| Good Morning, Do! Thank you, Nancy! Today is Sunday, April 2 ___________________________________________________ History: Today in 1889, Charles Hall patented aluminum. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Pedophile caged 3,000 years for staggering 13,000 sex crimes _____________________________________________ Q Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money. --- Jules Renard (1864 - 1910) There is something that is much more scarce, something rarer than ability. It is the ability to recognize ability. --- Robert Half ________________________________________________ Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite. Have you ever seen a man get on a bus ahead of one? __________________________________________ A woman confided to her girlfriend, "My ex-husband wants to marry me again." The friend said, "How flattering." The woman replied, "Not really. I think he's after the money I married him for." ___________________________________________________ As if feeling discomfort, a construction worker behind her said, "Pardon me, miss, but that thing pressing into your back is my weekly pay ... today they only paid us hard cash!" "I don't mind your hard cash," replied the woman, "but how do you explain your pay increase since the last stop?" _________________________________________________ Yes, it is snowing, but only outside. ____________________________________________________ A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. "That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?" "Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat." ____________________________________________________ Not Spring yet! ____________________________________________________ If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office. Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous." Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour. To err is human, to forgive is not our policy. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing. Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried. Following the rules will not get the job done. Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules. When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?" No matter how much you do, you never do enough. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong. _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been reported by Rock Matthew Perry, 44, Greene County Jail, Pennsylvania, USA Pedophile caged 3,000 years for staggering 13,000 sex crimes A judge sentenced the 44-year-old sex fiend to an eye- blistering 3,000 years in prison after being convicted of a staggering 13,143 sex crimes against children. That included 2,190 counts of rape of a child under 13. Greene County District Attorney David Russo announced the sentencing against Perry on Tuesday. The trial lasted just four days and included harrowing testimony from cops and the victims. He will be eligible for parole in 3523. According to the Observer-Reporter newspaper, Perry had previously been sentenced to 40 to 80 years in the slammer for molesting a young girl in 2022. Perry had been busted in 2017 for sexually assaulting the pre-teen victim on numerous occasions between 2016 and 2017. Perry has been cooling his heels in jail ever since. According to the newspaper, perverted Perry was then charged in October 2020 for sexually abusing a second female victim on multiple occasions in 2008. In the first case, Perry didn't go to trial for several years because he was deemed mentally incompetent. Three trips to a state mental institution allowed the courts to declare him competent to stand trial. WIFE: Cheyenna Perry videotaped the sexual abuse. Handout / GREENE COUNTY (PA.) JAIL The sickening abuse was apparently a family affair. In December 2018, Perry's wife, Cheyenna Perry, 40, pleaded guilty to videotaping and taking photographs of a girl performing sex acts, and then sending them to her husband. She was sentenced to 3 1/2 to seven years in prison and was forced to register as a sex offender. In a statement, District Attorney David Russo said: I am proud to announce Matthew Perry would have to live for 3,000 years in order to pay his debt to society, and now I would like to get back to fulfilling my promise to the people of cleaning up the corruption in Greene County. _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Buzzy Re: Can't log on Dear Webby CALLER: "I cannot log onto your Internet." BUZZY: "What error message are you getting?" CALLER: "I am not getting an error message. It just says 'Error, incorrect username or password'." BUZZY: "That IS an error message!" CALLER: "Then what does it mean?" BUZZY: "Can you read me that Error message again?" CALLER: "Incorrect user name or password." BUZZY: "Try using the password that your wife wrote on the mouse pad for you" CALLER: "Why didn't you tell me that right away instead of wasting all my time?"