Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, January 1  Happy New Year, Do! Today's Bonehead Award:  Maine Homeowner Finds Intruder Watching TV, Wearing His Clothing  ______________________________________________________ Today, January 1 in 1987 A pro-democracy rally took place in Beijing's Tiananmen Square (China). It did not go over well. Some people are still in jail. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 On the global warming hoax: It's all because of Bush's poor energy policy, that the people listened to and believed Al Gore! --- Hillary Clinton "Love is being stupid together." --- Paul Valery The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt. --- Bertrand Russell Don't judge men's wealth or godliness by their Sunday appearance. --- Benjamin Franklin Nothing doth more hurt in a state than that cunning men pass for wise. --- Francis Bacon ______________________________________________________ Tombstones: Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York: Born 1903--Died 1942. Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the car was on the way down. It was. In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery: Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up and no place to go. On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East Dalhousie Cemetery , Nova Scotia : Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102. Only the Good Die Young. In a London, England cemetery: Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767 In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery: Anna Wallace The children of Israel wanted bread, and the Lord sent them manna. Clark Wallace wanted a wife, and the Devil sent him Anna. In a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery: Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon me for not rising. A lawyer's epitaph in England: Sir John Strange. Here lies an honest lawyer, and that is Strange. In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania, cemetery: Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake. Stepped on the gas instead of the brake. In a Silver City , Nevada , cemetery: Here lays The Kid. We planted him raw. He was quick on the trigger But slow on the draw. John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England cemetery: Reader, if cash thou art in want of any, dig six feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny. In a Hartscombe, England cemetery: On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune. Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont: Here lies the body of our Anna, Done to death by a banana. It wasn't the fruit that laid her low, But the skin of the thing that made her go. On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts: Under the sod and under the trees, lies the body of Jonathan Pease. He is not here, there's only the pod. Pease shelled out and went to God. In a cemetery in England : Remember man, as you walk by, as you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so shall you be. Remember this and follow me. To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone: To follow you, I'll not consent until I know which way you went. ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room. _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ After a day of grueling maneuvers under the blazing Texas sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks. "All right, ladies, think about this," bellowed the drill instructor. "You have proven to yourself that you are in truly awesome shape. If you could have ten minutes alone, right now, with anyone in the world, who would it be?" Amid much mumbling, one voice was heard from the back row. "My recruiter." ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Derek Tarbox, 35, Standish, Maine  Maine Homeowner Finds Intruder Watching TV, Wearing His Clothing  A Maine man is facing a number of charges after authorities say he broke into a Waterboro home, grabbed a bite to eat, took a shower, then got a car ride from his victim. Derek Tarbox, 35, of Standish, was arrested Sunday and is facing charges of class B burglary, two counts of unauthorized use of property, leaving the scene of property damage accident, failure to report an accident and theft by unauthorized taking. The York County Sheriff's Office said Tarbox was found watching television when a Bennet Hill Road resident arrived home Sunday. Authorities said Tarbox told the homeowner he mistakenly thought the house belonged to a friend and asked for a ride home. The homeowner told authorities that seemed plausible, so he drove him to a house in Hollis, which actually belonged to Tarbox's relatives. When the victim returned, he realized his home had been ransacked and that Tarbox had broken in through a back door. According to WCSH-TV, the homeowner called police and deputies and troopers were able to quickly apprehend Tarbox without incident. Through an investigation with Maine State Police, authorities also learned that Tarbox had allegedly stolen a vehicle in Portland prior to the break-in and ran out of gas in Hollis where he allegedly stole another vehicle and drove it to the Bennet Hill Road home where he went off the road and crashed. Authorities said that's when Tarbox walked to the victim's house where he broke in. Tarbox was expected to be arraigned Dec. 26. It's unclear if he has an attorney. He's scheduled to appear in Alfred Superior Court on Feb. 8, 2019.  
