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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, January 5, in 1972, U.S. President Richard M. Nixon ordered the development of the space shuttle. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Drunk driver in deadly Surprise crash had almost 3 times the legal limit for alcohol _____________________________________________________ Q The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. --- Woody Allen (1935 - Never believe anything until it has been officially denied. --- Claud Cockburn (1904 - 1981) ____________________________________________________ Joan, the town gossip and supervisor of the town's morals, recently accused George, a local man, of being an alcoholic because she saw his pickup truck parked outside the town's only bar. George stared at her for a moment, and said nothing. Later that evening, he and his plumbing apprentice parked their pickup trucks in front of her house and left them there all night. __________________________________________________ A woman goes to the supermarket. She starts walking up and down the aisles. Each aisle she goes to she touches her head, her ears, her breasts, and her crotch. After doing this a number of times a man approaches her and ask if she is having a problem. She tells him no. He says that he would like to know what she is doing at the beginning of each aisle. She says she is trying to remember her grocery list. He seems puzzles and asks for an explanation, so she goes thru the motions again. She touches her head and says, "Head of lettuce." Ears. "Two ears of corn." Breasts. "Two chicken breasts." Crotch: "Fantastic." __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Chalsey Brown, 29, Surprise, Arizona, USA Drunk driver in deadly Surprise crash had almost 3 times the legal limit for alcohol A woman's blood alcohol level was almost three times the legal limit when she caused a deadly crash in Surprise on New Year's Day, police said. The investigation began after Surprise police responded to a three-vehicle collision near Bell Road and Parkview Place on Jan. 1, just before 2 a.m. Chalsey Brown, 29, reportedly rear-ended a car while driving westbound on Bell Road. The impact sent the car into a median, where it eventually hit a palm tree. The driver, 57-year-old Daniel Duran, died from his injuries at the scene. Police say Brown did not stop and kept driving down Bell Road until she sideswiped another car and crashed into a tree in the median. The other car had minor damage. A DUI investigation revealed that Brown was impaired at almost three times the legal limit. Excessive speed was also a factor, according to police. "Upon contact, [Brown] exhibited several signs and symptoms of impairment, including bloodshot and watery eyes, a strong odor of alcoholic beverages emanating from her person, slurred speech, yelling profanity at officers, and disheveled clothing," court documents read. Brown allegedly admitted to drinking alcohol before getting behind the wheel. After being placed under arrest and taken to the Surprise Police Department, Brown allegedly tried to get out of her handcuffs and fought with officers. "[Brown] needed to be placed in a restraint system inorder [sic] to cease her combative outburst," court documents read. Brown is accused of a number of charges, including manslaughter, assault on an officer, endangerment and DUI. She is being held on a $250,000 bond. ___________________________________________________ Kim Godwin Milk River Ridge. Jan 1. ___________________________________________________ My cousin, Marilyn, the teacher, required each of her students to bring in a permission slip signed by one of their parents or a guardian, to take an advanced and graphic, junior high school, sex education class. One of her students, a well built lad on the football team, handed in his slip and explained to Marilyn, "My mom says I can take the course as long as there's no homework." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Waterton Lake park, a bit south of here _______________________________________________ An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity in the newspaper and asks his university educated grandson to explain it to him. "Well, grandpa , it's sort of like this. Einstein says that if you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a minute seems like an hour. But if you're sitting with a beautiful woman on your lap, an hour seems like a minute." The old man considers this profound bit of mathematical thinking for a moment and says, .... ...."And from this Einstein made a living?" ____________________________________________________ The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to, after the worship service, ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star- Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist! __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! _____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits FROM: Karen RE: Fake virus alert Dear Webby Got this:... A new virus has just been discovered that has been classified by Microsoft and by McAfee .... ...... Karen==== Dear Karen Hoaxes like that are called "Moron-Bait". It's from some joker trying to see how many gullibles fall for a silly hoax and possibly a trap. Since Microsoft does not classify viruses, and never has, whenever you see anything claiming that Microsoft, IBM, Google or AOL had announced or classified a virus, then it is instantly obvious that it is just Moron-Bait. Whoever sent that Moron-Bait to you, was just tricking you into looking silly. Just dump it. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends: "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. And not bother me when I am not in the mood to be bothered!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Girl, if that's all you want, get a TV!" ____________________________________________________ Today, January 5 in 1781, Richmond, VA, was burned by a British naval expedition led by Benedict Arnold. 1885, The Long Island Railroad Company became the first to offer piggy-back rail service which was the transportation of farm wagons on trains. 1896, It was reported by The Austrian newspaper that Wilhelm Roentgen had discovered the type of radiation that in America became known as X-rays. Elsewhere it is known as Roentgen Rays. 1900, In Ireland, Nationalist leader John Edward Redmond called for a revolt against British rule. 1903, The general public could use the Pacific cable for the very first time. 1914, Ford Motor Company announced that there would be a new daily minimum wage of $5 and an eight-hour workday. 1925, Mrs. Nellie Taylor Ross was sworn in as the governor of Wyoming She was the first female governor in the U.S. 1933, In California, construction of the Golden Gate Bridge began. 1934, Both the National and American baseball leagues decided to use a uniform-size baseball. It was the first time in 33 years that both leagues used the same size ball. 1935, Phil Spitalnys All-Girl Orchestra was featured on CBS radio on the program, "The Hour of Charm." 1940, The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) got its very first demonstration of FM radio. 1944, The London "Daily Mail" was the first transoceanic newspaper to be published. 1948, Warner Brothers-Pathe showed the very first color newsreel. The footage was of the Tournament of Roses Parade and the Rose Bowl football classic. 1956, In the Peanuts comic strip, Snoopy walked on two legs for the first time. 1972, U.S. President Richard M. Nixon ordered the development of the space shuttle. 1987, U.S. President Ronald Reagan underwent prostate surgery. 1993, The state of Washington executed Westley Allan Dodd. It was America's first legal hanging since 1965. Dodd was an admitted child sex killer. 1996, Yahya Ayyash, a member of the Hamas in Israel, is killed by a booby-trapped cellular phone. 1998, U.S. Representative Sonny Bono died in skiing accident. 2002, A 15 year-old student pilot, Charles Bishop, crashed a small plane into a building in Tampa, FL. Bishop was about to begin a flying lesson when he took off without permission and without an instructor. 2022 Do smiled.
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