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Todays Bonehead Award: Arizona TV reporters charged after cocaine found in baby's system Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 3, in 1903 The first cable across the Pacific Ocean was spliced between Honolulu, Midway, Guam and Manila. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Study as if you were going to live forever; live as if you were going to die tomorrow. --- Maria Mitchell ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One of our patients wasn't taking any chances. Prior to her operation, she taped notes to her body for the surgeon... "Take your time," "Don't cut yourself," "No need to rush," "Wash your hands..." After surgery, as I helped the patient back into her bed, we discovered a new note taped to her, this one from the doctor, "Has anyone seen my wristwatch?" Independence Day Sale
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I spent 20 minutes explaining life insurance options to one of our employees. After reviewing the different plans and monthly deductions, he decided to max out, choosing $100,000 worth of life insurance. But he had one last question. "Now," he said, "what do I have to do to collect the money?" ______________________________________________________ The man entered the florist shop and ordered a bouquet of flowers to be delivered to his wife. When asked what he wanted on the card, he replied that no card was necessary as she'd know who they came from. Shortly after the flowers were delivered, the florist received a phone call from the wife asking who had sent the flowers. The florist told her that the sender requested no card be included. "Please, I've GOT to know WHO sent these flowers BEFOR0E my husband comes home for lunch!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Arizona TV reporters charged after cocaine found in baby's system Krystin Lisaius, 26, Somchai Lisaius, 42, Oro Valley, Arizona An Oro Valley couple known around Tucson as on-air personalities is facing drug charges after tests revealed there was cocaine in their baby's system. Oro Valley police say 26-year-old Krystin Lisaius and husband Somchai Lisaius were indicted on charges of possession of a dangerous drug, drug paraphernalia and child abuse on June 9. CBS affiliate KOLD reports that authorities said they found less than 2 grams of "white powder or white residue" and other paraphernalia at the couple's home. They made their first appearance in court on Monday. Both were TV reporters in Tucson. Krystin Lisaius worked at KGUN-TV while 42-year-old Somchai Lisaius was a reporter for Tucson News Now. It appears they suddenly don't work at those stations anymore. Riley said the baby was taken to the hospital on May 15 after being breast-fed and appearing to be in distress. Test revealed cocaine in the four-month-old's body. The baby is now living with a relative. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marnia RE: Electromagnetic pollution Dear Webby, How serious are those concerns about "electromagnetic radiation pollution"? My mother-in-law read some stuff about it in some magazine and is all worried about it. Marnia Dear Marnia It doesn't seem to affect everybody the same way. Most people never notice it, but extraordinarily gullible persons may think that something is affecting them and with some coaching from fanatics may indeed worry themselves an ulcer or whatever is fashionable in their circles. I have worked for years in extremely high electromagnetic environments like an aluminum smelter, major electric power plants, and large welding shops, and I have outlived a lot of doctors that I have known. While doctors usually die from cancer, heart disease or mysterious ailments, the people in those high electromagnetic environments seem to die mostly of traffic accidents or old age. However, once somebody believes in the danger of electromagnetic radiation pollution, you can't reason with them, and trying to use logic on them just makes them hostile. Just humor them and play along. Usually those people are so clueless that putting plastic childproofers onto electrical outlets "to stop the electric radiation from leaking out" will make them feel better. In the mid 90's at the peak of the electromagnetic radiation scare period, I sold a good number of protective monitor screens. They were just black metal mesh mosquito screens made up for me by the local window glazing company. I added a ground wire to them and a little alligator clip. Those screens reduced the glare and reflection off the monitor,and thereby reduced eye strain and headaches, but the people who bought them swore their headaches went away because they shielded them from electro- magnetic radiation. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ After a two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?" "Yes, we have, your honor," the foreman responded. "Would you please pass it to me," the judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him. After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, "Please read your verdict to the court." "We find the defendant Not Guilty of all four counts of bank robbery," stated the foreman. The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the verdict and hug each other as they shout expressions of divine gratitude. The man's attorney turns to his client and asks, "So, what do you think about that?" The defendant, with a bewildered look on his face turns to his attorney and says, "I'm real confused here. Does this mean that I have to give all the bank money back?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Magnet to Hold Brush to Paint Can When you're painting and you need to put your brush down it can be messy, not to mention losing it. Just use a hot glue gun and attach a magnet on to your brush handle. Then when you need to set down your brush it will stay right on your paint can. By coville123 Most paint cans have a groove designed to trap paint and splatter it all over, when you tap the lid in place. Pros take two two inch spiral nails, and hammer two holes each on opposite sides, and leave the nails in one hole each per side. Then we run a rubber band across the paint can berween opposite nails. Now you can lean the brush with the handle on a clean rim and the bristles on the rubber band, dripping into the can. Any paint, that gets onto the rim, drips down through the unoccupied holes, and there won't be any splattering, when you remove the nails and slam the lid. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
_____________________________________________________ Ever mindful of the congregation, the Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog, and knew that the dog also had to be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. "Fetch the Bible,"he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner. "Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog. That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do regular dog tricks, too?" "I haven't tried yet" the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog."HEEL!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl. The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Oh!! NO!! He's Pentecostal!" ___________________________________________________ | kitten climbs into cage with puppy |
____________________________________________________ Little Mary was attending a wedding for the first time. As she sat in the church, she watched the bride slowly approach the altar. Mary whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said... "So why is the groom wearing black?" ____________________________________________________ A guy wanted to get in the temple on Yom Kippur, but without a ticket they would not let him in. He said, "Look, I just want to give a message to a friend in there." The guy at the door says, "Sorry, you got to have a ticket." The first guy replies, "Just let me in for one minute, then I'll be right out." "Alright," says the guy at the door, "but I better not catch you praying." ____________________________________________________ | | Glass wave sculptures. Some people have such vivid imaginations. |
| Today on July 3 1608 The city of Quebec was founded by Samuel de Champlain. 1775 U.S. Gen. George Washington took command of the Continental Army at Cambridge, MA. 1878 John Wise flew the first US dirigible in Lancaster, PA. 1898 During the Spanish American War, a fleet of Spanish ships in Cuba's Santiago Harbor attempted to run a blockade of U.S. naval forces. Nearly all of the Spanish ships were destroyed in the battle that followed. 1903 The first cable across the Pacific Ocean was spliced between Honolulu, Midway, Guam and Manila. 1944 The U.S. First Army opened a general offensive to break out of the hedgerow area of Normandy, France. 1944 During World War II, Soviet forces recaptured Minsk. 1950 U.S. carrier-based planes attacked airfields in the Pyongyang-Chinnampo area of North Korea in the first air-strike of the Korean War. 1954 Food rationing ended in Great Britain almost nine years after the end of World War II. 1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush formally inaugurated the Mount Rushmore National Memorial in South Dakota. 2016 Do smiled. |
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