Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, September 30 To celebrate the end of Gullible Warming and the start of the cyclic "Ice Age Is Coming" fad, we now have 30 cm 1 foot) snow. You can recycle Clarke's BS from the late 60's and early 70's. You can't blame it on our muscle cars this time, though. Lack of CO2 ? Quite likely. The farmers have been howling for some time that they have to buy natural gas to produce the necessary CO2 to feed the nation. I am sure the Dims will find something, that they can blame on you. ____________________________________________________ Today, September 30 in 1992 Moscow banks distributed privatization vouchers aimed at turning millions of Russians into capitalists. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you lcan help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: 'DREAMER' stomped 83-year-old man to death in Texas _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. --- Charles M. Schulz (1922 - 2000) _______________________________________________ An older Jewish man is on the operating table awaiting surgery. He has insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he is about to receive the anesthesia, the patient asks to speak to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well, if something happens to me, your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife." ________________________________________________` ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a DARWIN Award has been earned by Silvano Echavarria, 23, Lacombe, Louisiana 'DREAMER' stomped 83-year-old man to death in Texas U.S. Marshals tracked a violent criminal accused of stomping an 83-year-old man to death to Lacombe and arrested him after a standoff. WGNO reported that 23-year-old Silvano Echavarria is awaiting extradition for the brutal murder of the elderly grandfather in Pasadena, Texas. Echavarria stomped on the victim's head 74 times and punched him 25 times before leaving his lifeless body in a parking lot, according to the U.S. Marshals. Authorities said Echavarria fled to Lacombe after Texas authorities began to move in. When the Marshals approached the Lacombe residence where Echavarria was staying, Echavarria refused to come out before peacefully surrendering a short time later. This arrest was a direct result of interagency cooperation, U.S. Marshal Scott Illing said. This suspect mistakenly thought he could escape justice by crossing state lines. The community can rest easy knowing our team is not discouraged by geographical boundaries and are ready to pursue fleeing felons wherever they hide. Since he is a 'Dreamewr', he can't be extradited, he will be making a big bunch of Legal Aid lawyers very rich before he is eventually executed. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Malcolm Re: Fake Microsoft block Dear Webby Today, while doing some harmless browsing for religious music a scary blue on white screen popped up claiming that Microsoft had blocked my computer because it was infected, and that I had to call microsoft to get it cleaned and unlocked. Now, I might be a silly old fogey, but I vaguely remembered you mentioning that at one time, and to NEVER call that number. So I called my wife from the kitchen. When she saw that screen, she said it was just possessed by evil spirits and that she knew how to exorcise them. She grabbed the power cord with one hand, raised the other one high with the Trudeau salute and howled at full volume: "You g** Damn Motherf***** Sonama Soros!" and yanked the power cord, smiled demurely and plugged it back in. It started up nicely, without that scary lock notice. Now, I realize that her exorcism would probably have worked just as well without the theatrics. Is there a simple way to get out of that lock? Thanks Malcolm Dear Malcolm Sometimes you can get out of it by killing the page with CTRL F4. Other times you have to hit CTRL SHIFT ESC to open the task manager and kill all instances of your browser. If none of that works, do what your wife did. Her incantation for telling the evil spirits off is of course quite optional, but definitely does not hurt. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. Thanks to Irene for this story: My husband and I were browsing in a crafts store when he noticed a display of country-style musical instruments. After looking over the flutes, dulcimers and recorders, he picked up a shiny, one-stringed instrument he took to be a mouth harp. He put it to his lips and, much to the amusement of other shoppers, twanged a few notes on it. After watching from a distance, I walked up and whispered in his ear, "I hate to tell you this, honey, but you're trying to play a cheese slicer." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone dialed 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the snow shovel !" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com font color="#009990"> Gopherproof Flower Beds You can create a gopherproof flower bed by digging down about 18 inches and lining the bottom and sides of the bed with screens (old window screens work well) or avery mesh. Then replace the dirt and plant the flower bed. thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ | | Spectacular Bridges Across the Globe |
