Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, April 25 Have FUN! DerWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Prisoner Tried To Carve 666 Into His Forehead It Didnt Exactly go As Planned Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, April 25 in 1684 A patent was granted for the thimble. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) Scandal is gossip made tedious by morality. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ On the sixth day, God created the platypus. And God said, "Let's see the evolutionists try and figure this one out." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A rabbi and his two friends, a priest and a minister, played poker for small stakes once a week. The only problem was that they lived in a very conservative blue-law town. The sheriff raided their game and took all three before the local judge. After listening to the sheriff's story, the judge sternly inquired of the priest: "Were you gambling, Father?" The priest looked toward heaven, whispered, "Oh, Lord, forgive me!" and then said aloud: "No, your honor, I was not gambling." "Were you gambling, Reverend?" the judge asked the minister. The minister repeated the priest's actions and said, "No, your honor, I was not." Turning to the third clergyman, the judge asked: "Were you gambling, Rabbi?" The Rabbi eyed him coolly and replied: "With whom?" "That's 'With WHO!' " the Judge thundered. That is an extra day picking up garbage along the highway, on top of the five each of you get for lying to me!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Here finally is a picture of the famous Bausell Sailor: Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Old Mugshot, does not include newest "features" Nikko Jenkins, 28, Omaha, Nebraska Prisoner Tried To Carve 666 Into His Forehead It Didnt Exactly go As Planned In trying to prove he was crazy in a long shot bid to avoid the death penalty, Nikko Jenkins only ended up proving he was a major league moron. Jenkins, 28, attempted to carve the mark of the beast into his forehead. His fatal mistake was using a mirror, causing his creation to come out backward. However, with a series of upside-down 9s, Jenkins has fashioned himself an entirely unique and irreversible engraving. According to Omaha.com, Jenkins told his attorney about the incident in a phone call from his cell in Omaha, Nebraska. The 28-year-old is in an ongoing appeal that he is mentally unstable and therefore ineligible to face the death penalty. His failed stunt was an apparent attempt to help prove that case. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Martin Re: Compressed "air" Dear Webby I know you have long badmouthed and condemned the use of compressed air for computer cleaning, without ever stating your real reason. The kids already know and talk about it. Maybe it's as well that the parents and grandparents do too. (Yeah, I know, there are plenty of adult 'bone-heads" who would abuse them if told. Martin http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/d/dustoff.htm Dear Martin Yes, it is true that stooopid kids inhale the compressed "air" from those silly cans that are sold to bozos to blow dirt and small parts to harder to reach places. Techs have known or suspected for a long time that those companies like Dust-Off just ship their toxic waste gases all over the country, to get rid of them anywhere but in their own back yard. We have also known for a long time that a certain percentage of kids will sniff anything from gas to glue, if some other kids tell them it will make them experience something strange. So, since you now know that Dust-Off and similar cans of compressed "air" contain toxic waste gases, supposedly as a propellant, and that dumb kids sniff that stuff, don't bring it into the house. Sure, not all kids who huff the stuff will die, some will just get even dumber than they are. But a certain percentage WILL die from huffing. For the same cost as a large can of toxic waste gas propelled industrial air, you can get a small rechargeable battery powered vacuum cleaner and get rid of dust bunnies instead of blowing them underneath heat sinks and other hard to get to places. If you do feel the insane urge to blow dust from the computer all over the house, put the crevice tool onto the hose of the vacuum cleaner and plug the hose into the wrong end of the vacuum cleaner. The fans in the computer will suck the stuff back into the computer and you can repeat the procedure next spring. Have FUN! DearWebby From a dozen years ago: Yesterday Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was supposed to give a speech to California voters, but it was bumped so that Michael Jackson's verdict and a ton of ads could be televised. Arnold acted upset and said, if he can't speak to his voters, how can the [democrat] media misquote him? | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sap on Your Car It always best to remove sap from your car quickly, while it is still soft. The harder the sap gets, the tougher it is to remove and the more likely it is to scratch your car's finish. Make a paste with a mild abrasive like baking soda and apply to the sap, then rub it with a rag until the sap is removed. You can also try rubbing the sap with mayonnaise on a rag. I have also heard that WD-40 works well for softening sap so that it can be removed. Clean the area once the sap has been removed. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com ____________________________________________________ A frog decided to call the psychic hotline and see what his future held for him. The psychic says, "You will meet a very beautiful girl, who will want to know everything about you." "That's great !" said the frog. "Where will I meet her? At a party, in the pond?" The psychic hesitated, then responded, "You will meet her next semester, in Biology lab!" ___________________________________________________ | | Celebrities when they were young. |
