians. 1774 The Quartering Act, which required American colonists to allow British soldiers into their houses, was reenacted. 1793 Maximillian Robespierre initiated the "Reign of Terror". It was an effort to purge those suspected of treason against the French Republic. 1818 The British army defeated the Maratha alliance in Bombay, India. 1835 P.T. Barnum launched his first traveling show. The main attraction was Joice Heth. Heth was reputed to be the 161-year-old nurse of George Washington. 1851 Maine became the first U.S. state to enact a law prohibiting alcohol. 1883 The first baseball game under electric lights was played in Fort Wayne, Indiana. 1896 Guglieimo Marconi's radio telegraphy device was patented in Great Britain. 1897 Mark Twain, at age 61, was quoted by the New York Journal as saying "the report of my death was an exaggeration." He was responding to the rumors that he had died. 1910 Charles Stewart Roll became the first person to fly non-stop and double cross the English Channel. 1924 All American Indians were granted U.S. citizenship by the U.S. Congress. 1928 Nationalist Chiang Kai-shek captured Peking, China. 1930 Mrs. M. Niezes of Panama gave birth to the first baby to be born on a ship while passing through the Panama Canal. 1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt accepted the first swimming pool to be built inside the White House. 1946 Italians voted by referendum to form a republic instead of a monarchy. 1953 Elizabeth was crowned queen of England at Westminster Abbey. 1954 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that there were communists working in the CIA and atomic weapons plants. They still are. 1957 Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev was interviewed by CBS-TV. 1966 Surveyor 1, the U.S. space probe, landed on the moon and started sending photographs back to Earth of the Moon's surface. It was the first soft landing on the Moon. 1969 The National Arts Center in Canada opened its doors to the public. 1969 Australian aircraft carrier Melbourne sliced the destroyer USS Frank E. Evans in half off the shore of South Vietnam. 1979 Pope John Paul II arrived in his native Poland on the first visit by a pope to a Communist country. 1985 The R.J. Reynolds Company proposed a major merger with Nabisco that would create a $4.9 billion conglomerate. 1995 Captain Scott F. O'Grady's U.S. Air Force F-16C was shot down by Bosnian Serbs. He was rescued six days later. 1998 Royal Caribbean Cruises agreed to pay $9 million to settle charges of dumping waste at sea. 1998 Voters in California passed Proposition 227. The act abolished the state's 30-year-old bilingual education program by requiring that all children be taught in English. 1999 In South Africa, the African National Congress (ANC) won a major victory. ANC leader Thabo Mbeki was to succeed Nelson Mandela as the nation's president. 2003 In the U.S., federal regulators voted to allow companies to buy more television stations and newspaper- broadcasting combinations in the same city. The previous ownership restrictions had not been altered since 1975. 2003 In Seville, Spain, a chest containing the supposed remains of Christopher Columbus were exhumed for DNA tests to determine whether the bones were really those of the explorer. The tests were aimed at determining if Colombus was currently buried in Spain's Seville Cathedral or in Santo Domingo in the Dominican Republic. 2003 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that companies could not be sued under a trademark law for using information in the public domain without giving credit to the originator. The case had originated with 20th Century Fox against suing Dastar Corp. over their use of World War II footage. 2003 William Baily was reunited with two paintings he had left on a subway platform. One of the works was an original Picasso rendering of two male figures and a recreation of Picasso's "Guernica" by Sophie Matisse. Sophie Matisse was the great-granddaughter of Henri Matisse. 2020 Do smiled. |
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