___________________________________________________ Attending a convention, 3 psychiatrists take a walk. "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears," one says, "but we have no one to go to with our problems. Since we're all professionals, why don't we hear each other out right-now?" They agree that this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, "I'm a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I over bill patients as often as I can." The second admits, "I have a drug problem that's out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me." The third psychiatrist says, "I know it's wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can't keep a secret." ___________________________________________________ Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir. ------------- Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. ___________________________________________________ A five year old was discussing Noah's Ark with Grandma. Grandma asked, "How many animals went into the Ark?" The youngster replied: "One mail and one e-mail." __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, September 30 1399 Henry Bolingbroke became the King of England as Henry IV. 1777 The Congress of the United States moved to York, PA, due to advancing British forces. 1787 The Columbia left Boston and began the trip that would make it the first American vessel to sail around the world. 1846 Dr. William Morton performed a painless tooth extraction after administering ether to a patient. 1868 Spain's Queen Isabella was deposed and fled to France. 1882 In Appleton, WI, the first American hydroelectric power plant began operating. 1938 The Munich Conference ended with a decision to appease Adolf Hitler. Britain, and France allowed Czechoslovakia's German speaking Sudetenland to be annexed by the Nazis. 1946 An international military tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany, found 22 top Nazi leaders guilty of war crimes. 1949 The Berlin Airlift came to an end. The airlift had taken 2.3 million tons of food into the western sector despite the Soviet blockade. 1954 The U.S. Navy commissioned the Nautilus submarine at Groton, CT. It was the first atomic-powered vessel. The submarine had been launched on January 21, 1954. 1962 James Meredith succeeded in registering at the University of Mississippi. It was his fourth attempt to register. 1963 The Soviet Union publicly declared itself on the side of India in their dispute with Pakistan over Kashmir. 1966 Albert Speer and Baldur von Schirach were released at midnight from Spandau prison after completing their 20-year sentences. Speer was the Nazi minister of armaments and von Schirach was the founder of Hitler Youth. 1971 The Soviet Union and the United States signed pacts that were aimed at avoiding an accidental nuclear war. 1971 A committee of nine people was organized to investigate the prison riot at Attica, NY. 10 hostages and 32 prisoners were killed when National Guardsmen stormed the prison on September 13, 1971. 1976 California enacted the Natural Death Act of California. The law was the first example of right-to-die legislation in the U.S. 1980 Israel issued its new currency, the shekel, to replace the pound. 1983 The first AH-64 Apache attack helicopter was rolled out by McDonnell Douglas Helicopter Company. 1982 "Cheers" began an 11-year run on NBC-TV. 1986 The U.S. released accused Soviet spy Gennadiy Zakharov, one day after Nicholas Daniloff had been released by the Soviets. 1987 Mikhail S. Gorbachev retired President Andrei A. Gromyko from the Politburo and fired other old-guard leaders in a shake- up at the Kremlin. 1989 Thousands of East Germans began emigrating under an accord between the NATO nations and the Soviet Union. 1989 Non-Communist Cambodian guerrillas claimed that they had captured 3 towns and 10 other positions from the residing government forces. 1990 The Soviet Union and South Korea opened diplomatic relations. 1991 Haiti's first freely elected president, Jean-Bertrand Aristide, was overthrown by Brigadier General Raoul Cedras. Aristide was later returned to power. 1992 Moscow banks distributed privatization vouchers aimed at turning millions of Russians into capitalists. 1993 U.S. chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Colin Powell retired. 1994 The space shuttle Endeavor took off on an 11-day mission. Part of the mission was to use a radar instrument to map remote areas of the Earth. 1997 France's Roman Catholic Church apologized for its silence during the persecution and deportation of Jews during the pro- Nazi Vichy regime. 1998 Gov. Pete Wilson of California signed a bill into law that defined "invasion of privacy as trespassing with the intent to capture audio or video images of a celebrity or crime victim engaging in a personal or family activity." The law went into effect January 1, 1999. 1999 In Tokaimura, Japan, radiation escaped a nuclear facility after workers accidentally set off an uncontrolled nuclear chain reaction. 2014 Amazon filed for a patent for a UAV (unmanned aerial vehicle) configured to autonomously deliver items to customers. The patent was related to Amazon's plan for their Prime Air service. 2019 Do smiled. |
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