A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens." "What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff. "I don't care, just do something about those drivers!" So the next day he had the county workers go out and erect a sign that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go faster." So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and called and called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Is it all right for me to put up my own sign?" The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign." He was going to let the farmer do just about anything in order to have him stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no more calls from the farmer. Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff decided to call him. "How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?" "Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." And he hung up the phone. The sheriff thought to himself, "I'd better go to that farmer's house and look at that sign... There might be something there that WE could use to slow down drivers." So the sheriff drove out to the farmer's house, and he saw the sign. It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in large yellow letters were the words: SLOW DOWN! NUDIST COLONY Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, on April 25 1590 The Sultan of Morocco launched his successful attack to capture Timbuktu. 1644 The Ming Chongzhen emperor committed suicide by hanging himself. 1684 A patent was granted for the thimble. 1707 At the Battle of Almansa, Franco-Spanish forces defeated the Anglo-Portugese. 1792 The guillotine was first used to execute highwayman Nicolas J. Pelletier. 1846 The Mexican-American War ignited as a result of disputes over claims to Texas boundaries. The outcome of the war fixed Texas' southern boundary at the Rio Grande River. 1859 Work began on the Suez Canal in Egypt. 1860 The first Japanese diplomats to visit a foreign power reached Washington, DC. They remained in the U.S. capital for several weeks while discussing expansion of trade with the United States. 1862 Union Admiral Farragut occupied New Orleans, LA. 1864 After facing defeat in the Red River Campaign, Union General Nathaniel Bank returned to Alexandria, LA. 1867 Tokyo was opened for foreign trade. 1882 French commander Henri Riviere seized the citadel of Hanoi in Indochina. 1898 The U.S. declared war on Spain. Spain had declared war on the U.S. the day before. 1901 New York became the first state to require license plates for cars. The fee was $1. 1915 During World War I, Australian and New Zealand troops landed at Gallipoli in Turkey in hopes of attacking the Central Powers from below. The attack was unsuccessful. 1925 General Paul von Hindenburg took office as president of Germany. 1926 In Iran, Reza Kahn was crowned Shah and choose the name "Pehlevi." 1928 A seeing eye dog was used for the first time. 1945 U.S. and Soviet forces met at Torgau, Germany on Elbe River. 1945 Delegates from about 50 countries met in San Francisco to organize the United Nations. 1952 After a three-day fight against Chinese Communist Forces, the Gloucestershire Regiment was annihilated on "Gloucester Hill," in Korea. 1953 U.S. Senator Wayne Morse ended the longest speech in U.S. Senate history. The speech on the Offshore Oil Bill lasted 22 hours and 26 minutes. 1953 Dr. James D. Watson and Dr. Francis H.C. Crick suggested the double helix structure of DNA. 1954 The prototype manufacture of the first solar battery was announced by the Bell Laboratories in New York City. 1957 Operations began at the first experimental sodium nuclear reactor. 1959 St. Lawrence Seaway opened to shipping. The water way connects the Great Lakes and the Atlantic Ocean. 1961 Robert Noyce was granted a patent for the integrated circuit. 1962 The U.S. spacecraft, Ranger, crashed on the Moon. 1967 Colorado Governor John Love signed the first law legalizing abortion in the U.S. The law was limited to therapeutic abortions when agreed to, unanimously, by a panel of three physicians. 1971 The country of Bangladesh was established. 1974 Portuguese dictator Antonio Salazar was overthrown in a military coup. 1976 Portugal ratified a constitution. It was first revised on October 30, 1982. 1980 In Iran, a commando mission to rescue hostages was aborted after mechanical problems disabled three of the eight helicopters involved. During the evacuation, a helicopter and a transport plane collided and exploded. Eight U.S. servicemen were killed. The mission was aimed at freeing American hostages that had been taken at the U.S. embassy in Tehran on November 4, 1979. The event took place April 24th Washington, DC, time. 1982 In accordance with Camp David agreements, Israel completed its Sinai withdrawal. 1983 Soviet leader Yuri V. Andropov invited Samantha Smith to visit his country after receiving a letter in which the U.S. schoolgirl expressed fears about nuclear war. 1983 The Pioneer 10 spacecraft crossed Pluto's orbit, speeding on its endless voyage through the Milky Way. 1984 In France, over one million people demonstrated to show they favored the decentralization of education. 1987 In Washington, DC, 100,000 people protested the U.S. policy in Central America. They didn't understand it, but had a lot of fun protesting anyway. 1988 In Israel, John "Ivan the Terrible" Demjanuk was sentenced to death as a Nazi war criminal. 1990 Sandinista rule ended in Nicaragua. 1990 The U.S. Hubble Space Telescope was placed into Earth's orbit. It was released by the space shuttle Discovery. 1992 Islamic forces in Afghanistan took control of most of the capital of Kabul following the collapse of the Communist government. 1996 The main assembly of the Palestine Liberation Organization voted to revoke clauses in its charter that called for an armed struggle to destroy Israel. 1998 U.S. first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton on was questioned by Whitewater prosecutors on videotape about her work as a private lawyer for the failed savings and loan at the center of the investigation. 2003 Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, the anti-apartheid leader and ex-wife of former President Nelson Mandela, was sentenced to four years in prison for her conviction on fraud and theft charges. She was convicted of 43 counts of fraud and 25 of theft of money from a women's political league. 2017 Do smiled. |
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