Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, March 1 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Man arrested for raping, sexually assaulting 7 women while posing as rideshare driver in LA Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, March 1 in 1692 In Salem Village, in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, the Salem witch trials began. Four women were the first to be charged. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. --- Dave Barry (1947 - ) The only thing I like about rich people is their money. --- Nancy Astor ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Paul for the minutes of a previous Democratic National Convention 7:00 P.M. Opening flag burning. 7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to U.N. 7:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 7:30 till 8:00 P.M. Nonreligious prayer and worship. Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton. 8:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 8:05 P.M. Ceremonial tree hugging. 8:15- 8:30 P.M. Gay Wedding -- Barney Frank Presiding. 8:30 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 8:35 P.M. Free Saddam Rally. Cindy Sheehan - Susan Sarandon. 9:00 P.M. Keynote speech. The proper etiquette for surrender--Jacques Chirac 9:15 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast. 9:20 P.M. Collection to benefit Osama Bin Laden kidney transplant fund 9:30 P.M. Unveiling of plan to free freedom fighters from Guantanamo Bay. Sean Penn 9:40 P.M. Why I hate the Military, A short talk by William Jefferson Clinton 9:45 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 9:50 P.M. Dan Rather presents Truth in Broadcasting award, presented by Michael Moore 9:55 P.M., Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 10:00 P.M. How George Bush and Donald Rumsfeld brought down the World Trade Center Towers-- Howard Dean 10:30 P.M. Nomination of Hillary Rodham Clinton by Mahmud Ahnadinejad 11:00 P.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 11:05 P.M. Al Gore reinvents Internet 11:15 P.M. Our Troops are War Criminals--John Kerry 11:30 P.M. Coronation Of Mrs. Hillary Rodham Clinton 12:00 A.M. Ted Kennedy proposes a toast 12:05 A.M. Bill asks Ted to drive Hillary home ______________________________________________________ A pastor was giving a lesson to a group of children on the 23rd Psalm. He noticed that one of the little boys seemed disquieted by the phrase "Surely, goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life..." "What's wrong with that, Johnny?" the pastor asked. "Well," answered Johnny, "I understand about having goodness and mercy, for God is good. But I'm not sure I'd like Shirley and Marcy following me around all the time. they are gossips!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ View from my office. Snow drifting off the mountains. _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ "Hey Larry, going away on holiday again?" "Yes but I need to ask for something different" "Go ahead ask me" "You know last year you suggested Hawaii, and when I returned my wife was pregnant" "Yes but ..." "And the year before you suggested Bermuda, and when I returned my wife was pregnant" "Yes but.." "And the year before that when I went to Bali and when I returned my wife was pregnant" "Yes" "Well! Could you suggest something cheaper this year, so that I can bring her with me?" _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicolas Morales, 44, Santa Clarita, California Man arrested for raping, sexually assaulting 7 women while posing as rideshare driver in LA A Santa Clarita man was charged Tuesday with dozens of counts of rape, sexual assault and attempted kidnapping after officials said he posed as a ride-hailing driver for more than a year, picking up women in his car before attacking them sometimes with a knife in seven different incidents across L.A. County. Nicolas Morales, 44, was arrested Friday by Alhambra police. He appeared at the Alhambra branch of L.A. County Superior Court on Tuesday afternoon clad in a blue jumpsuit and glasses. After the private attorney his wife hired for his defense told the judge the firm was declining to represent him, Morales was appointed a public defender and placed back in custody under $10.3 million bail. He faces up to 300 years in state prison if convicted as charged, said district attorney's office spokeswoman Sarah Ardalani in a written statement. The first attack prosecutors accused Morales of committing occurred in 2016, either late on Oct. 9 or early Oct. 10. They continued every few months until this year the last attack Morales was charged for happened on New Year's Eve. Sgt. Steven Carr, a spokesman for the Alhambra Police Department, said police arrested Morales in connection to that final attack on Dec. 30, 2017. