--- Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, July 2 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Blue Martini employees call police after Rolex robber returns to business Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, July 2 in 1982 Larry Walters ("Lawnchair Larry") took flight in his homeade airship that consisted of a lawnchair with 45 helium-filled weather balloons attached to it. He stayed in flight for about an hour. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else? --- James Thurber (1894 - 1961) The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced. --- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Morris for this story: One day, while driving with my then 5 year old daughter Melanie, I beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at me as if she was demanding an explanation. I said, "I did that by accident..." She replied, "I know that....'cause you didn't scream 'F@#$%&g A********!' after beeping!" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ These were actual hospital patient reports...enjoy! 1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. 10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 12. She is numb from her toes down. 13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 14. The skin was moist and dry. 15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 23. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kira White, 23, Miami, Florida Blue Martini employees call police after Rolex robber returns to business A 23-year-old woman was arrested early Friday, nearly two weeks after she stole $65,000 in jewelry from a man she met at the Blue Martini bar at The Shops at Mary Brickell Village, authorities said. According to an arrest report, the victim, Israel Sosa, met Kira White while standing near the VIP section of the bar around 1 a.m. June 16. Police said they interviewed several employees, one of whom said they served White and the victim several bottles. The employee noticed White would not drink from the glasses and would just push the glass aside, the arrest report stated. Police said White and Sosa left the bar as it was closing and the victim told White he was going to his hotel and that he would pay a driver to take her back home. But White told him she wanted to hang out for a little longer, so she accompanied Sosa back to his hotel, authorities said. Surveillance video from the hotel shows Sosa walking into an elevator with the woman. Sosa, who is from New Jersey, told Local 10 News reporter Nicole Perez via Facetime that he didn't realize White, whose name he thought was Meghan, had already stolen his gold chain. Police said the two had another drink in the hotel room and Sosa left his drink unattended as he used the restroom. Sosa told authorities he woke up several hours later and discovered that White had left, taking with her his $30,000 Cuban-link gold chain and his $30,000 Rolex watch, which had a $5,000 medallion on it. The victim said she also took $5,000 in $100 bills that were inside his wallet. "I ran downstairs and told the front desk at the hotel," Sosa said. "They were, like, dumbfounded, and I was like, 'We need to call the police. This lady just took my belongings.'" Surveillance video from the hotel shows a woman, believed to be White, coming out of the elevator alone and rummaging through what appears to be a bag before she pulls out a towel. Sosa told Local 10 News that he had left his diamond Rolex on top of a towel inside his hotel room. "She gave me another drink. The last thing I recall, she said, 'I'm going to use the restroom.' And then I walked up- there was a watch I had- my diamond watch on top of a towel. And when I jumped up around 7:30, I realized the towel was gone with the watch," Sosa said. A Blue Martini employee told Local 10 News that a member of the nightclub's security team spotted White walking on the street below the business early Friday and notified authorities. White was arrested on a grand theft charge. Tech Support Pits From: Richard Re: Computer for Europe Dear Webby I have to go to Europe for six month. Can my computer be adapted to work over there, or would it be better to buy one there? I also have an Iomega remote hard drive. Does that one work there? Thanks Richard Dear Richard Yes, they all work just fine in Europe. Take along the power bar that you use now, but cut the plug off. When you get there, go to the nearest hardware store or supermarket and buy a regular plug. Each country there has a different plug, and some countries have different ones in different regions. All that talk about a united and standardized Europe is just BS. The only thing they all have in common is a dislike for Americans, and usually also a fair bit of envy. Get their local plug and attach it to the power bar cord. Computers and Laptop chargers are all rated 100-250 Volt. So, don't worry about the voltage. The Iomega remote hard drive doesn't care what voltage you power it with. It adapts automatically for anything between 100 and 240. The newer remote hard drives are powered by their USB connection and don't even have a separate power supply. You COULD get an adapter for the area that you go to, but they cost 8 - 10 times more than an ordinary power plug, plus shipping. If you are concerned about the remote hard drive causing problems at airport security, you can just get a few 64 GB camera chips and put your important files onto those. They are considerably lighter when carrying your carry-on through a few miles of hard airport corridors. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands. "Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain. "I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
