Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, August 28 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________  After chase in stolen mortuary van thief turns self in  ___________________________________________________ Today, August 28 in 1939 The first successful flight of a jet-propelled airplane took place. The plane was a German Heinkel He 178. ____________________________________________________ I dote on his very absence. --- William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616) ____________________________________________________ No wonder kids are confused today. Half the adults tell them to find themselves; the other half tell them to get lost. ____________________________________________________   Adriana Dimitriu ____________________________________________________ There are only two things a child will share willing: communicable diseases and his mother's age. ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Kijon Griffin, 23, Conyers, Georgia, USA  After chase in stolen mortuary van thief turns self in  A Georgia man accused of stealing a mortuary van with a body inside from a crematory parking lot and leading police on a chase has turned himself in to authorities. Conyers Police Capt. Kim Lucas told FOX 5 News detectives had been looking for 23-year-old Kijon Griffin who was their prime suspect in a number of entering autos cases. Capt. Lucas said when they spotted him Tuesday afternoon, Griffin saw the mortuary van parked outside a crematory, jumped in it and took off. "Unfortunately there was a body on the gurney inside and when the suspect did take off the gurney rolled out of the van, it did end up in the parking lot, at least thankfully it didn't go out into the road," said Capt. Lucas. Officers pursued the stolen van onto Interstate 20 West where assistance from DeKalb County authorities and the Georgia State Patrol was requested. "Our suspect did strike a couple of vehicles, ultimately he hit a trailer and blew a tire," said Capt. Lucas. Police said Griffin ditched the vehicle near Wesley Chapel and took off running. DeKalb County police, K-9, GSP, and Conyers police searched a wooded area north of the interstate but were unsuccessful in locating Griffin. On Thursday, Griffin turned himself in to the Rockdale County Jail. Officials have not released what he will be charged with. Stan Henderson & Sons in Stockbridge owns the van. Stan Henderson was shocked when he heard about the theft. He told FOX 5's Denise Dillon "It's ridiculous that the dead can't even rest."  ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  From: Maureen Re: Email Program Dear Webby, I will be moving at least twice in the next year while visiting my daughters. I have no idea which ISP I will be using, and I need an email program, that will work on any of them. Preferably a free one. I know you use and love Eudora, but that has been bought by Qualcom decades ago and Microsoft ordered them to shut it down twenty years ago. It is no longer available. I have used and loved Eudora, and it has never let me down. What is out there of the same quality? Thanks Maureen  Dear Maureen I would recommend Thunderbird. It uses the code of Eudora, that Qualcom set free when they killed Eudora. You can download it from Thunderbird Thunderbird is maintained and updated by the same Open Source community that takes care of FireFox. Support, if you ever need any, is mostly handled by the Millions of users. Just post a question, and they will cheerfully answer. Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ Picture this: A Santa Clara County Department of Correction bus is heading for Civic Center after transporting inmates to Elmwood Correctional Facility. All of a sudden, the driver notices he's being followed. Odd, he thinks. It's even more odd when he drives the bus down the intake ramp into the main jail and two vehicles -- a pickup truck and a minivan -- continue to follow right behind. The gates slam shut, officers question the occupants of the two vehicles and the reason for the follow-the-leader routine finally becomes clear. There's been a bit of drinking going on, and the guys think the bus is a greyhound and figure it will lead them to its depot and the restrooms they so desperately need. They get a rest, all right. The pickup driver is arrested for drunken driving. The minivan driver is cited for driving with a suspended license. Their vehicles are impounded. And correction officers are bemused. ``We at DOC have heard of self- surrender, but this is ridiculous,'' says department spokesman Mark Cursi. ``We're now wondering if folks can take the next step: self-booking.'' 
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 In the middle of World War II, a draftee goes in for his physical wearing a truss, and with a little convincing acting, gets his papers marked M.E. for Medically Exempt. Not long after, a friend gets his orders to report for a physical, and he borrows the other fellow's truss. At the end of the examination, the doctor stamped M.E. on his papers. "Does that mean I'm medically exempt?" he asked. "No," the examining doctor says. "M.E. stands for Middle East. Anyone who can wear a truss upside-down can certainly ride a camel." ____________________________________________ Little Jimmy was laying about on a hillock in the middle of a meadow on a warm spring day. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God. "God? Are you really there?" Jimmy said out loud. To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. "Yes, Jimmy? What can I do for you?" Seizing the opportunity, Jimmy asked, "God? What is a million years like to you?" Knowing that Jimmy could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Jimmy could relate, "A million years to me, Jimmy, is like a minute." "Oh," said Jimmy. "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?" "A million dollars to me, Jimmy, is like a penny." "Wow!" remarked Jimmy, getting an idea. "You're so generous...can I have one of your pennies?" God replied, "Sure thing, Jimmy! Gimme a minute." ____________________________________________ A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use, on the average, only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat or explain everything they say. He replied, "What do you mean?" ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ___________________________________________________  
 Today, August 28, in 1609 Delaware Bay was discovered by Henry Hudson. 1619 Ferdinand II was elected Holy Roman Emperor. His policy of "One church, one king" was his way of trying to outlaw Protestantism. 1830 "The Tom Thumb" was demonstrated in Baltimore, MD. It was the first passenger-carrying train of its kind to be built in America. 1833 Slavery was banned by the British Parliament throughout the British Empire. 1907 "American Messenger Company" was started by two teenagers, Jim Casey and Claude Ryan. The company's name was later changedto "United Parcel Service." 1916 Italy's change of sides and declaration of war against Germany took effect duringWorld War I. 1917 Ten suffragists were arrested as they picketed the White House. 1922 The first radio commercial aired on WEAF in New York City. The Queensboro Realty Company bought 10 minutes of time for $100. 1939 The first successful flight of a jet-propelled airplane took place. The plane was a German Heinkel He 178. 1963 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., gave his "I Have a Dream" speech at a civil rights rally in Washington, DC. More than 200,000 people attended. 1990 Iraq declared Kuwait to be its 19th province and renamed Kuwait City al-Kadhima. 1996 A divorce decree was issued for Britain's Charles and Princess Diana. This was the official end to the 15-year marriage. 1998 The Pakistani prime minister created new Islamic order and legal system based on the Koran. 2004 George Brunstad, at age 70, became the oldest person to swim the English Channel. The swim from Dover, England, to Sangatte, France, took 15 hours and 59 minutes. 2008 In China, the Shanghai World Financial Center officially opened. The observation decks opened on August 30. 2014 Google announced its Project Wing. The project was aimed at delivering products across a city using unmanned flying vehicles. 2021 Do smiled. 
 
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