Good Morning, Do! Today is Friday, February 12 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Man charged with murder for dragging death of girl ___________________________________________________ Today, February 12 in 1973 The State of Ohio went metric, becoming the first in the U.S. to post metric distance signs. ____________________________________________________ Another flaw in the human character is that everybody wants to build and nobody wants to do maintenance. --- Kurt Vonnegut (1922 - 2007) ____________________________________________________ A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. "It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly . . ." "This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my sister will appreciate it." "Your sister?" said the lifeguard. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn in a hurry." ____________________________________________________ A forty-year-old hillbilly carried a younger hillbilly into the doctor's office, deposited him on the examining table, and said, "See if you can patch him up soon. I shot up his rear end like it was a tail on a possum. Don't hurt him none, 'cause he's my son-in-law." The doctor said, "Why would you shoot your son-in-law?" The hillbilly said, "He warn't my son-in-law when I shot him!" ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ What's a mixed feeling? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car. __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kevin Palmer, 34, Wichita, Kansas, USA Man charged with murder for dragging death of girl A 34-year-old man who was arrested in connection to the death of 13-year-old Brianna Ibarra has been charged with first-degree murder. Kevin Palmer, of Wichita, made his first court appearance Tuesday where he received the murder charge as well as a second charge of theft of property or services. Over the weekend the Ibarra family went into a restaurant to pick up food while Brianna remained in the car. Investigators say Palmer got into the driver's seat and fled with the vehicle. Brianna attempted to exit but got caught in the seat belt outside the vehicle as Palmer continued to flee for several miles. Brianna died from her injuries. Palmer's next court date is scheduled for Feb. 18. His bond is set at $500,000. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Clyde Re: HP C3180 Dear Webby I have an HP C3180 All in One Printer that I have been using to scan papers and convert to files I can edit. Tonight, it doesn't seem to work and all I get is an offer from HP to sell me new software. I have other newer HP printers without that capability. Is there other software I can get for that purpose? Clyde Dear Clyde Try Software and drivers for HP Photosmart C3180 All-in-One Printer Good Luck! DearWebby >From Mary In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that, too. When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that. If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. Yup... gonna be a bear. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ The cruise ship docked at a Mexican port during a very high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the ship's narrow gangplank as a passageway to the dock far below. The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 70s appeared at the top of the plank. There wasn't room for anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and finally made it to the dock safely, to everyone's relief. As she stepped down, she turned, looked back to the top of the gangplank and shouted, "It's okay, Mother, you can come down now." ____________________________________________ How to clean the toilet: 1. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and put both lids up. 2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid.) The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. (Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.) 4. Flush the toilet three or four times. (This provides a " power-wash" and "rinse".) 5. Have someone open the door to the outside (Be sure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.) 6. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. 7. The now clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself off. The toilet will be sparkling clean! Sincerely, The Dog ____________________________________________ I was reading an article the other day about how "political correctness" has infected the manufacturers of school text books in the United States. These publishers have to scrub their text so as to not offend anyone. I'm not making this up. For instance, these publishers can't even print the legendary "The Old Man and the Sea" by Ernest Hemingway. Why not? "Old" is ageist. "Man" is sexist. "Sea" can't be used in case a student lives inland and doesn't grasp the concept of a large body of water. ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today February 12 in 1541 The city of Santiago, Chile was founded. 1554 Lady Jane Grey was beheaded after being charged with treason. She had claimed the throne of England for only nine days. 1733 Savannah, GA, was founded by English colonist James Oglethorpe. 1870 In the Utah Territory, women gained the right to vote. 1878 Frederick W. Thayer patented the baseball catchers mask. 1879 The first artificial ice rink opened in North America. It was at Madison Square Garden in New York City, NY. 1907 A collision of the steamer Larchmont and a schooler resulted in the death of more than 300 people. The incident occurred off New England's Block Island. 1909 The National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) was founded. 1912 China's boy emperor Hsuan T'ung announced that he was abdicating, ending the Manchu Ch'ing dynasty. Subsequently, the Republic of China was established. 1918 All theatres in New York City were shut down in an effort to conserve coal. 1940 Mutual Radio presented the first broadcast of the radio play "The Adventures of Superman." 1971 James Cash (J.C.) Penney died at the age of 95. The company closed for business for one-half day as a memorial to the company's founder. 1973 The State of Ohio went metric, becoming the first in the U.S. to post metric distance signs. 1973 American prisoners of war were released for the first time during the Vietnam conflict. 1993 In Liverpool, England, a 2-year-old boy, James Bulger, was lured away from his mother at a shopping mall and beaten to death. Two ten-year-old boys were responsible. 1998 A U.S. federal judge declared that the presidential line-item veto was unconstitutional. 1999 U.S. President Clinton was acquitted by the U.S. Senate on two impeachment articles. The charges were perjury and obstruction of justice. 2001 The space probe NEAR landed on the asteroid Eros. It was the first time that any craft had landed on a small space rock. 2002 Kenneth Lay, former Enron CEO, exercised his constitutional rights and refused to testify to the U.S. Congress about the collapse of Enron. 2002 The trial of former Yugoslav President Slobodan Milosevic began at the U.N. tribunal in The Hague. Milosevic was accused of war crimes during the Balkan wars of the 1990s. 2002 Princess Stephanie of Monaco and Franco Knie won a defamation-of-character lawsuit against the Swiss magazine "Facts." The case involved a photomontage created by the magazine. 2003 The U.N. nuclear agency declared North Korea in violation of international treaties. The complaint was sent to the Security Council. 2004 Mattel announced that "Barbie" and "Ken" were breaking up. The dolls had met on the set of their first television commercial together in 1961. 2013 North Korea conducted its third underground nuclear test. 2021 Do smiled. |
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