Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, June 22 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Man arrested for stealing car with 2 kids inside in Glendale ___________________________________________________ Today, June 22 in 1945 During World War II, the battle for Okinawa officially ended after 81 days. ____________________________________________________ It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none. --- Thomas Carlyle ____________________________________________________ >From Tina A Jewish father was concerned about his son who was about a year away from his Bar Mitzvah, but was sorely lacking in his knowledge of the Jewish faith. To remedy this, he sent his son to Israel to experience his heritage. A year later the young man returned home. "Father, thank you for sending me to the land of our fathers," the son said. "It was wonderful and enlightening; however, I must confess that while in Israel I converted to Christianity." "Oi vey," replied the father, "what have I done?" So, in the tradition of the patriarchs, he went to his best friend and sought his advice and solace. "It is amazing that you should come to me," stated his friend. "I, too, sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian." So in the tradition of the patriarchs, they went to the Rabbi. "It is amazing that you should come to me," stated the Rabbi. "I, too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian. What is happening to our sons? Brothers, we must take this to the Lord." They fell to their knees and began to pour out their hearts to the Almighty. As they prayed, the clouds above opened and a mighty voice said, "Amazing that you should come to Me. I, too, sent My Son to Israel..." ____________________________________________________ Cheap Alarm ____________________________________________________ A man went to his mate's fancy dress party with nothing but a naked girl on his back. "So what the hell are you supposed to be?" the host asked. "I'm a snail," the man replied. "What a load of crap!" the host spat. "How can you be a snail when all you've got is that naked girl on your back?" "That's not a naked girl, mate," the bloke replied, "that's Michelle." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alberto Olivas, 35, Glendale, Arizona, USA Man arrested for stealing car with 2 kids inside in Glendale Glendale Police arrested a man accused of stealing a car with two kids in the back seat on June 16. The incident happened Wednesday afternoon at a convenience store near 64th Avenue and Bethany Home Road. Court documents say a mother had left the car running with her 6- and 8-year-old kids inside while she went into the store. That was when 35-year-old Alberto Olivas drove off in her car with the kids inside, police say. The mother was able to track down the car through a cell phone, and the vehicle was later found near 67th Drive and Citrus Way. The children were found safe. Olivas faces charges of theft and kidnapping. Dearwebby's Tech Support Pits from: Nana RE: Excel substitue Dear Webby I used to use Excel when I was still working. It was quite affordable in those days. What have you got in your goodie bag for a senior on a too low fixed income? Nana Dear Nana Download Open Office or Office Libre.Thwy are both about the same, but some people argue endlessly over which is better, all without being able to point out the differences. It's like Quattro versus Excel in the days of DOS. Whichever one you are used to, is the better one. They are both FREE! Use CALC in Open or in Libre. To avoid expensivee Copyright lawsuits, CALC has shuffled the menu a bit. All the good stuf is there, but in different places in the menu. You can download the HELP, or just google for what you need. It won't take you long to get used to it and become a WIZ at CALC. What is most admirable is that you can pick up an Excel file, work on it as if you were in Excel, and save it in Excel format. THAT part is extremely important for students, who have a snooty teacher, who demands that they pay for Excel, supposedly to prepare them for industry ad commerce, and earn her a kick-back from the local Microsoft dealer. Well, guess what! Industry and commerce is using OPEN or Libre! If you have 1500 machines in your ivory tower, would you buy Excel for them, or tell each employee to download Libre or Open? The work produced is identical. Have FUN! DearWebby A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what ?" the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. "Oh great! NOW you tell me," said the beginner. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a twenty dollar bill to a bum." "You gave a bum twenty whole dollars? That's a lot of money to just give away. What did you husband say about it?" "Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He even said, 'Thanks.' " ___________________________________________ A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water. Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town. Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover. After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, its my face they would recognize." ____________________________________________ A driver stopped by police for talking on his mobile phone told them his cousin had rung to warn him police were stopping cars ahead. The police team was on the lookout for speeding cars in Bremen. But when they noticed a driver talking on his mobile phone while driving, they also stopped him. The 30-year-old, who was driving a blue Fiat, told officers his phone had started ringing just before he reached the control point. When he picked it up, his cousin was at the other end of the line, warning him of the police control ahead and telling him to drive carefully. The man had to pay a fine, which he told officers he would demand back from his cousin. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, June 22, in 1558 The French took the French town of Thioville from the English. 1611 English explorer Henry Hudson, his son and several other people were set adrift in present-day Hudson Bay by mutineers. 1772 Slavery was outlawed in England. 1807 British seamen board the USS Chesapeake, a provocation leading to the War of 1812. 1815 Napoleon Bonaparte abdicated a second time. 1832 J.I. Howe patented the pin machine. 1874 Dr. Andrew Taylor Still began the first known practice of osteopathy. 1909 The first transcontinental auto race ended in Seattle, WA. 1911 King George V of England was crowned. 1915 Austro-German forces occupied Lemberg on the Eastern Front as the Russians retreat. 1925 France and Spain agreed to join forces against Abd el Krim in Morocco. 1933 Germany became a one political party country when Hitler banned parties other than the Nazis. 1939 The first U.S. water-ski tournament was held at Jones Beach, on Long Island, New York. 1940 France and Germany signed an armistice at Compiegne, on terms dictated by the Nazis. 1941 Under the codename Barbarossa, Germany invaded the Soviet Union. 1942 A Japanese submarine shelled Fort Stevens at the mouth of the Columbia River. 1942 In France, Pierre Laval declared "I wish for a German victory". 1942 V-Mail, or Victory-Mail, was sent for the first time. 1944 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed the "GI Bill of Rights" to provide broad benefits for veterans of the war. 1945 During World War II, the battle for Okinawa officially ended after 81 days. 1946 Jet airplanes were used to transport mail for the first time. 1956 The battle for Algiers began as three buildings in Casbah were blown up. 1959 Eddie Lubanski rolled 24 consecutive strikes in a bowling tournament in Miami, FL. 1964 The U.S. Supreme Court voted that Henry Miller's book, "Tropic of Cancer", could not be banned. 1970 U.S. President Richard Nixon signed an extension of the Voting Rights Act of 1965. It required that the voting age in the United States to be 18. 1973 Skylab astronauts splashed down safely in the Pacific after a record 28 days in space. 1974 In Chicago, the Sears Tower Skydeck opened. (Willis Tower) 1978 James W. Christy and Robert S. Harrington discovered the only known moon of Pluto. The moon is named Charon. 1980 The Soviet Union announced a partial withdrawal of its forces from Afghanistan. 1989 The government of Angola and the anti-Communist rebels of the UNITA movement agreed to a formal truce in their 14-year- old civil war. 1990 Checkpoint Charlie was dismantled in Berlin. 1992 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled that hate-crime laws that ban cross-burning and similar expressions of racial bias violated free-speech rights. 1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that evidence illegally obtained by authorities could be used at revocation hearings for a convicted criminal's parole. 1998 The 75th National Marbles Tournament began in Wildwood, NJ. 1999 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that persons with remediable handicaps cannot claim discrimination in employment under the Americans with Disability Act. 2009 Eastman Kodak Company announced that it would discontinue sales of the Kodachrome Color Film. 2021 Do smiled. |
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