Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, Nov 5 __________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ History: Today, Nov 5, in 2009, At Fort Hood, near Kileen, TX, Nidal Malik Hasan shot and killed 13 un-armed people and wounded 30 others. __________________________________________________ Q One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. --- Rita Mae Brown ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ BONEHEAD AWARD DUI, Demolition Derby, Attempted bribery of deputy _______________________________________________________ A doctor sees an old man merrily walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm and recognizes him as one of his clients whom he had not seen in a few years. Half a year later he sees the old man at the bank in line ahead of him. The doctor says, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" "Just doing what you told me, Doctor. Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." "I didn't say that... I said, You've got a heart murmur, be careful..." "Too late!" -------------------- Well, I got the cheerful part, but still looking for a hot mamma, or at least a warm one. ___________________________________________________ Yes, it is snowing, but only outside. ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ A class from a nearby university was visiting a major drug manufacturer. The tour guide led the students to a glass- enclosed room. They could see several people in white lab coats. With her back to the glass, the guide announced: "In this room researchers are actively searching for a cure for cancer." She stopped short as the group broke out laughing. Puzzled, the guide turned to look. Through the glass she saw three scientists in animated debate, flipping through a Domino's pizza menu. ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Tamara for this: Falol Crokus ___________________________________________________ A political pollster knocked on the door and a sour-faced lady answered. "What party does your husband belong to?" he asked. The lady responded curtly, "I sir, am the party he belongs to." ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Buzzy Re: Can't log on Dear Webby CALLER: "I cannot log onto your Internet." BUZZY: "What error message are you getting?" CALLER: "I am not getting an error message. It just says 'Error, incorrect username or password'." BUZZY: "That IS an error message!" CALLER: "Then what does it mean?" BUZZY: "Can you read me that Error message again?" CALLER: "Incorrect user name or password." BUZZY: "Try using the password that your wife wrote on the mouse pad for you" CALLER: "Why didn't you tell me that right away instead of wasting all my time? Buzzy's company, 123clickit.com, used to be a client. Have FUN! DearWebby _______________________________________________________ The Israeli Army major was used to word-wars with the hot- shot Israeli Air Force fliers about crazy Army Tzanhanim (Paratroopers) jumping out of a perfectly good aircraft. "Obviously the Air Force knows there's no such thing as a 'perfectly good aircraft,'" the irritated officer said during an exercise, "because they pay you Air Force schmucks four times as much to stay in one, as the Army pays its men to jump." "You've got it all wrong, Major," the Air Force sergeant replied. "The Army figures anyone stupid enough to jump out of an airplane voluntarily is too dumb to kvetch about the salary." ----------- Actually jumping is fun and a lot more people pay for it than get paid for it. _________________________________________________ Who said men don't communicate well? Husband's note to his wife: "Gynecologist's office called, said Pabst Beer is normal." Who said men don't communicate well? ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ Bubba was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey. His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client. "Now, Ladies and Gentleman of the jury," concluded the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant. "Can you sit there in the jury and honestly believe that if my client had ANY whiskey he would sell it?" He was acquitted. ____________________________________________ A Bonehead Award AND a DINGBAT Malfunction Has Been Reported By Rock Danilina Marina, 39, Boca Raton, Florida, USA DUI, Demolition Derby, Attempted bribery of deputy A Boca Raton woman was arrested for DUI and Bribery after trying to pay a deputy to stay out of jail. On November 18th, Broward Sheriffs Deputies were finishing up a traffic stop on University Drive near Hillsboro when they observed a vehicle traveling with 1 headlight on. As it approached they heard it making scraping noises. As the vehicle got closer to deputies they observed it run a stop sign and crash in to a guard rail. Deputies then approached the driver of the vehicle, Danilina Marina of Boca Raton, and asked if she needed medical assistance. According to a police report submitted by Broward Sheriffs Office, The deputies noticed signs of impairment so they requested the assistance of a DUI unit. DUI unit responded and conducted a DUI investigation. Malina allegedly failed all field sobriety tests and was then placed under arrest