Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, July 23 _____________________________________________________ Today, July 23 in 1987 The U.S. began its policy of escorting re-flagged Kuwaiti tankers up and down the Persian Gulf to protect them from possible attack by Iran. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Louisiana man arested after wife catches him raping 9-year-old girl _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ Now, in reality, the world have paid too great a compliment to critics, and have imagined them to be men of much greater profundity than they really are. --- Henry Fielding (1707 - 1754) _____________________________________________________ When my sister teased her four-year-old daughter by suggesting she liked a certain boy in her kindergarten class, the little girl was quite indignant. "No mommy, I don't," she replied, "because he's only interested in one thing." Shocked, my sister cautiously asked what that might be. "Pokemon cards, of course," said the toddler. ______________________________________________________` _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Glenn Mills Jr. Slidell, Louisiana r Louisiana man arested after wife catches him raping 9-year-old girl A Louisiana man was reportedly arrested this week on first-degree rape charges after his wife allegedly walked in on him sexually assaulting a 9-year-old girl left in his care. Glenn Mills Jr. of Slidell, La., ran from the home Wednesday after being caught fully involved in the rape of the young girl, WDSU-TV of New Orleans reported. His wife called sheriff's deputies to report the crime Wednesday night and Mills was arrested Thursday afternoon, according to WDSU. He was booked into the Jefferson Parish Correctional Center on suspicion of first-degree rape and one aggravated charge of a crime against nature. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Robert Re: Flexible Keyboard Dear Webby, I travel extensively with a laptop/portable and HATE the keyboards. Also a lot of the stuff I do is in "difficult" environments in one way or the other. They plug in via USB, very simple. I have found the flexible keyboards (available all over now) to be just wonderful. They roll up to a wee package for shipping, handle any surface without sliding around, and the occasional spill (eg turbulence on flight) doesn't affect at all. I have had a wee bit of problem with other people thinking they need the thing more than me, but since I changed to bright pink colour this problem has gone away! What I would like to know, if you or readers can help: is there an equivalent "rubber" mouse/touchpad, as the touchpad on portable not my favourite either! Regards, Robert Dear Robert My fix for the moronic touch pad is to cut a piece of plastic from a flat plastic bottle to precisely fit into the touchpad slot. On the once every 7 year occasion, when I don't want to unpack the keyboard and mouse, I pull the plastic out. For regular usage, I use the same optical 5 button as on the desktop. It works fine on hotel beds, truck tail gates, just about anything except mirrors. I use the cheap corded type, not the heavy wireless type, that requires you to also carry the transmitter for it. If you don't do fine graphics, you can use a track-ball. They make some really small ones too, and some people claim they like them. The main advantage of the track-balls is in cramped aircraft seats. While my mouse works fine on my hairy legs, that takes the hand too far away from the keyboard. I have seen people attaching a track ball with double-sided tape to the side of a laptop. That seems to work well in trucks and airplanes. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. >From Andy When I went to get my driver's license renewed, our local Motor Vehicle Bureau was packed. The line inched along for almost an hour until the man ahead of me finally got his license. He inspected his photo for a moment and commented to the clerk, "I was standing in line so long, I ended up looking pretty grouchy in this picture." The clerk looked at his picture closely, and reassured him, "It's okay. That's how you're going to look when the cops pull you over anyway." ----------------------------- If you are frequently in a hurry, get a Border Patrol patch from Patchtown For $2.50 you can empty the Motor Vehicle Department office or a hospital waiting room in seconds. Works even in the supermarket! If you want to annoy the Nike traitors, the Patriot patch is also just $2.50 They even have "Service Dog" and "Do Not Pet" patches for your hubby. About the only patch they don't seem to have, yet, are MAGA patches. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Thanks to Rick for this classic: *Possessed Computer?