Good Morning, Do, Today is Saturday, August 5 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Welfare cheat who claimed she 'couldn't walk' caught out by holiday snaps snorkeling and ATV riding Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, Aug 5 in 1861 The U.S. federal government levied its first income tax. The tax was 3% of all incomes over $800. The wartime measure was rescinded in 1872. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. --- Mel Brooks (1926 - ) To be great is to be misunderstood. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint a second time. --- Honore de Balzac (1799 - 1850) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Groan Alert! Vintners in the Napa Valley who produce primarily Pinot Blancs and Pinot Grigios have developed a new hybrid grape, which acts as an anti-diuretic and will reduce the number of trips an older person has to make to the bathroom during the night. They will be marketing the new wine as Pinot More. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: One day, a kindergarten teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll Give $2 to the child who can tell me who the most famous man who ever lived was." An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct." Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Jock, that's not right either." Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin, come up here and I'll give you the $2." As the teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said, "You know, Marvin, since you're Jewish, I was very surprised that you said Jesus Christ." Marvin replied, "Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Linda Hoey, 59, Cannock, Staffordshire, UK Welfare cheat who claimed she 'couldn't walk' caught out by holiday snaps snorkeling and ATV riding Linda Hoey, from the UK, fraudulently claimed a total of 81,000 ($134,000) including 65,244 in Disability Living Allowance and 15,690 in toll charges using a disability card over a 14-year period. Hoey, 58, claimed that degenerative arthritis and back problems meant that she could only walk a metre a minute, and couldn't stretch her arms above her head. However, she was caught out when pictures from her holiday in the Maldives were passed to the Department for Work and Pensions. Despite claiming that her arthritis meant she was unable to work, she was employed full-time for PartsWorld, a car accessory supplier in Cannock, Staffordshire, for 17 years. A court heard how she was also pictured on her knees altering her daughter's wedding dress and bent over a pool table with a cue in her hand. Inquiries also revealed that she was a member of a gym, and had been attending regular swimming and badminton lessons. Hoey was found guilty of misrepresenting her benefit claim between 2001 and 2015 and misusing an exemption pass for the M6 Toll Road between 2004 and 2015 at Stafford Crown Court on Friday. Prosecutor Anthony Cartin said: She had been working full time from 1997 in a desk job doing the exact thing sitting for a long time in the same position she said she could not do without pain. She has lied and exaggerated, cheating you, me and the public out of money from the public purse. Stewart Halstead, Hoey's former boss at PartsWorld which she left in 2014 said he was unaware of her claimed health problems. He revealed that he had never seen her use a stick, and that she would regularly walk up and down stairs with trays of hot drinks. The mum-of-four filed her first form claiming Disability Living Allowance in 1995, and successfully made an appeal for more money in April 2005. After the Department for Work and Pensions received a tip-off, police visited her home in February last year and spotted her walking down the stairs to answer the front door. Her home had not been adapted for her supposed disability. She has been found guilty and will be sentenced some time in the future. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Copy Music CD Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Thanks for the fun all year long. I received a music cd that my son made me. It is on a cd-r music cd. I have a cd writer on my pc. Can I make a copy of this like I save pics to cd-rw? There is no copywrite label on the cd & I would like to make a copy for my pastor. I am not wanting to resell them or anything like that. Thanks so much for the helpful hints. Sharon Dear Sharon Yes, sure. Just copy the contents into a new folder on your computer, then drag them to a fresh CD and burn them. Have FUN! DearWebby The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips,she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner. The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach. Locking his steely gray eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance. He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly released her from her constraining attire. With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh. He expertly guided his hands through this tender, often hidden territory, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need. Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long. And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping moment, she thought, "It's too big! - it will never fit!" Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been made only for her! As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes. And he knew it wouldn't be long before she returned. Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She would want to do it again and again and again. He knew, deep down inside, that she would return to buy more shoes the next year, and the next, and the next. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money at Restaurants 1. Don't order alcoholic drinks. 2. Try meatless dishes, they are almost always cheaper. 3. Go out to lunch, instead of dinner. 4. Split large dishes between two people. 5. Order off the senior menu if you can. Lunch menus are usually significantly cheaper than dinner menus. Senior portions cost less and tend to be smaller portions. You may get a bit less food, but that is better for your waistline. Serving sizes are ridiculously large at most restaurants. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com Don't forget the BBQ! ____________________________________________________ | | oung Buck just asking for trouble |
