Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, June 6 Thursday I went for the eye injections, and after that I nearly died. What happened? I don't really know. Some mysterious diabetic malfunction based on un-planned fasting. I had done fasting before, never a problem, but this time, combined with a new medicide, it was a disaster. Spent a day in the hospital and was still not completely right the next day. Slowly crawling back to normal now. Weird! ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Man who faked death to avoid child rape charges gets 85 years in prison ___________________________________________________ History on this day, June 6, in 1936, The first helicopter was tested in a building in Berlin, Germany. 1944, The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches of Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied American, British and Canadian troops were involved. ___________________________________________________ --- Single man on board, needs a woman to nag him. __________________________________________________ On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away. --- Tom Lehrer (1928 - ), lecturing in "The Nature of Math", 4/4/90 There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it. --- Cicero (106 BC - 43 BC) None are so busy as the fool and knave. --- John Dryden (1631 - 1700) "Men show their characters in nothing more clearly than in what they think laughable." --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) (Goethe is my favorite writer) ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________________ A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: - religion - royalty - sex - mystery The prize-winning essay read: "My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?" ___________________________________________________ U.S. tourists in Israel, a man and his wife, were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. A salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from. "America," the husband replied. Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the man responded. "She's not from the States." "Yes I am." said the wife. He looked at her and asked. "Is he your husband?" "Yes." she replied. Turning to the husband, he offered, "I'll give you 100 camels for her." The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence. Finally he replied, "she's not for sale." After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, "I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home." ___________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jacob Blair Scott, Moss Point, Mississippi, USA Man who faked death to avoid child rape charges gets 85 years in prison A military veteran who once faked his own death to try to avoid criminal charges has been convicted of sexually assaulting a girl and impregnating her when he was 40 and she was 14. A jury convicted Jacob Blair Scott of Moss Point, Mississippi, on Thursday. Jackson County Circuit Judge Kathy King Jackson sentenced him to 85 years in prison, saying it is essentially a life sentence. She also ordered him to pay $10,000 in fines. "The evidence is overwhelming," Jackson said. "Its more evidence than Ive probably ever seen." The Sun Herald reported Scott was emotionless when a jury found him guilty of nine counts of sexual battery, four counts of touching a child for lustful purposes and one count of child exploitation. Scott, 45, is a military veteran who was awarded a Purple Heart in 2011 for injuries he received while deployed in Iraq, according to the U.S. Marshals Service, which had once listed him as one of its 15 most wanted fugitives. Scott was supposed to turn himself in to face charges of assaulting the girl, but he faked his death in July 2018 by leaving a small boat with a gun and a suicide note in Orange Beach, Alabama, WLOX-TV reported. Authorities found little evidence of a suicide but searched for a body for more than a week in the Gulf of Mexico. Scott was captured in early 2020 at an RV park in Oklahoma, where he was living under another person's name. During the trial, the victim cried as she testified that Scott sexually assaulted her at least 30 times beginning in 2016 and ending in 2017 when she learned she was pregnant. She said she gave birth to the baby. District Attorney Angel Myers McIlrath and Assistant District Attorney Justin Lovorn excoriated Scott for trying to blame his mental state, a failing relationship and even the victim for the sexual assaults. "This is the first time in my 18 years I have ever seen anything so brazen and so vile," McIlrath said. "This is about blaming the 14-year-old. This whole trial was about humiliating the 14-year-old who had no choice." Before sentencing, Scott blamed his mental issues, post- traumatic stress and other disorders for affecting his mental state when he committed the crimes. He pleaded with the judge to look at his medical record and how he was heavily medicated and suffering from depression and relationship problems that he said clouded his judgment. "I was a good man," Scott said "This aint who I am." McIrath called Scotts defense a "hail Mary" tactic to try to get leniency. Before handing down the sentence, the judge said she didn't believe Scott. ___________________________________________________ Several women were visiting an elderly friend who was ill. After awhile, they rose to leave and told her; "We will keep you in our prayers." "Just wash the dishes in the kitchen," the ailing woman said, "I can do my own praying." ___________________________________________________ if you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ A man seeing Flashing red and blue lights in his rear view mirror. The man says: What's the problem officer? Officer: You were going 75 miles an hour in a 55 mile an hour zone. Man: No sir, I was going 65. Wife: Oh, Harry. You were going 80. [Man gives wife a dirty look.] Officer: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light. Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light! Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. [Man gives his wife a dirty look.] Officer: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt. Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car. Wife: Oh, Harry, you never wear your seat belt! Man turns to his wife and yells:"Shut your darn mouth!" Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?" Wife says: "No, only when he's drunk." ____________________________________________________ Coopers Hawk ___________________________________________________ Three women died and found themselves standing before St.Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was. The first woman said, "Easter is a holiday where we have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell. The second woman said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts." St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell. The third woman said she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, "So, tell me." She said," Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Jews hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder. St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good." Then the woman continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey." ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _____________________________________________________ A shipwrecked sailor spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him. When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, "With the captain's compliments. He said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________ The country doctor was just returning from a delivery at an outlying cattle ranch, when he crossed paths with the town's gossip. "Doctor Wilson, how is the Smith baby?" "Well, the child was born without a penis," the doctor said. "Oh, oh my goodness!" said the gossip... and with a smile on her face, she turned to head into town to spread the news. After she took off to spread the news, the doctor told the gas station attendant "But she'll have a damn nice place to put one in 20 years!" __________________________________________ Bill decided to try his hand at a new job and secured one as a used car salesman. He had no experience in this field but he figured he could use the old sales pitch that the car was *like brand-new* and had only been driven by a little old lady on Sundays. He tried that approach on every prospective buyer but none seemed to believe him and no sales were made that day. The following day he decided to change his sales pitch and sure enough he sold three cars. The manager of the used car dealership called him over and asked what he had done to bring about all these sales. Bill grinned, "Well they didn't believe my little old lady story, so I told them that the car had previously been owned by a nymphomaniac who only used the backseat." ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________ Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir." __________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Daniel Beltran Arroyo, 22, Phoenix, Arizona Phoenix man charged in attempted kidnapping at Chucky's to be held until trial. No bond. Calls to authorities are paired with surveillance video from Chucky's Gas Station, showing employees and customers attempting to stop a would-be kidnapper The Arizona man accused of trying to take a woman's children and then attacking employees and patrons at Chucky's Gas Station in Doa Ana last week, will remain behind bars until his trial. The no-bond hold decision for Daniel Beltran Arroyo, 22, was handed down Monday morning in Third Judicial District Court by Judge Conrad Perea. Arroyo is charged with two counts of child abuse, attempted kidnapping, four counts of battery, and two counts of assault. Arroyo was arrested Wednesday after he allegedly attempted to kidnap multiple children from a mother waiting at the Greyhound station outside the convenience store. As the attempted kidnapping was in progress, store employees and patrons tried to stop Arroyo. Surveillance video shows Arroyo hitting and fighting with them. Authorities say there's no evidence Arroyo knew the mother or her children who had just gotten off the bus and were waiting for an Uber. Arroyo had gotten off of the bus the previous day, an employee of the convenience store told the Sun-News. Cannan Bower, a 16-year-old A Mayfield High School wrestling champ, was across the street at the Circle K when he heard the commotion and rushed to Chucky's. Bower flopped Arroyo to the ground and pinned him until a deputy arrived. Bower has been lauded as a hero and has received international recognition. Roxanne