Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, February 19 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Today, February 19, in 1856, The tintype camera was patented by Professor Hamilton L. Smith. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Killer arrested following shooting that killed 7-year-old in Glendale ___________________________________________________ If you believe everything you read, better not read. --- Japanese Proverb "Few things are more satisfying than seeing your children have teenagers of their own." --- Doug Larson ___________________________________________________ Things only women understand: Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes. (Actually, some of us men have noticed that last one too!) ___________________________________________________ Ronnie McInnis walked into a dentist's office and asked how much it would cost to extract a wisdom tooth. "That'll be $80," the dentist said. "That's ridiculous," Ronnie spat. "Isn't there a cheaper way?" "Well," the dentist said, "if I don't use an anaesthetic, I can knock it down to $60." "That's still too expensive," the man whined. "Okay," the dentist countered, "if I save on anaesthetic and simply rip the tooth out with extraction pliers, I could probably get away with charging $20." "Nope," moaned the man. "It's still too much." "Hmmm," the dentist pondered, scratching his head. "If I let one of my students do it for the experience, I suppose I could charge you just $10." "Marvellous," the man beamed. "Could you book my wife for 5:30 next Friday, after she gets off work?" ____________________________________________________ Cemal Bardaki Waihe'e Beach, Maui ____________________________________________________ A father, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family at the weekends. Every Sunday morning he would take his 7 year old daughter out for a drive in the car. One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold that he really didn't feel like driving at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and decided that for this Sunday she would take their daughter out. They returned just before lunch and the little girl ran upstairs to see her father. "Well" the father asked, "did you enjoy your ride with Mommy?" "Oh yes Daddy" the girl replied, "and do you know what.......we didn't see a single bastid or dingbat, 'cause Mommy was doing the dingbat stuff herself and scared them all away!" ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Old mug shot Terriance D. Armstrong Jr., 29, GLENDALE, Arizona USA Killer arrested following shooting that killed 7-year-old in Glendale Police say officers were alerted to a shooting just after midnight near 65th Avenue and Bethany Home Road by ShotSpotter, which is a gunshot detection system that the department uses. Once at the scene, officers found a shell casing. "As they were processing that scene, they got a call from a person involved, who said that they were at a local hospital and unfortunately, [a child] had been shot," said Sgt. Randy Stewart with the Glendale Police Department. Officers went to the hospital and learned a woman and her two children, ages 8 and 5, were picking up her boyfriend at an apartment complex in the area where the shell casing was found when the incident began to unfold. "At some point, there was an altercation as she was coming here to pick him up, and as they left, they shot at the vehicle and continued following it down the street," said Sgt. Stewart. Someone inside the suspect vehicle then opened fire, hitting the 7-year-old girl. She was taken to a hospital where she was pronounced dead. Hours after the shooting, police officials say the suspect was found in the area of 59th Avenue and Grenada. In a statement released at around 6:30 p.m., the suspect was identified as 29-year-old Terriance D. Armstrong Jr. Armstrong, police officials said, was detained in Phoenix by detectives. "Armstrong admitted to getting into an argument with the male," officials wrote, in the statement. "Armstrong told detectives he shot multiple rounds from his handgun at the victim vehicle." Officials said a search of the car Armstrong was in recovered evidence related to the murder, as well as about 3,000 fentanyl pills. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Janet Re: Gmail Cleanup Dear Webby At home I got the MailWasher that you talked me into decades ago. At work, I don't. They say then everybody will demand it and since I am paid by the hour, I should not worry about it. Buncha Bozos! Well, since they do pay me by the hour, and don't whine about how long it takes, I guess I should just shut up. However, I do get pissed off about the waste of time coping with all the spam! What can I do? Janet Dear Janet I know how you feel about the Bozos, that are sabotaging the company. You CAN make filters in Gmail. It is not as slick as MailWasher, but you CAN make filters. Keep in mind, At Gmail the top priority is NOT making Gmail efficient, but to goad you into buying extra space. So, when you see some spam that you have seen before, copy the address or name or keyword, paste it into the Search line on top. In the second line, in a color that is hard to see, are ADVANCED SEARCH. They treat that like Trump's Border Wall, and make it difficult to block the illegals. Step through that, a couple or 3 screens, and specify what you want Gmail to do with it. It won't let you "Delete Forever", but at least you can trash it. Then once a week, dump the trash. Have FUN! DearWebby A Texan is bragging to a Rhode Islander. "In Texas," he drawls, "you can get on a train, ride all day long, and still be in Texas by nightfall." "Well", replies the Yankee, "We have some rather slow trains in Rhode Island too, but none that are THAT slow." