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| Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, August 31, 2022 Thank yoou, Nancy! Thank you Kenneth! ___________________________________________________ History on this day, August 31, in 1823, Ferdinand VII was restored to the throne of Spain when invited French forces entered Cadiz. The event is known as the Battle of Trocadero. ____________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Man convicted of attempted murder, arson ____________________________________________________ Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something. --- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988) ____________________________________________________ A father, mother and child went out to spend time on the beach on a hot summer's day, but as soon as they reached the beach they discovered that there was a black flag there, a sign not to enter the water. The boy really wanted to get in the water, but his mother did not agree and they stayed on the beach to rest in the sun and play in the sand. After a few minutes, the father got bored and turned to his wife: "Keep an eye on the boy, I'm going into the water, there's no way the sea is really that dangerous." After a few minutes the boy asked "Mom, why did you let dad get in the water and not me?" "Because you and father are two different people and there are things he can do and you can't." answered the mother. "Is it because dad knows how to swim really well?" continued the boy. "Not really" answered the mother. "Is it because dad is big and strong?" "No." "Then why is daddy allowed to enter the water and I'm not?" the boy complained. "Because daddy has life insurance." __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Mark Martin, 37, Visalia, California, USA Man convicted of attempted murder, arson A 37-year-old man from Visalia was convicted of attempted murder and arson on Thursday, according to the Tulare County District Attorneys office. Officials say on Feb. 7, 2021, Super Bowl Sunday, at around 6:30 p.m. Mark Martin allegedly broke into the garage of his ex-girlfriend with whom he has two children. At that moment the woman and the two minors were also in the Visalia home. District Attorney officials say Martin used gasoline to start a fire near the water heater, which quickly spread to two cars in the garage and other areas. The occupants were quickly evacuated. Initially, it was believed that the incident started from a water heater failure, but investigators found that it started as a fire and police officers determined arson as the cause. Officials say during the investigation, law enforcement obtained security video from nearby homes that showed a man riding a BMX bicycle around that house during the time of the fire. Martin was later identified as the suspect. Authorities say the next day Martin made a post on social media directed to his ex-girlfriend about the seriousness of his intentions and the fear he hoped the fire instilled in her. He also posted in a Visalia social group on Facebook, asking how a water heater could cause so much damage. He was arrested on Feb. 9th, 2021. Additionally, the victim presented evidence of a series of threats and harassment made before the incident, including Martins voicemails directed to the victim saying die in a slow death and burn to death as well as a note left in his exs vehicle threatening her new boyfriend to end the relationship, and statements that showed Martin bragging about setting the fire in less than an hour before the incident, the DAs office said. Martin was convicted charges of attempted murder, arson, and residential burglary as well as multiple felony convictions. Sentencing has been scheduled for Oct. 3 _____________________________________________________ Rescued Canadian Lynx Kitten __________________________________________________ A lady goes to the doctor and complains her husband is losing interest in sex. He gives her a pill but warns her it is still experimental. He tells her to slip it in his mashed potatoes at dinner and she does. About a week later she's back at the doctor and says, "The pill worked great. I put it in his mashed potatoes like you said. It wasn't five minutes later and he jumped up, raked all the food and dishes on the floor, grabbed me and made love right there on the table." The doctor says, "I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." The lady replied, "Naah, That's okay. We aren't going back to McDonalds anyway." _____________________________________________________ Have you heard about the five young bulls standing in the pasture discussing what they wanted to be when they grew up? The first said he wanted to go to Rome and become a papal bull. The second said he wanted to go to New York and become a bull on Wall Street. The third wanted to go to the windy city to become a Chicago Bull. The fourth said he wanted to go to Beijing and be a bull in a China shop. The fifth said he was just going to stay in the pasture for heifer and heifer and heifer. _____________________________________________________ Moke Lake, NZ ___________________________________________________ According to "Men's Health" magazine, 71% of men feel their dog