Garcia McElmell, spokesperson for the Third District Attorney's office, said prosecutors don't know much about Arroyo, other than he came from Phoenix, where he was arrested about a month ago on a driving while intoxicated charge. ____________________________________________________ DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Athena Re: disinfecting keyboard Dear Webby, What is the proper way to disinfect keyboards and mice in my office? Thanks Athena font> Dear Webby Dear Athena Issopropyl Alcohol from the pharmacy works very well. First take a black Mark-All and totally obliterate the label on the bottle or can, so as not to tempt any sneaky alcoholic. That stuff is very poisonous. Then take s soft microfiber cloth like the 8" x 8" samples, or a very soft sponge, wet it with the Isopropyl alcohol, and use that to wipe down the keyboard. Turn it around and wipe the mouse. Also wipe the desk. Use a separate cloth for each desk. When done, just heave the cloths into the washer. You can, of course also use soft, old bed sheets or pillow covers cut into small handy-wipes. Just pick somthing, that will hold the alcohol and that does not shed lint. Fancy Covid wipes will of course also work, but are more expensive. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students. The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a few dozen of the other kind ?" ______________________________________________ A soldier stationed in the South Pacific wrote to his wife in the States to please send him a harmonica to occupy his free time and keep his mind off of the local women. The wife complied and sent the best one she could find, along with several dozen lesson & music books. Rotated back home, he rushed to their home and thru the front door. "Oh darling" he gushed, "Come here... let me look at you... let me hold you ! Let's have a fine dinner out, then make love all night. I've missed your lovin' so much !" The wife, keeping her distance, said, "All in good time lover. First, let's hear you play that harmonica." Somehow I have a hunch, that did not go over well. ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A private is on duty in the motor pool when the phone rings: "Soldier, can you tell me what equipment is available for use immediately?" The voice on the other end asked. "Well, sir, we have two tanks, a half dozen half-tracks, two armored personnel carriers, a couple of motorcycles, and fat-ass Johnson's command jeep." "Soldier? Do you know who you are speaking to?" "No sir." "This is Major Johnson, your commander!" "Uh Sir? Do you know who you are speaking to?" "Not yet!" "That's good! Bye, Fat-Ass!" ___________________________________________________ | Today, June 6, in 1674, - Sivaji crowned himself King of India. 1813, The U.S. invasion of Canada was halted at Stony Creek, Ontario. 1833, Andrew Jackson became the first U.S. president to ride in a train. It was a B&O passenger train. 1844, The Young Men's Christian Association was founded in London. 1882, The first electric iron was patented by H.W. Seely. 1890, The United States Polo Association was formed in New York City, NY. 1904, The National Tuberculosis Association was formed in Atlantic City, NJ. 1924, The German Reichtag accepted the Dawes Plan. It was an American plan force help Germany pay off its war debts and help the Allies finance ready or WWII. 1925, Chrysler Corporation was founded by Walter Percy Chrysler. 1932, In the U.S., the first federal tax on gasoline went into effect. It was a penny per gallon. 1933, In Camden, NJ, the first drive-in movie theater opened. 1934, U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed the Securities Exchange Act, which established the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC). 1936, The first helicopter was tested in a building in Berlin, Germany. 1941, The U.S. government authorized the seizure of foreign ships in U.S. ports. 1942, The first nylon parachute jump was made by Adeline Gray in Hartford, CT. 1942, Japanese forces retreated in the World War II Battle of Midway. The battle had begun on June 4. 1944, The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches of Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied American, British and Canadian troops were involved. 1968, U.S. Senator Robert F. Kennedy died at 1:44am in Los Angeles after being shot by Sirhan Sirhan. Kennedy was was shot the evening before while campaigning for the Democratic presidential nomination. 1971, "The Ed Sullivan Show" aired for the last time. It was canceled after 23 years on the air. Gladys Knight and the Pips were the musical guests on show. 1982, Israel invaded southern Lebanon in an effort to drive PLO guerrillas out of Beirut. 1985, The body of Nazi war criminal Dr. Josef Mengele was located and exhumed near Sao Paolo, Brazil. Mengele was known as the "Angel of Death." 1985, The U.S. Senate authorized nonmilitary aid to the Contras. The vote authorized $38 million over two years. 1993, Mongolia held its first direct presidential elections. 2005, The United States Supreme Court ruled that federal authorities could prosecute sick people who smoke marijuana on doctor's orders. The ruling concluded that state medical marijuana laws did not protect uses from the federal ban on the drug. 2022 Do smiled. |
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