Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, May 4 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Back in the saddle again! That was a very stressful couple of days! Net is OK again now. Thank you Claude!! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Indiana mother charged after 4-year-old girl nearly died from lice ___________________________________________________ Today, May 12 in 1949 The Soviet Union announced an end to the Berlin Blockade. ____________________________________________________ Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. --- H. H. Williams "Every parent has dreams for a child. In one dream, the kid is saying, "I'm proud to accept this Nobel Prize..." In the other dream, the kid is asking, "D'ya want fries with that?" --- Robin Williams ____________________________________________________ A Priest at a Church picnic was staring at a member of his parish wearing the tiniest of bikinis. A Nun walked over and said, "Shame on you Father, staring at that woman like that!" The Priest replied, "Sister Mary Elizabeth, I know you to be on a diet, and yet I saw you ogling the buffet." ____________________________________________________ A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more." "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. Imma just tellun my friend, da bishop from Milano, how to spella Mississippi." ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ This farmer had a sick cow. The vet prescribed a daily suppository. The farmer's method for administering the prescription was to insert an aluminum tube into the cow's rear and blow the suppository in. One day the farmer was too sick to attend his cow, so he asked his hired hand to take care of the cow. The hired hand took the tube, and turned it around! Then blew the supository into the cow. The farmer's wife, who was standing nearby watching, asked the hired hand why he had turned the tube in the cow's rear around. He exclaimed "What! From the farmer's mouth into mine!" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shyanne Singh, 26, Scottsburg, Indiana, USA Indiana mother charged after 4-year-old girl nearly died from lice Shyanne Singh, 26, faces child neglect charges after investigators said her 4-year-old daughter nearly died from a lice infestation so severe doctors had to give her four blood transfusions. Shyanne Singh, 26, of Scottsburg, was arrested Tuesday on three felony counts of neglect of a dependent. She remained in custody Friday at the Scott County Jail. Scottsburg police were contacted April 20 after Singh's daughter was brought to a hospital. Doctors declared her a "near fatality" because lice had fed off of her for so long, according to a probable cause affidavit. The girl was so ill she could not walk, and a Department of Child Services supervisor told police the child's blood hemoglobin levels were at 1.7., when they should have been at 12, according to court documents. That was the lowest hemoglobin level the hospital had ever seen and the girl needed to have four blood transfusions. The girl has a 6-year-old sister who also had lice. Both children had been placed in the care of their maternal grandparents in April, court records show. The siblings' grandmother told police that she tried to take care of their lice with treatments but a pharmacist told her she needed to "take the kids to the hospital. When Singhs mother confronted her about the state of her grandchildren, Singh allegedly said that, "she didnt notice, and that she was just in a fog," court documents state. Singh appeared Friday for an initial hearing before a judge, who appointed a public defender for her. Scottsburg is a city of about 6,700 people in southern Indiana, about 30 miles (50 kilometers) north of Louisville, Kentucky. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits FROM: Rosa RE: Gold conductor Dear Webby I see gold is used for the more expensive audio connectors and for electronic circuit boards. Would that not indicate it is a better conductor than copper? Rosa Dear Rosa The currents involved in electronics are so low that connectivity makes no difference. Extremely thin gold plating is used because it never oxidizes and never changes. The gold plating is much thinner than any paint. The actual conduction of the electricity is done by the copper under the plating. In addition to that, gold costs over $1200 per 12 gram gold ounce, whereas copper is around $5/lb. Have FUN! DearWebby Two cowboys from Arizona walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail dust from their throats. They stand at the bar, drinking their beers and talking quietly about cattle prices. Suddenly a woman at a table behind them, who had been eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so it becomes apparent that she is in real distress, and the cowboys turn to look at her. "Kin ya swaller? asks one of the cowboys. No, the woman shakes her head. "Kin ya breathe?" asks the other. The woman, beginning to turn a bit blue, shakes her head No again. The first cowboy walks over to her, lifts up the back of her skirt, yanks down her panties, and slowly runs his tongue from the back of her thigh up to the small of her back. This shocks the woman to a violent spasm, the obstruction flies out of her mouth, and she begins to breathe again. The cowboy walks back over to the bar and takes a drink of his beer. His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there Hind Lick Maneuver, but, I never seen anybody do it." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ In my husband's work for a cable-television company, he encounters illegal hookups that drive up costs for other customers. One day he arrived at a repair job just as the homeowner was pulling into the driveway. She pointed the way to the den, where the tv was located, and then walked out to get the mail. As my husband approached the tv, he saw a note taped to the screen. It read: "Don't forget to hide the descramblers before the cable guy comes. Love, Tom." ___________________________________________ Over the years, my husband and I have usually managed to decode the cute but confusing gender signs sometimes put on restaurants' restroom doors (Buoys and Gulls, Laddies and Lassies, etc.), but every so often we get stumped. Recently my husband Dave wandered off in search of the men's room and found himself confronted by two marked doors. One was labeled "Bronco," and the other was designated "Cactus." Completely baffled, he stopped a restaurant employee. "Excuse me; I need to use the restroom," he said, gesturing toward the doors, "Which one should I use?" "Actually, we would prefer you to go there," the employee said, pointing to a door down the hall marked "Men." "Bronco and Cactus are our private dining rooms." ____________________________________________ Part of my job as a public-health nurse is teaching new parents how to care for their infants. As I was demonstrating how to wrap a newborn, a young Asian couple turned to me and said, "You mean we should wrap the baby like an egg roll?" Yes, I replied, that was a good analogy. "I don't know how to make egg rolls," another mother said anxiously. "Can I wrap my baby like a burrito?" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, May 12 in 1588 King Henry III fled Paris after Henry of Guise triumphantly entered the city. 1780 Charleston, South Carolina fell to British forces. 1847 William Clayton invented the odometer. 1870 Manitoba entered the Confederation as a Canadian province. 1881 Tunisia, in North Africa became a French protectorate. 1885 In the Battle of Batoche, French Canadians rebelled against the Canadian government. 1926 The airship Norge became the first vessel to fly over the North Pole. 1937 Britain's King George VI was crowned at Westminster Abbey. 1940 The Nazi conquest of France began with the German army crossing Muese River. 1942 The Soviet Army launched its first major offensive of World War II and took Kharkov in the eastern Ukraine from the German army. 1943 The Axis forces in North Africa surrendered during World War II. 1949 The Soviet Union announced an end to the Berlin Blockade. 1950 The American Bowling Congress abolished its white males- only membership restriction after 34 years. 1957 A.J. Foyt won his first auto racing victory in Kansas City, MO. 1965 West Germany and Israel exchanged letters establishing diplomatic relations. 1975 U.S. merchant ship Mayaguez was seized by Cambodian forces in international waters. 1978 The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration announced that they would no longer exclusively name hurricanes after women. 1982 South Africa unveiled a plan that would give voting rights to citizens of Asian and mixed-race descent, but not to blacks. 1984 South African prisoner Nelson Mandela saw his wife for the first time in 22 years. 1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin dismissed Prime Minister Yevgeny Primakov and named Interior Minister Sergei Stepashin as his successor. 2002 Former U.S. President Carter arrived in Cuba for a visit with Fidel Castro. It was the first time a U.S. head of state, in or out of office, had gone to the island since Castro's 1959 revolution. 2003 In Texas, fifty-nine Democratic lawmakers went into hiding over a dispute with Republican's over a congressional redistricting plan. 2015 It was announced that Verizon would be acquiring AOL. 2021 Do smiled. |
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