Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, September 4 _____________________________________________________ Today, September 4 in 1888 George Eastman registered the name "Kodak" and patented his roll-film camera. The camera took 100 exposures per roll. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ | If you lcan help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Today's Bonehead Award: Florida man assaulted pregnant girlfriend _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? -- Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865) All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others. --- Cyril Connolly (1903 - 1974) _______________________________________________ >From Jean For those of you who have never traveled to the west or southwest, cattle guards are horizontal steel rails placed at fence openings, in dug-out places in the roads adjacent to highways (and sometimes across highways), to prevent cattle from crossing over that area. For some reason the cattle will not step on the "guards," probably because they fear getting their feet caught between the rails. Calves are briefly trained with 4" poles laid on the ground. Unlike certain politicians, calves are not stupid and they learn in a few seconds that walking over poles is painful. Once they are trained, strips painted onto pavement are enough to stop them, without interfering with traffic. Colorado ranchers had protested Obama's proposed changes in grazing policies. When President, Obama received those news and was reading a report that there were over 100,000 cattle guards in Colorado, so he ordered the Secretary of the Interior to fire half of the "cattle guards" immediately! Before the Secretary of the Interior could respond and presumably try to straighten President Obama out on the matter, Vice-President Joe Biden, intervened with a request that, before any "cattle guards" were fired, they be given six months of retraining. 'Times are hard,' said Joe Biden, 'it's only fair to the cattle guards and their families to be given six months of retraining! While those two guys, Broom Hilda and Petunia were running the country, everything they touched became a mess. NOW JOE WANTS TO BE PRESIDENT! ------------ Yeah, I remember that! Here they are called "Texas Gates", and there are probably a Million of them in Alberta. They are called Gates, not Guards, so that Trudeau won't try to fire them. ________________________________________________` _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christopher Wilson, 37, Cincinatti, Ohio Ohio Man With World's Worst Forehead Tattoo Is Arrested For Assaulting, Groping Woman The 37-year-old Cincinnati, Ohio resident has been arrested for assaulting and groping a female victim. While the alleged incident occurred more than two years ago, Wilson was not collared until Friday evening. Wilson, locked up in the Hamilton County jail, is scheduled for a court appearance this afternoon on the two misdemeanor charges. There is no indication that Wilson has been employed in the adult film industry, or any other. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Eddie Re: CD / DVD drive cleaners Dear Webby, Well I do not know if I am the first one to ask you a question about "DVD/CD Burners" or anything computer related. So here we go..... Is there away that I can test/clean such a drive without buying one of those crazy discs that they sell at the store? Eddie Dear Eddie Since those cleaning disks are cheaper than a replacement drive, they are probably worth the gamble. However, I have never used one of them. Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. After receiving his medication from the pharmacist, the customer asked, "Are these time release pills?" The pharmacist replied, "Yes. They begin to work just as soon as your check clears!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
The boss went up to the bartender and asked, "Have you been fooling around with the waitress?! "Oh no, sir, I sure haven't" replied the bartender. The boss replied, "Good, then YOU fire her!" ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com font color="#009990"> Longer Life for Your Carpet - Snip Loose Threads To remove a loose thread that sticks up above the fiber, use scissors to snip it instead of pulling on it which can pull out more than just the thread. Loose threads are easy to catch in the vacuum, creating an even bigger problem. thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________ | | The quest to find a lost arctic explorer's buried cabbage soup. |
___________________________________________________ Robert, age eight, was the son of strict Presbyterian parents. He was very, very good, worked hard at school, did his chores, and was generally helpful and obedient. But one morning, for some reason, he came down to breakfast in a very nasty mood. When his mother served him prunes, he snarled, "I don't want prunes," and he refused to eat them. His parents were aghast, and his father said, "Robert, you know that Lord commanded children to honor and obey their parents, and He will punish those who do not." But Robert still refused and was angrily sent back to bed, and the prunes were put in the refrigerator. A few minutes later, a terrible thunderstorm came up with great roars of thunder and flashes of lightning. "Ah, wonderful," said Robert's mother, "this will teach him a lesson." To their great surprise though, Robert came to the top of the stairs and called down: "Sounds like God doesn't want you