-- 123clickit.com123clickit.com123clickit.com123clickit .com123clickit.com123clickit.com Buzzy's company, 123clickit.com, used to be a client. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Today, April 2 in 1513, Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon sighted Florida. The next day he went ashore. 1792, The U.S. Congress passed the Coinage Act to regulate the coins of the United States. The act authorized $10 Eagles, $5 Half Eagles, $2.50 Quarter Eagle gold coins, silver dollars, dollars, quarters, dimes and half-dimes to be minted. 1801, During the Napoleonic Wars, the Danish fleet was destroyed by the British at the Battle of Copenhagen. 1860, The first Italian Parliament met in Turin. 1865, Confederate President Davis and most of his Cabinet fled the Confederate capital of Richmond, VA. 1872, G.B. Brayton received a patent for the gas-powered streetcar. 1877, The first Egg Roll was held on the grounds of the White House in Washington, DC. 1889, Charles Hall patented aluminum. 1902, The first motion picture theatre opened in Los Angeles with the name Electric Theatre. 1905, The Simplon rail tunnel officially opened. The tunnel went under the Alps and linked Switzerland and Italy. 1910, Karl Harris perfected the process for the artificial synthesis of rubber. 1914, The U.S. Federal Reserve Board announced plans to divide the country into 12 districts. 1917, U.S. President Woodrow Wilson presented a declaration of war against Germany to the U.S. Congress. 1932, A $50,000 ransom was paid for the infant son of Charles and Anna Lindbergh. He child was not returned and was found dead the next month. 1935, Sir Watson-Watt was granted a patent for RADAR. 1944, The Soviet Union announced that its troops had crossed the Prut River and entered Romania. 1947, The U.N. Security Council voted to appoint the U.S. as trustee for former Japanese-held Pacific Islands. 1951, U.S. General Dwight Eisenhower assumed command of all allied forces in the Western Mediterranean area and Europe. 1958, The National Advisory Council on Aeronautics was renamed NASA. 1960, France signed an agreement with Madagascar that proclaimed the country an independent state within the French community. 1963, Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King began the first non- violent campaign in Birmingham, AL. 1966, South Vietnamese troops joined in demonstrations at Hue and Da Nang for an end to military rule. 1967, In Peking, hundreds of thousands demonstrated against Mao foe Liu Shao-chi. 1972, Burt Reynolds appeared nude in "Cosmopolitan" magazine. 1981, In Lebanon, thirty-seven people were reported killed during fighting in the cities of Beirut and Zahle. It was the worst violence since the 1976 cease fire. 1982, Argentina invaded the formerly Argentinian island but now British-owned Falkland Islands. The following June Britain took the islands back. 1983, The New Jersey Transit strike that began on March 1 came to an end. 1984, John Thompson became the first black coach to lead his team to the NCAA college basketball championship. 1984, In Jerusalem, three Arab gunmen wounded 48 people when they opened fire into a crowd of shoppers. 1986, On a TWA airliner flying from Rome to Athens a bomb exploded under a seat killing four Americans. 1987, The speed limit on U.S. interstate highways was increased to 65 miles per hour in limited areas. 1988, U.S. Special Prosecutor James McKay declined to indict Attorney General Edwin Meese for criminal wrongdoing. 1989, An editorial in the "New York Times" declared that the Cold War was over. 1989, General Prosper Avril, Haiti's military leader, survived a coup attempt. The attempt was apparently provoked by Avril's U.S.-backed efforts to fight drug trafficking. 1990, Iraqi President Saddam Hussein threatened to incinerate half of Israel with chemical weapons if Israel joined a conspiracy against Iraq. 1992, Mob boss John Gotti was convicted in New York of murder and racketeering. He was later sentenced to life in prison. 1995, The costliest strike in professional sports history ended when baseball owners agreed to let players play without a contract. 1996, Russia and Belarus signed a treaty that created a political and economic alliance in an effort to reunite the two former Soviet republics. 1996, Lech Walesa resumed his old job as an electrician at the Gdansk shipyard. He was the former Solidarity union leader who became Poland's first post-war democratic president. 2002, Israeli troops surrounded the Church of the Nativity. More than 200 Palestinians had taken refuge at the church when Israel invaded Bethlehem. 2013, The United Nations General Assembly adopted the Arms Trade Treaty to regulate the international trade of conventional weapons. 2014, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that limits on the total amount of money individuals can give political candidates and political action committees were unconstitutional. 2023, Do smiled.
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