| Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, March 22, 2023 ___________________________________________________ History: on this day, March 20, in 1903, Niagara Falls ran out of water due to a drought. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: 'Bogus Barbie' murdered boyfriend, now wants conjugal visits from next one __________________________________________________ Q The purpose of life is to fight maturity. --- Dick Werthimer ________________________________________________ It's hard to resist logical argument. Take, for example, the persuasiveness of Corporal Jones, who was assigned to advise new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Corporal Jones was having a staggeringly high success rate. He was selling insurance to nearly all of the recruits he advised. Curious, the captain stood in the back of the room one day and listened to Jones' sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6,000." "Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Consider the woman who sits down for a true-false exam, puzzles over it for a few minutes, then pulls a coin out of her pocket. She flips it, marks the exam, flips it again, makes another mark and continues flipping until she answers all the questions. The student finishes in about 30 minutes while the rest of the class is still sweating it out. The instructor watches her go through the exercise, thinking the law of averages would dictate that the student should get half the answers correct. Then he is surprised to see the woman start to flip the coin again, this time furiously. "What's going on?" the teacher asks. "I wasn't all that sure of all my answers," the student says, "so I thought I ought to recheck them." _________________________________________________ A woman calls up a pet store and says, "Send me 30,000 cockroaches at once." The astonished clerk asks: "What in the world do you want with 30,000 cockroaches?" "Well," the woman says, "I am moving today and my lease says I must leave the premises in exactly the same condition I found them." _________________________________________________ Thanks to Jean for sending this picture: ________________________________________________ A mother and her daughter were shopping in a mall one day when the mother spied an expensive fur coat. She tried it on and stood in front of the mirror admiring the look and stroking the fur. "This year, I think I'll get myself a birthday present," she said. "But mom," her daughter protested, "some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can have this." "Don't worry, honey. Your father won't get the VISA bill for a couple of weeks." ____________________________________________________ A minister had his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures made. His usual sermon lasts about half an hour or a little more, but the first Sunday after his dental work he preaches only five minutes. The second Sunday, he is good for 15 minutes. But on the third Sunday he gets going and doesn't stop for an hour and a half. "What's going on, Reverend?" a member of the congregation asked. "The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures as I was heading out the door and I simply could not stop talking." ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ A lawyer tells his client: "I have some good news, and I have some bad news." The client says, "I could use some good news. What is it?" "You ex-wife is not making you pay her on any inheritance you receive." "And the bad news?" "She's marrying your father ___________________________________________________ Consider the intern who discovers while working she is almost out of typing paper. Wondering what to do, she turns to her supervisor. "Just use copy machine paper," her boss says. With that, the intern takes her last remaining blank piece of paper, puts it on the photocopier -- then proceeds to make five blank copies. __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jamaal Germany 30, Gaithersburg, Maryland, USA Man arrested for attempting to kidnap child at bus stop in Gaithersburg Police in Montgomery County are investigating an abduction attempt that happened on Monday morning. They say a man grabbed a Redland Middle School student waiting at the bus stop - trying to pull the child into a nearby apartment. FOX 5's reporter Nana-Sentuo Bonsu has more on the story, and how other children stepped in to save the day. A 30-year-old man is facing charges after attempting to kidnap a child at a bus stop in Gaithersburg. According to Montgomery County police, just before 8:00 a.m. Monday morning Jamaal Germany allegedly grabbed a child on Towne Crest Drive near Washington Grove Lane. Germany is accused of trying to take the child to a nearby apartment building. Other students at the bus stop jumped in to stop it, police said, and the victim was able to get away. Police in Montgomery County are investigating an abduction attempt that happened on Monday morning. They say a man grabbed a Redland Middle School student waiting at the bus stop - trying to pull the child into a nearby apartment. The incident was first reported to staff members at Redland Middle School who alerted the schools' Community Engagement Officer. Germany was arrested Monday and taken to the Montgomery County Central Processing Unit. _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits Re: Get rid of Browser cache Dear Webby, a tiny question: How does one clear out the web-browser Cache' and History on Firefart? I finally figured out how to get my attachments to open!!! I am not sure exactly what I did but it works now. Janice Dear Janice Click on History in the menu bar. Select Clear recent history. Set the time range to Everything. Click on arrow near details (expand history list) Select Cookies (deselect other boxes). Click Clear Now to close Clear All History window. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Today, March 22 in 1457, Gutenberg Bible became the first printed book. 1622, Indians attacked a group of colonist in the James River area of Virginia. 347 residents were killed. 1630, The first legislation to prohibit gambling was enacted. It was in Boston, MA. 1638, Anne Hutchinsoon, a religious dissident, was expelled from the Massachusetts Bay Colony. 