Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, July 27 ____________________________________________________ History: today, July 27 in 1921, Canadian biochemist Frederick Banting and associates announced the discovery of the hormone insulin. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Gang members arrested for drive-by murder ___________________________________________________ Q If everything seems under control, you're not going fast enough --- Mario Andretti (1940 - ) Socialist Agenda: Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. --- Quentin Crisp __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master Divorce: Future tense of marriage Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either". Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power .. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on. Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before. Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. Etc...: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes. Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead. Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. Opportunist: A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river. Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet." Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY. Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich. Father: A banker provided by nature. Criminal: A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught. Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after. Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills. Computer Engineer: One who gets paid for reading such stuff ___________________________________________________ A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come together. I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a-more." "You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. Imma just tellun my friend, da bishop from Milano, how to spella Mississippi." ___________________________________________________ This farmer had a sick cow. The vet prescribed a daily suppository. The farmer's method for administering the prescription was to insert an aluminum tube into the cow's rear and blow the suppository in. One day the farmer was too sick to attend his cow, so he asked his hired hand to take care of the cow. The hired hand took the tube, and turned it around! Then blew the supository into the cow. The farmer's wife, who was standing nearby watching, asked the hired hand why he had turned the tube in the cow's rear around. He exclaimed "What! From the farmer's mouth into mine!" ___________________________________________________ Titanite ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ In my husband's work for a cable-television company, he encounters illegal hookups that drive up costs for other customers. One day he arrived at a repair job just as the homeowner was pulling into the driveway. She pointed the way to the den, where the tv was located, and then walked out to get the mail. As my husband approached the tv, he saw a note taped to the screen. It read: "Don't forget to hide the descramblers before the cable guy comes. Love, Tom." ____________________________________________________ >From Cathy Part of my job as a public-health nurse is teaching new parents how to care for their infants. As I was demonstrating how to wrap a newborn, a young Asian couple turned to me and said, "You mean we should wrap the baby like an egg roll?" Yes, I replied, that was a good analogy. "I don't know how to make egg rolls," another mother said anxiously. "Can I wrap my baby like a burrito?" ____________________________________________________ The banker saw his old friend Tom, an 80-year old rancher, in town. Tom had lost his wife a year or so before and rumor had it that he was marrying a 'mail order' bride. Being a good friend, the banker asked Tom if the rumor was true. Tom assured him that it was. The banker then asked Tom the age of his new bride to be. Tom proudly said, 'She'll be 21 in November.' Now the banker, being the wise man that he was, could see that the sexual appetite of a young woman could not be satisfied by an 80-year-old man. Wanting his old friend's remaining years to be happy, the banker tactfully suggested that Tom should consider getting a hired hand to help him out on the ranch, knowing nature would take its own course. Tom thought this was a good idea and said he would look for one that afternoon.. About four months later, the banker ran into Tom in town again.. 'How's the new wife?', asked the banker. Tom proudly said, 'Good - she's pregnant.' The banker, happy that his sage advice had worked out, continued, 'And how's the hired hand?' 'She's pregnant too.' ____________________________________________________ A salesman is talking to a farmer when he looks over and sees a rooster wearing pants, a shirt, and suspenders.He says, "What on earth is that all about?" The farmer says, "We had a fire in the chicken coop two months ago and all his feathers got singed off, so the wife made him some clothes to keep him warm." "Okay, but that was two months ago. Why does he still wear them?" The farmer replied, "There ain't nothing funnier than watching him try to hold down a hen with one foot and get his pants down with the other." ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits DearWebby's Tech Support Pits FROM: Rosa RE: Gold conductor Dear Webby I see gold is used for the more expensive audio connectors and for electronic circuit boards. Would that not indicate it is a better conductor than copper? Rosa Dear Rosa The currents involved in electronics are so low that connectivity makes no difference. Extremely thin gold plating is used because it never oxidizes and never changes. The gold plating is much thinner than any paint. The actual conduction of the electricity is done by the copper under the plating. In addition to that, gold costs over $1200 per 12 gram gold ounce, whereas copper is around $5/lb. Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ ____________________________________________ ________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock Makhyi Raykel Hinkle (left) and Zyonn Mantell Colbert (right) Tempe, Arizona, USA Gang members arrested for drive-by murder Court documents state that police have arrested two people in connection with a deadly shooting that happened in June. Investigators said 20-year-old Makhyi Raykel Hinkle was arrested on July 21 at a home near the area of 79th Avenue and Lower Buckeye Road. Another person, identified as 21-year-old Zyonn Mantell Colbert, was arrested at the same location as Hinkle, according to court documents for Colbert. According to our initial report on the shooting, officers responded to 48th Street and Baseline Road at about 9:15 p.m. on June 20 and found a vehicle that had been hit by gunfire, and one person died as a result. Police have released additional details on the shooting in the court documents. According to the documents, dashcam video taken at the time shows a white Kia Optima driving past the driver side of the victim vehicle, and numerous gunshots can be seen in rapid succession from the rear passenger area of the Optima. "A total of 24 .40 caliber