| Good Morning, Do! Thank you, Nancy! Today is Monday, April 3 ___________________________________________________ History: Today, Aril 3 in 1986 - The U.S. national debt hit $2 trillion. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Pedophile caged 3,000 years for staggering 13,000 sex crimes _____________________________________________ Q Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money. --- Jules Renard (1864 - 1910) There is something that is much more scarce, something rarer than ability. It is the ability to recognize ability. --- Robert Half ________________________________________________ Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite. Have you ever seen a man get on a bus ahead of one? __________________________________________ A woman confided to her girlfriend, "My ex-husband wants to marry me again." The friend said, "How flattering." The woman replied, "Not really. I think he's after the money I married him for." ___________________________________________________ As if feeling discomfort, a construction worker behind her said, "Pardon me, miss, but that thing pressing into your back is my weekly pay ... today they only paid us hard cash!" "I don't mind your hard cash," replied the woman, "but how do you explain your pay increase since the last stop?" _________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ A real estate salesman had just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he had sold was completely under water. "That customer's going to come back here pretty mad," he said to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?" "Money back?" roared the boss. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat." ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office. Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back. Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous." Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour. To err is human, to forgive is not our policy. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing. Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried. Following the rules will not get the job done. Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules. When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?" No matter how much you do, you never do enough. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong. _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been reported by Rock Richard J. Reynolds, 57, Rockford, Illinois, USA Scout leader pleads guilty to attempted grooming A Rockford man, and former Boy Scout leader, is pleading guilty to attempted grooming of a Kane County teenager in exchange for a sentence of special sex offender probation. According to the Kane County State's Attorney's Office, 57- year-old Richard J. Reynolds, of Rockford, will need to serve two years of the special probation which includes maintaining daily logs and adhering to a curfew. Reynolds will also not be allowed to have unsupervised contact with any child under the age of seventeen. He'll also have to register as a sex offender for the next ten years. The state's attorney's offices alleges that Reynolds sent messages to a teen, who was younger than eighteen, asking the victim to perform sexual acts and take pictures. Reynolds knew the victim though their association with the scouts. Reynolds was co-director of a Scout camp near Stockton. _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Jana Re: Email Aliases Dear Webby, I need half a dozen different email addresses, all funneling to my main address. Can that be done? Jana Dear Jana Yes, sure. No problem at all if you have your own domain name. Domain names are still very affordable, most are $12 - $30 per year, depending on what you want after the dot. I recommend .com, because most people still type in .com on absentminded auto-pilot, and get annoyed when the browser goes to your competitor, who has snagged the .com. Some people insist on getting a .ca or .us, even though those are more expensive. Whatever domain name you select, you can use for your emails. Then you can have, for example [email protected], and alias or funnel [email protected], [email protected], [email protected], [email protected], and so on, to the main address. That way you only have to check one address, and can sort the mail into different folders, if you want. The cost is negligible, and if you run any kind of business or social venture, you need a domain anyway. Unlike FaceBook, with your own domain nobody can block you. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Today, April 3 in 1513 - Spanish explorer Juan Ponce de Leon landed in Florida. He had sighted the land the day before. 1776 - George Washington received an honorary Doctor of Laws degree from Harvard College . 1829 - James Carrington patented the coffee mill. 1860 - The first Pony Express riders left St. Joseph, MO and Sacramento, CA. The trip across country took about 10 days. The Pony Express only lasted about a year and a half. 1865 - Union forces occupy Confederate capital of Richmond, Virginia. 1866 - Rudolph Eickemeyer and G. Osterheld patented a blocking and shaping machine for hats. 1882 - The American outlaw Jesse James was shot in the back and killed by Robert Ford for a $5,000 reward. There was later controversy over whether it was actually Jesse James that had been killed. 1910 - Alaska's Mt. McKinley, the highest mountain in North America was climbed. 1933 - First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt informed newspaper reporters that beer would be served at the White House. This followed the March 22 legislation that legalized "3.2" beer. 1936 - Richard Bruno Hauptmann was executed for the kidnapping and death of the son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh. 1942 - The Japanese began their all-out assault on the U.S. and Filipino troops at Bataan. 1946 - Lt. General Masaharu Homma, the Japanese commander responsible for the Bataan Death March, was executed in the Philippines. 1948 - U.S. President Harry Truman signed the Marshall Plan to revive war-torn Europe. It was $5 billion in aid for 16 countries. 1953 - "TV Guide" was published for the first time. 1967 - The U.S. State Department said that Hanoi might be brainwashing American prisoners. 1968 - Martin Luther King Jr. delivered his "mountaintop" speech just 24 hours before he was assassinated. 1968 - North Vietnam agreed to meet with U.S. representatives to set up preliminary peace talks. 1972 - Charlie Chaplin returned to the U.S. after a twenty- year absence. 1979 - Jane Byrne became the first female mayor in Chicago. 1983 - It was reported that Vietnamese occupation forces had overrun a key insurgent base in western Cambodia. 1984 - Sikh terrorists killed a member of the Indian Parliament in his home. 1984 - Col. Lansana Konte became the new president of Guinea when the armed forces seized power after the death of Sekou Toure. 1985 - The U.S. charged that Israel violated the Geneva Convention by deporting Shiite prisoners. 1986 - The U.S. national debt hit $2 trillion. 1987 - Riots disrupted mass during the Pope's visit to Santiago, Chili. 1993 - The Norman Rockwell Museum opened in Stockbridge, MA. 1996 - An Air Force jetliner carrying Commerce Secretary Ron Brown crashed in Croatia, killing all 35 people aboard. 1996 - Unabomber suspect Theodore Kaczynski was arrested. He pled guilty in January 1998 to five Unabomber attacks in exchange for a life sentence without chance for parole. 1998 - The Dow Jones industrial average climbed above 9,000 for the first time. 2000 - A U.S. federal judge ruled that Microsoft had violated U.S. antitrust laws by keeping "an oppressive thumb" on its competitors. Microsoft said that they would appeal the ruling. 2000 - The Nasdaq set a one-day record when it lost 349.15 points to close at 4,233.68. 2010 - The first Apple iPad was released. 2023, Do smiled.
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