Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, Oct 15 __________________________________________________ History 1860, Grace Bedell, 11 years old, wrote a letter to presidential candidate Abraham Lincoln. The letter stated that Lincoln would look better if he would grow a beard. ____________________________________________________ Q Communism is like one big phone company. --- Lenny Bruce (1923 - 1966) "Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great." --- Mark Twain Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ BONEHEAD AWARD Springfield, PA stalker arrested __________________________________________________________ While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what the pin signified. "Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away." ________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ A wife woke in the middle of the night to find her husband missing from bed. She got out of bed and checked around the house. She heard sobbing from the basement. After turning on the light and descending the stairs, she found he husband curled up in the corner, of the basement,... crying like a baby. "Honey, what's wrong?", she asked, worried about what could hurt him so much. "Remember, 20 years ago, I got you pregnant and your father threatened me to either marry you or to go to jail?" "Yes, of course," she replied. "Well, I would have been released from jail this afternoon!" __________________________________________________ Jasper, Alberta ___________________________________________________ Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, "Just think, Fred, we are five dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand." "Good," my dad quickly replied. "Wash it again!" _____________________________________________________ The tourist wandered into a gourmet food shop in Beverly Hills. He picked out two apples and a pear. "That will be $8.00," the store owner said. The tourist gave him a ten dollar bill and walked away. "Wait! Don't you want your change?" "Forget it. I stepped on a grape on my way in." ___________________________________________________ While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what the pin signified. "Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away." ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Buzzy RE: Old tech support files Dear Webby Here is one from my files: secretary: "i need a tech to come and fix my printer." Secretary: "My printer is flashing '''Error 13 Paper Out" Buzzy: "Check to see if there is paper in the machine" Secretary: "Already did, no - there is no paper in the machine" Buzzy: "Try filling the paper bin, see if that fixes the 'error''." Secretary: "Hold on.... Yes that fixed it, but every time it runs out of paper I get the error again." Buzzy: SILENT (I had nothing to say...) Buzzy's employer used to be a client, but then his company decided to become a web host themselves, and promptly went bankrupt. Have FUN! DearWebby ________________________________________________ Broom (brum) - a long handled brush used for sweeping (also doubles as a mode of transportation for your mother) Vacuum (vak' u em) - much like the leaf blower except it sucks in, instead of blowing out. Don't let this alarm you. It isn't broken and doesn't need more torque, speed, RAM or whatever it is you did to the dishwasher. Dust Pan (DUH) - Contrary to popular belief, this is where you sweep the dirt, not under the hallway area rug. Dust Cloth (dust kloth) - A cloth designated for removing tiny particles of dirt from every flat surface of the house. Hint: look for your old "lucky shirt". Bucket (buk' it) - Cylindric container used for holding soapy water when mopping the floor. Also known as your mid-evil knight helmet when you're playing with our seven-year-old. Mop (mop) - a bundle of coarse yarn, rags or cloth fastened at the end of a stick. You'll remember this as your dance partner at the New Year's Eve party last year. Toilet Brush (toi' lit brush) - Used for scrubbing the inside of the toilet bowl. I don't care what this looks like, you may NOT use my shower luffa again! Oven Cleaner (uv' en Klen' er) - No, not the teenager. This is an actual product that you buy, spray in the oven and wipe out two hours later. You won't need your welder's mask for this task, but if it makes you feel more dangerous, go ahead. Sponge (spunj) - used to gently wash away food particles from dinnerware. It won't be necessary to use your 300psi Power wash set. That was given to you in hopes of cleaning the exterior of the house (hint hint). Squeegee (skwe' je) - Same principle as washing the car windshield, and yes, real men do squeegee! Final Note: While Duct tape may be a wonderful plumbers aid, it's really not the best solution for keeping the bathroom towels in place, and Jamie's teacher is still asking why his homework was stuck to his forehead last week. For these reasons, I have hidden the duct tape and distributed your picture to the local hardware stores. Don't make me call 1-800-Duc Tape ___________________________________________________ If You Can Spare A Coin, Please Hit Paypal With It! ___________________________________________________ Tombstones RIP Good Friend Gordon now you've crossed the River Jordan