Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, July 13 Thank you, Donnie!!! ___________________________________________________ History on this day, July 13, in 1863, Opponents of the Civil War draft began three days of rioting in New York City, which resulted in more than 1,000 casualties. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award RCMP shot at during vehicle pursuit, arrest youth and four adults __________________________________________________ Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. --- Lily Tomlin (1939 - ) (Actually, it was WOman who did that) _________________________________________________ The current scandals over how large companies have been cooking the books reminds me of a basic accounting course I took years ago. The professor was explaining an accounting method called "First In Last Out," which is useful for industries that accumulate large inventories of stuff. It explains why the oil industry, for example, reported huge profits during the 1970's when the oil shortage occurred. They stopped buying oil, so they had to use oil that, on paper, had been purchased in the 1930's at 20 a barrel. They of course sold it at current market prices, which accounted for their huge profits. One of the students put up his hand and said, "Excuse me, sir, but that doesn't sound very ethical to me." To which the professor replied, "You're in the wrong class, son, this is Accounting 101. Ethics 101 is two doors down the hall, on the left." __________________________________________________ >From Richard Living in Washington State, my husband and I often take car trips to Canada to visit his family. One holiday season we stopped at the border, where the guard asked my husband the value of any goods we would be leaving in Canada. My husband paused to think of the value of the gifts we had with us. "Never mind," the guard said, "What's the most expensive thing in your car?" Without hesitation, my husband replied, "My wife." __________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Aleigha Omeasoo, 26, Saddle Lake Cree Nation Cage Omeasoo, 18, Saddle Lake Cree Nation Colton Rain Moyah, 20, Cold Lake, Jayleen Favel, 18, Cold Lake, and a youth. RCMP shot at during vehicle pursuit, arrest youth and four adults St. Paul RCMP arrested five suspects after pursuing a vehicle on Saddle Lake Cree Nation on Sunday. Mounties allege the suspect vehicle's occupants fired two or more shots and struck a police vehicle. St. Paul RCMP have charged four adults and a youth after pursuing a vehicle on Saddle Lake Cree Nation where occupants allegedly shot at police. At about 1 p.m. on Sunday, patrolling RCMP officers saw a vehicle near North South Road and North East 4 Road on Saddle Lake Cree Nation, about 160 km northeast of Edmonton, where one occupant appeared to be pointing a firearm at another occupant, Mounties said in a Monday news release. The vehicle allegedly fled when officers tried to stop it, police said, and when RCMP pursued the vehicle, its occupants allegedly fired two or more rounds from firearms and struck a police vehicle. RCMP arrested all of the suspect vehicles occupants when it eventually became stuck in a field. St. Paul RCMP Const. Anita Doktor said officers concluded their response to the incident without harm to the community, police or suspects. RCMP have charged Saddle Lake Cree Nation resident Aleigha Omeasoo, 26, with attempted murder, discharging a firearm with intent, possession of stolen property over $5,000 and two counts of failing to comply with release conditions. Police have also charged Saddle Lake Cree Nation resident Cage Omeasoo, 18, with flight from police, resisting arrest, possession of stolen property over $5,000, a weapons offence and three counts of failing to comply with release conditions. Additionally, 20-year-old Colton Rain Moyah and 18-year-old Jayleen Favel, both of Cold Lake, have been charged with weapons offences and possession of stolen property over $5,000. RCMP have also charged a youth with attempted murder, discharging a firearm with intent, possession of stolen property over $5,000, a weapons offence and three counts of failing to comply with release conditions under the Youth Justice Act. Mounties said they are still investigating the incident. All suspects have been remanded into custody and are scheduled to appear in St. Paul provincial court on Thursday. More charges will be added before Thursday. Their summer is shot. __________________________________________________ Greg called up his lawyer to tell him he was filing for divorce, and the lawyer inquired as to the grounds for the suit. "I've got grounds, all right," sputtered Greg. "Can you believe Keli told me I'm a lousy lover?" "That's why you're suing?" pursued his lawyer. "Of course not. I'm suing because she knows the difference." ______________________________________________________ One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!" ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Chuck RE: Gmail out of space panic Dear Webby, My Gmail claims it is out of space and that I will be unable to receive more mail. What do I have to do now? I don't want to buy extra space with monthly billing! I looked on the help forums, but they are no help, just everybody whining about there not being an option to dump old years. I KNOW you answered this before, at least five times, but at those times I still had plenty of room. Chuck Dear Chuck Yes, the forums may help on some topics, but not that. Google wants you to pay $27 or more per year for extra storage. Dumping old years would eliminate the need for more space, so they will axe any suggestion for doing that. Charging people $27.95 for ancient stuff, that they will never look at again, is, -in my not so humble opinion-, a stupidity tax. Well, here is the tax refund: 1) dump the trash 2) dump the spam 3) make a hot-key for "Select All" To make that more difficult, they renamed that to "Keyboard Shortcuts". Click on the little gear near top right See All Settings Scoot down to Keyboard Shortcuts and turn them ON Then click on Keyboard Shortcuts Yes, I know, this is a hassle, but remember, you are fighting the emperor and his demand for 27 Trillion bucks. In there find "Select all conversations" and assign the "`" key to that. ` is the top left key on the keyboard, to the left of the 1 Then find "Delete" and assign the 1 to it. Assigning those keys to those commands is extremely important, and you only have to do it once. After that, all your devices that get onto Gmail will be able to use those hotkeys, ahem "Keyboard Shortcuts" in yuppie language. Got that done? Good! Reward yourself with a coffee. Now go back to the INBOX On top of the mail subject lines you see 1-00 of .... If it is not 1-100, change it to 100 Put the cursor on it and select OLDEST. That puts your oldest mails on top. Now hit your hotkeys! Select All Delete 100 of the oldest mails are GONE! Just keep whacking those two keys and dump ancient emails that you will never going to re-read anyway. After you did that for a while and check space, you are still high! Well, the emperor does not let you go without a fight. Deleting stuff does not really delete it. It just relables it with it's location marked as TRASH. It is still on the same shelf, but got a TRASH sticker on it. OK, so dump the TRASH. It will ask you if you REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to dump the trash. OK, dump it. NOW look at the space used / available. Next time you are on the phone waiting for somebody at the bank to wake up, Check that you got OLDEST selected, and whack your two hotkeys. It will take some time to get from 2004 to last year, but having all that space again is worth it! `1 `1 `1 `1 Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping." _____________________________________________ Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two big men in gangsta suits standing by the door? They're hushers." ____________________________________________ "I fall in love really quickly and this scares guys away. I'm like, 'I'm in love with you, I want to marry you, I want to move in with you!' And they're like, 'Ma'am, just give me the ten bucks for the pizza and I'm outta here.'" --Penny Wiggins __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact." "Oh," said the waitress, "I thought you wanted more coffee." ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, wanna play house?" He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?" The girl replies, "I want you to communicate." Tommy says to her, "That word is too big. I don't know what it means." The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband." _____________________________________________________ Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!" "IMPOSSIBLE!!" said the groom broom. "We haven't even swept together!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________________ It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. PS. Sure is hot down here. ___________________________________________________ Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix." On a Plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." At a dry cleaners: "Drop your pants here." On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber." Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak." Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming." In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "Hello. Can we pick your nose?" On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push." At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ A psychology student was to help a professor in conducting a personality test. The room was set up with various props in order to move through the assessment quickly. The first person to enter the room started through the test. "How does this glass of water look to you?" Person 1: It is half empty. Student writes 'pessimist' in his report. Person 2 enters the room. "How does this glass of water look to you?" Person 2: It is half full. Student writes 'optimist' in his report. Person 3 enters the room. "How does this glass of water look to you?" Person 3: Looks like you have twice as much glass as you need there. The student looks totally blank and goes to consult with the professor. "Oh them!", the professor says, "I forgot to warn you about the engineers! They have no personality." ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
Please donate a dollar,
or two, if you can afford it!
Please, help me stay online!
|
_______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
| Today, July 13, in 1099, The Crusaders launched their final assault on Muslims in Jerusalem. 1534, The Ottoman armies captured Tabriz in northwestern Persia (Iran). 1558, Led by the court of Egmont, the Spanish army defeated the French at Gravelines, France. 1585, A group of 108 English colonists, led by Sir Richard Grenville, reached Roanoke Island, NC. 1643, In England, the Roundheads, led by Sir William Waller, were defeated by royalist troops under Lord Wilmot in the Battle of Roundway Down. 1754, At the beginning of the French and Indian War, George Washington surrendered the small, circular Fort Necessity in southwestern Pennsylvania to the French. 1787, The U.S. Congress, under the Articles of Confederation, enacted the Northwest Ordinance, which established the rules for governing the Northwest Territory, for admitting new states to the Union and limiting the expansion of slavery. 1812, The first pawnbroking ordinance was passed in New York City. 1832, Henry Schoolcraft discovered the source of the Mississippi River in Minnesota. 1836, John Ruggles received patent #1 from the U.S. Patent Office for a traction wheel used in locomotive steam engines. All 9,957 previous patents were not numbered. 1863, Opponents of the Civil War draft began three days of rioting in New York City, which resulted in more than 1,000 casualties. 1875, David Brown patented the first cash-carrier system. 1878, The Congress of Berlin divided the Balkans among European powers. 1931, A major German financial institution, Danabank, failed. This led to the closing of all banks in Germany until August 5. 1941, Britain and the Soviet Union signed a mutual aid pact, that provided the means for Britain to send war material to the Soviet Union. 1954, In Geneva, the United States, Great Britain and France reached an accord on Indochina which divided Vietnam into two countries, North and South, along the 17th parallel. 1972, Carroll Rosenbloom (owner of the Baltimore Colts) and Robert Irsay (owner of the Los Angeles Rams) traded teams. 1978, Lee Iacocca was fired as president of Ford Motor Co. by chairman Henry Ford II. 1982, The All-Star Game was played outside the United States for the first time. They played in Montreal, Canada. 1984, In Arkansas, Terry Wallis was injured in a car accident and was left comatose. He came out of the coma in June of 2003. 1998, "Image of an Assassination" went on sale. The video documentary is of Abraham Zapruder's home video of U.S. President Kennedy's assassination in Dallas. 1998, RealNetworks Inc. rolled out a test version of RealSystem G2. G2 is a streaming video and audio delivery system. 2000, The United States and Vietnam singed a major trade agreement. The pact still needed to be approved by the U.S. Congress. 2000, Sprint Corp. and WorldCom canceled their planned merger due to opposition by regulators in the United States and Europe 2022 Do! smiled. |
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Go to TOP
Well, Do , that's all for today.
Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com
Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name,
or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me.
I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly
from then on.
If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't
have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me.
I will gladly enter them for you and send them a confirmation request.
To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to [email protected]
If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time,
then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription.
If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/sub.html
You can also UNsubscribe there.
If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter,
please unsubscribe by clicking the link below:
You are currently subscribed to the Regular HTML version with this address:
[email protected]
UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular HTMLversion Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter | . |
