Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, September 4 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Violent home invasion by 3 armed crooks against paralyzed woman with kids. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, Sept 4 in 1609 English navigator Henry Hudson began exploring the island of Manhattan. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help. --- Abraham Lincoln All generalizations are dangerous, even this one. --- Alexandre Dumas (1802 - 1870) When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty. --- Norm Crosby "It is wise to direct your anger towards problems -- not people; to focus your energies on answers -- not excuses." --- William Arthur Ward ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Three churches - Baptist, Methodist, and Presbyterian - worked together to sponsor a community-wide revival. After the revival had concluded, the three pastors were discussing the results with one another. The Methodist minister said, "The revival worked out great for us! We gained 4 new families." The Baptist preacher said, "We did better than that! We gained 6 new families." The Presbyterian pastor said, "Well, we did even better than that! We got rid of our 10 biggest trouble makers!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret." "I would dispute that," answered a woman guest. "I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one." "You'll let it out some day," the man insisted. "I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has kept a secret for twenty-seven years, she can keep it forever." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Melissa Natal, 35, Juan Flores, 25, Bryan Martinez, 24, Franklin, New Hampshire Violent home invasion by 3 armed crooks against paralyzed woman with kids. Being arrested is a crappy experience, but that's not why a woman in New Hampshire asked for toilet paper before authorities snapped her booking photo. Melissa Natal was accused of masterminding a violent home invasion early Friday involving a paralyzed woman and children. Natal, 35, and her alleged accomplices, Juan Flores, 25; and Bryan Martinez, 24; were charged with conspiracy to commit robbery and burglary, according to WMUR-TV. Natal apparently found the police holding cell cold ? so much so that she wrapped herself in toilet paper for warmth, according to the Manchester Union-Leader. That led to a very sheety mug shot. Flores also found the holding cell chilly. He posed for his booking photo with his arms inside his shirt. Martinez didn't do anything special to ward off the chill in the cooler. Police said the three suspects broke into the Franklin home of Lynn Hollins, who is paralyzed from the chest down, around 3 a.m. They were armed with a baseball bat and a gun, and were looking for money, according to the Concord Monitor. Martinez jumped onto Hollins and tried to duct-tape her mouth shut, authorities said. He jumped over me, ripped my shirt off and ripped my pants right off and then got on top of me and just said, 'Do you have any money?' and tried to take my ring, Hollins told WMUR-TV. I wasn't going to let it go. I was like, 'No! Get off me!' Hollins' roommates heard the commotion and they tried to stop the attackers. One of the roommates was punched about a dozen times in the back of the head, according to court documents. Flores pointed a gun at three of Hollins' four children, according to the Concord Monitor. Martinez grabbed money hidden in the home's bar. The suspects piled into a vehicle and fled just as officers arrived, according to NH1.com. They were arrested a short time later. The trio were arraigned later Friday. Prosecutors alleged that Natal knew Hollins and persuaded her accomplices to commit the robbery, according to NH1.com. She has been arrested numerous times since 2001, according to jail records. Natal and Martinez were being held on $25,000 bail at the the Merrimack County Jail; Flores was held on $20,000 bail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sylvie Re: Caps Lock Dear Webby, Dear Webby How can I permanently, once and for all, disable the CAPS LOCK key ? I am transcribing and just glance at the keyboard every second or third paragraph, and it's very annoying to find that I have to retype them. Thanks Sylvie Dear Sylvie I take a spoon or screwdriver and pry off the CAPS LOCK key and then glue it on a coin operated copy machine. It's no more useful there, except for causing a few laughs when somebody new asks about it. Have FUN! DearWebby Thanks to David for this press release: Mitsubishi Motors sponsored an online poll of the nation's wildest, weirdest and wackiest street names. More than 2,500 voters cast their ballots during a week of voting that ended this month. Winners were announced Friday. The complete top 10 list included: 10. Tater Peeler Road in Lebanon, Texas 9. The intersection of Count and Basie in Richmond, Va. 8. Shades of Death Road in Warren County, N.J. 7. Unexpected Road in Buena, N.J. 6. Bucket of Blood Street in Holbrook, Ariz. 5. The intersection of Clinton and Fidelity in Houston 4. The intersection of Lonesome and Hardup in Albany, Ga. 3. Farfrompoopen Road in Tennessee (the only road up to Constipation Ridge) 2. Divorce Court in Heather Highlands, Pa. 1. Psycho Path in Traverse City, Mich. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com How to Remove Stamps from Envelopes Here's a tip for stamp collectors: Place a few drops of water on the stamp to be removed from the envelope. Heat in the microwave for 20 seconds and the stamp will come right off. By Robin ____________________________________________________ | | Super bad timing for brakes to go out! - And Yes they went out! note: the Springfield police had to contact this poster and asked him to rename it or put a disclaimer in as the young woman's brakes actually went out and this was in no way an attempt to harm the president or his motorcade. |
