Dear Webby's Humor Letter
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Dear Webby's Humor Letter, daily since 1994
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 Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, March 18 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!  Have FUN! DearWebby 
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Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Oregon man arrested after he kidnapped grandma at knife point and forced her to drive for 12 hours Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 18, in 1541 Hernando de Soto observed the first recorded flood of the Mississippi River. ______________________________________________________ Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. --- Nick Diamos ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ There are only two things a child will share willingly: communicable diseases and their mother's age. ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ It was testimony night in the church. A lady got up and said, "We are living in a wicked land where sin is on every hand. I have had a terrible fight with the old devil all week." Whereupon her husband, who was sitting glumly by her side said, "It's not all the devil's fault; she's not that easy to get along with either." ______________________________________________________ >From FB ______________________________________________________
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______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert White, 22, Salem, Oregon Oregon man arrested after he kidnapped grandma at knife point and forced her to drive for 12 hours A 22-year-old Oregon man kidnapped his 87-year-old grandmother at knife point and forced her to drive for nearly 12 hours, the Marion County Sheriff's Office said Sunday. Robert White of Salem was charged Sunday with unlawful possession of methamphetamine, kidnapping, menacing, criminal mischief and violating a protective order in the incident Saturday night, the sheriff's office said in a statement. The statement said that White's family had been "struggling to help" with his meth use and that his grandmother, who wasn't identified, had briefly placed her grandson in a hotel. On Saturday night, the statement says, "she had to inform him that the money had run out and he needed to leave the hotel." When his grandmother picked him up, White climbed into the backseat of her car, then "placed a knife to [her] throat and told her to drive," the statement says. "Driving through the night while her grandson smoked methamphetamine and rambled about the police following him for the past nine months, relief finally came when Mr. White called 911 at about 8 a.m." The statement doesn't say what White told the dispatcher, but using GPS, the sheriff's office tracked his grandmother's vehicle to a road east of downtown Salem. White was taken into custody without incident, the statement notes, and his grandmother, "although tired ... was not harmed during the near 12 hour ordeal." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Alexis Re: Has Aweber gone bad? Dear Webby It used to be that Aweber was a mass mailing service favored by semi-legit hypnotists and get-rich-quick gurus, but claimed to keep the worst of the scam artists out. Lately I have been getting mails pretending to be from PayPal, with a link to click on, that has an underlying Aweber URL. Obviously that is a definite scam. PayPal never has links to click on and always says to log in first. Does that mean Aweber is now something to filter into the trash? Alexis Dear Alexis Have you EVER received anything truly legitimate fom Aweber and at least partially what it claims to be? Me neither. I think it would be quite safe to use their URL as a trigger for filtering. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ For years one gift I could count on when my kids were young was a bottle or two of "English Leather" after-shave lotion. I thought for a while they liked the smell. Then it dawned on me... the stuff had an aroma just like my wallet. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Heavenly Tarts By Robyn [377 Posts, 754 Comments] These are little stick shaped cookies. There is not an overabundance of sugar in this recipe. Ingredients: 1 cup butter, softened 4 Tbsp. confectioners sugar, sifted 1 tsp. vanilla extract 3 tsp. water 2 cups flour 1 cup chopped pecans and/or almonds confectioners sugar Directions: Preheat oven to 300 degrees F. In large bowl cream butter, confectioners sugar, vanilla, and water. Using electric mixer on medium speed, slowly add flour and nuts. Shape small finger length cookies out of this dough. Place them on an un-greased baking sheet. Bake at 300 degrees F for 35 to 40 minutes. Roll in confectioners sugar. Cool on wire rack. Roll them again in confectioners sugar. Servings:3 dozen cookies Prep Time:20 Minutes Cooking Time:40 Minutes By Robyn F. from TN ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A bottle of out-of-date Marks & Spencer coconut and lemon-grass salad dressing exploded in a refrigerator in the UK blowing off the refrigerator door and sending it into the kitchen door. The bottle then ricocheted and went through a window, landing 20 feet away after pushing out a kitchen wall and damaging the loft hatch above the refrigerator. "I thought at first the place had been hit by a big firework rocket mortar because there was debris everywhere," says the owner when she returned home from work. In other news, Iraq is reported to have ordered 1 million bottles of a certain salad dressing from Marks & Spencer in the UK. ___________________________________________________
Playing for Change - Songs Around the World
____________________________________________________ What is your name? A. Ernestine McDowell. Q. And what is your marital status? A. Fair. Q. Now, Mrs. McDowell, how was your first marriage terminated? A. By death. Q. And by whose death was it terminated? Q. Mrs. McDowell, did you say he was shot in the woods? A. No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region Q: The truth of the matter is that you were not an unbiased, objective witness, isn't it. You too were shot in the fracas? A: No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval. ____________________________________________________ Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. ____________________________________________________
I've always wanted to stay in a haunted castle.
