Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, June 15 _____________________________________________________ Today, June 15 in 1978 King Hussein of Jordan married 26-year-old American Lisa Halaby, who became Queen Noor. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Vermont Texter hits police car ! ! ! ! _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ Punctuality is the virtue of the bored. --- Evelyn Waugh (1903 - 1966), A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) "According to a new study that just came out, smoking pot regularly does not lead to harder drugs. In fact the study shows that smoking pot regularly does not lead to doing much of anything." --- Conan O'Brien _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A man walked out into the street and managed to get a taxi just going by. What luck, he thought, as he slid into the cab. "Perfect timing," the cabby said. "You're just like Bill." "Bill who?" "Bill Smith. There's a guy who did everything right," the cabby said. "Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Bill every time." "Nah," the man said to the cabby. "There are always a few clouds over everybody." "Not Bill," said the cabby. "He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star." "Bill was really something, huh?" "Oh, yeah," continued the cabby. "Bill had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out." "No wonder you remember him," the man said. "Well, I never actually met Bill," said the cabby. "Then how in the world do you know so much about him?" "I married his widow," replied the cabby. ______________________________________________________` _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kevin Bacon, 55, Wells River, Vermont Texter hit police car A motorist named Kevin Bacon was on his phone using an Internet search engine to search for a specific episode of the 90's television sitcom 'Saved by the Bell' when he sideswiped a Vermont police car that had stopped to aid the driver of a disabled vehicle, cops report. According to the Vermont State Police, the 55-year-old Bacon was driving a 2016 Chevrolet Spark when he struck a Thetford Police Department cruiser around 3:45 PM yesterday on Interstate 91. The driver of the squad car was aiding a motorist in the breakdown lane who had called police for assistance due to the dangers of passing traffic. After striking the police car, Bacon continued driving for a short distance, then stopped his vehicle before fleeing the scene of the crash. Bacon was apprehended about a mile from the crash scene. A subsequent State Police investigation found that Bacon was looking down at his cell phone at the time of the crash, as well as several minutes beforehand, and never saw the disabled vehicle or the marked police cruiser. The patrolman and the stranded motorist were not injured when the cop car was sideswiped from the rear by Bacon's vehicle. Investigators determined that Bacon was using his phone to surf the Internet for a specific episode of the 90's television sitcom 'Saved by the Bell' while he was driving. State Police officials did not identify which episode was of such interest to Bacon. Seen in the above mug shot, Bacon was arrested for gross negligent operation of a vehicle and leaving the scene of a crash. He was also issued a traffic citation for texting while driving. Bacon, who lives in Wells River, about 30 miles from the crash site, is scheduled for a July 31 appearance in Orange County Court. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Connie Re: Email for sending pictures Dear Webby I think I mentioned some time ago that I was purchasing a new Dell computer and now I'm like to ask a question in regards to the two programs you replied to Oscar, Pegasus and Eudora. I have approximately $100.00 left to pay on it abd since I'm not in business in any form other than killing cancer, would either of the two stated above be a good program for me other than OE... Too many hassels with OE in losing emails, especially when sending pictures to family and friends. After all these years of learning how to do different things with your instructions through reading the daily Tech Support Pits, {and I'm sure I've missed quite a few instructions when being so sick and not on the computer, then automaticallly deleting all when I could feel up to sitting and concentrating for a long perios of time, {I truly appreciate your service that more often than not, is a tremendous help to me}, would the two programs as stated above be a help to me after getting the new computer? I have yet to learn how to send pictures, etc., from My Pictures or My Documents from yahoo instead of the OE program. Sometimes I think some of the programs you discuss to help people with their problems is for either the business person or those far more computer experienced than I. I do hope your day has been great. Connie Dear Connie Yes, sure, both of those are good and reliable. To send pictures with Eudora, there are a few fool proof options. For small pictures, I copy the picture, or a part of it, in Paint Shop Pro or any graphics program, jump back to Eudora and hit CTRL V or SHIFT Insert For large originals, no matter how huge they are, I hit CTRL H to attacH the picture. That opens a little browser and I hunt it down, even if it is on a different hard drive or still on the camera, highlight the picture, and hit the ATTACH button. I can also attach any picture by dragging it from a file explorer window into the top of the mail. I can also drag movies or music from a Skype window into an Eudora letter. Have not used Pegasus since 1993, but as far as I remember, it works pretty well the same as Eudora. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. This guy says to his buddy, "You'll never believe what happened last night." His buddy says, "Well then, tell me what happened." The guy says, "Last night the doorbell rang, and when I opened the door, there was my ex-mother-in-law on the front porch, asking me, "Can I stay here for a few days?" I said, "Of course, you can," and shut the door." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Bonehead from 2003 Suddenly I Have This Urge To Start A Fight In The Chilean Parliament A Bonehead award goes to a Chilean woman, running for Parliament, who says that if elected, she will flash her breasts every time members of Parliament get into an argument. Says the porn star, "This will be my way of protesting and it will make them reach agreement. I'm going to get some nice implants so I'll be happy to show them." Ananova (UK) 19-Jan-03 I wonder if they will have an argument about what size implants are permissible for parliamentary debating purposes. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Uses for Old Jeans When jeans are past their prime and not suitable for wearing, you can recycle the fabric to use in craft projects. Denim is durable and great for making quilt blocks, purses, patches or sleeves to hold tools. thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ | | Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! |
