Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, April 9 Here is a site about Easter, that I made many years ago. ______________________________________________________ Today, April 9 in 1992 Former Panamanian ruler Manuel Noriega was convicted in Miami, FL, of eight drug and racketeering charges. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Floriduh man burglarizes cars in the jail lot minutes after release on bond ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ To disagree with three-fourths of the British public is one of the first requisites of sanity. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles for a fund raising activity. One ambitious but nervous young man knocked on a door and a sour-faced lady came to the door and asked, "What do you want, Sonny?" "D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts, M-m-m- ma'am?" he asked. "Look here, young man, do I look like the kind of lady who would drink beer?" replied the lady. "S-s-sorry, Ma'am," was his reply. "W-w-what about vinegar bottles?" ______________________________________________________` _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Casey Lewis, 37, Stuart, Florida Floriduh man burglarizes cars in the jail lot minutes after release on bond A Florida man was arrested this week soon after being released from jail for allegedly breaking into cars in the jail parking lot, authorities in St. Lucie County said. Michael Casey Lewis, 37, of Stuart, Florida, was re-arrested after deputies in the parking lot of the jail he just exited say they saw him pulling on the handles of vehicle doors outside the St. Lucie County lockup, according to a sheriff's statement. reasure Coast Newspapers reported the suspect was originally jailed on allegations of grand theft. The St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office said in its statement that he had "bonded out and was released" when deputies spotted him. The office alleges "he had just burglarized several cars right there at the jail." Authorities said at that point Lewis was "re-booked" into jail and now faces more charges. However, the St. Lucie County Sheriff's Office said, he was released based on bond "AGAIN." From: Carol Re:Gray Squares instead of pictures Dear DearWebby I don't know if this is the proper way to ask a question. I don't seem to be able to see pictures included in most emails. I am able to see the ones in your letter each morning, but in all other emails, all I can see is gray squares where the pictures should be. There are no attachments shown in the headers, either. I have looked in Internet Options but can't see anything that would apply. I also restored my computer to a time 2 weeks back when I was still able to see pictures. Do you know of any setting I may have inadvertently messed up? Carol Dear Carol If you still see my pictures, then your settings are OK. Don't mess with them! I too get occasional mail with gray squares from people who don't know how to embed pictures. Usually they use Incredimail or Outlook Depressed. A red X means there is no picture with THAT name. A gray square means that they have that picture, but didn't embed it properly. Don't be shy! Tell them that they messed up and should read the instructions or write to the maker of whatever they use for email. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A man came home from the office and found his new bride sobbing convulsively. "I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers." "Oh, just forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I've got an extra pair of pants for that suit." "Yes, I know. And it's lucky you have!" said the woman, drying her eyes. "I was able to use a piece from them to patch the hole!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Thanks to Roland for this story: John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11-year-old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over two hours late. "Where have you been? Why are you over two hours late getting home?" asked John. "Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy. The robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. "Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector. Now tell us where you really were after school." "We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie," said Tommy. What did you watch?" asked Marsha. "The Ten Commandments," answered Tommy. The robot went around to Tommy and slapped him again, knocking him off his chair once more. With his lip quivering, Tommy got up from the floor, sat down, and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched an R-rated movie." "I am ashamed of you, son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." The robot then walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair. Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears, and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!" With that the robot immediately walked around to Marsha and knocked her out of her chair. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Stay Cool This Summer While Saving Energy If you use air-conditioning, set your thermostat as high as comfortably possible in the summer. The less difference between the indoor and outdoor temperatures, the lower your overall cooling bill will be. Don't set your thermostat at a colder setting at first, it will not cool your home any faster. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Best of the week. People are Awesome! |