 Today on March 18 0037 The Roman Senate annuls Tiberius will and proclaims Caligula emperor. 1190 Crusaders killed 57 Jews in Bury St. Edmonds England. 1532 The English parliament banned payments by English church to Rome. 1541 Hernando de Soto observed the first recorded flood of the Mississippi River. 1673 Lord Berkley sold his half of New Jersey to the Quakers. 1813 David Melville patented the gas streetlight. 1818 The U.S. Congress approved the first pensions for government service. 1834 The first railroad tunnel in the U.S. was completed. The work was in Pennsylvania. 1850 Henry Wells & William Fargo founded American Express. 1891 Britain became linked to the continent of Europe by telephone. 1899 Phoebe, a moon of the planet Saturn, was discovered. 1902 In Turkey, the Sultan granted a German syndicate the first concession to access Baghdad by rail. 1903 France dissolved the Catholic religious orders. 1911 Theodore Roosevelt opened the Roosevelt Dam in Arizona. 1916 Russia countered the Verdun assault with an attack at Lake Naroch. The Russians lost 100,000 men and the Germans lost 20,000. 1917 The Germans sank the U.S. ships, City of Memphis, Vigilante and the Illinois, without any warning. 1921 Poland was enlarged with the second Peace of Riga. 1921 The steamer "Hong Koh" ran aground off of Swatow China. Over 1,000 people were killed. 1931 Schick Inc. displayed the first electric shaver. 1937 More than 400 people, mostly children, were killed in a gas explosion at a school in New London, TX. 1938 Mexico took control of all foreign-owned oil properties on its soil. 1938 New York first required serological blood tests of pregnant women. 1940 The soap opera "Light of the World" was first heard on NBC radio. 1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini held a meeting at the Brenner Pass. The Italian dictator agreed to join in Germany's war against France and Britain during the meeting. 1942 The third military draft began in the U.S. because of World War II. 1943 The Reich called off its offensive in Caucasus. 1943 American forces took Gafsa in Tunisia. 1944 The Russians reached the Rumanian border World War II. 1945 1,250 U.S. bombers attacked Berlin. 1950 Nationalist troops landed on the mainland of China and capture Communist held Sungmen. 1952 In Philadelphia, PA, the first plastic lenses were fitted for a cataract patient. 1954 RKO Pictures was sold for $23,489,478. It became the first motion picture studio to be owned by an individual:Howard Hughes. 1963 The U.S. Supreme Court handed down the Miranda decision concerning legal council for defendants. 1965 Cosmonaut Alexei Leonov became the first man to spacewalk when he left the Voskhod II space capsule while in orbit around the Earth. He was outside the spacecraft for about 20 minutes. 1966 Scott Paper began selling paper dresses for $1. 1968 The U.S. Congress repealed the requirement for a gold reserve. 1969 U.S. President Nixon authorizes Operation Menue. It was the secret bombing of Cambodia. 1971 U.S. helicopters airlifted 1,000 South Vietnamese soldiers out of Laos. 1974 Most of the Arab oil-producing nations ended their five-month embargo against the United States, Europe and Japan. 1975 Saigon abandoned most of the Central Highlands of Vietnam to Hanoi. 1975 The Kurds ended their fight against Iraq. 1979 Iranian authorities detained American feminist Kate Millett. The next day she was deported. 1980 A Vostok rocket exploded on the launch pad killing 50. 1981 The U.S. disclosed that there were biological weapons tested in Texas in 1966. 1986 Buckingham Palace announced the engagement of Prince Andrew to Sarah Ferguson. 1989 A 4,400-year-old mummy was discovered at the Pyramid of Cheops 1990 The first free elections took place in East Germany. 1992 Leona Hemsly was sentenced to 4 years in prison for tax evasion. 1992 White South Africans voted for constitutional reforms that would give legal equality to blacks. 1994 Zsa Zsa Gabor filed for bankruptcy. 2016 Do smiled.

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