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| Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, August 23, 2022 ___________________________________________________ History on this day, August 23, in 1962, The first live TV program was relayed between the U.S. and Europe through the U.S. Telstar satellite. ____________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Teenager facing 14 charges for murdering woman in Morris _________________________________________________ Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. --- Fran Lebowitz (1950 - ) There is only one difference between a madman and me. I am not mad. --- Salvador Dali (1904 - 1989) If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) __________________________________________________ >From Ann My 5 year old son was playing and was busily building up a fort in the living room. I asked him how his fort was coming along and if he would like help making it. He said "It's not a fort mom, its a dog house!" I said " Honey we don't have a dog. " To which he immediately replied " Well I think its time we got one since we have a dog house!" __________________________________________________ TECH SUPPORT And then we heard.... Customer: "I have Microword Soft." Customer: "Microwave Windows?" Customer: "Will this upgrade include Microwave 97?" Customer: (Referring to Microsoft Defrag) "I ran Microwave Defrost, but it didn't help." Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder." Customer: "I have Microscope Exploiter." Customer: "I have Chrome Complicator." Customer: "I have Chrome Regulator." Customer: "Uhh...I have Chrome and Outlook Exposure." Customer: "I have a US Robotics Sportscaster modem." Customer: "It's not my computer that is slow. I have a 200 horse power hard drive." ___________________________________________________ Norway __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cortez Rice, 16, Morris, Illinois, USA. Teenager facing 14 charges for murdering woman in Morris A Grundy County grand jury on Wednesday indicted a 16-year- old boy on 14 felony charges. Cortez Rice, of Morris, is charged with 12 counts of Murder; Aggravated Vehicular Hijacking, a class X felony and Vehicle Hijacking, a class one felony. During a press conference earlier this month, investigators and prosecutors said Rice was asking for a ride in the 400 block of Twilight Drive in Morris and was told to leave by an occupant of an apartment complex shortly before 4:20 p.m. on Thursday, August 4th. Rice then allegedly shot 25-year-old Beverly Lambert, of Shorewood, inside the hallway of an apartment complex in the 500 block of Twilight Drive. Lambert was at the apartment complex to pick up her child from a babysitter. During a press conference earlier this month, investigators and prosecutors said Rice was asking for a ride in the 400 block of Twilight Drive in Morris and was told to leave by an occupant of an apartment complex shortly before 4:20 p.m. on Thursday, August 4th. Rice then allegedly shot 25-year-old Beverly Lambert, of Shorewood, inside the hallway of an apartment complex in the 500 block of Twilight Drive. Lambert was at the apartment complex to pick up her child from a babysitter. Prosecutors say Lambert, who did not know the suspect, was shot in the back of the head with a 9 millimeter handgun two times. She was pronounced dead by the Grundy County Coroners Office at Morris Hospital a few hours later. Rice allegedly stole Lamberts vehicle and was arrested in the area of St. Johns Street in Joliet a few hours later. Police officials were able to use their license plate reader or flock cameras to apprehend the teen. Rice remains in the River Valley Juvenile Detention Center on a $5 million bond. _____________________________________________________ Gheghici Monica in Targu-Neamt __________________________________________________ Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the buds on my father's young peach tree for two years in a row. This spring Dad was ready. He replanted the sapling in a large box, mounted it on wheels, and put the tree in the garage whenever the temperature dropped. One warm April day Dad was wheeling the tree out into the yard, and stopped to give our dog a drink from the garden hose. A neighbor watched the scene with amusement. "Frank," he finally commented, "you're the only man I know who walks his tree and waters his dog!" ___________________________________________________ >From Georgina PROCRASTINATOR'S CREED NOTICE: You may wish to delay reading this until you have more free time. 1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already. 2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses. 3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration. 4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them. 5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations. 6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given. 7. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year. 8. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind. 9. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it. 10. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever. _____________________________________________________ >From Ann My 5 year old son was playing and was busily building up a fort in the living room. I asked him how his fort was coming along and if he would like help making it. He said " It's not a fort mom, its a dog house!" I said " Honey we don't have a dog. " To which he immediately replied " Well I think its time we got one since we have a dog house!" _____________________________________________________ YOU KNOW YOU'RE TRAILER CROWD IF The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night. Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people". You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean. Someone in your family died right after saying: "Hey watch this." You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. Your junior prom had a daycare. