Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, August 12 Considering that the body hauled out of Epstein's cell had an Italian nose instead of a Jewish one, and different ears, that would indicate Epstein has been spirited into Witness Protection Neverland. I wonder if Osama Bin Laden is still alive in there, or whether they have finished wringing him out. We will never know. Epstein will never see sunlight again. They are really interested in who his clients were, and also where his money came from. It may take a while, but I am quite confident that they will get all the information before he is sent to organ donation one piece at a time. _____________________________________________________ Today, August 12 in 1981 IBM unveiled its first PC. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Nursing home staffers taunted dementia patient, 91 _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. --- Socrates (469 BC - 399 BC) Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. --- Socratex _______________________________________________ Sam and a longtime golfing buddy arrived at the Seminole Clubhouse the other day and decided that just once, they would play the ball where it lies on this round of golf. . . "No matter what !" Everything was fine till the 14th hole when Sam sliced his drive and it ended up on the cart path. As Sam reached down to pick up his ball to get relief, his friend said, "Wait a minute! We agreed that we would not improve our lies! Remember? No matter what!" Sam tried to explain that he was entitled to this relief, that it was in the rules of golf. But his buddy would not allow it. Throwing up his hands in disgust, Sam went to the cart and grabbed a club. As he stood near his ball, he took a few practice swings, each time scraping the club on the pavement and sending out showers of sparks. Finally, Sam took his shot. The club hit the path again, sparks went flying, but Sam's ball shot straight towards the green, landed and rolled to a stop - two inches from the cup. "Great shot!" his buddy exclaimed. "What the hell club did you use?" Sam gave him a sly, silly, little smile and said, "Your 7 iron !" ______________________________________________________` _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Meet Amber Mumma, 19, Brayan Cortez, Jamie Montesa, Glenview, Illinois Nursing home staffers taunted dementia patient, 91 Two staff members have been fired and arrested and an Illinois nursing home now faces a lawsuit after video footage allegedly showed them taunting a 91-year-old dementia patient. The suspects, arrested on misdemeanor charges, were identified as Brayan Cortez and Jamie Montesa, caretakers at the Abington of Glenview nursing home, about 24 miles north of Chicago. Both employees were immediately terminated, the home's administrators wrote in a statement. But the patient's family disputes that, claiming the pair remained on the job for another week because they were initially cleared of wrongdoing. They violate her safety, her privacy, and then they do a slow walk to correct the behavior? the patient's son, Tom Collins, asked Chicago's WLS-TV. According to reports, Snapchat video footage recorded last December four days before Christmas -- showed Cortez waving a hospital gown at the elderly woman, knowing that the sight of the gowns was a source of fear and anxiety for her. Montesa allegedly held the camera. "You just can't believe you're seeing this," Joan Biebel, Collins' daughter, told Chicago's WGN-TV. "You think your mom is safe and now this is going on. You're just trying to figure out what the heck is happening here." DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Tam Re: Does scheduled defrag run when the computer is off? Dear Webby, Hello .. as always thanks for the great humor. I have a question and love your advice. When the computer is shut down, does the defragment and other things i have scheduled run? thanks and have a good day. Tam Dear Tam when the computer is shut down, nothing runs. Even when you got it set to sleep, hibernate or stand by, nothing runs, except for a little watchdog, that is waiting for some mouse or keyboard action. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. While ferrying workers back and forth from an offshore oil rig, the helicopter lost power and went down. Fortunately, it landed safely in the water. Struggling to get out, one man tore off his seat belt, inflated his life vest, and jerked open the exit door. "Don't jump!" the pilot yelled. "This thing is supposed to float!" As the man leapt from the helicopter into the water, he yelled back, "Yeah, and it's supposed to FLY too!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him. "She spent every night at the front door, awaiting your return," she said. "What an example of true love," Dave replied. "I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?" "Honey," she answered, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure that me and the rolling pin would be waiting for you at the front door." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Beware of Balance Transfer Fees Make sure to factor in the balance transfer fees and to look at the actual interest rate before accepting one of these offers. Many times balance transfers are charged a higher APR than normal purchases after the promotional interest rate expires. thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ | | BEST OF THE WEEK - Leader Of The Pack |