___________________________________________________ A 2003 Classic from Ireland Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang. "Hallo, Mr. Hussein!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Patrick down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on ya!" "Well, Patrick," Saddam replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Patrick, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!" Saddam paused. "I must tell you Patrick, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begorra!", said Patrick. "I'll have to ring ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Patrick called again. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Patrick?" Saddam asked. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." Saddam sighed. "I must tell you, Patrick, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke." "Saints preserve us!" said Patrick. "I'll have to get back to ya." Sure enough, Patrick rang again the next day. "Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns, and four lads from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!" Saddam was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Patrick, that I have 1,000 bombers and 2,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!" "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Patrick, "I'll have to ring ya back." Sure enough, Patrick called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Hussein! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war." "I'm sorry to hear that," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," said Patrick, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch o' pints, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners." ___________________________________________________ At long last the good-humored boss was compelled to call Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor." "You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't realize it. Do you think she might be faking it ?" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Heard on a public transportation vehicle while in Orlando: "When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step. If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you." ___________________________________________________ | Today, June 15 in 1215 King John of England put his seal on the Magna Carta. 1381 The English peasant revolt was crushed in London. 1389 Ottoman Turks crushed Serbia in the Battle of Kosovo. 1607 Colonists in North America completed James Fort in Jamestown, VA. 1667 Jean-Baptiste Denys administered the first fully-documented human blood transfusion. He successfully transfused the blood of a sheep to a 15-year old boy. 1752 Benjamin Franklin experimented by flying a kite during a thunderstorm. The result was a little spark that showed the relationship between lightning and electricity. 1775 George Washington was appointed head of the Continental Army by the Second Continental Congress. 1844 Charles Goodyear was granted a patent for a process that strengthens rubber. 1846 The United States and Britain settled a boundary dispute concerning the boundary between the U.S. and Canada, by signing a treaty. 1864 An order to establish a military burial ground was signed by Secretary of War Edwin M. Stanton. The location later became known as Arlington National Cemetery. 1866 Prussia attacked Austria. 1877 Henry O. Flipper became the first African American to graduate from the U.S. Military Academy at West Point. 1898 The U.S. House of representatives approved the annexation of Hawaii. 1909 Benjamin Shibe patented the cork center baseball. 1911 The Computing-Tabulating-Recording Co. was incorporated in the state of New York. The company was later renamed International Business Machines (IBM) Corp. 1916 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson signed a bill incorporating the Boy Scouts of America. 1917 Great Britain pledged the release of all the Irish captured during the Easter Rebellion of 1916. 1919 Captain John Alcock and Lt. Arthur W. Brown won $50,000 for successfully completing the first non-stop trans-Atlantic plane flight. 1940 The French fortress of Verdun was captured by Germans. 1944 American forces began their successful invasion of Saipan during World War II. 1947 The All-Indian Congress accepted a British plan for the partition of India. 1948 Soviet authorities announced that the Autobahn would be closed indefinitely "for repairs", cutting off Berlin. 1958 Greece severed military ties to Turkey because of the Cypress issue. 1964 The last French troops left Algeria. 1978 King Hussein of Jordan married 26-year-old American Lisa Halaby, who became Queen Noor. 1981 The U.S. agreed to provide Pakistan with $3 billion in military and economic aid from October 1982 to October 1987. 1982 In the capital city of Stanley, the Falklands war ended as Argentine troops surrendered to the British. 1983 The U.S. Supreme Court reinforced its position on abortion by striking down state and local restriction on abortions. 1986 Pravda, the Communist Party newspaper, reported that the chief engineer of the Chernobyl nuclear plant was dismissed for mishandling the incident at the plant. 1992 It was ruled by the U.S. Supreme Court that the government could kidnap criminal suspects from foreign countries for prosecution. 1992 U.S. Vice President Dan Quayle instructed a student to spell "potato" with an "e" on the end during a spelling bee. He had relied on a faulty flash card that had been written by the student's teacher. 1994 Israel and the Vatican established full diplomatic relations. 1999 South Korean naval forces sank a North Korean torpedo boat during an exchange in the disputed Yellow Sea. 2019 Do smiled. |
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