cartridge casings were located in the street," according to investigators. The person who died in the shooting, according to police, was seated in the rear center seat at the time of the shooting, while a second victim was seated in the rear driver-side seat. That person is reportedly still in the hospital, in stable condition. The Kia involved in the shooting, according to court documents, was later found in the area of 48th Street and Warner Road, in Ahwatukee. Suspects, victim who survived has rival gang ties. During the course of the investigation, officials said Hinkle was identified by an anonymous source who was familiar with the communication that circulates between two gangs: the Southern Crips and Park South Crips. Hinkle and the second suspect in the case, according to court documents, are identified members of the Southern Crips, while the person who survived the shooting is, according to investigators, is a documented member of the Park South Crips. According to investigators, there have been numerous shootings in Phoenix involving members of Southern Crips and members of Park South Crips in about the past two y ears, after a Southern Crips member, identified as "Tre" in court documents, was killed. "There is a belief by members of Southern that the victim who survived this shooting is the suspect who murdered Tre,'" read a portion of the court documents. Hinkle, according to court documents, has a number of prior criminal convictions involving offenses related to assault, weapons, robbery, and theft. He and Colbert are accused of the following: 1st Degree Murder Aggravated Assault Drive-by Shooting Assisting a Criminal Street Gang Criminal Damage A judge has set a $1 million cash-only bond for both Hinkle and Colbert, and a preliminary hearing for both is set for July 31. ___________________________________________________ How does Ruth like being pregnant?" Danny asked his friend Ryan. "Oh, she's not pregnant," Ryan replied, "she's expecting." "What's the difference?" Danny pressed. "Well", Ryan explained, "When I come home from work, she's expecting me to cook dinner, she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting me to rub her feet . . ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ The teacher asked little Johnny, "Can you name four shooting stars?" Little Johnny said, "I sure can. Wyatt Earp, Annie Oakley, Buffalo Bill, and John Wayne." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Two Cajun commercial fishermen, Boudreaux & Thibodeaux, went out in the Gulf fishing. They were gone a couple of months. On their return, they noticed a Taco Bell had been built while they were away. Boudreaux turns to Thibodeaux and says "Sacri Bleu! Look it dat! You run over a fone pole an it takes 9 mons ta get Southern Bell ta put in a new pole an fix da fone. We go fish a bit, an dem Mexicans done come over here an build a whole telifone company!" ___________________________________________________ A teacher wrote on the blackboard "Like, I ain't had no fun in months" then she asked the class "How should I correct this sentence?" Little Johnny raised his hand, smirked and replied, "Maybe upgrade your boyfriend?" __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work, please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today July 27, in 1214, At the Battle of Bouvines in France, Philip Augustus of France defeated John of England. 1245, Frederick II was deposed by a council at Lyons after they found him guilty of sacrilege. 1663, The British Parliament passed a second Navigation Act, which required all goods bound for the colonies be sent in British ships from British ports. That did not go over well. 1689, Government forces defeated the Scottish Jacobites at the Battle of Killiecrankie. 1694, The Bank of England received a royal charter as a commercial institution. 1775, Benjamin Rush began his service as the first Surgeon General of the Continental Army. 1784, "Courier De LAmerique" became the first French newspaper to be published in the United States. It was printed in Philadelphia, PA. 1777, The marquis of Lafayette arrived in New England to help the rebellious American colonists fight the British. 1778, The British and French fleets fought to a standoff in the first Battle of Ushant. 1789, The Department of Foreign Affairs was established by the U.S. Congress. The agency was later known as the Department of State. 1804, The 12th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. With the amendment Electors were directed to vote for a President and for a Vice-President rather than for two choices for President. 1866, Cyrus Field successfully completed the Atlantic Cable. It was an underwater telegraph from North America to Europe. 1909, Orville Wright set a record for the longest airplane flight. He was testing the first Army airplane and kept it in the air for 1 hour 12 minutes and 40 seconds. 1914, British troops invaded the streets of Dublin, Ireland, and began to disarm Irish rebels. 1918, The Socony 200 was launched. It was the first concrete barge and was used to carry oil. 1921, Canadian biochemist Frederick Banting and associates announced the discovery of the hormone insulin. 1940, Bugs Bunny made his official debut in the Warner Bros. animated cartoon "A Wild Hare." 1944, U.S. troops completed the liberation of Guam. 1947, The World Water Ski Organization was founded in Geneva, Switzerland. 1953, The armistice agreement that ended the Korean War was signed at Panmunjon, Korea. 1955, The Allied occupation of Austria ended. I remember that! I was still in Austria then. There were speeches and rationing ended. Every kid got a fat hot dog and a bun. 1964, U.S. President Lyndon Johnson sent an additional 5,000 advisers to South Vietnam. 1965, In the U.S., the Federal Cigarette Labeling and Advertising Act was signed into law. The law required health warnings on all cigarette packages. 1967, U.S. President Johnson appointed the Kerner Commission to assess the causes of the violence in the wake of urban rioting. 1974, The U.S. Congress asked for impeachment procedures against President Richard Nixon. 1980, The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, died in a hospital near Cairo, Egypt. 1993, IBM's new chairman, Louis V. Gerstner, Jr., announced an $8.9 billion plan to cut the company's costs. 1995, The Korean War Veterans Memorial was dedicated in Washington, DC, by U.S. President Clinton and South Korean President Kim Young-sam. 1999, The U.S. space shuttle Discovery completed a five-day mission commanded by Air Force Col. Eileen Collins. It was the first shuttle mission to be commanded by a woman. 2001, The ribbon cutting ceremony was held for American Airlines Center in Dallas, TX. The event set two new world records, one for the 3 mile long ribbon and one for the 2,000 people that cut it. 2003, It was reported by the BBC (British Broadcasting Corp.) that there was no monster in Loch Ness. The investigation used 600 separate sonar beams and satellite navigation technology to trawl the loch. Reports of sightings of the "Loch Ness Monster" began in the 6th century. 2006, Intel Corp introduced its Core 2 Duo microprocessors. 2023, Do smiled.
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