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rhonda Re: Desktop Themes Dear Webby, First let me say thanks for all the tips, jokes and of course those outrageously cool pics you send daily. Is there a site out there anywhere that you can download free desktop themes without installing a ton of garbage? I'm especially interested in movie and holiday themes. Thanks in advance for your help. Keep it coming! Rhonda Dear Rhonda ANY, absolutely ANY jpg or gif or bmp picture will work. Yes, even animated pictures! For example, look at: http://www.newportharbor.us/computerworks.htm That isn`t a picture I would use myself, but it shows that even a busy animated gif will work. Personally, I just use a plain blue background to contrast nicely behind my big mess of icons. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. A feisty 70 year old woman had to call a furnace repairman. After a quick inspection the man put some oil into the motor and handed her a $70 bill for labor. "Labor charges!" she exclaimed. "It took you five minutes." The repairman explained that his company had a minimum one-hour charge on every house call. "Well, I want my remaining 55 minutes of labor," the lady responded, and she handed him a rake. The repairman spent the next 54 minutes in her yard bagging leaves. And one minute making sure that traveling charges were itemized separately, and that she would never ever get a house call again. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagonload of wheat on the road. The farmer that lived nearby came to investigate. "Hey, Willis," he called out, "forget your troubles for a while and come and have dinner with us. Then I'll help you overturn the wagon." "That's very nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't think Dad would like me to." "Aw, come on, son!" the farmer insisted. "Well, OK," the boy finally agreed, "but Dad won't like it." After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked the host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Dad's going to be real upset." "Don't be silly!" said the neighbor. "By the way, where is he?" "Under the wagon," replied Willis. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refurbishing Plastic Spatulas Over time, the edges of plastic spatulas get dull and rough. Sharpen the rough edge by sanding them with an emery board or scraping them with the edge of a sharp knife. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours. But don't worry...we still have one engine left." Tricia turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!" | Artist Recreates People from Grandparents Village as Life-Size Cardboard Sculptures |
From Bill: My mom has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were speeding through Georgia. Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked when the trooper walked up to the car. "I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the officer. "What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires out, with a jet fighter?" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, March 1 in 1498 Vasco de Gama landed at what is now Mozambique on his way to India. 1562 In Vassy, France, Catholics massacred over 1,000 Huguenots. The event started the First French War of Religion. 1692 In Salem Village, in the Massachusetts Bay Colony, the Salem witch trials began. Four women were the first to be charged. 1781 In America, the Continental Congress adopted the Articles of Confederation. 1784 In Great Britain, E. Kidner opened the first cooking school. 1790 The U.S. Congress authorized the first U.S. census. 1810 Sweden became the first country to appoint an Ombudsman, Lars August Mannerheim. 1811 Egyptian ruler Mohammed Ali massacred the leaders of the Mameluke dynasty. 1815 Napoleon returned to France from the island of Elba. He had been forced to abdicate in April of 1814. 1845 U.S. President Tyler signed the congressional resolution to annex the Republic of Texas. 1862 Prussia formally recognized the Kingdom of Italy. 1872 The U.S. Congress authorized the creation of Yellowstone National Park. It was the world's first national park. 1873 E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, began the manufacturing the first practical typewriter. 1896 The Battle of Adowa began in Ethiopia between the forces of Emperor Menelik II and Italian troops. The Italians were defeated. 1900 In South Africa, Ladysmith was relieved by British troops after being under siege by the Boers for more than four months. 1907 In Odessa, Russia, there were only about 15,000 Jews left due to evacuations. 1907 In Spain, a royal decree abolished civil marriages. 