Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, June 1 _____________________________________________________ Today, June 1 in 1921 A race riot erupted in Tulsa, OKlahoma. 85 people were killed. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Robber was too formal for hiding in nudist colony ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ I never think of the future - it comes soon enough. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld College isn't the place to go for ideas. --- Helen Keller (1880 - 1968) We NEED more CO2 !!! Grain, actually ALL carbohydrates are created from CO2 (the carbo in carbohydrates) and water (the hydro in hydrates) and sunshine and farmer's sweat. The more people we have to feed, the more CO2 we need. Compost the brainwashed anti-CO2 wackos! We NEED more CO2 ! --- Socratex _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Q: Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to Milford Haven in Wales. In London, 17 people get on the bus. In Reading, six people get off the bus and nine people get on. In Swindon, two people get off and four get on. In Cardiff, 11 people get off and 16 people get on. In Swansea, three people get off and five people get on. In Carmathen, six people get off and three get on. You then arrive at Milford Haven. Now, what was the name of the bus driver? * * * * A: Ask your mom what your name is! ______________________________________________________` _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Milton J. Hodges 20, Green Cove Springs, Florida Too formal for hiding in nudist colony 20-year-old Milton J. Hodges decided one day he was going to rob a hardware store. Upon exiting, he took the road less traveled and found himself smack dab in the middle of a nudist resort and spa. Rather than continue to run, Milton spiced up the deal by pulling a knife and stealing a golf cart. When the cops arrived, Milton was easy to spot. He was the only one wearing pants. Hodges had a long rap sheet prior to his nudist colony intrusion. He has been on the run since April 1 after he allegedly robbed a Kangaroo Express Store in his hometown of Green Cove Springs, Florida. Hodges faces a $250,000 bond for that charge. At age 18, the Floridian was sentenced to 28 months in prison for armed robbery and attacking a victim with a can of Pepsi. Hodges is currently being held without bail in the Osceola County Jail and faces at least 10 felony charges. DearWebby's tech Support Pits From Patrick Re: Cow magnets DearWebby, What's with all the mails coming in from all over the place about this amazing fuel saver? Wasn't that a fad in the 90's? You used to be an engineer, what is your opinion on that? Thanks, Patrick Dear Patrick How many times do I have to repeat: Spammers lie ! The fuel line magnets have been around for ages. I remember in the 70's the scammers were pushing "Cow Magnets" for that, and for a while more cow magnets were sold to dumb sheep than to farmers. They don't do anything to fuel. If those silly gadgets were effective, the car manufacturers would use them. If Ford had found that they would get half a percentage point better fuel mileage with them and could sneak past Dodge in the magazine comparisons, they would have made them standard 30 years ago! It's still the same scam and still the only ones benefitting from them are the scammers, not the dumb sheep who buy them. If you want to save fuel, change your driving habits. Pretend you are a chauffeur for some royalty and driving a lame Rolls Royce. Accelerate as gently as a garbage barge, shift into neutral to slow down, shut the engine off at traffic lights, don't exceed the speed limit, record your mileage betwen fill-ups. Taking the sand bags from last winter out of the trunk until it snows again is also said to improve fuel economy. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. >From Mark: Just wondering if you have the joke about the three brothers who developed automobile a/c on file? Hymen max and norm, may not be a bad time of the year for it, thnx so much for all that you do., let me know if not ill try n type it up,,, kia ora Hi Mark Here it is: The Goldberg Brothers The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner Here's a little factoid for automotive buffs or just to dazzle your friends. The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Max, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner. On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet- talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter. Henry was curious and invited them into his office. They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately. The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent. The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed. Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti- Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords. They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown. And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max on the controls. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A minister opening his mail one morning takes a sheet of paper from an envelope and finds written on it only one word: "FOOL." The next Sunday he announces, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgotten to sign their names. But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name but forgot to write a letter." ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Make Egg Sandwiches When Camping Put a little cooking oil on a canning ring and put it in your skillet, crack an egg inside the ring and cook until the egg has solidified. The round eggs will fit perfectly in small hamburger buns, bagels, or English muffins. The trick is to let your egg rings heat up a while, before you crack an egg into them. If you are roughing it in the bush, cans with top and bottom cut out, work fine too. If you put a cover onto the can, you'll get a poached (steamed) egg. To cut down on the mess from leaking sandwiches, it's a good idea to scramble the eggs in a bowl with salt, seasoning, bits of bacon, ham, sausage, whatever; and then ladle that mix into the egg rings. You will get clean, no-mess egg patties. They will freeze OK with a bit of wax paper between the patties, and are a great way to utilize discount "crackers". thriftyfun.Com If you like Denver Omelettes there is an even better way. Cut your green and red peppers, onions, chives, parsley, smoked farmer sausage, etc just as you like them, put a portion into each ziplock baggie, don't forget salt and pepper, shake to mix well, crack a couple eggs into each baggie, zip up, shake some more and heave them into the bottom of the cooler. Put some ice on top of them. At camp, hang the baggies into boiling water. You will have perfect Denver omelettes in a few minutes. I have done that many times. Perfect results every time, even when I had to use dandelions and ferns, and salmon. Hash browns made on a shovel compliment them nicely. Have Fun! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ | | 50 years ago this was a wasteland but look what 1 man accomplished in that period of time. |
___________________________________________________ A Chinese man who swore to God that he didn't owe money to a neighbour was hit by lightning a minute later. The man, named Xu, made the oath in front of a crowd of neighbours in Fuqing city, reports Southeast Express. He vowed that he had never borrowed money from Mr Huang, who claimed Xu borrowed 500 yuan, the equivalent of $75, from him three years earlier. "He borrowed 500 yuan three years ago from me for a friend's marriage gift, but he has denied it ever since then," said Huang, who went to Xu's home to demand payment. "I told him that if he dared to swear to God that he didn't owe me the money, then I would waive his debt," said Huang. Xu made the oath, but was suddenly struck by lightning a minute later. He was immediately taken to hospital where doctors confirmed he had been hit by lightning. He is expected to make a full recovery. ------------------- That sure would revolutionize election cmpaigns if we could get that happening here! ___________________________________________________ A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a pair of her old blue jeans. Wondering if the added weight was noticeable to everyone else, she asked her husband, "Honey, do these jeans make me look like the side of the house?" "No, dear, not at all," he replied, "Our house isn't blue." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place. They put up a big bold sign which read: "WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!" Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign: "WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS ___________________________________________________ | Today June 1 in 1533 Anne Boleyn, Henry VIII's new queen, was crowned. 1774 The British government ordered the Port of Boston closed. That did not go over well. 1789 The first U.S. congressional act on administering oaths became law. 1861 The first skirmish of the U.S. Civil War took place at the Fairfax Court House, Virginia. 1869 Thomas Edison received a patent for his electric voting machine. It was never used. 1877 U.S. troops were authorized to pursue bandits into Mexico. 1892 The General Electric Company (GE) began operations after the merging of the Edison General Electric and the Thomson-Houston Electric companies. 1896 In Paris, France, the first recorded automobile theft occurred. The Peugeot of Baron de Zuylen de Nyevelt was stolen by his mechanic. 1915 Germany conducted the first zeppelin air raid over England. 1916 The National Defense Act increased the strength of the U.S. National Guard by 450,000 men. 1921 A race riot erupted in Tulsa, OKlahoma. 85 people were killed. 1935 The Ingersoll-Waterbury Company reported that it had produced 2.5 million Mickey Mouse watches during its 2-year association with Disney. 1938 Baseball helmets were worn for the first time. 1939 The Douglas DC-4 made its first passenger flight from Chicago to New York. 1941 The German Army completed the capture of Crete. 1942 The U.S. began sending Lend-Lease materials to the Soviet Union. 1943 During World War II, Germans shot down a civilian flight from Lisbon to London. 1944 The French resistance was warned by a coded message from the British that the D-Day invasion was imminent. 1944 Siesta was abolished by the government of Mexico. 1954 In the Peanuts comic strip, Linus' security blanket made its debut. 1958 Charles de Gaulle became the premier of France. 1958 IBM ended its design of machines that contained electronic tubes. 1961 Radio listeners in New York, California, and Illinois were introduced to FM multiplex stereo broadcasting. A year later the FCC made this a standard. 1963 Governor George Wallace vowed to defy an injunction that ordered the integration of the University of Alabama. 1970 Zimbabwe came into existence. It was formerly known as Rhodesia. 1972 In Iraq, The Ba'athist government nationalized the western- owned Iraq Petroleum Company and turned operations over to the Iraq National Oil Company. 1977 The Soviet Union formally charged Jewish human rights activist Anatoly Shcharansky with treason. He was imprisoned until 1986. 1978 The U.S. reported the finding of wiretaps in the American embassy in Moscow. 1979 In the U.S., the government-controlled ceiling on oil prices ends. The control was phased out over 28 months. 1980 Cable News Network (CNN) made its debut as the first all- news station. 1995 At Disneyland Paris, the attraction "Space Mountain: From The Earth to the Moon" opened. 1998 In the U.S., the FDA approved a urine-only test for the AIDS virus. 1998 A $124 million suit was brought against Goodyear Tire & Rubber that alleged discrimination towards black workers. 1999 Merrill Lynch chairman David Komansky announced that the firm would soon allow its customers to buy and sell stocks over the Internet. 2008 The Phoenix Mars Lander became the first NASA spacecraft to scoop Martian soil. 2009 General Motors filed for Chapter 11 Bankruptcy. The filing made GM the largest U.S. industrial company to enter bankruptcy protection. 2019 Do smiled. |
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