____________________________________________________ A rather Posh Lady was stalking around an exclusive London art gallery when she stopped by one particular exhibit. "I suppose this picture of a hideous witch is what you would call modern art?" she asked in a very pompous manner. "No, Ma'm," replied the gallery assistant, "We call that a mirror." ___________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A very self-important college freshman at a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his own. "You grew up in a different, actually almost primitive, world," the student said condescendingly and loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "We young people today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars... We even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing...and uh.." Taking advantage of a pause for breath in the student's litany, the "wizened" one said, "You're right, Son. We didn't have those things when we were young. So we invented them, you snotnosed little bozo!! Now, what are you doing for the next generation, aside from lame and noisy hype ?" | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied. "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?" "Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Pa say to Ma, 'Might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.'" ____________________________________________________ | Today in 1735 Freedom of the press was established with an acquittal of John Peter Zenger. The writer of the New York Weekly Journal had been charged with seditious libel by the royal governor of New York. The jury said that "the truth is not libelous." 1833 The village of Chicago was incorporated. The population was approximately 250. 1861 The U.S. federal government levied its first income tax. The tax was 3% of all incomes over $800. The wartime measure was rescinded in 1872. 1884 On Bedloe's Island in New York Harbor, the cornerstone for the Statue of Liberty was laid. 1914 The first electric traffic signal lights were installed in Cleveland, Ohio. 1921 The first play-by-play broadcast of a baseball game was done by Harold Arlin. KDKA Radio in Pittsburgh, PA described the action between the Pirates and Philadelphia. 1921 The cartoon "On the Road to Moscow", by Rollin Kirby, was published in the "New York World". It was the first cartoon to win a Pulitzer Prize. 1923 Henry Sullivan became the first American to swim across the English Channel. 1924 In the New York "Daily News" debuted the comic strip "Little Orphan Annie," by Harold Gray. 1944 Polish insurgents liberated a German labor camp in Warsaw. 348 Jewish prisoners were freed. 1953 During the Korean conflict prisoners were exchanged at Panmunjom. The exchange was labeled Operation Big Switch. 1960 For the first time two major league baseball clubs traded managers. Detroit traded Jimmy Dykes for Cleveland's Joe Gordon. 1963 The Limited Test Ban Treaty was signed by the United States, Britain, and the Soviet Union. The treaty banned nuclear tests in space, underwater, and in the atmosphere. 1964 U.S. aircraft bombed North Vietnam after North Vietnamese boats attacked U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of Tonkin. 1966 In New York, groundbreaking for the construction of the original World Trade Center began. 1969 The Mariner 7, a U.S. space probe, passed by Mars. Photographs and scientific data were sent back to Earth. 1974 U.S. President Nixon said that he expected to be impeached. Nixon had ordered the investigation into the Watergate break-in to halt. 1981 The U.S. federal government started firing striking air traffic controllers. 1984 Toronto's Cliff Johnson set a major league baseball record by hitting the 19th pinch-hit home run in his career. 1986 It was revealed that artist Andrew Wyeth had secretly created 240 drawings and paintings of his neighbor. The works of Helga Testorf had been created over a 15-year period. 1989 In Honduras, five Central American presidents began meeting to discuss the timetable for the dismantling of the Nicaraguan Contra bases. 1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush angrily denounced the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait. 1991 An investigation was formally launched by Democratic congressional leaders to find out if the release of American hostages was delayed until after the Reagan-Bush presidential election. 1991 Iraq admitted to misleading U.N. inspectors about secret biological weapons. 1992 Federal civil rights charges were filed against four Los Angeles police officers. The officers had been acquitted on California State charges. Two of the officers were convicted and jailed on violation of civil rights charges. 1998 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein began not cooperating with U.N. weapons inspectors. 2002 The U.S. closed its consulate in Karachi, Pakistan. The consulate was closed after local authorities removed large concrete blocks and reopened the road in front of the building to normal traffic. 2009 Google purchased its first public company. The company was the video software maker On2 Technologies. 2011 NASA announced that its Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter had captured photographic evidence of possible liquid water on Mars during warm seasons. 2011 Juno was launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station on a mission to Jupiter. It was the first solar-powered spacecraft to go to Jupiter. 2011 Standard & Poor's Financial Services lowered the United States' AAA credit rating by one notch to AA-plus. 2017 Do smiled. |
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