Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, December 5 Thank you, Ken! Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: $340,000 Ferrari left to be serviced in Florida. It got stolen and trashed instead. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, December 5 in 1791 Composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart died in Vienna, Austria, at the age of 35. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact. --- George Eliot (1819 - 1880) "My father says, 'Marry a girl who has the same belief as the family.' I said, 'Dad, why would I marry a girl who thinks I'm a schmuck?'" ---Adam Sandler ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy." The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying. The mother is saying, "Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies." A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he's been all night. The baby stork says, "Aw, Nowhere. Just scaring the heck out of college students!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman. The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to- back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?". The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first". ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Anni and Wendy rented a boat and fished in a lake every day. On this particular day they caught over 50 fish. Anni turned to Wendy said, "Mark this spot so that we can come back here tomorrow." The next day when they were driving to rent the boat, Anni said, "You did you mark the spot, right?" Wendy replied, "Yeah, I painted a big X on the bottom of the boat." Anni said, "You fool! What if we don't get that same boat today?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Israel Perez Rangel, 38, Newport Beach, Floriduh $340,000 Ferrari left to be serviced. It got stolen and wrecked instead. Eadweard York wasn't exactly happy with the customer service at Ferrari & Maserati of Newport Beach when he went to pick up his girlfriend's car last month. The car a $340,000 Ferrari 458 Spider was missing. It had actually been stolen. Security footage showed a man wearing a Ferrari jacket walking around the service center, looking in a few car windows before driving off in the Ferrari. A worker had left the key on the passenger seat, according to the Los Angeles Times. It was 27 hours before anyone noticed the car was missing. Two weeks later, the car was found at a gas station in Santa Ana. The man driving the car identified as Israel Perez Rangel was begging for gas money and ran from police, according to the Times. Posting on Instagram, York said the car had been driven 1,400 miles over the 14 days. He also posted pictures and a list of damages that included: a broken paddle shifter, destroyed gear box and cracked fins. The dashboard was chopped up and all the rubber had been burned off the tires, he wrote. The thief left drug remnants and had puked in the car. In all, the damages were estimated at $50,000. York's girlfriend, Susan Friedman, purchased the car last year and planned to give the car to her son as a family heirloom, NBC 4 said. She received a check from the insurance company for the depreciated value of the vehicle. The service center did offer to try to find a similar used car at their cost, York wrote in a second post on Instragram that was dismissive of the offer. Each of the cars is a one-off, he said. But Friedman has already used the insurance money for a new car, according to the Times. She now has a 2018 Lamborghini Hurac n. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jennie Re: Has PayPal gone bad? Dear Webby, Has PayPal gone bad? I received a notice about an order, that was to be shipped to somebody else, but that I supposedly agreed to pay for, and to dispute it to go to their site. And they sent it to one of my email addresses that does not have a paypal account! So far I have not gone to dispute it, not before checking with you. Jennie Dear Jennie PayPal is still good and secure. What you got was a spoof from some crook, who is trying to con you into handing out your password. Just forward that mail to [email protected], or trash it. Real mail from the real PayPal always tells you to never click on any apparent link, but to close all browser windows, open a fresh one and type http://paypal.com into the address bar. The only exceptions to that are PayPal invoice buttons on sites that you trust and normally deal with. Have FUN! DearWebby Classic: New medications approved by the FDA: St. Mom's Wort: Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours. Empty Nestrogen: Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out. Peptobimbo: Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting. Dumerol: When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music. Flipitor: Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers. Antiboyotics: When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up. Menicillin: Potent antibiotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?" Buyagra: Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree. Extra Strength Buy-One-all: When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura JackAsspirin: Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number. Anti-talksident: A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers. Ragamet: When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself. NOTICE: Always consult your family physician before taking new medication. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Think You Know Everything? 1) Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable. 2) No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple. 3) "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt". 4) Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. 5) The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet. 6) The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes). 7) There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. 8) There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious." 9) TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. 10) All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill 11) A dime has 118 ridges around the edge. 12) A cat has 32 muscles in each ear. 13) A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. 14) A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second. 15) A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Kitty Out of Your Christmas Tree By Donna [436 Posts, 413 Comments] I have been dealing with my year old kitty climbing into and knocking over my Christmas tree until I came up with this idea! I blew up balloons and added them to the tree! She jumped in and accidentally popped one causing her to jump off immediately! It stopped her from jumping into it again, so now I can finish decorating it, but I think I will still leave some in the tree, just in case. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com font> ____________________________________________________ While leading a tour of kindergarten students through our hospital, I overheard a conversation between one little girl and an x-ray technician. "Have you ever broken a bone?" he asked. "Yes," the girl replied. "Did it hurt?" "No." "Really? Which bone did you break?" "My sister's arm." | | The world's most expensive dollhouse castle. |
A young lady was describing to her grandfather her experience at the theater the preceding evening. "Why, I was really shocked," the young girl said. "Everybody in the place was making out." "Making out? What in the world is that?" her grandpa asked. "It's the same thing you called necking, Grandpa." "Maybe so," Grandpa replied. "But now I call it reminiscing." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, December 5, in 1791 Composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart died in Vienna, Austria, at the age of 35. 1965 The Beatles played in their hometown of Liverpool for the last time. 1980 John Lennon gave his last interview. It was with Jonathan Cott of Rolling Stone. 1997 Carl Edward Hunter, manager of Ray Charles, was arrested in Japan on suspicion of marijuana possession. 2011 The Amy Winehouse album "Lioness: Hidden Treasures" was released in the U.K. It was a posthumous compilation album that featured unreleased songs and demos. 2017 Do smiled. |
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