Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, December 5 Thank you, Dr Moe!!! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: Man who stuffed razor blades in pizza dough gets nearly 5 years in prison ____________________________________________________ Today, December 5, in 1951 The first push button-controlled garage opened in Washington, DC. ____________________________________________________ This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer. [info][add][mail][note]Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. --- Cyril Connolly Everything is in a state of flux, including the status quo. --- Robert Byrne "Work as if you were to live a hundred years. Pray as if you were to die tomorrow." --- Benjamin Franklin ____________________________________________________ A man's best friend dies, so he calls the nearest flower shop to order a wreath of flowers to be displayed at the wake. "Put an extra-wide ribbon on it," he tells the clerk. "Print 'Rest in Peace' on both sides and, if there is room, 'We Shall Meet in Heaven.'" The clerk assures him that his order will be carried out and the wreath promptly delivered to the funeral home. Sure enough, the wreath arrives and is set up next to the casket. But the mourners are stunned when they see it. On the extra-wide ribbon is the inscription, "Rest in peace on both sides, and, if there is room, we shall meet in Heaven." ____________________________________________________ Let's do it again! ____________________________________________________ The first German serviceman killed in the WWII was killed by the Japanese (China, 1937), the first American serviceman killed was killed by the Russians (Finland 1940), the highest ranking American killed was Lt. Gen. Lesley McNair, killed by the US Army Air Corps. Following a massive naval bombardment 35, 000 US and Canadian troops stormed ashore at Kiska. 21 troops were killed in the firefight. It might have been even worse if there had been any Japanese on the island. ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicholas Mitchell, 39, Dover, New Hampshire, USA Man who stuffed razor blades in pizza dough gets nearly 5 years in prison A man accused of putting razor blades and screws in pizza dough at supermarkets in Maine and New Hampshire was sentenced Thursday to four years and nine months in federal prison. The sentencing of Nicholas Mitchell, 39, of Dover, New Hampshire, followed an agreement with prosecutors in which he pleaded guilty in June to one of two counts of tampering with a consumer product. He also must pay nearly $230,000 in restitution to Hannaford Supermarkets. The hearing proceeded even though Mitchell was recovering from a recent bout of COVID-19 contracted in jail. Although no one was injured, the crime was dangerous and spread fear in the community, the judge said. Mitchell tearfully apologized for his actions. He said he did it to get back at the pizza dough company that fired him, not to hurt anybody. Surveillance video from last year showed him handling pizza dough and loitering around a refrigerated case before exiting the store without buying anything. Mitchell was arrested in October 2020 after razor blades were found in dough sold at a Hannaford store in Saco, Maine. Three customers had bought tainted products in Saco and discovered blades hidden inside, prosecutors said. Product tampering also occurred at Hannaford stores in Sanford, Maine, and Dover, New Hampshire, prompting investigations by police departments in those communities, as well. Mitchell was a former employee of Itll Be Pizza. The Scarborough, Maine, company makes several brands of dough, including the Portland Pie Co. dough that was allegedly tampered with. Court documents indicated Mitchell's life spiraled out of control during the pandemic when his girlfriend, a self- employed hair stylist, was out of work and Mitchell was arrested following a domestic disturbance, leaving him homeless and living in his car. He was later fired from his job at It'll Be Pizza. Under the agreement, Mitchell agreed not to appeal a sentence that is no greater than four years and nine months, according to court documents. The maximum penalty for product tampering is 10 years in prison. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Brenda Re: GIF vs JPG Dear Webby What is better, GIF or JPG? I noticed that GIF produces a smaller file size. Thanks Brenda Dear Brenda GIF is a much older format. It uses only 256 colors, while JPG uses about 16 Million. Naturally, that takes more space. In the olden days, that was very important. I remember that with a Sony Mavica you could save ONE JPG per floppy disk, or 16 GIF pictures. Now, when you can buy a 2 TB camera chip for the price of a loaf of bread, we don't worry about file size anymore. You can even go higher, to PNG format. That takes even more room, but it saves UN-DO infomation. For regular, casual picture taking, I recommend JPG. Have FUN! DearWebby Thanks to Roland for this one: Bidet, not feeling well and concerned about his mortality, goes to consult a psychic about the date of his death. Closing her eyes and silently reaching into the realm of the future she finds the answer. "You will die on an American holiday." "Which one?" Bidet asks nervously. "It doesn't matter," replied the psychic. "Whenever you die, it will be an American holiday." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A man who has been very sick is visiting his doctor to get the results of a battery of tests. "What are my chances of recovering, Doc?" he asks. "One hundred percent," the doctor assures him. "That's a relief," the patient says. "But how can you be so sure?" "Well," the doctor says, "statistics show that nine out of every 10 patients with your disease will die. Yours is the 10th case I've treated. The others have all died. So you are bound to get well." ______________________________________________ At an international conference, an American, a British and a Russian were discussing the shortcomings of their diagnoses. "I can't stand it some time. We treat people for cancer, and then they go and die of AIDS." "I know what you mean." said the British. "We treat them for yellow fever, and it turns out they had malaria. Then, of course, they die." "That is not a problem in our country" said the Russian doctor. "When we treat people for a disease, they die of *that* disease." ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