HERE LIES my wife, I bid her goodbye. She rests in peace and now so do I. Here lies HENRY BLAKE He stepped on the gas Instead of the brake HERE LIES the Pillsbury Dough Boy He will rise again RIP Barry M. Deep RIP Ted N. Buried REST IN PEACE COUSIN HUET we all know you didn't do it HERE LIES JOHN YEAST Pardon me for not rising HERE LIES GOOD OLD FRED a great big rock fell on his head HERE LIES LESTER MORE Four slugs From a forty-four No Les no more Dear Departed BROTHER DAVE he chased a bear into a cave ____________________________________________ A Bonehead Award Has Been Reported By Rock RICHARD STORZ, 30, Springfield, PA USA Springfield, PA stalker arrested 30-year-old Richard Storz of Springfield, PA was extradited to Palm Beach County to face cyberstalking charges. PBSO requested a warrant for Storz arrest last month after a 31-year-old Palm Beach Count woman told investigators that she has been harassed, cyberstalked, and threatened by her ex- boyfriend she left in Pennsylvania. Investigators say that the ex-girlfriend moved to Palm Beach County from Pittsburgh, PA about a year ago. The victim says that Storz would contact her and began harassing her, often times from fake Facebook accounts, to spite her requests he stop. In May, Storz escalated things when he learned that the victim became pregnant. Storz allegedly created fake social media profiles, pretending to be the victim, in an attempt to smear her reputation. Storz, while pretending to be the victim on social media, asked people if they wanted to see her perform oral sex. Storz then shared images on social media. Investigators say that Storz has a video of the victim performing oral sex on him which he used threaten and harass the victim with. Storz committed sextortion against the victim by threatening to share the explicit video in an attempt to get her to talk to him. If that wasnt bad enough, Storz also threatened to murder the victim, her new boyfriend, and their newborn baby. Investigators reviewed many text messages the victim received form Storz where he threatened her life. The victim has documented proof that she asked Storz to stop and leaver her alone, including an e-mail sent to his Temple University e- mail address. Storz has been arrested and extradited to Palm Beach County to face the following charges: 836.10(2a) Written Threats to Kill or Do Bodily Injury 784.048(3) Aggravated Stalking 784.049(3a) Sexually Cyber Harassment ________________________________________________ The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits of the deceased, what an honest man he was, and what a loving husband and kind father he was. Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, "Go up there and take a look in the coffin and see if that's your pa in there." _________________________________________________ History On Oct 15, in 1815, Napoleon Bonaparte began his exile on the remote island of St. Helena in the Atlantic Ocean. 1860, Grace Bedell, 11 years old, wrote a letter to presidential candidate Abraham Lincoln. The letter stated that Lincoln would look better if he would grow a beard. 1883, The U.S. Supreme Court struck down part of the Civil Rights Act of 1875. It allowed for individuals and corporations to discriminate based on race. 1892, The U.S. government announced that the land in the western Montana was open to settlers. The 1.8 million acres were bought from the Crow Indians for 50 cents per acre. 1914, The Clayton Antitrust Act was passed by the U.S. Congress. 1937, "To Have and Have Not" by Ernest Hemingway was published for the first time. 1939, New York Municipal Airport was dedicated. The name was later changed to La Guardia Airport. 1945, Pierre Laval, the former premier of Vichy France, was executed for treason. 1946, Hermann Goering, a Nazi war criminal and founder of the Gestapo, poisoned himself just hours before his scheduled execution. 1964, It was announced that Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev had been removed from power. He was replaced with Alexei N. Kosygin. 1983, U.S. Marines killed five snipers who had pinned them down in Beirut International Airport. 1984, The Freedom of Information Act was passed. 1989, South African officials released eight prominent political prisoners. 1989, Wayne Gretzky, while playing for the Los Angeles Kings, surpassed Gordie Howe's NHL scoring record of 1,850 career points. 1993, U.S. President Clinton sent warships to enforce trade sanctions that had been imposed on Haitian military rulers. 1993, South Africa's President F.W. de Klerk and African National Congress President Nelson Mandela were named winners of the Nobel Peace Prize for their efforts to end the apartheid system in South Africa. 1997, British Royal Air Force pilot Andy Green broke the land- speed record by driving a jet-powered car faster than the speed of sound. 1997, The Cassini-Huygens mission was launched from Cape Canaveral, FL. On January 14, 2005, a probe sent back pictures of Saturn's moon Titan during and after landing. 1998, The U.N. condemned the U.S. economic embargo on Cuba for the seventh year in a row. 2001, NASA's Galileo spacecraft passed within 112 miles of Jupiter's moon Io. 2023, Do! Smiled. Have Fun Dearwebby
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