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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, February 6, in 1932, Dog sled racing happened for the first time in Olympic competition. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Awards: Border agents in Nogales found meth hidden in the body cavities of two Alaskan women crossing the border __________________________________________________ Q A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) There is only one thing a philosopher can be relied upon to do, and that is to contradict other philosophers. --- William James (1842 - 1910) None are so busy as the fool and knave. --- John Dryden (1631 - 1700), The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ________________________________________________ Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf has for men. Mary: TELL me about it! I went golfing with my ex one time, and he told me I asked too many questions! Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask? Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions..like, "Why did you hit the ball into that lake?" __________________________________________________ As an instructor in driver education at the local area High School, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel. One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes. When the first student had completed his time, I asked him to change places with one of the others. Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, he asked in a shaky voice, "Should I stop the car first?" ----------- Sure is different from when I was a young driver. In those days the old Pick-Ups that youngsters drove, all had a step on the outside of the pick-up box. Especially on Cannonball ralleys or the Alcan 2000 Mile races where we carried a couple of drums of fuel on the back, the spare driver used to climb outside and into the box, siphon gas from a drum into the tank, then climb back into the cab on the drivers side and take over as the driver slid over to the passenger side. That was no big deal then, however, with todays slower but much more crowded traffic I would not recommend stunts like that. Also, standing at the tailgate for getting rid of used coffee into the big dust cloud that you trail when driving a gravel road at 70 miles per hour, was OK then. Doing the same today on a paved freeway would probably get you arrested in most states and provinces. __________________________________________________ Zahid Liake Mughal _________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ____________________________________________________ A couple were vacationing in Yosemite. The wife expressed her concern about camping because of bears and said she would feel more comfortable in a motel. The husband said that he'd like to camp and to calm her concerns, they'd talk to the park ranger to see what the likelihood of a bear encounter would be. The ranger told them, "Well, we haven't seen any grizzlies in this area so far this year, or black bears, for that matter." The wife shrieked, "There's TWO types of bears out here? How can you tell the difference? Which one is more dangerous?" The ranger replied, "Well, that's easy, see, if the bear chases you up the tree and it comes up after you, it's a BLACK bear. If it SHAKES the tree until you fall out, it's a grizzly." The motel room was quite nice. ____________________________________________________ Mathis Natvik Grumpy coyote! Canis latrans - Coyote Photo taken Feb 1, 2023 (with long lens from a safe distance) -he was in an off leash park and growling at loose dogs that were too close for his liking NW Calgary ___________________________________________________ A married couple in New York's "Little Italy" went to their Priest to discuss birth control, since they already had five children. The husband inquired if perhaps oral sex would be an acceptable substitute in the eyes of the Church. The Priest explained that it was still considered a sin and frowned upon by the church. The wife spoke up fuming: "Look Father, you no play-a da game, you no make-a da rules." __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ____________________________________________________ A soldier was asked to report to the camp office for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine. The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible. The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. "That's fine," he said. "Report for work at 8 tomorrow." "But aren't you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked. The sergeant grinned. "You passed the test," he replied, "when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine, or the vacuum cleaner." _______________________________________________ Did you know that ..... In Seattle, Washington residents may not carry concealed weapons longer than six feet. In Chicago, Illinois, according to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is "American," which includes Ebonic and Hebonic. _____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ "So, your mother says your prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank Heaven he's in bed!" ___________________________________________________ A bus of politicians is driving by a farm where Do lives. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery, loses control and crashes into the ditch. Do out and finding the politicians, buries them. The next day, the police are at the farm questioning the man. "So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?" Do answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie." __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by 3 Alaskan women Alaska USA Border agents in Nogales found meth hidden in the body cavities of two Alaskan women crossing the border U.S. Customs and Border Protection officers at the DeConcini crossing in Nogales seized meth and heroin from three women from Anchorage, Alaska, last weekend. Agents working the pedestrian crossing sent the three women, ages 33, 30 and 29, for further inspection on Friday. A search revealed that two of the women were concealing meth within their body cavities, according to CBP. The third woman had a package of heroin hidden in her purse. The drugs weighed more than a pound and had a combined value of $11,000. The drugs were seized and the women were arrested on suspicion of drug smuggling. _____________________________________________________ Coyote near Calgary Mathis Natvik __________________________________________________ A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of lillies. "Tch Tch!