Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, January 31 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award CA man arrested for possessing more than 600 images of children being raped ___________________________________________________ Today, January 30 in 1971 Astronauts Alan B. Shepard Jr., Edgar D. Mitchell and Stuart A. Roosa blasted off aboard Apollo 14 on a mission to the moon. ____________________________________________________ If you are not criticized, you may not be doing much. --- Donald H. Rumsfeld (1932 - ) ____________________________________________________ At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other replied "Yes, I am, I married the wrong man." ____________________________________________________ Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy. Rob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent to his sister. She then sent it to The X, 103.2 on your FM dial in Ft Wayne, IN, who was sponsoring a "worst job experience" contest. Needless to say, she won. Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: we have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi. Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other divers, were all laughing hysterically. Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for 2 days because my butthole was swollen shut. So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt. Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job..." Catherine=== ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house a woman looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!" __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sergio Monrroy, 22, Fresno, California, USA CA man arrested for possessing more than 600 images of children being raped The Fresno County Sheriff's Office says 22-year-old Sergio Monrroy had more than 600 photos and videos of children being raped, including some as young as infants. A Sanger man has been arrested for allegedly possessing images of children being sexually abused. The Fresno County Sheriff's Office says 22-year-old Sergio Monrroy had more than 600 photos and videos of children being raped, including some as young as infants. Detectives with the Central California Internet Crimes Against Children (ICAC) Task Force found the images and videos after serving a search warrant at his house in Sanger. He has been booked into the Fresno County Jail on felony charges of possessing child pornography. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Freda Re: Clean monitors Dear Webby My cat spilled some coffee onto my monitor. What is the best way to clean it? Thanks Freda Dear Freda First, the best TIME to clean a monitor is first thing in the morning, after it has sat turned off overnight and all static and magnetism has faded. For a cleaning liquid use whatever you use on windows or mirrors. If at all possible tilt the monitor so that the screen faces downward. The screen has Millions of tiny little craters etched into it to reduce the glare. It's not a good idea to fill them with dirt particles, so use a fair bit of liquid and let the excess run off, wipe it with a very wet cloth, rinse it again and use a clean wet cloth. Then wring out the cloth and dry the surfaces. Paper is not a good idea, because it is abrasive and can damage the coating that is on many monitors, just like it is on camera lenses. The best type of cloth to use is of course MicroFiber cloth. It's tiny fibers, 100 times thinner than a hair, are fine enough to scoop dirt and smoke condensate out of the invisible little craters on the screen. Have Fun! DearWebby A girl says to the salesman, "I'm not sure if I should buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker." He says, "Well, that depends. Are you going to sweat, or are you gonna break wind?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ Bob prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party he was giving. In his haste, however, he forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. He was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. He called the local Poison Control Center and voiced his concern. They advised Bob to boil the sauce again. That night, the phone rang during dinner, and a guest volunteered to answer it. "Hey, Bob! It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out and if anybody croaked." ____________________________________________ Thanks to Julie for this one: The AMA and NZMA have declared that the long term implications of drugs or medical procedures must be more fully considered. Over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer's Disease research. It is now projected that by the year 2025 there will be fifty million Americans wandering around with huge breasts and erections but who can't remember what to do with them. ____________________________________________ A sweet young Miss thought she might have some fun with a stiff-looking military man at a cocktail party, so she walked over and asked him when was the last time he had had sex. "1956," came his immediate reply. "No wonder you look so uptight!" she exclaimed. "Honey, you need to get out more." "I'm not sure I understand what you mean," he answered, glancing at his watch. "It's only 2014 now." ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today Jan 31 in 1606 Guy Fawkes was executed after being convicted for his role in the "Gunpowder Plot" against the English Parliament and King James I. 1747 The first clinic specializing in the treatment of venereal diseases was opened at London Dock Hospital. 1858 The Great Eastern, the five-funnelled steamship designed by Brunel, was launched at Millwall. 1865 In America, General Robert E. Lee was named general-in-chief of the Confederate armies. 1865 The 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by the U.S. House of Representatives. It was ratified by the necessary number of states on December 6, 1865. The amendment abolished slavery in the United States. 1876 All Native American Indians were ordered to move into reservations. 1893 The trademark "Coca-Cola" was first registered in the United States Patent Office. 1917 Germany announced its policy of unrestricted submarine warfare. 1929 The USSR exiled Leon Trotsky. He found asylum in Mexico. 1930 U.S. Navy Lt. Ralph S. Barnaby became the first glider pilot to have his craft released from a dirigible, a large blimp, at Lakehurst, NJ. 1934 Jim Londos defeated Joe Savoldi in a one-fall match in Chicago, IL. The crowd of 20,000 was one of the largest crowds to see a wrestling match. 1936 The radio show "The Green Hornet" debuted. 1940 The first Social Security check was issued by the U.S. Government. 1944 During World War II, U.S. forces invaded Kwajalein Atoll and other areas of the Japanese-held Marshall Islands. 1945 Private Eddie Slovik became the only U.S. soldier since the U.S. Civil War to be executed for desertion. 1946 A new constitution in Yugoslavia created six constituent republics (Serbia, Montenegro, Croatia, Slovenia, Bosnia-Herzegovina, Macedonia) subordinated to a central authority, on the model of the USSR. 1949 The first TV daytime soap opera was broadcast from NBC's station in Chicago, IL. It was "These Are My Children." 1950 U.S. President Truman announced that he had ordered development of the hydrogen bomb. 1958 Explorer I was put into orbit around the earth. It was the first U.S. earth satellite. 1971 Astronauts Alan B. Shepard Jr., Edgar D. Mitchell and Stuart A. Roosa blasted off aboard Apollo 14 on a mission to the moon. 1971 Telephone service between East and West Berlin was re-established after 19 years. 1983 The wearing of seat belts in cars became compulsory in Britain. 1983 JCPenney announced plans to spend in excess of $1 billion over the next five years to modernize stores and to accelerate a repositioning program. 1985 The final Jeep rolled off the assembly line at the AMC plant in Toledo, OH. 1990 McDonald's Corp. opened its first fast-food restaurant in Moscow, Russia. 1995 U.S. President Clinton invoked presidential emergency authority to provide a $20 billion loan to Mexico to stabilize its economy. 1996 In Columbo, Sri Lanka, a truck was rammed into the gates of the Central Bank. The truck filled with explosives killed at least 86 and injured 1,400. 2000 An Alaska Airlines jet crashed into the ocean off Southern California. All 88 people on board were killed. 2001 A Scottish court in the Netherlands convicted one Libyan and acquitted a second in the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland, that occurred in 1988. 2021 Do smiled. |
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