Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, September 19 Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award: Ohio woman Charged In Sex Attack On Cabbie ______________________________________________________ Today, September 19 in 1876 Melville R. Bissell patented the carpet sweeper. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs. But by standing a flock of sheep in that position you can make a crowd of men. --- Max Beerbohm (1872 - 1956) ______________________________________________________ A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. When a clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" he answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish." Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an egg to throw at that Pelosi poster." ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two old men were arguing the merits of their doctors. The first one said, "I don't trust your fancy doctor. He treated old Jake Waxman for a kidney ailment for nearly a year, and then Jake died of a liver ailment." "So what makes you think your doctor is any better?" asked his friend. "Because when my doctor treats you for a kidney ailment, you can be sure you'll die of a kidney ailment." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Approaching the counter at a local post office, Text-End said to the stern-faced woman on the other side, "Are you the Postmistress?" "No!" she replied testily. "I'm the Postmaster. Uncle Sam doesn't pay me enough to be anyone's mistress." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ "So, Mullany, how's it going with the ladies?" "Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects." "Really?" "Yep," Mullany shook his head. "Whenever I mention sex, they object." ___________________________________________________ What is it with the Googly Eyes? Liars and users of a certain type of dope all pose with strenuously wide open Googly Eyes, imitating Pet Rocks. Is that a political statement or a left wing salute? An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brittany Carter, 23, Cory Jackson, 20, Findlay, Hanstock County, Ohio Ohio woman Charged In Sex Attack On Cabbie An Ohio woman has been charged with raping and robbing a male taxi driver while an accomplice held the victim at knifepoint, according to investigators. Brittany Carter, 23, was named this month in a two-count felony indictment charging her with aggravated robbery and rape in connection with the alleged attack earlier this year in Findlay, a city about 40 miles south of Toledo. According to cops, two black males and a white female called for a cab to pick them up at a TownePlace Suites hotel around 4:25 AM. During the subsequent trip, police allege, passenger Cory Jackson, 20, pulled out a knife and placed it against the 29-year-old driver's throat. While the victim was being held at knifepoint, Carter allegedly performed a sex act on the Trinity Express Cab Service driver. Before fleeing the vehicle, Carter and Jackson took $32 from the victim's pocket, police charge. The driver, cops say, was not injured during the incident. Carter's indictment accuses her of having purposely compelled the victim to engage in sexual conduct by force or threat of force. Jackson has been charged with aiding and abetting Carter's rape of the taxi driver. He has also been indicted for aggravated robbery. The third passenger will be charged once he is identified, police say. Pictured above, Carter is being held at the Hancock County jail in lieu of $60,000 bond. Carter was indicted twice last year on felony drug charges, according to court records that show both cases are pending. One indictment accuses Carter of possessing heroin, while the second indictment alleges that she allowed her vehicle to be used in the trafficking of heroin. Jackson, who remains at large, is also wanted on a murder warrant issued in a neighboring Ohio county. From: Dianne Re: Durability of DVDs Dear Webby: I think it's time to remind your readers again that DVDs don't last forever. Some friends of mine lost irreplaceable pictures of a family reunion, because they entrusted them to a DVD. It was the last reunion for some of the people there, and they can't go back to re-take the pictures. It was heartbreak to find out that all those pictures are gone. Dianne Dear Dianne Yes, nobody ever claimed that DVDs or CDs would last forever. If they are handled carefully and stored in a cool, dark place, they last a long time, but if they are handled frequently or shipped, their life span goes down accordingly. The safest storage is a portable USB hard drive kept in a safety deposit box far away from the computer. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Below, are examples of sixth grade research projects. Enjoy... 9. Queen Elizabeth was the Virgin Queen. As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted hurrah. 10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper. 11. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet is an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet. 12. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. 13. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, A horse divided against itself cannot stand. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. 14. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth's career. 15. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large. 16. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this. 17. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx invented Communist income tax so that the harder you work, the more days per week you work for the Government. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Five Jewish men who influenced the history of Western civilization. Moses said the law is everything. Jesus said love is everything. Marx said capital is everything. Freud said sex is everything. Einstein said everything is relative. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Trash Cans for Sorting Clothing To make laundry sorting easier and faster I have a blue 10 gallon trash can for blue jeans, a white one for whites, and a green one for everything else. It wasn't hard training my children to use them either (even the 17 year old!) By Angie Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | The Boab prison trees of Australia. |
___________________________________________________ A woman and her five year old daughter were in a checkout line at a grocery store, when the young one became upset about something. She announced, "As soon as we get home I'm going to run away." Well, of course the best thing for the mother to do was to let her child come to her own realization that it wouldn't work, so she asked her, "Why wait until you get home. Why don't you just run away from here?" The child was ready with an answer, "Because I don't know my way to grandma's house from here." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Once there was a man who prided himself on having all of the latest gadgets for his car. One day a young man pulled up alongside his car in an old, beat up VW and waved a sheet of fax paper, yelling, "Look what I've got!" Not to be outdone, the man had a fax installed in his car that very afternoon. The next time he saw the VW, it was parked and the windows seemed to be steamed up. The man rapped on a window and when the young man appeared, waved a sheet of fax paper at him and said, "I've got one too." The young man gave him a disdainful look and said, "You got me out of the shower just to tell me that?" ____________________________________________________ | Today, September 19 in 1356 The Battle of Poitiers was fought between England and France. Edward "the Black Prince" captured France's King John. 1777 The Battle of Saratoga was won by American soldiers during the Revolutionary War. 1876 Melville R. Bissell patented the carpet sweeper. 1891 "The Merchant of Venice" was performed for the first time at Manchester. 1893 In New Zealand, the Electoral Act 1893 was consented to giving all women in New Zealand the right to vote. 1955 Argentina President Juan Peron was ousted after a revolt by the army and navy. 1957 The U.S. conducted its first underground nuclear test. The test took place in the Nevada desert. 1959 Nikita Khruschev was not allowed to visit Disneyland due to security reasons. Khrushchev reacted angrily. 1960 Cuban leader Fidel Castro, in New York to visit the United Nations, checked out of the Shelburne Hotel angrily after a dispute with the management. 1982 Scott Fahlman became the first person to use :-) in an online message. 1983 Lebanese army units defending Souk el-Gharb were supported in their effort by two U.S. Navy ships off Beirut. 1984 China and Britain completed a draft agreement transferring Hong Kong from British to Chinese rule by 1997. 1986 U.S. health officials announced that AZT, though an experimental drug, would be made available to AIDS patients. 1988 Israel successfully launched the Horizon-I test satellite. 1990 Iraq began confiscating foreign assets of countries that were imposing sanctions against the Iraqi government. 1992 The U.N. Security Council recommended suspending Yugoslavia due to its role in the Bosnian civil war. 1994 U.S. troops entered Haiti peacefully to enforce the return of exiled President Jean-Bertrand Aristide. 1995 The commander of American forces in Japan and the U.S. ambassador apologized for the rape of a schoolgirl committed by three U.S. servicemen. 1996 The government of Guatemala and leftist rebels signed a peace treaty to end their long war. 2002 In Ivory Coast, around 750 rebel soldiers attempted to overthrow the government. U.S. troops landed on September 25th to help move foreigners, including Americans, to safer areas. 2003 It was reported that AOL Time Warner was going to drop "AOL" from its name and be known as Time Warner Inc. The company had announced its merger and name change on January 10, 2000 In the end, after Time Warner had harvested the AOL address books, list of advertisers and a few techs, they kicked them out. Eventually Verizon bought AOL becasue of their expertise in tech support. 2018 Do smiled. |
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