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ In his younger days our golden retriever Catcher often ran away when he had the chance. His veterinarian's office was about a mile down the road, and Catcher would usually go there. The office staff knew him and would call me to come pick him up. One day I called the vet to make an appointment for Catcher's yearly vaccine. "Will you bring him," asked the receptionist, "or will he come on his own?" ______________________________________________ A little girl and her mother were out and about. The girl, out of the blue, asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?" The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older." The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?" Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up." The girl still wanting to know about her mother, then fires off another question, "Mommy, Why did you and daddy get divorced?" The mother, quite annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now." The little girl, frustrated, sulks until she is dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consults with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend says, "All you have to do is sneak and look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything." Later, the little girl and her mother are out and about again. The little girl starts off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old." The mother is very shocked. She asks, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?" The little girl shrugs and says, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds." "Where did you learn that?" The little girl says, "I just know. And I know why you and daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex." ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
On a visit to Chicago, Jill was eager to visit a posh department store about a dozen blocks from their hotel. Her husband obligingly hailed a cab. They got in and he told the driver, "My wife wants to go to Neiman Marcus." The cabby looked over his shoulder at us and said, "And the gentleman? Does he want to go to the bank or the pawn shop?" ___________________________________________________ | Today, February 19, in 1807, Former U.S. Vice President Aaron Burr was arrested in Alabama. He was later tried and acquitted on charges of treason. 1846, The formal transfer of government between Texas and the United States took place. Texas had officially become a state on December 29, 1845. 1856, The tintype camera was patented by Professor Hamilton L. Smith. 1878, Thomas Alva Edison patented a music player (the phonograph). 1881, Kansas became the first state to prohibit all alcoholic beverages. 1922, Ed Wynn became the first big-name, vaudeville talent to sign on as a radio talent. 1942, U.S. President Roosevelt signed an executive order giving the military the authority to relocate and intern Japanese-Americans. 1942, The New York Yankees announced that they would admit 5,000 uniformed servicemen free to each of their home ball games during the coming season. 1942, Approximately 150 Japanese warplanes attacked the Australian city of Darwin. 1945, During World War II, about 30,000 U.S. Marines landed on Iwo Jima. 1949, Bollingen Foundation and Yale University awarded the first Bollingen Prize in poetry ($5,000) to Ezra Pound. 1953, The State of Georgia approved the first literature censorship board in the U.S. Newspapers were excluded from the new legislation. 1959, Cyprus was granted its independence with the signing of an agreement with Britain, Turkey and Greece. 1963, The Soviet Union informed U.S. President Kennedy it would withdraw "several thousand" of its troops in Cuba. 1981, The U.S. State Department call El Savador a "textbook case" of a Communist plot. 1981, Ford Motor Company announced its loss of $1.5 billion. 1985, Mickey Mouse was welcomed to China as part of the 30th anniversary of Disneyland. The touring mouse played 30 cities in 30 days. 1985, William Schroeder became the first artificial-heart patient to leave the confines of the hospital. 1985, Cherry Coke was introduced by the Coca-Cola Company. 1986, The U.S. Senate approved a treaty outlawing genocide. The pact had been submitted 37 years earlier for ratification. 1986, The Soviet Union launched the Mir space station. 1987, A controversial, anti-smoking publice service announcement aired for the first time on television. Yul Brynner filmed the ad shortly before dying of lung cancer. Brynner made it clear in the ad that he would have died from cigarette smoking before ad aired. 1997, Deng Xiaoping of China died at the age of 92. He was the last of China's major revolutionaries. 2002, NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft began using its thermal emission imaging system to map Mars. 2004, Former Enron Corp. chief executive Jeffrey Skilling was charged with fraud, insider trading and other crimes in connection with the energy trader's collapse. Skilling was later convicted and sentenced to more than 24 years in prison. 2005, The USS Jimmy Carter was commissioned at Groton, CT. It was the last of the Seawolf class of attack submarines. 2008, Fidel Castro resigned the Cuban presidency. His brother Raul was later named as his successor. 2021 Do smiled. |
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