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Today is Saturday, May 20 Submit ____________________________________________________ History: Today, May 20 in 1949, DearWebby was born in Austria 1990, The Hubble Space Telescope sent back its first photographs. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Az couple arrested for murdering 2 yr old son _____________________________________________________ Q There is never enough time, unless you're serving it. --- Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990) The advantage of a classical education is that it enables you to despise the wealth that it prevents you from achieving. --- Russell Green Sex appeal is fifty percent what you've got and fifty percent what you think you've got. --- Sophia Loren Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. --- Voltaire ___________________________________________________ The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone dialed 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower." ______________________________________________________ Fairy GodMother After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. "Make three wishes," she told her mother, "and I'll grant them." Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled. Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged. The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her third wish, "I wish to have a trim figure again." The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly. "I'll need more power for this!" she exclaimed. ______________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ WOULD THAT GET ME IN? "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked the children in my Sunday School class. "NO!" the children all answered. "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?" Again, the answer was, "NO!" "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my wife, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again. Again, they all answered, "NO!" "Well," I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD!" __________________________________________________ >From Edo While my wife and I were shopping at a mall kiosk, a shapely young woman in a short, form-fitting dress strolled by. My eyes followed her. Without looking up from the item she was examining, my wife asked, "Was she worth the trouble you're in now?" ___________________________________________________ Dear Webbys Tech Support Pits From: MaryEllen RE: Add more gadgets Dear Webby I love that 8 Gadgets! Facebook censors it, I can't send a link to my daughters. The f* Democrats claim it goes against Community Standards! What a bunch of commies! Well, they can't censor my email. Both daughters and their daughters love it! How do I add some of the other gadgets? MaryEllen Dear MaryEllen Right-click on the black sidebar, select ADD GADGETS and there you have herds of thumbnails of all of them. Choose for example the Calendar. You get the brown calendar from W7, click on it to get the days. Everything just like it was on W7. SMOOOOOOTH! Have FUN! Dear Webby ___________________________________________________ A college student wrote a letter home, "Dear folks, I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy to have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me. Your son, Marvin. P.S. I felt so terrible I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it back. But it was too late." A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said, "Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Johnny Brazell II, 20, Leilah Lopez, 20, Glendale, Arizona, USA Az couple arrested for murdering 2 yr old son A mother and her boyfriend have been arrested in connection to the murder of the woman's young son, Glendale Police said. According to police, officers on May 16 responded to a 911 call of a child not breathing near 59th and Olive Avenues. The caller, identified as 20-year-old Johnny Brazell II, said his 2-year-old stepson was not breathing and had no pulse. "He further stated the child had been attacked by a dog earlier in the morning causing a gash and bump on his head," police said in a news release. Firefighters also arrived at the scene and performed live- saving measures, however, the boy was pronounced dead at a hospital. "The treating physicians and officers observed numerous bruises of varying sizes and colors across the entirety of the childs body, to include swelling and bruising to his eyes, head and a significant skull fracture," police said. "These injuries were determined to be consistent with child abuse." During an interview with police, investigators say Brazell and the boy's mother, 20-year-old Leilah Lopez, provided inconsistent stories of the alleged dog attack. Brazell then allegedly admitted to killing the boy, saying he hit the child multiple times with a belt "while dangling him in the air by his leg." "At one point, Brazell admitted to dropping him on his head onto a hardwood floor and swinging the childs body into objects within the room, striking his head against some furniture," police said. Police say neither Brazell nor Lopez initially called 911 but eventually called when the boy was not breathing. "Both Brazell and Lopez agreed to lie to police, paramedics and the hospital about what had occurred," police said. Brazell and Lopez were arrested and booked into jail. They are accused of first-degree murder and child abuse. They are being held on $1 million cash-only bonds. "Neither suspect showed any obvious remorse for their actions," court documents read. "They discussed leaving the state to California and it is known that both have significant ties and family in California, as well as the means to travel there."S ______________________________________________ Anni and Wendy are passengers on a plane Wendy turns to Anni and says,"if this plane turns upside down will we fall out?" Anni turns and says, "No we'll stay the best of friends!" ________________________________________________ A Priest at a Church picnic was staring at a member of his parish wearing the tiniest of bikinis. A Nun walked over and said, "Shame on you Father, staring at that woman like that!" The Priest replied, "Sister Mary Elizabeth, I know you to be on a diet, and yet I saw you ogling the buffet." _____________________________________________ Warbling Vireo __________________________________________________ The children and grandchildren of an elderly Jewish woman decided to send Bubbe(grandmother in Jewish) on a cruise. Bubbe boarded the ship and showed her ticket to the purser. He looked at it and said, "Oh, I see you have U.D." She replied, "U.D.? Voos is U.D.? He said, "U.D. is Upper Deck." She then went to the upper deck and showed her ticket to the steward there and he said, "I see, that in addition to U.D., you also have O.C." Bubbe replied, "O.C.? Voos is O.C.?" The steward said, "O.C. is Outside Cabin." Bubbe, needless to say, was delighted. She then showed her ticket to the cabin boy and he said, "Oh, I see that you also have B.I.B.".... "B.I.B.? Voos is B.I.B.?" asked Bubbe. The cabin boy answered, "B.I.B. is Breakfast In Bed." "Oh" she said; "Mine children and grandchildren are vonderful." Well, the next morning, bright and early, the staff came right into her room with trays of food for her Breakfast In Bed and she said, "F.U.C.K" Shocked, they said, "F.U.C.K? ...What do you mean F.U.C.K.?", To which the old grandmother replied, "Yes, F.U.C.K.. . Foist U Could Knock!" _________________________________________________ Laura Mountain Laurel __________________________________________________ >From Connie Q. Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter? A. Yeah, it fits right over her mouth. ____________________________________________________ Today, May 20 in 0325, The Ecumenical council was inaugurated by Emperor Constantine in Nicea, Asia Minor. At that council it was decided that the report that Mary not having known Josef (In the biblical sense) meant that she was a virging. 1303, A peace treaty was signed between England and France over the town of Gascony. 1347, Cola di Rienzo took the title of tribune in Rome. 1506, In Spain, Christopher Columbus died in poverty. 1520, Hernando Cortez defeated Spanish troops that had been sent to punish him in Mexico. 1690, England passed the Act of Grace, forgiving followers of James II. 1674, John Sobieski became Polands first King. 1774, Britain's Parliament passed the Coercive Acts to punish the American colonists for their increasingly anti- British behavior 1775, North Carolina became the first colony to declare its independence. This is the date that is on the George state flag even though the date of this event has been questioned. 1784, The Peace of Versailles ended a war between France, England, and Holland. 1830, The fountain pen was patented by H.D. Hyde. 1861, North Carolina became the eleventh state to secede from the Union. 1861, During the American Civil War, the capital of the Confederacy was moved from Montgomery, AL, to Richmond, VA. 1873, Levi Strauss began marketing blue jeans with copper rivets. 1875, The International Bureau of Weights and Measures was established. 1899, Jacob German of New York City became the first driver to be arrested for speeding. The posted speed limit was 12 miles per hour. 1902, The U.S. military occupation of Cuba ended. 1902, Cuba gained its independence from Spain. 1916, Norman Rockwells first cover on "The Saturday Evening Post" appeared. 1926, The U.S. Congress passed the Air Commerce Act. The act gave the Department of Commerce the right to license pilots and planes. 1927, Charles Lindbergh took off from New York to cross the Atlantic for Paris aboard his airplane the "Spirit of St. Louis." The trip took 33 1/2 hours. 1930, The first airplane was catapulted from a dirigible. 1932, Amelia Earhart took off to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean. She became the first woman to achieve the feat. 1939, The first telecast over telephone wires was sent from Madison Square Garden to the NBC-TV studios at 30 Rockefeller Center in Manhattan. The event was a bicycle race. 1939, The first regular air-passenger service across the Atlantic Ocean began with the take-off of the "Yankee Clipper" from Port Washington, New York. 1941, Germany invaded Crete by air. 1942, Japan completed the conquest of Burma. 1949, DearWebby was born in Austria. 1961, A white mob attacked the Freedom Riders in Montgomery, AL. The event prompted the federal government to send U.S. marshals. 1969, U.S. and South Vietnamese forces captured Apbia Mountain, which was referred to as Hamburger Hill. 1970, 100,000 people marched in New York supporting U.S. policies in Vietnam. 1978, Mavis Hutchinson, at age 53, became the first woman to run across America. It took Hutchinson 69 days to run the 3,000 miles. 1980, The submarine Nautilus was designated as a National Historic Landmark by the U.S. Secretary of the Interior. 1982, TVs "Barney Miller" was seen for the last time on ABC-TV. 1985, The FBI arrested U.S. Navy Chief Petty Officer John Walker. Walker had begun spying for the Soviet Union in 1968. 1985, Radio Marti was launched. 1990, The Hubble Space Telescope sent back its first photographs. 1999, At Heritage High School in Conyers, GA, a 15-year- old student shot and injured six students. He then surrendered to an assistant principal at the school. 2010, Scientists announced that they had created a functional synthetic genome. 2010, Five paintings worth 100 million Euro were stolen from the Muse d'Art Moderne de la Ville de Paris. 2023, smiled. If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! PayPal The safer, easier way to pay online! Go to TOP Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com Please give a friend a subscription to the Humor Letter If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you and send them a confirmation request. 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