Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, July 21 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Arizona Woman Arrested After Entering Stranger's Home, Cooking Naked and stealing stuff Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 21 in 2011 Space Shuttle Atlantis landed at Kennedy Space Center in Florida. It was the last flight of NASA's space shuttle program. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places. --- E. Joseph Cossman The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty. --- Eugene McCarthy (1916 2005) Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. --- Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850) To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so. --- Robert Orben ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Bonnie I was in the kitchen one day, trying to reach the baking powder on the top shelf of a cabinet. Being only five feet tall, I had to stretch, but still couldn't grab the box. Fortunately, I have two six-foot-tall sons whom I often call to come to my rescue. "Hey, Brian!" I yelled to my second son, who was in the living room. "Will you get your tallness in here and get this for me?" "Sure, Mom," he remarked as he bounded into the kitchen. "But next time, I'd prefer the title, 'Your Highness'." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Billie, Do, Janet and Bo Derek were all traveling somewhere in the same train compartment. After several minutes of the trip, the train passed through a dark tunnel and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When the train emerged from the tunnel, Billie had a big red hand print on his cheek. Janet thought: "That dirt-bag Billie laid his hands on Bo Derek and she slapped him." Bo Derek thought: "I bet that sleazy Bilie tried to touch me, but put his hand on Janet by mistake . . . and she slapped him." Billie thought: "Do must have put a hand on Bo Derek and she slapped me by mistake." Do thought: "I hope we go through another tunnel soon, so I can smack Billie again." ______________________________________________________ How reliable a witness are you? There is an angy man and a woman. Which one is on the right side? Now move back a couple of feet and tell me, who is on the right side now! _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stacy Horton-Garcia Peoria, Arizona Arizona Woman Arrested After Entering Stranger's Home, Cooking Naked and stealing stuff A woman claimed she went to the wrong house after she was arrested for cooking naked and stealing items from a stranger's home in Peoria, Arizona, according to television KTVK in Phoenix. Stacy Horton-Garcia is suspected of entering a house through an unlocked door in the area of 91st and Peoria avenues around 3 p.m. on July 11, allegedly to steal the homeowner's clothes from his closet, authorities said. A surveillance photo captured her cooking food naked inside the home, police said. She also allegedly took a shower before the homeowner returned. Surveillance video showed her running from the house with the homeowner's belongings, which she dropped outside, police said. Horton-Garcia was later arrested. Police said she told them she was going to her boyfriend's house and accidentally went to the wrong home. Horton- Garcia said her boyfriend's name was Mike but she didn't know his last name. She said she only met him a few days prior at a Circle K in the area. Horton-Garcia was booked on suspicion of second-degree burglary and first-degree criminal trespassing. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: RJR Re: eml Dear Webby, When I try to open certain emails that have the extension .eml I am getting the error box that says "this file does not have a program associated with it...etc." and to create one under settings, folder options. When I check there I do see EML already listed. Does this have something to do with AOL sent emails? I recently removed Earthlink Total Access, which is when I began seeing this error. Thanks for any ideas. Have a happy Thanksgiving. R. J. Dear RJ That's just a virus masquerading as an Outlook Depressed message. That is why some of us have called Outlook Depressed a "Virus Magnet" for many years. It opens that stuff! Turn on the settings for showing all extensions, even known ones, and for showing all hidden files. Probably that file was actually something like "password.eml.exe" but the second extension was hidden. Have FUN! DearWebby The year is 2025 and the United States of America has recently elected the first woman as well as an openly Jewish President, a Susan Vineberg. So the President elect calls up her mother a few weeks after election day and says, "So ma, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?" "I don't think so. It's a ten hour drive, and your father isn't as young as he used to be, and my gout is acting up again." "Don't worry about it Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door." "I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy, I don't know what on Earth I would wear." "Oh mom," replies Susan, "don't worry about it. I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown by Christian Day." "Honey," Mom complains, "you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat." The President-to-be responds, "Don't worry Mom. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York, kosher all the way. Mom, I want you to come." So Mom agrees and on January 21, 2025, Susan Vineberg is being sworn in as President of the United States of America. In the front row sits the new President's mother, who leans over to a Senator sitting next to her and says, "You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States?" The Senator whispers back, "Yes I do." "Her brother's a doctor." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stuffed Mushroom Caps By Sandi/Poor But Proud [633 Posts, 2,527 Comments] These are the best appetizers and even a main course. They can be vegetarian if you leave out the bacon. Easy to make, and on the table in just 35 minutes. Total Time: about 35 minutes. Yield: 10 Source: Food.com has this and I just made it and put it on Pinterest. too. Ingredients: 10 Each large mushrooms ($2.00) 1/2 cup chopped onions ($.20) 1/2 cup breadcrumbs ($.50) 1/2 cup bacon, cooked and chopped ($.75) 4 Tbsp butter, melted ($.15) 2 Tbsp dry white wine ($1.00) 2 Tbsp parsley, freshly chopped ($.15) 2 Tbsp olive oil ($.25) 1 Tbsp garlic powder ($.15) 1 tsp oregano leaves, dried ($.15) salt and pepper to taste ($.02) 1 cup shredded co-jack or monterey jack cheese. ($.75) 1/4 cup olives, finely chopped ($.50) Steps: Wash the caps and remove stems, setting them aside. Dry the caps and place in buttered baking dish. Chop the stems to measure 1/2 cup. In a skillet saute' the stems, onions, olives and garlic in oil. Mix breadcrumbs, bacon, spices, melted butter and wine. Add to the skillet and mix. Let cool about 10 minutes. Roll the mix into balls and place in middle of the cap. Press down a little and cover with cheese mix. Cook 20 minutes in 350 degree F oven. ____________________________________________________ | | stacking beer bottles & placing golf ball on top with excavator |
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this report: DUBLIN, Ireland - A nursing home in Ireland has hit on a cheering way to keep up the spirits of its elderly patients -- by providing its own pub. St Mary's Hospital in County Monaghan, near the Irish border with Northern Ireland, believes ready access to a good pint may help its patients -- average age 85 -- actually live longer. We would say the whole social aspect of life does extend the years -- it means the patients aren't bored to death, Rose Mooney, assistant director of nursing told Reuters. The pub, which opens at 11 a.m. and closes at 9 p.m. and charges normal bar prices, had also led to an increase in the number of visitors, she said. Having its own bar made the hospital, which has around 140 patients, unique in Ireland, she added. ___________________________________________________ | | These wood sculptures look good enough to eat! |
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this one: One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the Barbie on the display window?" The salesperson answers, "Which one? We have: Work out Barbie for $19.95 Shopping Barbie for $19.95 Beach Barbie for $19.95 Disco Barbie for $19.95 Divorced Barbie for $265.95". The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and all the others only $19.95?" The salesperson annoyingly answers : "Sir..., "Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer and... One of Ken's Friends. | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it". For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $75". The next day someone stole it. ____________________________________________________ | Today, on July 21, in 1831 Belgium became independent as Leopold I was proclaimed King of the Belgians. 1861 The first major battle of the U.S. Civil War began. It was the Battle of Bull Run at Manassas Junction, VA. The Confederates won the battle. 1925 The "Monkey Trial" ended in Dayton, TN. John T. Scopes was convicted and fined $100 for violating the state prohibition on teaching Darwin's theory of evolution. The conviction was later overturned on a legal technicality because the judge had set the fine instead of the jury. 1931 The Reno Race Track inaugurated the daily double in the U.S. 1940 Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia were annexed by the Soviet Union. 1944 American forces landed on Guam during World War II. 1949 The U.S. Senate ratified the North Atlantic Treaty. 1954 The Geneva Conference partitioned Vietnam into North Vietnam and South Vietnam. 1959 A U.S. District Court judge in New York City ruled that "Lady Chatterley's Lover" was not a dirty book. 1961 Captain Virgil "Gus" Grissom became the second American to rocket into a sub-orbital pattern around the Earth. He was flying on the Liberty Bell 7. 1968 Arnold Palmer became the first golfer to make a million dollars in career earnings after he tied for second place at the PGA Championship. 1980 Draft registration began in the United States for 19 and 20-year-old men. 1997 The U.S.S. Constitution, which defended the United States during the War of 1812, set sail under its own power for the first time in 116 years. 1998 Chinese gymnast Sang Lan, 17, was paralyzed after a fall while practicing for the women's vault competition at the Goodwill Games in New York. Spinal surgery 4 days later failed to restore sensation below her upper chest. 2000 NBC announced that they had found nearly all of Milton Berle's kinescopes. The filmed recordings of Berle's early TV shows had been the subject of a $30 million lawsuit filed by Berle the previous May. 2002 WorldCom Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. At the time it was the largest bankruptcy in U.S. history. 2004 White House officials were briefed on the September 11 commission's final report. The 575-page report concluded that hijackers exploited "deep institutional failings within our government." The report was released to the public the next day. 2007 The seventh and last book of the Harry Potter series, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," was released. 2011 Space Shuttle Atlantis landed at Kennedy Space Center in Florida. It was the last flight of NASA's space shuttle program. 2017 Do smiled. |
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