for DUI. At this time, it is reported that Marina kept asking the deputy not to arrest her. She kept telling the deputy that she is a single mother and not to arrest her. Marina repeatedly asked the deputy what her options were to get out of the arrest. Marine requested that the deputy just take her home. Marina told the deputy that jail was not an option. Marina asked how much she had to pay to get out of this. When the deputy told Marina that bribing a police officer is a crime, she repeated how much do I have to pay you to not go to jail. Marina later refused to cooperate and provide a breath sample and was allegedly biting the apparatus when the deputy was trying to take the mouthpiece out of her mouth. Deputies noted in the report that a few blocks up the street from where Marina as pulled over they found a knocked down street sign and some debris. In the debris was a piece of a vehicle which matches the type of vehicle Marina was driving. Marina was arrested for: Bribery of a public servant (838.015) DUI w/ damage to property or person of another (316..193-3c1) DUI w/ damage to property or person of another (316..193-3c1) DUI Alcohol Or Drugs 1st Offense (316.193-2a2a) _________________________________________________ History On November 5, in 1605, The "Gunpowder Plot" attempted by Guy Fawkes failed when he was captured before he could blow up the English Parliament. Guy Fawkes Day is celebrated every November 5th in Britain to celebrate his failure to blow up all the members of Parliament and King James I. 1844, In California, a grizzly bear underwent a successful cataract operation at the Zoological Garden. 1872, In the U.S., Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 for attempting to vote in the presidential election. She never paid the fine. 1895, George B. Selden received the first U.S. patent for an automobile. He sold the rights for $200,000 four years later. 1911, Italy officially annexed Tripoli. 1935, The game "Monopoly" was introduced by Parker Brothers Company. 1940, U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt won an unprecedented third term in office. 1944, Lord Moyne, a British official, was assassinated by the Zionist Stern gang in Cairo, Egypt. 1946, John F. Kennedy was elected to the U.S. House of Representatives at the age of 29. 1955, The Vienna State Opera House in Austria formally reopened. 1956, British and French forces began landing in Egypt during the Suez Canal Crisis. A cease-fire was declared 2 days later. 1959, The American Football League was formed. 1963, Archaeologists found the remains of a Viking settlement at L'Anse aux Meadows, Newfoundland. 1967, In Moscow, the Ostankino Tower opened. It was the world's tallest free-standing structure for nine years. 1974, Ella T. Grasso was elected governor of Connecticut. She was the first woman in the U.S. to win a governorship without succeeding her husband. 1984, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the NFL had exceeded antitrust limits in attempting to stop the Oakland Raiders from moving to Los Angeles. 1986, The White House reaffirmed the U.S. ban on the sale of weapons to Iran. 1987, In South Africa, Goban Mbeki was released after serving 24 years in the Robben Island prison. He had been sentenced to life for treason against the white minority government of South Africa. 1998, Scientists published a genetic study that showed strong evidence that Thomas Jefferson fathered at least one child (Eston Hemings) of his slave, Sally Hemings. 1990, Rabbi Meir Kahane, founder of the Kach movement, was shot to death after a speech at a New York Hotel. His assassin, Egyptian El Sayyid, was later convicted of the murder and was sentenced to life in prison for his part in the World Trade Center bombing. 1992, Malice Green, a black motorist, was beaten to death in Detroit during a struggle with police. Two officers were later convicted in his death and sentenced to prison. 1994, Former U.S. President Reagan announced that he had Alzheimer's disease. 1994, George Foreman, 45, became boxing's oldest heavyweight champion when he knocked out Michael Moorer in the 10th round of their WBA fight in Las Vegas, NV. 1998, In the U.S., Chairman Henry Hyde of the Judiciary Committee asked President Clinton to answer 81 questions for the House impeachment inquiry. 1998, The U.N. announced that the Taliban militia had killed up to 5,000 civilians in a takeover of an Afghani town. 1999, A 12-day conference on global warming, attended by delegates from 170 nations, ended in Bonn, Germany. 1999, Dennis Rodman (NBA) and Carmen Electra were both arrested and charged with battery and domestic violence in a hotel in Miami Beach, FL. 1999, U.S. District Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ruled that Microsoft Corp. enjoyed "monopoly power". 2001, It was announced that European aircraft manufacturer Airbus and Dubai-based Emirates airlines set up a joint venture specializing in airline services. 2007, Google unveiled the Android mobile operating system. 2009, At Fort Hood, near Kileen, TX, Nidal Malik Hasan killed 13 people and wounded 30 others. 2023, Do! Smiled. Have Fun Dearwebby
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