Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, October 9 Happy Thanksgiving Day in Canada! Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Man told Orlando airport employee he had to get bag checked in 'before it explodes'. He is in jail now. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, Oct 9 in 1855 Isaac Singer patented the sewing machine motor. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ 'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. --- Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865) The further a society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those who speak it. --- George Orwell ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A golfer went to see his doctor. He was suffering from major stress syndrome. The doctor asked him if he played golf, to which the golfer replied "I play at it, it's a very frustrating game, but I love it." The doctor told him that the next time he played, he should use an imaginary ball. The golfer was a little embarrassed, but he decided to give it a try. So he went out on a week day so his normal golfing buddies wouldn't see him, and proceeded to tee up an imaginary ball. Lo and behold, he birdied the first hole! He was playing the best game he had ever played, with birdie or eagle on every hole, as he approached the 9th green. Another single gentleman had been playing ahead of him and watching this game with much curiosity. The second golfer waited before he teed off on the 10th hole and asked the first golfer if he would like to join him. They did, and as they played the 10th hole, the second golfer asked him what he was doing. The first golfer explained that his doctor had told him to play a round of golf with an imaginary ball to relieve his stress, and it was working. Well, of course, the second golfer said he had stress and asked if it would be all right to play with an imaginary ball, also. The first golfer said "Sure!" They now approach the 18th hole, short par 4, and both men are tied to this point in their round. The second golfer teed his imaginary ball, took a stroke, and started jumping up and down shouting, "Ace! I win!" The first golfer only turned to him, smiled, and said "No, I won. That was my ball." _____________________________________________________ Anthony and Kathy married. Anthony thought this would be a modern marriage which meant equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, Anthony brought Kathy breakfast in bed. Kathy wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "A poached egg? I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, Anthony brought his true love a scrambled egg. Kathy wasn't having any of it. "Don't you think I like variety? I wanted poached this morning!" Determined to please Kathy, the next morning he brought his true love two eggs - one scrambled and one poached. "Here, my love... enjoy!" Kathy acted furious, "You scrambled the wrong egg!" Anthony took the plate and ate both eggs himself, in the kitchen. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The young teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked Morris, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes west longitude...?" After a confused silence, Johnnie offered this as his answer, "I guess you'd be eating alone. I can't swim THAT far!" ______________________________________________________ Christ The Redeemer, Rio de Janiero _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Fred Gray, Orlando, Florida Man told Orlando airport employee he had to get bag checked in 'before it explodes'. He is in jail now. Officers responded to a verbal face-to-face bomb threat Thursday evening at the Orlando International Airport, Orlando police said in a news release. The release said Fred Gray told an employee that he needed to get this bag checked in before it explodes." Officers separated Gray from his bag and called for K-9 units, police said. Airport authorities said they recognized Gray as a person who had been to the police office earlier in the day to report that his wallet had been stolen. Authorities said Gray was belligerent and loud while officers assisted him with that report. Gray and his bags were then taken to the Orlando police office. An employee who works at the east information desk told police that she first interacted with Gray and that she was also the first person to call 911. "While I was working at the east information desk around 5:08 p.m., a passenger approached me, saying, 'You see this backpack?' I said, 'Yes.' He then screamed, 'It's about to explode! It's about to explode!'" the employee said in the release. Nearby passengers ran away and Gray left, police said. That's when the employee called 911. "A passenger approached and asked me if there was a Fed-Ex type store in the airport. I said, 'No,' TSA Officer Robert Henry said. He then replied, 'Retarded, but OK.' He then asked where American Airlines was located. I asked him if he meant the ticket counter or the gates. He then replied, 'Yeah, I've got to get this bag checked in before it explodes.'" Henry notified his dispatcher. Police said an officer talked to Gray who stated that he made the statements, but he meant his bag was about to break open and the contents were going fall out. Gray also said it was a free country, and he could say what he wanted, the release said. Police said Gray stated that he doesn't like "these people," and he didn't care about Vice President Pence. The release also said that Pence was at the Orlando International Airport, as was the president of Panama, when the threats were made, and that was an aggravating factor. Police said in the release, There is probable cause that Gray made a false report with intent to deceive, mislead, otherwise misinform any person, concerning the placing or planting of any bomb, dynamite, other deadly explosive, or weapon of mass destruction (two counts). (You) can't return to the airport and no possession of any guns, knives, weapons. You understand? a judge asked during his first court appearance. Yes, sir, Gray replied. Gray's bail was set at just under $4,000. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: Anti Spyware Dear Webby, I love your newsletter and have used many of your computer tips. I have been searching the web for a good anti-spyware program. Of course, there are thousands of them. Is there one that you would highly recommend; and one that's not complicated. Thanks Bonnie Dear Bonnie Currently I recommend Malwarebytes. It is not free, but it also is the best anti-virus and general anti malware program available. Once you have that installed, it will take care of all your security needs. Have FUN! DearWebby At work, Bob noticed that the name of an employee was the same as an old friend. He found the man's e-mail address and sent him a message. When Dad received a reply, he was insulted and fired back another e-mail: "I have put on some weight, but I didn't realize it was that noticeable." His friend's hastily typed message, with an apparent typo, had read: "Hi, Ron. I didn't know you worked here, but I did see a gut that looked like you in the cafeteria." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Ice Off Your Windshield Use an old set of car floor mats to cover your car's windshield in the evening and you won't have any ice to scrape in the morning. Carpet remnants also work. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | Mighty Mites forget they're in a game! |