When her late husband's will was read, a widow learned he had left the bulk of his fortune to another woman. Enraged, she rushed to change the inscription on her spouse's tombstone. "Sorry, lady," said the stonecutter. "I inscribed 'Rest in Peace' on your orders. I can't change it now." "Very well," she said grimly. "Just add, `Until We Meet Again.' " ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy a Programmable Thermostat A programmable thermostat can save you 10% annually on your heating and cooling costs. They are easy to install and can be purchased at any hardware or home improvement store for about $30 to $50. That way you aren't heating or cooling the house when no one is home. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | This guy combines animals in Photoshop and now I don t know what s real. |
___________________________________________________ In Bill Gates' book (Business @ The Speed of Thought), he lays out 11 rules that students do not learn in high school or college. He argues that our feel good, politically correct teachings have created a generation of kids with no concept of reality who are set up for failure in the real world. RULE 1 - Life is not fair; get used to it. RULE 2 - The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself. RULE 3 - You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone, until you earn both. RULE 4 - If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure. RULE 5 - Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping; they called it opportunity. RULE 6 - If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. RULE 7 - Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try "delousing" the closet in your own room. RULE 8 - Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades; they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life. RULE 9 - Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time. RULE 10 - Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. RULE 11 - Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! 'Help me dear,' she groans to her husband. The husband dials 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. 'I'm dying over here and you're putting?' 'Don't worry dear', says the husband calmly. 'they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you'. 'Well how long will it take for him to get here', she asks feebly?! 'No time at all', says her husband, practicing his putting stroke. Everybody's already agreed to let him play through'! ____________________________________________________ | Today, July 2 in 1298 An army under Albert of Austria defeated and killed Adolf of Nassua near Worms, Germany. 1625 The Spanish army took Breda, Spain, after nearly a year of siege. 1644 Lord Cromwell crushed the Royalists at the Battle of Marston Moor near York, England. 1747 Marshall Saxe led the French forces to victory over an Anglo- Dutch force under the Duke of Cumberland at the Battle of Lauffeld. 1776 Richard Henry Lee's resolution that the American colonies "are, and of right ought to be, free and independent States" was adopted by the Continental Congress. 1850 Prussia agreed to pull out of Schlewig and Holstein, Germany. 1850 Benjamin Lane patented a gas mask with a breathing apparatus. (Patent US7476 A) 1857 New York City's first elevated railroad officially opened for business. 1858 Czar Alexander II freed the serfs working on imperial lands. 1881 Charles J. Guiteau fatally wounded U.S. President James A. Garfield in Washington, DC. 1890 The U.S. Congress passed the Sherman Antitrust Act. 1926 The U.S. Congress established the Army Air Corps. 1937 American aviation pioneer Amelia Earhart disappeared in the Central Pacific during an attempt to fly around the world at the equator. 1939 At Mount Rushmore, Theodore Roosevelt's face was dedicated. 1944 American bombers, as part of Operation Gardening, dropped land mines, leaflets and bombs on German-occupied Budapest. 1947 An object crashed near Roswell, NM. The U.S. Army Air Force insisted it was a weather balloon, but eyewitness accounts led to speculation that it might have been an alien spacecraft. 1962 Wal-Mart Discount City opened in Rogers, Arkansas. It was the first Walmart store. 1964 U.S. President Johnson signed the "Civil Rights Act of 1964" into law. The act made it illegal in the U.S. to discriminate against others because of their race. 1967 The U.S. Marine Corps launched Operation Buffalo in response to the North Vietnamese Army's efforts to seize the Marine base at Con Thien. 1976 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the death penalty was not inherently cruel or unusual. 1976 North Vietnam and South Vietnam were reunited. 1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter reinstated draft registration for males 18 years of age. 1981 Soyuz T-6 returned to Earth. 1982 Larry Walters ("Lawnchair Larry") took flight in his homeade airship that consisted of a lawnchair with 45 helium-filled weather balloons attached to it. He stayed in flight for about an hour. 1985 General Motors announced that it was installing electronic road maps as an option in some of its higher-priced cars. 1995 "Forbes" magazine reported that Microsoft's chairman, Bill Gates, was worth $12.9 billion, making him the world's richest man. 1998 Cable News Network (CNN) retracted a story that alleged that U.S. commandos had used nerve gas to kill American defectors during the Vietnam War. 2000 In Mexico, Vicente Fox Quesada of the National Action Party (PAN) defeated Francisco Labastida Ochoa of the Institutional Revolutionary Party (PRI) in the presidential election. The PRI had controlled the presidency in Mexico since the party was founded in 1929. 2018 Do smiled. |
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