Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, March 20 ========== >Annie Dear Webby, I see a bear, two wolves, two mountain goats, and another eagle. There's also something I can't identify between the eagle and goat...has a huge eye though. Thanks for the fun and enlightenment you bring each day! Annie ========== >Robert Also, 2goats, a wolf, a lion and perhaps a bull or another eagle! ========== >Moe Bear? Real Eagle, Eagle, Bighorn Sheep, Wolf, Goat, Camel, Buffalo, and Al Jolson? A fish ========== ______________________________________________________ Today, March 20 in 1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50 slavery opponents began the new political group. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Real Estate Agent Raped Woman Who Was House Hunting in Florida ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement. --- Socratex "Happiness, n. An agreeable sensation arrising from contem- plating the misery of another." --- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done. --- Ludwig Wittgenstein _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Rubye for this story: During a commercial airline flight an Air Force pilot was seated next to a young mother with a baby in her arms. When her baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing her infant as discreetly as possible. The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby- related articles. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, the pilot responded, 'Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure was hungry!' Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said breast feeding would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears. The Air Force pilot sadly shook his head, and in true pilot fashion exclaimed........'And all these years, I've been chewing gum.' ______________________________________________________ Ibex, finally away from the kids _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Wentworth Huang Wang, 38, Orlando, Florida Real Estate Agent Raped Woman Who Was House Hunting in Florida Police have arrested a real estate agent who they say raped a woman who came from China to look at houses in Florida last year. The Orlando Sentinelreports 38-year-old Wentworth Huang Wang was arrested Sunday. He's charged with three counts of sexual battery. A police affidavit says the company the woman used for housing and transportation put her in touch with Wang. She told police that after Wang raped her, he warned her not to tell because he knew people at the Orlando Police Department, adding that they would believe him because he's an American citizen. She left Florida and reported the rape in California. Wang provided a DNA sample in October, which matched evidence found on the woman and her clothing. From: Carol Re: Dragging Dear DearWebby Please don't think this is a stupid question. I have seen the phrase "drag to" and I know how to click and drag, but what I don't know .....how do you drag to another place? If I wanted to drag to let's say my d drive, that's on another "page". Thanks. Carol Dear Carol Don't run the file explorer full screen. Narrow it down so that it just uses a third of the screen. Then open another one beside it. Now you can drag from one to the other. If you use Windows in Classic Style, you can even split each window and show folders (instead of tasks) on the left side of each File Explorer. Then you can drag stuff even into closed folders showing on the left. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Mr. Smith was in his hospital bed and had been getting many tests done. After several days of hospitalization, a nurse finally came into his room and stated, "Mr. Smith, I have some bad news and some good news. Which do you want to hear first?" Mr. Smith solemnly replied, "Well, tell me the bad news first." The nurse said, "The bad news is that your HMO refuses to pay for you to have an enema. But, the good news is that I am qualified to slap the s**t outa you." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
While stationed in Washington, D.C., a man used Arlington National Cemetery as a shortcut on his way to give a briefing at Fort Myer. To his surprise, he encountered a roadblock manned by the military police. An MP approached him and asked in a stern voice, "Are you supposed to be here?" Unsure of what to say, he replied, "Not yet." The MP held back a smile and waved him on. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Saving Money at Restaurants Don't order alcoholic drinks. Try meatless dishes, they are almost always cheaper. Go out to lunch, instead of dinner. Split large dishes between two people. Order off the senior menu if you can. Serving sizes are ridiculously large at most restaurants. Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | A catalogue of crazy customized coffins. |