___________________________________________________ The Hospital regulations where Betty last worked as a nurse, like most all others, require a wheelchair for patients being discharged. One day Betty found an elderly gentleman, already dressed and sitting on the bed with an overnight suit case besides him. The guy insisted he didn't need Betty's help to leave the hospital. But after Betty educated him about the hospital rules, and vehemently insisting she would take him down to the hospital exit, he reluctantly agreed to let her wheel him to the elevator. After they were downstairs and at the exit door, Betty asked if his wife or someone was meeting him and taking him home. "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown." ___________________________________________________ After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented: "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine." ___________________________________________________ Esther wanted a divorce from Irving. The judge asked, "What fault do you find with your husband?" "Your Honor, he's a liar, a brute, a thief and a brainless idiot." "That's very serious," exclaimed his Honor, "Can you prove all that?" "Prove it? Why everybody knows it." "If you knew all this, then why did you marry him?" "I didn't know it before I married him." Irving shouted out, "She did, too!" __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, August 12 in 1676 "King Phillip's War" came to an end with the killing of Indian chief King Phillip. The war between the Indians and the Europeans lasted for two years. 1851 Isaac Singer was issued a patent on the double-headed sewing machine. 1865 Disinfectant was used for the first time during surgery by Joseph Lister. 1867 U.S. President Andrew Johnson sparked a move to impeach him when he defied Congress by suspending Secretary of War Edwin M. Stanton. 1877 Thomas Edison invented the phonograph and made the first sound recording. 1879 The first National Archery Association tournament took place in Chicago, IL. 1898 The Spanish-American War was ended with the signing of the peace protocol. The U.S. acquired Guam, Puerto Rico and the Philippines. Hawaii was also annexed. 1915 "Of Human Bondage" by William Somerset Maugham was first published. 1918 Regular airmail service began between Washington, DC, and New York City. 1937 Red Skelton appeared on network radio for the first time on the "Rudy Vallee Show" on NBC. 1939 "The Wizard of Oz" premiered in Oconomowoc, WI. Judy Garland became famous for the movie's song "Somewhere Over the Rainbow." The movie premiered in Hollywood on August 15th. 1953 The Soviet Union secretly tested its first hydrogen bomb. 1960 The balloon satellite Echo One was launched by the U.S. from Cape Canaveral, FL. It was the first communications satellite. 1962 The Soviet Union launched Pavel Popovich into orbit. Popovich and Andrian Nikolayev, who was launch a day before, both landed on August 15. 1977 The space shuttle Enterprise passed its first solo flight test. 1981 IBM unveiled its first PC. 1986 It was announced by NASA that they had selected a new rocket design for the space shuttle. The move was made in an effort at correcting the flaws that were believed to have been responsible for the Challenger disaster. 1992 The U.S., Canada, and Mexico announced that the North American Free Trade Agreement had been created after 14 months of negotiations. 1993 U.S. President Clinton lifted the ban on rehiring air traffic controllers that had been fired for going on strike in 1981. 1998 Swiss banks agreed to pay $1.25 billion as restitution to descendants of World War II Holocaust victims. 1999 Hang Thu Thi Ngyuen shot an arrow from a bow with her feet on "Guinness World Records: Primetime" and hit a target that was 16 feet and 5 inches away. 2000 The Russian nuclear submarine Kursk sank and its 118-man crew died during naval exercises in the Barents Sea. 2004 The California Supreme Court voided the nearly 4,000 same-sex marriages that had been sanctioned in San Francisco earlier in the year. 2008 Russia halted its five-day assault on Georgia. 2019 Do smiled. |
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