____________________________________________________ Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?" The guard replies, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old." "That's an awfully exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?" The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago." ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A teenaged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy clothes says to his friend,"I don't really like to dress like this, but it keeps my parents from dragging me everywhere with them." | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ The math teacher saw that little Do wasn't paying attention in class. She called on Do and said, "Do! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Do quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!" ____________________________________________________ | Today, Sept 4, in 0476 Romulus Augustulus, the last emperor of the western Roman Empire, was deposed when Odoacer proclaimed himself King of Italy. 1609 English navigator Henry Hudson began exploring the island of Manhattan. 1781 Los Angeles, CA, was founded by Spanish settlers. The original name was "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora La Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula," which translates as "The Town of the Queen of Angels." 1825 New York Governor Clinton ceremoniously emptied a barrel of Lake Erie water in the Atlantic Ocean to consummate the "Marriage of the Waters" of the Great Lakes and the Atlantic. 1833 Barney Flaherty answered an ad in "The New York Sun" and became the first newsboy/paperboy at the age of 10. 1882 Thomas Edison's Pearl Street electric power station began operations in New York City. It was the first display of a practical electrical lighting system. 1885 The Exchange Buffet opened in New York City. It was the first self-service cafeteria in the U.S. 1886 Geronimo, and the Apache Indians he led, surrendered in Skeleton Canyon in Arizona to Gen. Nelson Miles. 1888 George Eastman registered the name "Kodak" and patented his roll-film camera. The camera took 100 exposures per roll. 1894 A strike in New York City by 12,000 tailors took place to protest sweatshops. 1899 An 8.3 earthquake hit Yakutat Bar, AK. 1917 The American expeditionary force in France suffered its first fatalities in World War I. 1921 The first police broadcast was made by radio station WIL in St. Louis, MO. 1923 The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," began its maiden voyage in Lakehurst, NJ. 1944 During World War II, British troops entered the city of Antwerp, Belgium. 1948 The Dutch Queen Wilhelmina left her throne for health reasons. 1949 The longest pro tennis match in history was played when Pancho Gonzales and Ted Schroeder played 67 games in five sets. 1951 The first live, coast-to-coast TV broadcast took place in the U.S. The event took place in San Francisco, CA, from the Japanese Peace Treaty Conference. It was seen all the way to New York City, NY. 1957 The Arkansas National Guard was ordered by Governor Orval Faubus to keep nine black students from going into Little Rock's Central High School. 1957 The Ford Motor Company began selling the Edsel. The car was so unpopular that it was taken off the market after only two years. 1967 "Gilligan's Island" aired for the last time on CBS-TV. It ran for 98 shows. 1967 Michigan Gov. George Romney said during a TV interview that he had undergone "brainwashing" by U.S. officials while visiting Vietnam in 1965. 1972 Swimmer Mark Spitz captured his seventh Olympic gold medal in the 400-meter medley relay event at Munich, Germany. Spitz was the first Olympian to win seven gold medals. 1981 The Soviet Union began war games with about 100,000 troops on the Polish border. 1983 U.S. officials announced that there had been an American plane, used for reconnaissance, in the vicinity of the Korean Air Lines flight that was shot down. 1986 South African security forces halted a mass funeral for the victims of the riot in Soweto. 1989 A reconnaissance satellite was released by the Air Force's Titan Three rocket. The Titan Three set over 200 satellites into space between 1964 and 1989. 1998 In Mexico, bankers stopped approving personal loans and mortgages. 1998 The International Monetary Fund approved a $257 million loan for the Ukraine. 1998 Google was incorporated as a privately held company. 1998 While in Ireland, U.S. President Clinton said the words "I'm sorry" for the first time about his affair with Monica Lewinsky and described his behavior as indefensible. 1999 The United Nations announced that the residents of East Timor had overwhelmingly voted for independence from Indonesia in a referendum held on August 30. In Dili, pro- Indonesian militias attacked independence supporters, burned buildings, blew up bridges and destroyed telecommunication facilities. 2002 The Oakland Athletics won their AL-record 20th straight game. The A's gave up an 11-run lead during the game and then won the game on a Scott Hatteberg home run in the bottom of the ninth inning. 2003 Keegan Reilly, 22, became the first parapalegic climber to reach the peak of Japan's Mount Fuji. 2017 Do smiled. |
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