Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, August 21 Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award: Nassau County man, 39, batters 78-year-old girlfriend  ______________________________________________________ Today, August 21 in 1959 Hawaii became the 50th state. U.S. President Eisenhower also issued the order for the 50 star flag. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things. --- Robert Louis Stevenson (1850 - 1894) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ There are doctors and there are doctors. That's a lesson a young woman at a barbecue learns when she introduces herself to another guest. She had heard him addressed as 'doctor,' so she says, "Doctor, may I ask a question?" "Certainly," he says. "Well, I have been having a funny pain right here, above the heart." The guest interrupts her, "I'm terribly sorry, but the truth is, I'm a doctor of philosophy." "Oh," says the young woman, "I'm sorry." Embarrassed, she turns away, but curiosity gets the better of her. "Just one more question, Doctor," she says. "What kind of disease is philosophy?" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ A young fellow just out of medical school moves out to a small community to replace a doctor who is retiring. The older gent suggests the young one accompany him on his rounds so the community can become used to a new doctor. At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little sick to my stomach." "Well," says the older doctor, "you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?" As they leave the younger man says, "You didn't even examine that woman. How did you come to your diagnosis so quickly?" "I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick." "Huh," the younger doctor says, "Pretty clever. I'll have to remember that." Arriving at the next house, they spend several minutes talking with a young woman. She complains that she just doesn't have the energy she once did. "I'm feeling terribly run down lately," she says. "You've probably been doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor tells her. "Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps." As they leave, the older man says, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?" "Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the preacher under the bed." ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ A father attends a PTA meeting where the principal explains that the school's sex education classes are to begin soon and urges the parents to have some basic discussions with their kids at home first. The father had given his older boy a "birds and bees" talk two years before and wants to spare himself the ordeal again. When he gets home, he calls the boy into the study and asks him to give his younger brother the instruction he had been given two years before. The boy agrees and rushes off to talk with his younger brother. "Hey, bro," he says, "want to know something?" "What?" the younger lad asks. "You know how a man and a woman get together when they want to have kids?" "Yeah?" "Well, Dad wants me to tell you that birds and bees and flowers do the same thing." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  David Mann, 39, Brycesville, Florida  Nassau County man, 39, batters 78-year-old girlfriend  A 39-year-old Nassau County man has been jailed after his arrest for battery on a person over the age of 65. The Nassau County Sheriff's Office said on a report that David Mann, who lives with his 78-year-old girlfriend, was involved in an argument over an unpaid DirecTV bill. Mann was very angry when services to the Brycesville home were turned off, the report said. Mann is accused of throwing his girlfriend down on a bed and putting his hands around her neck. The victim called deputies after the incident, the report said. Deputies discovered ammunition in the home. Mann is a convicted felon and is not allowed to live in a home with ammunition, so an additional weapons charge was added, the report said. 
  From Lyn Re: Dial-Up versus DSL  Dear Webby With these dial-up accelerators available now, is it worth paying extra for DSL? I read that we can now get this five times faster dial-up, that is cheaper than DSL but supposedly almost as fast.. Lyn   Dear Lyn Yes, some expensive bicycles are almost as fast as a car. But not quite. The accelerated dial-ups make long music downloads faster than regular dial-up, but when it comes to surfing to places that you have not been to before, or uploading files, then there is no noticeable difference from regular dial-up. If DSL is available in your area, that is your better choice. In addition to that, you will save a phone number. Dial-up and accelerated dial-up need a phone line and number. DSL doesn't. It just piggybacks as an inaudible "fuzz" on a regular voice line and does not interfere with phone and fax on that line. Once you deduct the cost of a phone line, DSL becomes actually quite cheap. One thing to keep in mind though: If your DSL ever does go down, and it CAN happen, though very rarely, get the kids or anybody who blushes easily, out of the house. Going from DSL to a temporary dial-up account does tend to cause a lot of cussing, because on DSL you do get spoiled quickly. Have FUN DearWebby  
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 A little boy comes home from the playground with a bloody nose, a black eye and torn clothing. It is obvious he was in a bad fight and he lost. While his father is patching him up, he asks his son what happened. "Well, Dad," says the boy, "I challenged a kid at school to a duel, and I gave him his choice of weapons." "Uh-huh," says the father, "that seems fair." "I know, but I never thought he'd choose his big sister!" 