In Philadelphia the following sign was in the window of a business: "We would rather do business with 1000 terrorists than with a single Jew". Ordinarily this might be cause to get the anti-Hate groups involved but perhaps in these stressful times one might be tempted to let the proprietors, Goldstein's Funeral Home, simply make their statement. ___________________________________________________ | Today, December 5, in 1560 Charles IX succeeded as King of France on the death of Francis II. 1766 James Christie, founder of the famous auctioneers, held his first sale in London. 1797 Napoleon Bonaparte arrived in Paris to command forces for the invasion of England. 1812 Napoleon Bonaparte left his army as they were retreating from Russia. 1848 U.S. President Polk triggered the Gold Rush of '49 by confirming the fact that gold had been discovered in California. 1876 The Stillson wrench was patented by D.C. Stillson. The device was the first practical pipe wrench. 1904 The Russian fleet was destroyed by the Japanese at Port Arthur, during the Russo-Japanese War. 1908 At the University of Pittsburgh, numerals were first used on football uniforms worn by college football players. 1913 Britain outlawed the sending of arms to Ireland. 1932 German physicist Albert Einstein was granted a visa making it possible for him to travel to the U.S. 1933 Prohibition came to an end when Utah became the 36th state to ratify the 21st Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. 1934 Fighting broke out between Italian and Ethiopian troops on the Somalian border. 1934 The Soviet Union executed 66 people charged with plotting against Joseph Stalin's government. 1935 In Montebello, CA, the first commercial hydroponics operation was established. 1936 The Soviet Union adopted a new Constitution under a Supreme Council. 1944 During World War II, Allied troops took Ravenna, Italy. 1945 The so-called "Lost Squadron" disappeared. The five U.S. Navy Avenger bombers carrying 14 Navy flyers began a training mission at the Ft. Lauderdale Naval Air Station. They were never heard from again. 1951 The first push button-controlled garage opened in Washington, DC. 1955 The American Federation of Labor and the Congress of Industrial Organizations merged to form the AFL-CIO. 1956 British and French forces began a withdrawal from Egypt during the Suez War. 1958 Britain's first motorway, the Preston by-pass, was opened by Prime Minister Macmillan. 1961 United Nations forces launched an attack in Katanga, the Congo, near Elizabethville. 1962 The U.S. and the Soviet Union agreed to cooperate in the peaceful uses of outer space. 1971 The Soviet Union, at United Nations Security Council, vetoed a resolution calling for a cease-fire in hostilities between India and Pakistan over Kashmir. 1976 Jacques Chirac re-founded the Gaullist party as the RPR (Rassemblement pour la R�publique). 1977 Egypt broke diplomatic relations with Syria, Libya, Algeria, Iraq and South Yemen due to peaceful relations with Israel. 1978 The American space probe Pioneer Venus I, orbiting Venus, began beaming back its first information and picture of the planet. 1979 Sonia Johnson was formally excommunicated by the Mormon Church due to her outspoken support for the proposed Equal Rights Amendment to the Constitution. 1983 In west Beirut, Lebanon, more than a dozen people were killed when a car bomb shattered a nine-story apartment building. 1984 Iran's official news agency quoted the hijackers of a Kuwaiti jetliner parked at Tehran airport as saying they would blow up the plane unless Kuwait released 14 imprisoned extremists. 1986 The Soviet Union said it would continue to abide by the SALT II treaty limits on nuclear weapons. This was despite the decision by the U.S. to exceed them. 1988 Jim Bakker and former aide Richard Dortch were indicted by a federal grand jury in North Carolina on fraud and conspiracy charges. 1989 Israeli soldiers killed five heavily armed Arab guerrillas who crossed the border from Egypt. The guerrillas were allegedly going to launch a terrorist attack commemorating the anniversary of the Palestinian uprising. 1989 East Germany's former leaders were placed under house arrest. 1992 Russian President Boris Yeltsin kept the power to appoint Cabinet ministers, defeating a constitutional amendment that would have put his team of reformers under the control of Russia's Congress. 1998 James P. Hoffa became the head of the Teamsters union, 23 years after his father was the head. His father disappeared and was presumed dead. Rumor has it that when plastic surgeons spent 3 weeks chiseling off Broom Hilda's make-up, they found Jimmie Hoffa. 2001 In Germany, Afghan leaders signed a pact to create a temporary administration for post-Taliban Afghanistan. Two women were included in the cabinet structure. Hamid Karzai and his Cabinet were planned to take over power in Afghanistan on December 22. 2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 300 million applications downloaded. 2010 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft became the longest- operating spacecraft ever sent to Mars. The Odyssey entered orbit around Mars on October 23, 2001. 2014 NASA's Orion Multi-Purpose Crew Vehicle (MPCV) debuted when it was launched for a four hour test flight. It landed on target in the Pacific Ocean. 2021 Do smiled. |
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