___________________________________________________ An old man strode in to his doctors office and said, "Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you've been giving to Mrs. Smith." "Oh, he did, did he?" the doctor shot back. "And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor's orders?" The old man says, "Since he found out I've been on birth control pills since February." ___________________________________________________ On my way to deliver a repaired computer to a customer, I saw a handwritten sign at the entrance of an alley. It read: "Blocked! Do not pass! Difficult to turn back." I continued anyway, only to discover that the alley was indeed blocked by a fallen tree. As predicted, it took a while to turn the truck around. When I finally got back to the entrance, I noticed a second sign. It read: "Told you so!" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Rough Translations: RIGOR MORRIS: The cat is dead. RESPONDEZ S'IL VOUS PLAID: Honk if you're Scottish HARLEZ-VOUS FRANCAIS?: Can you drive a French motorcycle? VENI, VIDI, VISA: I came, I saw, I shopped. COGITO EGGO SUM: I think, therefore I am ... a waffle QUE SERA SERF: Life is feudal LEROI EST MORT. JIVE LEROI: Leroy is dead. Dance Leroy! POSH MORTEM: Death styles of the rich and famous PRO BOZO PUBLICO: Support your local clown MONAGE A TROIS: I am three years old HASTE CUISINE: Fast French food QUIP PRO QUO: A fast retort ALOHA OY: Love; greetings; farewell; and from such a pain you should never know MAZEL TON: Tons of luck VISA LA FRANCE: Don't leave your chateau without it CARNE DIEM: Seize the meat ___________________________________________________ | Today March 20 in 0141 The 6th recorded perihelion passage of Halley's Comet took place. 1413 Henry V took the throne of England upon the death of his father Henry IV. 1525 Paris' parliament began its pursuit of Protestants. 1602 The United Dutch East Indian Company (VOC) was formed. 1616 Walter Raleigh was released from Tower of London to seek gold in Guyana. 1627 France & Spain signed an accord for fighting Protestantism. 1739 In India, Nadir Shah of Persia occupied Delhi and took possession of the Peacock throne. 1760 The great fire of Boston destroyed 349 buildings. 1792 In Paris, the Legislative Assembly approved the use of the guillotine. 1800 French army defeated the Turks at Helipolis, Turkey, and advanced into Cairo. 1814 Prince Willem Frederik became the monarch of Netherlands. 1815 Napoleon Bonaparte entered Paris after his escape from Elba and began his "Hundred Days" rule. 1816 The U.S. Supreme Court affirmed its right to review state court decisions. 1833 The U.S. and Siam signed a commercial treaty. 1852 Harriet Beecher Stowe's book "Uncle Tom's Cabin," subtitled "Life Among the Lowly," was first published. 1854 The Republican Party was organized in Ripon, WI. About 50 slavery opponents began the new political group. 1865 A plan by John Wilkes Booth to abduct U.S. President Abraham Lincoln was ruined when Lincoln changed his plans and did not appear at the Soldier's Home near Washington, DC. 1868 Jesse James Gang robbed a bank in Russelville, KY, of $14,000. 1883 The Unity treaty of Paris was signed to protect industrial property. 1885 John Matzeliger of Suriname patented the shoe lacing machine. 1886 The first AC power plant in the U.S. began commercial operation. 1888 The Sherlock Holmes Adventure, "A Scandal in Bohemia," began. 1891 The first computing scale company was incorporated in Dayton, OH. 1896 U.S. Marines landed in Nicaragua to protect U.S. citizens in the wake of a revolution. 1897 The first U.S. orthodox Jewish Rabbinical seminary was incorporated in New York. 1897 The first intercollegiate basketball game that used five players per team was held. The contest was Yale versus Pennsylvania. Yale won by a score of 32-10. 1899 At Sing Sing prison, Martha M. Place became the first woman to be executed in the electric chair. She was put to death for the murder of her stepdaughter. 1900 It was announced that European powers had agreed to keep China's doors open to trade. 1902 France and Russia acknowledged the Anglo-Japanese alliance. They also asserted their right to protect their interests in China and Korea. 1906 In Russia, army officers mutiny at Sevastopol. 1915 The French called off the Champagne offensive on the Western Front. 1918 The Bolsheviks of the Soviet Union asked for American aid to rebuild their army. 1922 U.S. President Warren G. Harding ordered U.S. troops back from the Rhineland. 