Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, Mat 31 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! _____________________________________________________ Today, May 31 in 1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 3 years of construction. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Ex-Con Busted For Hitting His Mother In Head With Thrown Corn Cob ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ We are born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society. --- Judith Martin Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know. --- Ernest Hemingway (1899 - 1961) A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment. --- Willis Player _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A couple went to pay a visit to another couple, unannounced. The wife answered the door. "Come in," she said. The other couple came in,sat down, then asked, "Where's John?" "Oh," replied his wife,"he's in the bathroom, grouting and spackling." "Oh, dear," said the other lady, "I had that once and didn't get over it for two weeks. ______________________________________________________` _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cody Cummins, 27, Tampa, Florida Ex-Con Busted For Hitting His Mother In Head With Thrown Corn Cob The 27-year-old unemployed cook was beaming when he posed for a mug shot following his arrest for allegedly hitting his mother in the head with a corn cob Saturday evening. According to cops, Cummins intentionally and unlawfully threw a corn cob that struck the 56-year-old woman in the head. The Victim was hurt but did not have any physical injuries, police reported. The incident--characterized as a domestic battery by cops-- occurred in the Tampa, Florida-area home where Cummins and his mother reside. Cummins, who fled the residence after allegedly flinging the corn cob, was arrested around 3:30 AM Sunday. He is being held in the county jail in lieu of $150 bond. Cummins's rap sheet includes an armed burglary conviction for which he spent more than three years in state prison. Last year, Cummins's mother received a temporary domestic violence injunction against him, though that action was voluntarily dismissed two weeks after it was filed. DearWebby's tech Support Pits From Gail Re: Mystery payment from PayPal DearWebby, I got an authentic looking email telling me that some guy paid me $120 via payPal. Well, I had never heard of that guy, and even though $120 would be nice, I was not expecting it, especially not from a stranger. What do you recommend? Gail Dear Gail Simply log in to PayPal at http://paypal.com, NOT from any link in that email!!! and see if $120 showed up. I would bet that it did not show up. Dump that email as if you had MailWasher and it had dumped it unseen right on the server. Mailwasher recognizes crap like that and dumps it, or marks it for deletiing. I see those now and then in the MailWasher Recycle Bin. That gives me a brief chuckle, but no worries. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. The professor of a graduate-school class of gifted students included a HUGE amount of material on the midterm exam. Tension in the room built, people were sighing and gasping aloud as they realized how much material they had covered and were expected to recall. The following week, the professor tossed the graded papers on her desk and announced, "Class, after I left here last week, the Lord spoke to me. He said, 'Thanks, professor. I haven't heard from some of those people in years!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A young clergyman, fresh out of seminary, thought it would help him better understand the fears and temptations his future congregations faced if he first took a job as a policeman for several months. He passed the physical examination; then came the oral exam to test his ability to act quickly and wisely in an emergency. Among other questions he was asked, "What would you do to disperse a frenzied crowd?" He thought for a moment and then said, "I would take up a collection." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Discounts for Installing Windows >Thanks to Bert for this story: Since my 16-year-old son recently received a prepaid cell phone as a gift, I've asked him to use it to call home if he's out past his curfew. One Saturday night while waiting up for him, I dozed off in front of the TV. Later I woke to realize that there was no sign of him, and there had been no call. Irate, I punched in his number. When he answered, I demanded, "Where are you, and why haven't you bothered to call?!" "Dad," he sleepily replied, "I'm upstairs in bed. I've been home for two hours!" thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ | | How to stay safe from tornadoes. |
___________________________________________________ The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed to the wife that it always took him way too long to return. One time the wife had enough and actually pounded on the wall between the two apartments. There being no response she telephoned, only to get the answering machine. Finally she went to the model's door and just kept ringing the bell. When the model answered, the wife fumed, "I would like to know why it is my husband takes so long to get something over here." "Well sweetie," the model purred, "all these interruptions sure ain't helping none either. However, your hubby is out on the balcony exchanging fishing lies with my dad." ___________________________________________________ Socialist Vacation Travel: A few moments later, a Norwegian guy walks into the same dingy storefront travel agency, holds up the newspaper ad and says: "I vant to go on this $69.96 voonderful luxury cruise." The guy behind the counter says: "Sure, you got the fare in cash?" "Ya, you betcha," says the Norwegian, slapping the money on the counter. Again, the two big thugs leap out, pound him on the head, drag his limp form out the back door, shove him in a barrel and drop it in the river. After a while, the Swede and the Norwegian regain consciousness, and they find out that their barrels are bobbing along together. The Norwegian says: "Good Afternoon. Tell me, do you happen to know if they serve dinner on this cruise?" The Swede shakes his head and says: "No, I don't think so. They didn't last year." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A woman drove a mini-van filled with a dozen screaming kids through the mall parking lot, looking for a space. Obviously frazzled, she coasted through a stop sign. "Hey, lady, have you forgotten how to stop?" yelled an irate man. She rolled down her window and said, "What makes you think these are all mine?" ___________________________________________________ | Today May 31 in 1433 Sigismund was crowned emperor of Rome. 1859 In London, Big Ben went into operation. 1870 E.J. DeSemdt patented asphalt. 1884 Dr. John Harvey Kellogg patented "flaked cereal." 1889 In Johnstown, PA, more than 2,200 people died after the South Fork Dam collapsed. 1900 U.S. troops arrived in Peking to help put down the Boxer Rebellion. 1902 The Boer War ended between the Boers of South Africa and Great Britain with the Treaty of Vereeniging. 1907 The first taxis arrived in New York City. They were the first in the United States. 1909 The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) held its first conference. 1910 The Union of South Africa was founded. 1913 The 17th Amendment went into effect. It provided for popular election of U.S. senators. 1915 A German zeppelin made an air raid on London. 1927 Ford Motor Company produced the last "Tin Lizzie" in order to begin production of the Model A. 1929 In Beverly, MA, the first U.S. born reindeer were born. 1943 "Archie" was aired on the Mutual Broadcasting System for the first time. 1947 Communists seized control of Hungary. 1955 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered that all states must end racial segregation "with all deliberate speed." 1961 South Africa became an independent republic. 1962 Adolf Eichmann was hanged in Israel. Eichmann was a Gestapo official and was executed for his actions in the Nazi Holocaust. 1970 An earthquake in Peru killed tens of thousands of people. 1974 Israel and Syria signed an agreement on the Golan Heights. 1977 The trans-Alaska oil pipeline was finished after 3 years of construction. 1979 Zimbabwe proclaimed its independence. 1994 The U.S. announced it was no longer aiming long-range nuclear missiles at targets in the former Soviet Union. 2003 In North Carolina, Eric Robert Rudolph was captured. He had been on the FBI's 10 Most Wanted list for five years for several bombings including the 1996 Olympic bombing. 2019 Do smiled. |
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