 From: Jaxs Re: Computer not shutting down  Dear Webby, I have with my computer not shutting down. A times it tells me it is running a long string at that time it will time out and close the program and when i shut it down at night it stays in the shutdown screen, it stayed in that screen for 5 hrs till I turned off manually with the power switch. Any ideas? Jaxs  Dear Jaxs That sounds like an infection. There is no mechanical part that can cause that. Probably some hacker is not quite finished with whatever he is doing. I would recommend that you run Malwarebytes. Try downloading it, then pulling the Internet connection or unplug the modem, and THEN run the install of Malwarebytes. Let me know if that dumps the slave master. Have FUN! DearWebby  
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 Secretary: "Pastor, we've got a problem in the computer lab where you met with the confirmation class last week. Some of the boys in the class started messing with the mice." Pastor: "What?!?" (thinking: we've got mice in there!?) Secretary: "Yeah, it seems some of the boys removed their balls." Pastor (incredulously...): "Th..th...they did what??? How in the world did they do that???" Secretary: "They must have used a screwdriver or something." Pastor: "We've got some pretty sick boys... I... I... didn't even realize mice had balls...!" Secretary: "Yeah, they roll around on 'em all the time!" Pastor: "What???" (still thinking of the little fury real animals) "Well...what can *we* do?" Secretary: "I guess we'll have to put 'em back on the mice. I can probably do it if I can get enough little screws." Pastor: "WHAT?!?" Secretary: "Hmmm....Pastor, are we talking about the same thing?" 
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 Bubba applied for an engineering position at a Lake Charles refinery. A Yankee applied for the same job and both applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by the manager. Upon completion of the test, both men only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Bubba and said: "Thank you for your interest but we've decided to give the Yankee the job." Bubba asked: "And why are you giving him the job? We both got nine questions correct. This being Louisiana , and me being a Southern boy I should ge t the job!" The manager said: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but rather on the one question that you both missed." Bubba then asked: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" The manager replied: "Bubba, it's like this... on question #4, the Yankee put down, 'I don't know'. And you put down, 'Neither do I'." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Serving Wine  Uncork red wine an hour before drinking so it can breathe and rise to room temperature. Chill white wine and open right before you are ready to drink it. If you have leftover wine, put the cork back in the bottle, it will keep for a few days. Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
 
 
HAPPY NEW YEAR Everyone! The Gavle Bocken (Christmas Goat) 
 ___________________________________________________ An old Texan went to the local church and asked to join. The preacher said, 'OK, but you have to pass a small Bible test first.' The first Question is 'Where was Jesus born?' The man answered, 'Longview.' The preacher said. 'Sorry...you can't join our church.' Soooooo....he went to another church and asked to join. The preacher said, 'We would love to have you, but you have to pass a Bible test first. Where was Jesus born?' The man said. 'Tyler.' The preacher said, 'Sorry...you can't join our church.' Soooo....he goes to another church and asks, to join. The preacher said, 'That's great; we welcome you with open arms.' The man said, 'I don't have to pass no Bible test first?' The preacher said, 'No.' The man said, 'Can I ask you a question?' The preacher said, 'Sure.' The man said, 'Where was Jesus born?' The preacher said, 'Palestine.' The man mumbled to himself, 'I knew it was in East Texas somewhere.' ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Gloria for this story: The best thing about moving back to my hometown was seeing so many familiar faces. One day, in the grocery store, I recognized a man who had been a good friend of my parents. He noticed me staring, so I quickly introduced myself as John and Helen's daughter. "Helen's daughter!" he exclaimed. "Oh, such a beautiful lady." He called to his wife, "Martha, come and see Helen's daughter. You remember Helen - such a beautiful lady." "Oh yes," Martha replied. "She was always so pretty." After raving on about my mother, he turned to me and said, "You look like your father!" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 A young woman was suffering badly from hay fever. She was going to a fancy dinner party that night and figured she would need at least two handkerchiefs to get her through the evening. She didn't have any pockets, so she stuffed them both in her bra. Halfway through the night, she had already used up one handkerchief and was rummaging around in her bra for the other one. She was having trouble finding it, and soon she noticed that everyone at the table was looking at her. "What on earth are you doing?" asked one of her colleagues. She replied, "I could have sworn I had two when I arrived!" ___________________________________________________  
 Today January 1 in 0404 The last gladiator competition was held in Rome. 1622 The Papal Chancery adopted January 1st as the beginning of the New Year (instead of March 25th). 