1907 In New York, the Salvation Army opened an anti-suicide bureau. 1911 Industrialist Henry Frick acquired Velasquez's "Portrait of King Philip IV." 1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first parachute jump from a moving airplane. 1924 Disney released the first Alice Comedy entitled "Alice's Day at Sea." 1927 The Bank of Italy became a National Bank. 1932 The 22-month-old son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh was kidnapped. The child was found dead in May. 1937 U.S. Steel raised workers' wages to $5 a day. 1937 In Connecticut, the first permanent automobile license plates were issued. 1941 FM Radio began in Nashville, TN, when station W47NV began operations. 1941 Bulgaria joined the Axis powers by signing the Tripartite Pact. 1947 The International Monetary Fund began operations. 1947 Chinese Premier T.V. Soong resigned. 1949 Joe Louis announced that he was retiring from boxing as world heavyweight boxing champion. 1950 Klaus Fuchs was convicted of giving U.S. atomic secrets to the Soviet Union. 1954 The United States announced that it had conducted a hydrogen bomb test on the Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean. 1954 Five U.S. congressmen were wounded when four Puerto Rican nationalists opened fire from the gallery of the U.S. House of Representatives. 1959 Archbishop Makarios returned to Cyprus from exile. 1961 The Peace Corps was established by U.S. President Kennedy. 1962 Pakistan announced that it had a new constitution that set up a presidential system of government. 1966 The Soviet probe, Venera 3 crashed on the planet Venus. It was the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the surface of another planet. 1966 Ghana ordered all Soviet, East German and Chinese technicians to leave the country. 1971 A bomb exploded in a restroom in the Senate wing of the U.S. Capitol. There were no injuries. A U.S. group protesting the Vietnam War claimed responsibility. 1974 Seven people were indicted in connection with the Watergate break-in. The charge was conspiring to obstruct justice. 1983 The New Jersey Transit strike began. It ended on April 2. 1984 The U.S.S.R. performed a nuclear test at Eastern Kazakhstan, Semipalatinsk, U.S.S.R. 1987 The Boston Celtics defeated Detroit 112-102 to post their 2,235th NBA win. 1987 S&H Green Stamps became S&H Green Seals. The stamps were introduced 90 years earlier. 1988 Soviet troops were sent into Azerbaijan after ethnic riots between Armenians and Azerbaijanis. 1989 In Washington, DC, Mayor Barry and the City council imposed a curfew on minors. 1990 In Cairo, 16 people were killed in a fire at the Sheraton Hotel. 1992 Bosnian Serb snipers fired upon civilians after a majority of the Moslem and Croatian communities voted in favor of Bosnia's independence. 1992 King Fahd of Saudi Arabia announced major political reforms that ceded some powers after 10 years of disciplined rule. 1992 Bosnian Muslims and Croats voted to secede from Yugoslavia. 1993 The U.S. government announced that the number of food stamp recipients had reached a record number of 26.6 million. 1994 Israel released about 500 Arab prisoners in an effort to placate Palestinians over the Hebron massacre. 1995 The European Parliament rejected legislation that would have allowed biotechnology companies to patent new life forms. 1995 Yahoo! was incorporated. 1996 In Kuala, Lumpur, construction was completed for the Petronas Towers. 1999 The Angolan Embassy in Lusaka, Zambia, exploded. Four other bombs went off in the capital. 1999 In Uganda, eight tourists were brutally murdered by Hutu rebels. 1999 Bertrand Piccard and Brian Jones began their attempt to circumnavigate the Earth in a hot air balloon non-stop. They succeeded on March 20, 1999. 2002 Operation Anaconda began in eastern Afghanistan. Allied forces were fighting against Taliban and Al Quaida fighters. 2003 In New York, a $250,000 Salvador Dali sketch was stolen from a display case in the lobby at Rikers Island jail. On June 17, 2003, it was announced that four corrections officers had surrendered and pled innocent in connection to the theft. The mixed-media composition was a sketch of the crucifixion. 2003 In the U.S., approximately 180,000 personnel from 22 different organizations around the government became part of the Department of Homeland Security. This completed the largest government reorganization since the beginning of the Cold War. 2003 Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was captured by CIA and Pakistani agents near Islamabad. He was the suspected mastermind behind the terrorist attacks on the United States on September 11, 2001. 2018 Do smiled. |
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