____________________________________________________ A little old Jewish lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, "If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat." The girl gets up and gives up her seat to the old lady. Because it is hot on the bus, the girl takes out a fan and starts fanning herself. The old lady looks up and says, "If you knew what I have, you would fan me, too." The girl begins to fan her. Fifteen minutes later the little old lady stands up and says to the bus driver, "Stop, I want to get off here." The bus driver tells her he has to drop her at the next corner, not in the middle of the block. With her hand across her chest, she tells the driver, "If you knew what I have, you would let me off the bus right here." The bus driver immediately pulls over in the middle of the block and opens the door to let her out. As she's stepping off the bus he asks her, "Lady, tell me, what is it you have?" The little old lady looks at him and nonchalantly replies, "Chutzpah." __________________________________________________ | | The Fairy Tale Forests of Yakushima |
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Hope for this story: A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience. Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation." Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the time praising Jesus." They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start things out with my bear". | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
The dentist was striving to extract a tooth, but every time he got ready to proceed, the patient clamped his jaws. At last, he took his assistant aside and told her at the very moment he poised the forceps, to give the patient's balls a vicious pinch. The pinch was administered, the nervous patient's mouth flew open, and the tooth was easily removed. "Didn't hurt, did it?" asked the dentist. "Not too much," replied the patient, "but who would have thought the root went that deep?!" ____________________________________________________ From Yvonne Dear Webby, I really enjoy the humor letter and all the helpful hints, also interesting items and pictures readers send in. Thanks for keeping us all so amused and informed, what a great way to start the day!! Yvonne | Today, October 9, in 1635 Roger Williams, founder of Rhode Island, was banished from Massachusetts because he had spoken out against punishments for religious offenses and giving away land that belonged to the Indians. Williams had founded Providence, Rhode Island as a place for people to seek religious freedom. 1701 The Collegiate School of Connecticut was chartered in New Haven. The name was later changed to Yale. 1776 A group of Spanish missionaries settled in what is now San Francisco, CA. 1781 The last major battle of the American Revolutionary War took place in Yorktown, VA. The American forces, led by George Washington, defeated the British troops under Lord Cornwallis. 1812 During the War of 1812 American forces captured two British brigs, the Detroit and the Caledonia. 1855 Isaac Singer patented the sewing machine motor. 1855 Joshua C. Stoddard received a patent for his calliope. 1858 Mail service via stagecoach between San Francisco, CA, and St. Louis, MO, began. 1872 Aaron Montgomery started his mail order business with the delivery of the first mail order catalog. The firm later became Montgomery Wards. 1876 Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas Watson made their longest telephone call to date. It was a distance of two miles. 1888 The public was admitted to the Washington Monument for the first time. 1914 During World War I, German forces captured Antwerp, Belgium. 1919 The Cincinnati Reds won the World Series. The win would be later tainted when 8 Chicago White Sox were charged with throwing the game. The incident became known as the "Black Sox" scandal. 1936 The first generator at Boulder Dam began transmitting electricity to Los Angeles, CA. The name of the dam was later changed to Hoover Dam. 1940 St. Paul's Cathedral in London was bombed by the Nazis. The dome was unharmed in the bombing. 1946 "The Iceman Cometh" opened in New York City, NY. 1946 The first electric blanket went on sale in Petersburg, VA. 1975 Andrei Sakharov was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. The Soviet scientist is known as the "father of the hydrogen bomb." 1983 Helen Moss joined the Brownies at the age of 83. She became the oldest person to become a member. 1986 U.S. District Judge Harry E. Claiborne became the fifth federal official to be removed from office through impeachment. The U.S. Senate convicted Claiborne of "high crimes and misdemeanors." 1986 The musical "Phantom of the Opera" by Andrew Lloyd Webber opened in London. 1989 The official Soviet news agency Tass reported an unidentified flying object. The report included a trio of tall aliens that had visited the city of Voronzh. 1994 The U.S. sent troops and warships to the Persian Gulf in response to Saddam Hussein sending thousands of troops and hundreds of tanks toward the Kuwaiti border. 1995 Saboteurs tinkered with a stretch of railroad track in Arizona. An Amtrak train derailed killing one and injuring a hundred. 2000 Brett Hull (Dallas Stars) scored his 611th National Hockey League (NHL) goal. The goal allowed him to pass his father, Bobby Hull, on the all time scoring list bringing him to number 9. 2003 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II knighted Roger Moore and made Sting a CBE (Commander of the British Empire). 2009 NASA launched the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing Satellite (LCROSS). On November 13, it was announced that water had been discovered in the planned impact plume on the moon. 2017 Do smiled. |
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