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines." You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge. One of your kids was born on a pool table. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it. You think "loaded dishwasher" means your wife is drunk. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it. Your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs. Your whole family went to the "dental express" at one time to get all their teeth pulled. ___________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Alexis RE: Cursor Color Dear Webby, OK, so what is the rtop secret method for changing the color of the mouse curser? Alexis Dear Alexis You can download large and colorful cursors, that work on web sites, as a Browser Extension. Cursor Color There you can select, for example a good sized fluorescent orage or green cursor that works well on web sites. Unfortunately, that cursor works only in your browser. If you need to change the cursor to be more visible in all programs, try this: Choose Start, Control Panel. In the Control Panel, choose Ease of Access. On the next screen, click on the link that says Change how your mouse works. At the top of the next window, you will find the options for changing both the size and color of your pointer. Personally, I use the bottom of that, wehre you can get a cursor, that changes to the opposite of whatever the background happens to be. With my eyes, that is the best solution. Also look for the choice of Mouse Trails, click that ON, and most definitely the option of targets when you hold CTRL and click the mouse. HaveFUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Yogesh Sheth ___________________________________________________ In The Event You Must Leave The House Face it, you will have to go outside eventually. Sure, Amazon.com will deliver right to your door and now even Taco Bell does deliveries, but, mark my words: some day you're going to HAVE to push away from the computer and go... OUTSIDE. Scary, I know, but to assist you with the basics, here's a guide: 1. Wear pants or a skirt Countless attempts to better oneself have been cut tragically short by leaving the house without proper attire. 2. Use Your Real Name - Sorry, but nobody will be impressed if you go by the name "2HOT4U", "Monarch" or SATAN666." Names like "Steve" or Greg" or "Peggy" are just fine. 3.The Telephone is Your Friend Hear that ringing sound? Pick up the phone. Now speak into it. 4. If Your Car Crashes, You Cannot Simply Reboot It. 5. Do Not Be Surprised That Nobody Looks Like Gillian Anderson. 6. Do Not Flame People - Comparing everyone you disagree with to unclean primates will not win you friends. In fact, you may get into a physical fight. If so, the next tip may be of help. 7. That Red Stuff is Called Blood - Not to be confused with ketchup, blood is what keeps you alive. If you are leaking, the real world offers human tech support in the form of doctors and hospitals. _____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! ____________________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________ Today, August 23, in 1839, Hong Kong was taken by the British in a war with China. 1858, "Ten Nights in a Barroom" opened in New York City at the National Theater. It was a melodrama about the evils of drinking. 1892, The printed streetcar transfer was patented by John H. Stedman. 1902, Fannie Merrit Farmer opened her cooking school, Miss Farmers School of Cookery, in Boston, MA. 1904, Hard D. Weed patented the grip-tread tire chain for cars. 1914, Tsingtao, China, was bombarded as Japan declared war on Germany in World War I. 1939, Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union signed a non- aggression treaty. 1944, During World War II, Romanian prime minister Ion Antonescue was dismissed. Soon after the country would abandon the Axis and join the Allies. 1944, Marseilles was captured by Allied troops during World War II. 1947, Margaret Truman, U.S. President Truman's daughter, gave her first public performance as a singer. The event was at the Hollywood Bowl and had an audience of 15,000. 1952, The security pact of the Arab League went into effect. 1959, In the Peanuts comic strip, Sally debuted as an infant. 1962, The first live TV program was relayed between the U.S. and Europe through the U.S. Telstar satellite. 1970, U.S. swimmer Gary Hall broke three world records at the AAU (Amateur Athletic Union) outdoor swimming meet, held in Los Angeles, CA. 1979, Soviet dancer Alexander Godunov defected while the Bolshoi Ballet was on tour in New York City. 1982, The parliament of Lebanon elected Bashir Bemayel president. He was assassinated three weeks later. 1987, Robert Jarvik and Marilyn Mach vos Savant were married. The event was called the "Union of Great Minds" since Savant had an IQ of 228 and Jarvik was the inventor of the artificial heart. 1990, President Saddam Hussein appeared on Iraqi state television with a group of Western detainees that he referred to as "guests." He told the group that they were being held "to prevent the scourge of war." 1993, It was confirmed by Los Angeles police that Michael Jackson was the subject of a criminal investigation. 1996, U.S. President Clinton imposed limits on peddling cigarettes to children. 1998, Protestors in Sudan carried a sign that bore the resemblance of Monica Lewinsky and the words "No War for Monika." The anti-U.S. demonstration was in Khartoum, Sudan. 1998, Boris Yeltsin dismissed the Russian government again. 1999, Rescuers in Turkey found a young boy that had been buried in rubble from an earthquake for about a week. 1999, Robert Bogucki was rescued after getting lost in the Great Sandy Desert of Australia on July 11. During the 43 day ordeal Bogucki lost 44 pounds. 2000, Richard Hatch was revealed as the winning castaway on CBS' "Survivor." Hatch won $1,000,000 for his stay on the island of Pulau Tida in the South China Sea. 2022 Do! smiled. |
Yogesh Sheth
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