___________________________________________________ Morris the matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her. "I'm ashamed to bring this up," he said, "but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, a sample." The woman was shocked. "Such a thing you ask a virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such an immoral thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman. " The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, Morris said, "He's a business man. He buys goods in the market and he sells goods. By him, it's not a big deal... just a sample." She thought a minute. "He's a business man? So tell him I don't give free samples. If he wants, I can give him 50 or 60 references." ___________________________________________________ A young boy of four was going into hospital to have his tonsils removed. He told his playmate I'll be gone for awhile I have to have surgery. On the day he was admitted his mother asked if the doctor would please circumcise the boy, since he's already going to be under anaesthesia. The boy woke up and was very sore "down there" there for several days. About a week later he got to see his playmate again. The playmate informed him that he, too, was also going to have to have his tonsils out. He asked the boy to tell him about the surgery. The little boy replied, "All I can tell you is your tonsils ain't where you think they are." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Toni for these new Church Bulletin Bloopers: The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.' ___________________________________________________ | Today April 9 in 0193 In the Balkans, the distinguished soldier Septimius Seversus was proclaimed emperor by the army in Illyricum. 1241 In the Battle of Liegnitz, Mongol armies defeated the Poles and the Germans. 1454 The city states of Venice, Milan and Florence signed a peace agreement at Lodi, Italy. 1667 In Paris, The first public art exhibition was held at the Palais-Royale. 1682 Robert La Salle claimed the lower Mississippi River and all lands that touch it for France. 1770 Captain James Cook discovered Botany Bay on the Australian continent. 1833 Peterborough, NH, opened the first municipally supported public library in the United States. 1838 The National Galley opened in London. 1865 At Appomattox Court House, Virginia, General Robert E. Lee surrendered his Confederate Army to Union General Ulysses S. Grant in the parlor of Wilmer McClean's home. Grant allowed Rebel officers to keep their sidearms and permitted soldiers to keep their horses and mules. Though there were still Confederate armies in the field, the war was officially over. The four years of fighting had killed 360,000 Union troops and 260,000 Confederate troops. 1866 The Civil Rights Bill passed over U.S. President Andrew Johnson's veto. 1867 The U.S. Senate ratified the treaty with Russia that purchased the territory of Alaska by one vote. 1869 The Hudson Bay Company ceded its territory to Canada. 1870 The American Anti-Slavery Society was dissolved. 1872 S.R. Percy received a patent for dried milk. 1900 British forces routed the Boers at Kroonstadt, South Africa. 1905 The first American aerial ferry bridge went into operation in Duluth, MN. 1914 In London, the first full-color film, "The World, The Flesh & the Devil," was shown. 1916 The German army launched it's third offensive during the Battle of Verdun. 1917 The Battle of Arras began as Canadian troops began a massive assault on Vimy Ridge. 1918 Latvia proclaimed its independence. 1921 The Russo-Polish conflict ended with signing of Riga Treaty. 1928 Mae West made her debut on Broadway in the production of "Diamond Lil." 1940 Germany invaded Norway and Denmark. 1942 In the Battle of Bataan, American and Filipino forces were overwhelmed by the Japanese Army. 1945 National Football League officials decreed that it was mandatory for football players to wear socks in all league games. 1945 At Bari, Italy, the Liberty exploded and killed 360 people. The ship was carrying aerial bombs. 1947 169 people were killed and 1,300 were injured by a series of tornadoes in Texas, Oklahoma and Kansas. 1950 Bob Hope made his first television appearance on "Star- Spangled Review" on NBC-TV. 1957 The Suez Canal was cleared for all shipping. 1959 NASA announced the selection of America's first seven astronauts. 1963 Winston Churchill became the first honorary U.S. citizen. 1965 "TIME" magazine featured a cover with the entire "Peanuts" comic gang. 1965 The Houston Astrodome held its first baseball game. 1967 The first Boeing 737 was rolled out for use. 1976 The U.S. and Russia agreed on the size of nuclear tests for peaceful use. 1981 The U.S. Submarine George Washington struck and sunk a small Japanese freighter in the East China Sea. The Nissho Maru's captain and first mate died. 1983 The space shuttle Challenger concluded it first flight. 1984 Nicaragua asked the World Court to declare U.S. support for guerilla raids illegal. 1985 Japanese Premier Nakasone urged Japanese people to buy foreign products. 1987 Dikye Baggett became the first person to undergo corrective surgery for Parkinson's disease. 1988 The U.S. imposed economic sanctions on Panama. 1989 16 civilians were killed during rioting in Soviet Georgia. 1989 Hundreds of thousands marched past the White House in support of the right to abortion. 1991 Georgia voted to secede from the U.S.S.R. 1992 Former Panamanian ruler Manuel Noriega was convicted in Miami, FL, of eight drug and racketeering charges. 1998 The National Prisoner of War Museum opened in Andersonville, GA, at the site of an infamous Civil War camp. 1998 More than 150 Muslims died in a stampede in Mecca, Saudi Arabia, on last day of the haj pilgrimage. 1999 In Djibouti, Ismail Omar Guelleh of the ruling Popular Rally for Progress and the Front for the Restoration of Unity and Democracy was elected president. 1999 In Niger, President Ibrahim Bar Manassara was assassinated. Daouda Malam Wanke was designated president two days later. 2019 Do smiled. |
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