to make such a fuss about some silly prunes!" ___________________________________________________ Two men were sitting at a bar recounting their dreams. "I dreamed I was on vacation," one man said fondly. "It was just me and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake. What a dream." "I had a great dream too," said the other. "I dreamed I was in bed with two beautiful women and having the time of my life." His companion looked over and exhorted, "You dreamed you had two women, and you didn't call me?" "Oh, I did," said the other, "but when I called, you had gone fishing." ___________________________________________________ A Japanese book publisher created an English edition of their book about sports rules, never running the translation by a native English speaker. After selling about 700,000 copies and getting about that many complaints, they came to understand that the book title ''Love Sports'' was somewhat misleading. The book has now been renamed to ''We Love Sports.'' __________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, September 4 in 0476 Romulus Augustulus, the last emperor of the western Roman Empire, was deposed when Odoacer proclaimed himself King of Italy. 1609 English navigator Henry Hudson began exploring the island of Manhattan. 1781 Los Angeles, CA, was founded by Spanish settlers. The original name was "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora La Reina de Los Angeles de Porciuncula," which translates as "The Town of the Queen of Angels." 1825 New York Governor Clinton ceremoniously emptied a barrel of Lake Erie water in the Atlantic Ocean to consummate the "Marriage of the Waters" of the Great Lakes and the Atlantic. 1833 Barney Flaherty answered an ad in "The New York Sun" and became the first newsboy/paperboy at the age of 10. 1882 Thomas Edison's Pearl Street electric power station began operations in New York City. It was the first display of a practical electrical lighting system. 1885 The Exchange Buffet opened in New York City. It was the first self-service cafeteria in the U.S. 1886 Geronimo, and the Apache Indians he led, surrendered in Skeleton Canyon in Arizona to Gen. Nelson Miles. 1888 George Eastman registered the name "Kodak" and patented his roll-film camera. The camera took 100 exposures per roll. 1894 A strike in New York City by 12,000 tailors took place to protest sweatshops. 1899 An 8.3 earthquake hit Yakutat Bar, AK. 1917 The American expeditionary force in France suffered its first fatalities in World War I. 1921 The first police broadcast was made by radio station WIL in St. Louis, MO. 1923 The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," began its maiden voyage in Lakehurst, NJ. 1944 At the end of World War II British troops entered the city of Antwerp, Belgium. 1948 The Dutch Queen Wilhelmina left her throne for health reasons. 1949 The longest pro tennis match in history was played when Pancho Gonzales and Ted Schroeder played 67 games in five sets. 1951 The first live, coast-to-coast TV broadcast took place in the U.S. The event took place in San Francisco, CA, from the Japanese Peace Treaty Conference. It was seen all the way to New York City, NY. 1957 The Arkansas National Guard was ordered by Governor Orval Faubus to keep nine black students from going into Little Rock's Central High School. 1957 The Ford Motor Company began selling the Edsel. The car was so unpopular that it was taken off the market after only two years. 1967 "Gilligan's Island" aired for the last time on CBS-TV. It ran for 98 shows. 1967 Michigan Gov. George Romney said during a TV interview that he had undergone "brainwashing" by U.S. officials while visiting Vietnam in 1965. 1972 Swimmer Mark Spitz captured his seventh Olympic gold medal in the 400-meter medley relay event at Munich, Germany. Spitz was the first Olympian to win seven gold medals. 1981 The Soviet Union began war games with about 100,000 troops on the Polish border. 1983 U.S. officials announced that there had been an American plane, used for reconnaissance, in the vicinity of the Korean Air Lines flight that was shot down. 1986 South African security forces halted a mass funeral for the victims of the riot in Soweto. 1989 A reconnaissance satellite was released by the Air Force's Titan Three rocket. The Titan Three set over 200 satellites into space between 1964 and 1989. 1993 Pope John Paul II started his first visit to the former Soviet Union. 1993 Jim Abbott (New York Yankees) pitched a no-hitter. Abbott had been born without a right hand. 1995 The Fourth World Conference on Women was opened in Beijing. There were over 4,750 delegates from 181 countries in attendance. 1998 In Mexico, bankers stopped approving personal loans and mortgages. 1998 The International Monetary Fund approved a $257 million loan for the Ukraine. 1998 Google was incorporated as a privately held company. 1998 While in Ireland, U.S. President Clinton said the words "I'm sorry" for the first time about his affair with Monica Lewinsky and described his behavior as indefensible. 1999 The United Nations announced that the residents of East Timor had overwhelmingly voted for independence from Indonesia in a referendum held on August 30. In Dili, pro-Indonesian militias attacked independence supporters, burned buildings, blew up bridges and destroyed telecommunication facilities. 2003 Keegan Reilly, 22, became the first parapalegic climber to reach the peak of Japan's Mount Fuji. 2019 Do smiled. |
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