Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, April 23 ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Woman, girlfriend found shot to death in burning car after robbery. Perp jailed __________________________________________________ On April 23 in 1988, Kanellos Kanelopoulos set three world records for human-powered flight when he stayed in the air for 74 miles and four hours in his pedal-powered "Daedalus". __________________________________________________ A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute. He may not seem such a good friend after telling. --- Arthur Brisbane The United States Congress, like a lot of rich people, lives in two houses. --- John Green ____________________________________________________ It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising on the net) were the main reason for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store's opening time. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw by a slightly overweight lady, knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line, "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I'm not opening the store!" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A Bonehead award goes to four Portuguese women who stood on their balconies or by their windows after stripping naked to their waist (one stripped completely naked) after getting a telephone call from a stranger, claiming to be a doctor, who told them to do this so they could get a mammogram by satellite. Publico (Portugal) via The Independent (South Africa) ____________________________________________________ Photo of the year! Korban Schwab, yesterday 7:32 am faster than a speeding bullet.... able to kill large voles with a single pounce... It's "Super Owl" (aka... Northern Pygmy Owl) - Southern Alberta - April 2022 In case you are on a phone with a small screen, here is a cut-out: ___________________________________________________ Once you reach mid-level management, promotions are hard to come by at the state highway. I congratulated one woman on her recent upgrade and asked if she would mind telling me how she pulled it off. She smiled and said, "well, sure. But I doubt very much if it'll do you any good." ____________________________________________________ Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners. ___________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jeremy Taylor, in jail, Michigan, USA Woman, girlfriend found shot to death in burning car after robbery. Perp jailed Police were able to connect the crime to another crime that same day a robbery at Fairmont Park Apartments in Farmington Hills. According to police, Gilkey and her cousin Jeremy Taylor robbed a man at the complex. Another man and Gilkey's girlfriend were also there. "She's (the girlfriend) a completely innocent victim -- wrong place, wrong time, dating the wrong person," said Detroit Police Lt. Robert LaLone. LaLone said Gilkey was nervous after the robbery and wanted to tell police about the crime. To allegedly stop her from telling, Taylor killed Gilkey and her girlfriend. "They were shot at another location near a relative's house. He put them in the vehicle drove them over to the location where we discovered them in the vehicle burned," LaLone said. LaLone said license plate readers and shot spotter technology helped them piece together what lead to the deaths, and a family member told police what happened. Investigators then tracked Taylor to Kentucky. "We ultimately went down to Lexington, Ky. and got additional evidence and interviewed him, then he was extradited back to Michigan," LaLone said. "Being able to ultimately close the case, it's a good feeling." ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Karl Re: Cleaning laptop screens Hi DearWebby What about cleaning laptop screens? I don't believe that they should be cleaned dry. Karl Dear Karl They have a very thin glass surface. Soap and water or Windex type cleaners work fine. Try not to use too much, that might seep inside at the bottom, but if it does, it's no real problem. There are no bare wires down there. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A patient awakened after a serious operation only to find herself in a room with all the blinds drawn. Why are all the blinds closed?" she asked her doctor. Well, the surgeon responded, "They're fighting a huge fire across the street, and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation had failed." ______________________________________________ As usual, Hank was working a few hours extra after the rest of the staff had gone home. Just before he too left, his secretary called him and asked him to give her a lift home because she had a drink too many at the bar across the street from the office. He gladly did and congratulated her on having enough sense to not drive herself when impaired. Although nothing happened in the car, same as nothing happened between him and his secretary at the office, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who was more than jealous enough without any provocation or reason. Later that night Hank was drivng his wife to a baby shower party when he spotted a high-heeled shoe hidden under the passenger seat. Pointing to something out the passenger window to distract his wife, he picked up the shoe and tossed it out of his window. When they arrived a short time later and she was about to get out of the car, she asked, "Honey, have you seen my other shoe?" ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Susan's 5 year old daughter Kim somehow had sensed that the new pastor seemed to be very fond of Susan and tried to do some inquisitive prying. She asked her mother why she didn't have a boyfriend. Susan was just recovering from some minor surgery and spent most of the day in bed. She told Kim the TV was her boyfriend, he entertained her all the time. The TV set was old and would just shut itself off for no reason. Susan usually just gave it a few hard wacks on the side and it would come back on, it was no big deal to her. Then the pastor stopped by to check on her recovery and Kim answered the door. At that time Susan was again trying to get the TV to come back on. The pastor, on hearing the noise, asked Kim if Susan was busy. Kim replied, "No, sir, she is just in the bedroom banging her boyfriend". ___________________________________________________ | Today, April 23, in 1348, The first English order of knighthood was founded. It was the Order of the Garter. 1500, Pedro Cabal claimed Brazil for Portugal. 1521, The Comuneros were crushed by royalist troops in Spain. 1635, The Boston Public Latin School was established. It was the first public school building in the United States. 1759, The British seized Basse-Terre and Guadeloupe in the Antilies from France. 1789, U.S. President George Washington moved into Franklin House, New York. It was the first executive mansion. 1789, "Courier De Boston" was published for the first time. It was the first Roman Catholic magazine in the U.S. 1826, Missolonghi fell to Egyptian forces. 1861, Arkansas troops seized Fort Smith. 1872, Charlotte E. Ray became the first African-American woman lawyer. 1895, Russia, France, and Germany forced Japan to return the Liaodong peninsula to China. 1896, The Vitascope system for projecting movies onto a screen was demonstrated in New York City. 1900, The word "hillbilly" was first used in print in an article in the "New York Journal." It was spelled "Hill- Billie". 1908, U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt signed an act creating the U.S. Army Reserve. 1915, The A.C.A. became the National Advisory Council on Aeronautics (NACA). 1920, The Turkish Grand National Assembly had its first meeting in Ankara. 1924, The U.S. Senate passed the Soldiers Bonus Bill. 1945, The Soviet Army fought its way into the ruins of Berlin. 1948, Johnny Longden became the first race jockey to ride 3,000 career winners. 1950, Chaing evacuated Hainan, leaving mainland China to Mao and the communists. 1951, The Associated Press began use of the new service of teletype setting. 1967, The Soyuz 1 was launched by Russia. 1968, The Methodist Church and the Evangelical United Brethren Church merged to form the United Methodist Church. 1971, The Soyuz 10 was launched. 1981, The Soviet Union conducted an underground nuclear test at their Semipaltinsk (Kazakhstan) test site. 1982, The U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that consumer prices declined the previous month (March). It was the first decline in almost 17 years. 1984, The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services announced that Dr. Robert Gallo and his colleagues had found the cause of AIDS. It was a retrovirus labled HTLV- III. 1985, The Coca-Cola Company announced that it was changing its 99-year-old secret formula. The New Coke was not successful, which resulted in the resumption of selling the original version. 1985, The U.S. House rejected $14 million in aid to Nicaragua. 1988, A U.S. federal law took effect that banned smoking on flights that were under two hours. 1988, In Martinez, CA, a drain valve was left open at the Shell Marsh. More than 10,000 barrels of oil poured into the marsh adjoining Peyton Slough. 1988, Kanellos Kanelopoulos set three world records for human-powered flight when he stayed in the air for 74 miles and four hours in his pedal-powered "Daedalus". 1996, An auction of the late Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis' possessions began at Sotheby's in New York City. The sale brought in $34.5 million. 1997, An infertility doctor in California announced that a 63-year-old woman had given birth in late 1996. The child was from a donor egg. The woman is the oldest known woman to give birth. 1999, In Washington, DC, the heads of state and government of the 19 NATO nations celebrated the organization's 50th anniversary. 2003, U.S. President George W. Bush signed legislation that authorized the design change of the 5-cent coin (nickel) for release in 2004. It was the first change to the coin in 65 years. The change, to commemorate the 200th anniversary of the Louisiana Purchase, was planned to run for only two years before returning to the previous design. 2004, U.S. President George W. Bush eased sanctions against Libya in return for Moammar Gadhafi's agreement to give up weapons of mass destruction. 2005, The first video was uploaded to YouTube.com. 2009, The iTunes Music Store reached 1 billion applications downloaded. 2022 Do smiled. |
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