1922 The USS Langley was commissioned. It was the first aircraft carrier for the U.S. Navy. 1932 The German dirigible, Graf Zepplin, made the first flight to South America on regular schedule. 1933 The first German concentration camp was completed at Dachau. 1934 Rudolf Kuhnold gave a demonstration of radar in Kiel Germany. 1940 The British Royal Air Force conducted an all-night air raid on the Nazi airbase at Sylt, Germany. 1943 The Allies attacked Field Marshall Erwin Rommel's forces on the Mareth Line in North Africa. 1947 A blue whale weighing 180-metric tons was caught in the South Atlantic. 1952 The U.S. Senate ratified a peace treaty with Japan. 1956 Mount Bezymianny on Kamchatka Peninsula (USSR) exploded. 1956 Tunisia gained independence from France. 1964 The ESRO (European Space Research Organization) was established. 1965 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson ordered 4,000 troops to protect the Selma-Montgomery civil rights marchers. 1967 Twiggy arrived in the U.S. for a one-week stay. 1969 U.S. Senator Edward Kennedy called on the U.S. to close all bases in Taiwan. 1972 19 mountain climbers were killed on Japan's Mount Fuji during an avalanche. 1976 Patricia Hearst was convicted of armed robbery for her role in the hold up of a San Francisco Bank. 1980 The U.S. made an appeal to the International Court concerning the American Hostages in Iran. 1981 Argentine ex-president Isabel Peron was sentenced to eight years in a convent. 1982 U.S. scientists returned from Antarctica with the first land mammal fossils found there. 1984 The U.S. Senate rejected an amendment to permit spoken prayer in public schools. 1985 For the first time in its 99-year history, Avon representatives received a salary. Up to that time they had been paid solely on commissions. 1985 CBS-TV presented "The Romance of Betty Boop." 1985 Libby Riddles won the 1,135-mile Anchorage-to-Nome dog race becoming the first woman to win the Iditarod. 1989 A Washington, DC, district court judge blocked a curfew imposed by Mayor Barry and the City Council. 1989 In Belfast, two policemen were killed. The IRA claimed responsibility. 1990 Namibia became an independent nation ending 75 years of South African rule. 1990 Imelda Marcos, widow of ex-Philippines dictator Ferdinand Marcos, went on trial for racketeering, embezzlement and bribery. 1990 In Rumania, tanks were sent to the town of Tirgu Mures to quell ethnic riots. 1991 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled unanimously that employers could not exclude women from jobs where exposure to toxic chemicals could potentially damage a fetus. 1991 The U.S. forgave $2 billion in loans to Poland. 1993 Russian President Boris Yeltsin declared emergency rule. He set a referendum on whether the people trusted him or the hard- line Congress to govern. 1993 An Irish Republican Army bomb was detonated in Warrington, England. A 3-year-old boy and a 12-year-old boy were killed. 1995 About 35,000 Turkish troops crossed the northern border of Iraq in pursuit of the separatist rebels of the Kurdistan Workers Party (PKK). 1995 In Tokyo, 12 people were killed and more than 5,500 others were sickened when packages containing the nerve gas Sarin was released on five separate subway trains. The terrorists belonged to a doomsday cult in Japan. 1996 In Los Angeles, Erik and Lyle Menendez were found guilty of first-degree murder in the killing of their parents. 1996 The U.K. announced that humans could catch CJD (Mad Cow Disease). 1997 Liggett Group, the maker of Chesterfield cigarettes, settled 22 state lawsuits by admitting the industry marketed cigarettes to teenagers and agreed to warn on every pack that smoking is addictive. 1998 India's new Hindu nationalist-led government pledges to "exercise the option to induct nuclear weapons." 1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones became the first men to circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon. The non-stop trip began on March 3 and covered 26,500 miles. 1999 Legoland California opened Carlsbad, California. 2000 Former Black Panther Jamil Abdullah Al-Amin, once known as H. Rap Brown, was captured following a shootout that left a sherriff's deputy dead. 2002 Actress Pamela Anderson disclosed that she had hepatitis C. 2002 Arthur Andersen pled innocent to charges that it had shredded documents and deleted computer files related to the energy company Enron. 2003 Cisco Systems Inc. announced it was buying The Linksys Group INc. for $500 million in stock. 2003 U.S. and British forces invaded Iraq from Kuwait. 2019 Do smiled. |
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