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 In a small town in the Northeast, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned that the factory might be practicing discrimination, a local woman calls on the manager and asks him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak? Dumb? Cantankerous? What?" "Not at all, ma'am," the manager replies. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Camping Coolers  Before storing your coolers between camping trips, wash, dry completely and fill with crumpled newspapers. This will eliminate musty odors and mildew. It also works for camper refrigerators and iceboxes.  If the coolers are properly washed with dish soap or water with a little bit of bleach, and then dried open in bright sunlight for a day, they can be stacked upside down in a shed, garage, camper or boat. Fridges are best stored with the door open. If the fridge is big enough for a small kid or pet to crawl in, you are required by law to remove the door or chain it open. Newspapers are still a good idea for hiking boots and fishing boots and waders. Have FUN! DearWebby  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
  
 
Amazing Images: The Best Science Photos of the Week 
 ___________________________________________________ An aged farmer and his wife are leaning against the edge of their pigpen when the old woman wistfully recalls that the next week will mark their golden wedding anniversary. "Let's have a party, Homer," she suggests. "We can kill a pig." The farmer scratches his grizzled head. "Gee," he says, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened 50 years ago." ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 The old family doctor still makes house calls. One afternoon he is called to a house where a housewife is in terrible pain. He goes into the bedroom to examine her. The doctor comes out of the bedroom after only a minute and asks her husband, "Do you have a hammer?" The puzzled husband goes to the garage and returns with a hammer. The doctor thanks him and goes back into the bedroom. A minute later, he comes out and asks, "Do you have a chisel?" The husband gets him one. In the next 10 minutes, the doctor asks for and receives a pair of pliers, a screwdriver and a hacksaw. The last request gets to the man. "What are you doing to my wife?" "Not a thing," replies the doctor. "I can't get my instrument bag open." ____________________________________________________  
 Today, August 21 in 1680 The Pueblo Indians drove the Spanish out and took possession of Santa Fe, NM. 1831 Nat Turner, a former slave, led a violent insurrection in Virginia. He was later executed. 1841 A patent for venetian blinds was issued to John Hampton. 1878 The American Bar Association was formed by a group of lawyers, judges and law professors in Saratoga, NY. 1888 The adding machine was patented by William Burroughs. 1923 In Kalamazoo, Michigan, an ordinance was passed forbidding dancers from gazing into the eyes of their partner. 1943 Japan evacuated the Aleutian island of Kiaska. Kiaska had been the last North American foothold held by the Japanese. 1945 U.S. President Truman ended the Lend-Lease program that had shipped about $50 billion in aid to America's Allies during World War II. 1959 Hawaii became the 50th state. U.S. President Eisenhower also issued the order for the 50 star flag. 1963 In South Vietnam, martial law was declared. Army troops and police began to crack down on the Buddhist anti- government protesters. 1984 Clint Eastwood was given a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. 1989 Voyager 2, a U.S. space probe, got close to the Neptune moon called Triton. 1991 The hard-line coup against Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev ended. The uprising that led to the collapse was led by Russian federation President Boris Yeltsin. 1993 NASA lost contact with the Mars Observer spacecraft. The fate of the spacecraft was unknown. The mission cost $980 million. 1994 Ernesto Zedillo won the Mexican presidential election. 1997 Hudson Foods Inc. closed a plant in Nebraska after it had recalled 25 million pounds of ground beef that was potentially contaminated with E. coli 01557:H7. It was the largest food recall in U.S. history. 1997 Afghanistan suspended its embassy operations in the United States. 2002 In Pakistan, President General Pervez Musharraf unilaterally amended the Pakistani constitution. He extended his term in office and granted himself powers that included the right to dissolve parliament. 2003 In Ghana, businessman Gyude Bryant was selected to oversee the two-year power-sharing accord between Liberia's rebels and the government. The accord was planned to guide the country out of 14 years of civil war. 2018 Do smiled. 
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