Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, October 27 home4christmas.com is for sale! Make an offer! $50 minimum. You can use it for anything you want. Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award: Man tasered by police for refusing to stop having sex with car exhaust ______________________________________________________ Today, October 27 in 1659 William Robinson and Marmaduke Stevenson became the first Quakers to be executed in America. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
"My fear is if North Korea nukes us, Trump is gonna get us into a war." --- Maxine Waters.......2017 "We are all born ignorant, but one must work very hard to remain STUPID!" --- Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790) ______________________________________________________ Q: How do we know that the democrats sent themselves bombs? A: None of them worked. ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Millie We purchased an old home in Northern New York State from two elderly sisters. Winter was fast approaching and I was concerned about the house's lack of insulation. "If they could live here all those years, so can we!" my husband confidently declared. One November night the temperature plunged to below zero, and we woke up to find interior walls covered with frost. My husband called the sisters to ask how they had kept the house warm. After a rather brief conversation, he hung up. "For the past 30 years," he muttered, "they've gone to Florida for the winter." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job. "We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required to work with lenses that are a hundreths of an inch thick." "I can handle it," the applicant said, "I used to slice meat in a delicatessen, I can slice ham so thin it is kosher." ______________________________________________________ Trash Passing is illegal in 'Bama _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ Reported by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ryan Scott Malek, 24, Newton, Kansas Man tasered by police for refusing to stop having sex with car exhaust Ryan Scott Malek's was four times the legal alcohol limit when police found him in a questionable position with a parked car on May 1. Officers tried to get him to stop, but persistent Malek, from Newton, Kansas, US, kept going. Court documents show Ryan Scott Malek was charged for lewd and lascivious behaviour Malek was reportedly 'oblivious' to what he was doing, so police decided to Taser him, according to the Smoking Gun. It appears Malek had an audience of six other witnesses watching him at the time, court documents revealed. The 24-year-old was taken to hospital and given a chance to sober up. He later pleaded guilty to lewd and lascivious behaviour and was put on probation for one year. According to police arrest logs, Malek was arrested for aggravated assault and use of a deadly weapon in February. From: Martin Re: Deleting Windows Updates Dear Webby Just thought of a question that would maybe be of help to others for once. Is it necessary to keep all of the Windows updates, or can some be safely deleted after a time? I have a bunch of them and can't see holding on to all of them, taking up disk space if so. Thanks, Martin Dear Martin Are you talking about UPDATES, or are you referring to Update UNINSTALL files? The UNINSTALL files are a waste of space and it is safe to delete them. The purpose of those Windows Update uninstall files is being a safety net, just in case an update is too haywire and can't be patched with a further update, and you need to uninstall it. However, Microsoft software writers are building their job security on their ability to patch the patched patches. The only Update, that was so bad, that it was necessary to uninstall it, is IE. If you are paranoid, keep the uninstall files a week, and get rid of the old ones. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. >From Linda When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger's side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered it was open. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" "I know," answered the young man. "I already got that side." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
>From Jocelyn When my 3-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Mom smiled and then replied, "Oh, I remember!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Making Your To-Do List Fun When your "To Do" List seems overwhelming, sit down and write FIVE THINGS on a small slip of paper. Mix up small and large tasks with one "reward" thrown in. This is now your "Flash List", do all 5 things before stopping, right in a row, in the order you have written them to WIN! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Well....this is certainly a different desert house. |
___________________________________________________ Eva went to a store to buy some insecticide. "Is this good for beetles?" she asked the clerk. "No," he replied. "It'll kill 'em." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
My friend Monica is an accomplished harpist, who frequently plays for weddings, reception, parties, and other such events. She is also blond and has an appropriately cherubic face. She was on her way to an engagement at a hotel, and stepped into an elevator with her large golden harp. Just before the doors closed, a distinguished gray- haired man stepped on. As the elevator rose, he looked thoughtfully first at her and then her harp and asked, "And just how far up are you going?" | Today October 27 in 1659 William Robinson and Marmaduke Stevenson became the first Quakers to be executed in America. 1787 The first of the Federalist Papers were published in the New York Independent. The series of 85 essays, written by Alexander Hamilton, James Madison and John Jay, were published under the pen name "Publius." 1795 The United States and Spain signed the Treaty of San Lorenzo. The treaty is also known as "Pinckney's Treaty." 1858 Roland Macy opened Macy's Department Store in New York City. It was Macy's eighth business adventure, the other seven failed. 1878 The Manhattan Savings Bank in New York City was robbed of over $3,000,000. The robbery was credited to George "Western" Leslie even though there was not enough evidence to convict him, only two of his associates were convicted. 1904 The New York subway system officially opened. It was the first rapid-transit subway system in America. 1925 Fred Waller received a patent for water skis. 1927 The first newsreel featuring sound was released in New York. 1931 Chuhei Numbu of Japan set a long jump record at 26' 2 1/4". 1938 Du Pont announced "nylon" as the new name for its new synthetic yarn. 1947 "You Bet Your Life," the radio show starring Grouch Marx, premiered on ABC. It was later shown on NBC television. 1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were divorced. They had been married on January 14, 1954. 1962 The Soviet Union adds to the Cuban Missile Crisis by calling for the dismantling of U.S. missile basis in Turkey. U.S. President Kennedy agreed to the new aspect of the agreement. 1978 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat and Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin were named winners of the Nobel Peace Prize for their progress toward achieving a Middle East accord. 1994 The U.S. Justice Department announced that the U.S. prison population had exceeded one million for the first time in American history. 1997 The Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped 554.26 points. The stock market was shut down for the first time since the 1981 assassination attempt on U.S. President Reagan. 2002 Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva was elected president of Brazil in a runoff. He was the country's first elected leftist leader. 2003 Bank of America Corp. announced it had agreed to buy FleetBoston Financial Corp. The deal created the second largest banking company in the U.S. 2018 Do smiled. |
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