1772 The first traveler's checks were issued in London. 1797 Albany became the capital of New York state, replacing New York City. 1801 Italian astronomer Giuseppe Piazzi became the first person to discover an asteroid. He named it Ceres. 1804 Haiti gained its independence. 1808 The U.S. prohibited import of slaves from Africa. 1840 The first recorded bowling match was recorded in the U.S. 1863 U.S. President Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation, which declared that all slaves in the rebel states were free. 1887 Queen Victoria was proclaimed empress of India in Delhi. 1894 The Manchester Ship Canal was officially opened to traffic. 1895 In Battle Creek, MI, C.W. Post created his first usable batch of Monks Brew (later called Postum). It was a cereal-based substitute for caffeinated drinks. 1898 Manhattan, the Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens and Staten Island were consolidated into New York City. 1900 Hawaii asked for a delegate to the Republican national convention. 1900 Nigeria became a British protectorate with Frederick Lagard as the high commissioner. 1901 The Commonwealth of Australia was founded. Lord Hopetoun officially assumed the duties as the first Governor-General. 1902 The first Tournament of Roses (later the Rose Bowl) collegiate football game was played in Pasadena, CA. 1909 The first payments of old-age pensions were made in Britain. People over 70 received five shillings a week. 1913 The post office began parcel post deliveries. 1924 Frank B. Cooney received a patent for ink paste. It had been used for many centuries, but nobody had bothered to patent it. 1926 The Rose Bowl was carried coast to coast on network radio for the first time. 1934 Alcatraz Island officially became a Federal Prison. 1934 The Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation (FDIC) began operation. 1936 The "New York Herald Tribune" began microfilming its current issues. 1937 The First Cotton Bowl football game was played in Dallas, TX. Texas Christian University (T.C.U.) beat Marquette, 16-6. 1939 The Hewlett-Packard partnership was formed by Bill Hewlett and Dave Packard. 1945 France was admitted to the United Nations. 1956 Sudan gained its independence. 1958 The European Economic Community (EEC) started operations. 1959 Fidel Castro overthrew the government of Fulgencio Batista, and seized power in Cuba. 1968 Evel Knievel, stunt performing daredevil, lost control of his motorcycle midway through a jump of 141 feet over the ornamental fountains in front of Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. 1971 Tobacco ads representing $20 million dollars in advertising were banned from TV and radio broadcast. 1973 Britain, Ireland, Denmark and Norway joined the EEC. 1975 The magazine "Popular Electronics" announced the invention of a personal computer called Altair. MITS, using an Intel microprocessor, developed the computer. 1979 The United States and China held celebrations in Washington, DC, and in Beijing to mark the establishment of diplomatic relations between the two countries. 1981 Greece joined the European Community. 1984 AT&T was broken up into 22 Bell System companies under terms of an antitrust agreement with the U.S. Federal government. 1986 Spain and Portugal joined the European Community (EC). 1987 A pro-democracy rally took place in Beijing's Tiananmen Square (China). It did not go over well. Some people are still in jail. 1990 David Dinkins was sworn in as New York City's first black mayor. 1992 The ESPN Radio Network was officially launched. 1992 In Kuala, Lumpur, the groundbreaking ceremony for the Petronas Towers took place. 1993 Czechoslovakia split into two separate states, the Czech Republic and Slovakia. The peaceful division had been engineered in 1992. 1994 Bill Gates, Chief Executive Officer of Microsoft and Melinda French were married. 1994 The North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) went into effect. 1995 Frederick West, an alleged killer of 12 women and girls, was found hanged in his jail cell in Winston Green prison, in Birmingham. West had been under almost continuous watch since his arrest in 1994, but security had reportedly been relaxed in the months preceding the apparent suicide. 1995 The World Trade Organization came into existence. The group of 125 nations monitors global trade. 1998 A new anti-smoking law went into effect in California. The law prohibits people from lighting up in bars. 1999 The euro became currency for 11 Member States of the European Union. Coins and notes were not available until January 1, 2002. 1999 In California, a law went into effect that defined "invasion of privacy as trespassing with the intent to capture audio or video images of a celebrity or crime victim engaging in a personal or family activity." 2001 The "Texas 7," rented space in an RV park in Woodland Park, CO. 2007 Binney & Smith Company became Crayola LLC under its parent company Hallmark 2018 Do smiled. 
 

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