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?" "Fishin', sir." "Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?" The old man stood up, put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of beer and a fine cigar. His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch this morning?" The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!" _____________________________________________________ At the mall a little girl climbed onto the Easter Bunny's lap, the computerized bunny asked the usual, "And what would you like for Easter?" The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "But, but, didn't you get my E-mail?" _____________________________________________________ Mathis Natvik Chukar Partridge (Alectoris chukar) July 9, 2020 - Charleswood, Calgary ___________________________________________________ Aboard a flight from L.A. to New York, Grandma Esther was taking her very first flight. They had only been aloft a few minutes when the elderly lady complained to the stewardess that her ears were popping. The girl smiled and gave the older woman some chewing gum, assuring her that many people experienced the same discomfort. When they landed in New York, Grandma thanked the stewardess. "The chewing gum worked fine," she said, "but tell me, how do I get it out of my ears?" _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits from: Anna re: Excel date Dear Webby There used to be a keyboard shortcut for writing the date and for doing a time stamp in Excel. I have long forgotten what hot keys to use for that. Do they still work? Even if you use Excel mode in Open Office? Help, please! Anna Dear Anna Yes, sure. Good hot-Keys like that won't be dropped. CTRL ; gives you the date CTRL SHIFT ; gives you a time stamp. The date and time can be pre-formatted for the entire column to show whatever format you want. They are true time stamps, that won't change if you open that sheet at a later time or date. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ====From Diana==== Dear Webby I really like it when you add personal bits to the jokes, not just pasting a few dumb jokes and a lot of commercials like the other lists do. My husband had told me about those long distance races, so I read today's Humor letter to him. He got all sentimental and dug out the old photo albums with the pictures of those Pick-Ups with the rock chips all over the windows, and the step-box with the gas drums, and all of them with a 2 by 4 sticking up in the left back corner. When I asked him about that, he just laughed and laughed and pointed at your humor letter. Eventually he told me that it was for holding on to, if one had to stand by the tailgate to empty the used coffee while the truck was flying down the gravel highway at 70 miles an hour. You guys are NUTS! Diana ____________________________________________________ Today, February 6 in 1778, The United States gained official recognition from France as the two nations signed the Treaty of Amity and Commerce and the Treaty of Alliance in Paris. 1788, Massachusetts became the sixth state to ratify the U.S. Constitution. 1815, The state of New Jersey issued the first American railroad charter to John Stevens. 1843, "The Virginia Minstrels" opened at the Bowery Amphitheatre in New York City. It was the first minstrel show in America. 1899, The U.S. Senate ratified a peace treaty between the U.S. and Spain. 1900, The Holland Senate ratified the 1899 peace conference decree that created in international arbitration court at The Hague. 1900, U.S. President McKinley appointed W.H. Taft as commissioner to report on the Philippines. 1911, The first old-age home for pioneers opened in Prescott, AZ. 1926, The National Football League adopted a rule that made players ineligible for competition until their college class graduated. 1932, Dog sled racing happened for the first time in Olympic competition. 1933, The 20th Amendment to the Constitution was declared in effect. The amendment moved the start of presidential, vice-presidential and congressional terms from March to January. 1937, K. Elizabeth Ohi became the first Japanese woman lawyer when she received her degree from John Marshall Law School in Chicago, IL. 1950, NBC radio debuted "Dangerous Assignment". 1952, Britain's King George VI died. His daughter, Elizabeth II, succeeded him. 1956, St. Patrick Center opened in Kankakee, IL. It was the first circular school building in the United States. 1959, The U.S., for the first time, successfully test- fired a Titan intercontinental ballistic missile from Cape Canaveral. 1971, NASA Astronaut Alan B. Shepard used a six-iron that he had brought inside his spacecraft and swung at three golf balls on the surface of the moon. The balls have never been found. 1972, Over 500,000 pieces of irate mail arrived at the mail room of CBS-TV, when word leaked out that an edited- for-TV version of the X-rated movie, "The Demand," would be shown. 1973, Construction began on the CN Tower in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. 1985, The French mineral water company, Perrier, debuted its first new product in 123 years. The new items were water with a twist of lemon, lime or orange. 1987, President Ronald Reagan turned 76 years old this day and became the oldest U.S. President in history. 1998, Washington National Airport was renamed for U.S. President Ronald Reagan with the signing of a bill by U.S. President Clinton. 1999, King Hussein of Jordan transferred full political power to his oldest son the Crown Prince Abdullah. 1999, Excerpts of former White House intern Monica Lewinsky's videotaped testimony were shown at President Clinton's impeachment trial. 1999, Heavy fighting resumed along the common border between Ethiopia and Eritrea. 2000, Russia's acting President Vladimir Putin announced that Russian forces had captured Grozny, Chechnya. The capital city had been under the control of Chechen rebels. 2000, In Finland, Foreign Minister Tarja Halonen became the first woman to be elected president. 2000, U.S. First Lady Hillary Rodham Clinton formally declared that she was a candidate for a U.S. Senate seat from the state of New York, after the sitting senator was told by theparty to resign from the safe seat.. 2001, Ariel Sharon was elected Israeli prime minister. 2002, A federal judge ordered John Walker Lindh to be held without bail pending trial. Lindh was known as the "American Taliban." 2017, Qatar Airways completed a commercial flight with a B777 aircraft that last 16 hours and 23 minutes. 2019, Freedom House announced that Hungary and Serbia were no longer free countries. 2022 Do smiled.
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