understands them at some telepathic level. That's because men and dogs have the same interests ~~> eat, sleep, play ball, and hump. _________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Helen RE: Duplicate Sweeper Hi Dear Webby, Not sure what I would do without your newsletter. I totally appreciate the humor, your vast knowledge and your willingness to share. My newest question: What do you think of Duplicate Sweeper? Is it trustworthy? is it worth the price? Thank you. Helen Dear Helen I would not waste money on that. Personally, I use Search Everything. It is still free. If there are duplicates, they show up in that quite nicely, and I can compare sizes and dates. Exit "Search Everything" when done with it. Because it looks at the entire machine, it uses a lot of memory. You can still operate for a while, but eventually your browsers will bung up. HaveFUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just sauntering around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?" The kangaroo said, "About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the gate at night!" ___________________________________________________ >From Theo One of my daughter's wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. "Get the owner's manual!" my daughter's husband shouted. "I can't find it anywhere!" "Oops!" came a voice from the kitchen a moment later. "Well, the toast is fine, but the manual is burned to a ashes." _____________________________________________________ Lisel Sean Mascaluk-family Maybe I can reach it if I just lean forward a bit more. This Blue Jay was trying its best to reach for a peanut in Camrose. ___________________________________________________ One day a young man was visiting the fair. Over to one side was a small tent, with a sign that said "For 50 dollars I'll teach you to be a mind reader! - Apply within." So the young man thought that he'd give it a go, and went inside. Behind a small table inside was an old man, who looked up when the young man entered and says, "Ah, you must be here for the mind reading lessons." "Er, yes," the young man said. He points to a lage barrel with a slot for inserting money. Afteer wathing that the guy actually inserted the money. he told him: "Well, follow me, and I'll give you your first lesson." Then the old man goes out the back of the tent and comes back with a hose. "Here, hold this hose," he said. "Why?" said the young man. "It's part of the lesson," replies the old man, "Now, look in the end and tell me what you see." So the young man looks into the end of the hose, and only sees darkness. "I don't see anything," he tells the old man. Just then the old man turns on a tap, and the hose shoots water into the young man's face. "I just knew you'd do something like that." the young man shouts at the old man. "There. You are now a mind reader!" the old man replies. _____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! ____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, August 31, in 1823, Ferdinand VII was restored to the throne of Spain when invited French forces entered Cadiz. The event is known as the Battle of Trocadero. 1852, The first pre-stamped envelopes were created with legislation of the U.S. Congress. 1887, The kinetoscope was patented by Thomas Edison. The device was used to produce moving pictures. 1920, The first news program to be broadcast on radio was aired. The station was 8MK in Detroit, MI. 1920, John Lloyd Wright was issued a patent for "Toy-Cabin Construction," which are known as Lincoln Logs. (U.S. patent 1,351,086) 1935, The act of exporting U.S. arms to belligerents was prohibited by an act signed by U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. 1946, Superman returned to radio on the Mutual Broadcasting System after being dropped earlier in the year. 1962, The Caribbean nations Tobago and Trinidad became independent within the British Commonwealth. 1964, California officially became the most populated state in America. 1980, Poland's Solidarity labor movement was born with an agreement signed in Gdansk that ended a 17-day strike. 1989, Great Britain's Princess Anne and Mark Phillips announced that they were separating. The marriage was 16 years old. 1990, U.N. Secretary-General Javier Perez de Cuellar met with the Iraqi Foreign Minister Tariq Aziz to try and negotiate a solution to the crisis in the Persian Gulf. 1990, East and West Germany signed a treaty that meant the harmonizing of political and legal systems. 1991, Uzbekistan and Kirghiziz declared their independence from the Soviet Union. They were the 9th and 10th republics to announce their plans to secede. 1991, In a "Solidarity Day" protest hundreds of thousands of union members marched in Washington, DC. 1993, Russia withdrew its last soldiers from Lithuania. 1994, A cease-fire was declared by the Irish Republican Army after 25 years of bloodshed in Northern Ireland. 1994, Russia officially ended its military presence in the former East Germany and the Baltics after a half-century. 1998, A ballistic missile was fired over Japan by North Korea. The missile landed in stages in the waters around Japan. There was no known target. 2022 Do! smiled. |
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