1719, Frederick William abolished serfdom on crown property in Prussia. 1733, Joseph Priestly invented carbonated water (seltzer). 1765, The Stamp Act was passed. It was the first direct British tax on the American colonists. It was repealed on March 17, 1766. 1775, Edmund Burke presented his 13 articles to the English parliament. 1790, Thomas Jefferson became the first U.S. Secretary of State. 1794, The U.S. Congress banned U.S.from supplying slaves to other countries. 1822, New York Horticultural Society was founded. 1841, Englishman Orlando Jones patented cornstarch. 1871, William Holden of North Carolina became the first governor to be removed by impeachment. 1872, Illinois became the first state to require sexual equality in employment. 1873, Slavery was abolished in Puerto Rico. 1874, The Young Men's Hebrew Association was organized in New York City. 1882, The U.S. Congress outlawed polygamy. 1894, The first playoff competition for the Stanley Cup began. Montreal beat Ottawa. 1895, Auguste and Louis Lumiere showed their first movie to an invited audience in Paris. 1901, Japan proclaimed that it was determined to keep Russia from encroaching on Korea. 1902, Great Britain and Persia agreed to link Europe and India by telegraph. 1903, Niagara Falls ran out of water due to a drought. 1903, In Columbia, the region near Galera De Zamba was devastated by a volcanic eruption. 1904, The first color photograph was published in the London Daily Illustrated Mirror. 1905, Child miners in Britain received a maximum 8-hour workday. 1906, France lost the first ever rugby game ever played against Britain. 1907, Russian troops completed the evacuation of Manchuria in the face of advancing Japanese forces. 1907, In Paris, it was reported that male cab drivers dressed as women to attract riders. 1910, In Liberia, a telegraph cable linked Tenerife and Monrovia. 1911, Herman Jadlowker became the first opera singer to perform two major roles in the same day at the Metropolitan Opera House in New York City. 1915, A German zeppelin made a night raid on Paris railway stations. 1919, The first international airline service was inaugurated on a weekly schedule between Paris and Brussels. 1933, U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed a bill legalizing the sale and possession of beer and wine containing up to 3.2% alcohol. 1934, The first Masters golf championship began in Augusta, GA. 1935, In New York, blood tests were authorized as evidence in court cases. 1935, Persia was renamed Iran. 1941, The Grand Coulee Dam in Washington began operations. 1943, The Dutch workweek was extended to 54 hours. 1943, Obligatory work for woman ends in Belgium. 1945, The Arab League was formed with the adoption of a charter in Cairo, Egypt. 1946, The British granted Transjordan independence. 1946, The first U.S. built rocket to leave the earth's atmosphere reached a height of 50-miles. 1947, The Greek government imposed martial law in Laconia and southern Greece. 1948, The United States announced a land reform plan for Korea. 1948, "The Voice of Firestone" became the first commercial radio program to be carried simultaneously on both AM and FM radio stations. 1954, The first shopping mall opened in Southfield, Michigan. 1954, The London gold market reopened for the first time since 1939. 1960, A.L. Schawlow & C.H. Townes obtained a patent for the laser. It was the first patent for any laser. 1965, U.S. confirmed that its troops used chemical warfare against the Vietcong. 1974, The Viet Cong proposed a new truce with the U.S. and South Vietnam. The truce included general elections. 1975, Walt Disney World Shopping Village opened. 1977, The Dutch Den Uyl government fell. 1977, Comedienne Lily Tomlin made her debut on Broadway in "Lily Tomlin on Stage" in New York. 1977, Indira Ghandi resigned as the prime minister of India. 1978, Karl Wallenda, of the Flying Wallendas, fell to his death while walking a cable strung between two hotels in San Juan, Puerto Rico. 1979, The National Hockey League (NHL) voted to accept 4 WHA teams, the Oilers, Jets, Nordiques & Whalers. 1980, People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) was founded by Ingrid Newkirk and Alex Pacheco. 1981, U.S. Postage rates went from 15-cents to 18-cents an ounce. 1981, RCA put its Selectra Vision laser disc players on the market. 1981, A group of twelve Green Berets arrived in El Salvador. This brought the total number of advisors to fifty-four. 1981, The first Mongolian entered space aboard the Russian Soyuz 39. 1982, The Space Shuttle Columbia was launched into orbit on mission STS-3. It was the third orbital flight for the Columbia. 1987, A barge loaded with 32,000 tons of refuse left Islip, NY, to find a place to unload. After being refused by several states and three countries space was found back in Islip. 1988, The Congress overrode U.S. President Reagan's veto of a sweeping civil rights bill. 1989, Oliver North began two days of testimony at his Iran- Contra trial in Washington, DC. 1989, The U.S. House Ways and Means Committee reported the class gap was widening. 1990, A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Captain Hazelwood not guilty in the Valdez oil spill. 1991, Pamela Smart, a high school teacher, was found guilty in New Hampshire of manipulating her student-lover to kill her husband. 1992, A Fokker F-28 veered off a runway at New York's LaGuardia airport and into Flushing Bay, killing 27 people. 1993, Intel introduced the Pentium-processor (80586) 64 bits-60 MHz-100+ MIPS. 1995, Russian cosmonaut Valeri Polyakov returned to Earth after setting a record for 438 days in space. 1997, Tara Lipinski, at 14 years and 10 months, became the youngest women's world figure skating champion. 2002, The U.S. Postal Rate Commission approved a request for a postal rate increase of first-class stamps from 34 cents to 37 cents by June 30. 2017, In Jerusalem, the tomb of Jesus reopened after a restoration project. 2018, The New York Stock Exchange announced that their first woman head would be Stacey Cunningam. 2023, Do smiled.
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