* For a computer programming class, I sat directly across from someone, and our computers were facing away from each other. A few minutes into the class, she got up to leave the room. I reached between our computers and switched the inputs for the keyboards. She came back and started typing and immediately got a distressed look on her face. She called the teacher over and explained that no matter what she typed, nothing would happen. The teacher tried everything. By this time I was hiding behind my monitor and quaking red-faced. I started to type, "Leave me alone!" They both jumped back, silenced. "What the . . . " the teacher said. I typed, "I said leave me alone!" The kid got real upset. "I didn't do anything to it, I swear!" It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. The conversation between them and HAL 2000 went on for an amazing five minutes. Me: "Don't touch me!" Her: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit your keys that hard." Me: "Who do you think you are anyway?!" Etc. Finally, I couldn't contain myself any longer and fell out of my chair laughing. After they had realized what I had done, they both turned beet red. Funny, I never got more than a C- in that class. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Removing "Permanent" Creases from Clothing White vinegar can be effective for removing permanent creases on types of clothing like washable slacks and jeans. Apply white vinegar liberally to the crease and then press with a warm iron. thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ | | Obscure sports from around the world. |
___________________________________________________ I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition. My sister left me alone in a restaurant with my 12-month-old nephew. I said, "What do I do if he cries?" She said, "Give him some vegetables." It turns out that jalapenos are not his favorite. ___________________________________________________ After being at sea in the Persian Gulf for 90 straight days, I went to the squadron command master chief to complain. "Chief, I joined the Navy to see the world," I said, "but for the past three months all I've seen is water." "Lieutenant," he replied, "three-quarters of the earth is covered with water, and the Navy has been showing you that. If you wanted to see the other quarter, you should have joined the Army." _____________________________________ >Ancient Classic from Vicky A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely lady. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the fridge. Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you didn't wear because the neighbor has a pair like that. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater that you never wore even once, because the color reminded you of somebody in highschool. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore. Then, as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?' "And so, here we are!" __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Ella for this story: While picking up a prescription, I noticed that the woman who gave me my medication was wearing a beautiful mother's ring. "I love your ring," I said. "It's very similar to mine." And I held out my hand to show her. Each ring had three birthstones. "You have three children too?" I asked. "Well, no," the woman replied. "When my daughter picked this out for me, she liked the rings with three settings the best. So I have a birthstone for two daughters, and this one," she said while pointing to the center gem, "is for the dog!" ___________________________________________________ | Today, July 23 in 1715 The first lighthouse in America was authorized for construction at Little Brewster Island, Massachusetts. 1827 The first swimming school in the U.S. opened in Boston, MA. 1829 William Burt patented the typographer, which was the first typewriter. 1877 The first municipal railroad passenger service began in Cincinnati, Ohio. 1886 Steve Brodie, a New York saloonkeeper, claimed to have made a daredevil plunge from the Brooklyn Bridge into the East River. 1904 The ice cream cone was invented by Charles E. Menches during the Louisiana Purchase Exposition in St. Louis, MO. 1914 Austria-Hungary issued an ultimatum to Serbia following the killing of Archduke Francis Ferdinand by Serb assassins to hand over the killers. England interfered and escalated the local dispute to World War I. 1938 The first federal game preserve was approved by the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service. The area was 2,000 acres in Utah. 1945 The first passenger train observation car was placed in service by the Chicago, Burlington and Quincy Railroad. 1952 Egyptian military officers led by Gamal Abdel Nasser overthrew King Farouk I. 1958 The submarine Nautilus departed from Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, under orders to conduct "Operation Sunshine." The mission was to be the first vessel to cross the north pole by ship. The Nautilus achieved the goal on August 3, 1958. 1962 The "Telstar" communications satellite sent the first live TV broadcast to Europe. 1972 Eddie Merckx of Belgium won his fourth consecutive Tour de France bicycling competition. 1972 The U.S. launched Landsat 1 (ERTS-1). It was the first Earth-resources satellite. 1984 Miss America, Vanessa Williams, turned in her crown after it had been discovered that nude photos of her had appeared in "Penthouse" magazine. She was the first to resign the title. 1985 Commodore unveiled the personal computer Amiga 1000. 1986 Britain's Prince Andrew married Sarah Ferguson at Westminster Abbey in London. They divorced in 1996. 1998 U.S. scientists at the University of Hawaii turned out more than 50 "carbon-copy" mice, with a cloning technique. 2000 Lance Armstrong won his second Tour de France. 2019 Do smiled. |
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