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| Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, November 30 Thank you, Kurt!! Thank you, Nancy! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: Arrested for raiding his childs college fund ___________________________________________________ Today, November 30 in 1939 The USSR broke off diplomatic relations with Finland prior to a Soviet attack, forcing Finland to ask for help from Germany. After the Germans had lost over half a Million soldiers there, the Finns kicked them out and joined the winning Allies 2 months before the end of WW2. ____________________________________________________ The least of learning is done in the classrooms. --- Thomas Merton (1915 - 1968) If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done. --- Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004) Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. --- Gordon R. Dickson I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self. --- Aristotle ____________________________________________________ Little Johnny said, "Hey, mom, can you give me twenty dollars?" "Certainly not," his mom said. Little Johnny said, "If you do, I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop." His mother's ears perked up. She grabbed her purse, handed him a twenty and said, "Well? What did he say?" "He said, 'Marie, please go into the garden for a bit. One look at your make-up should scare that neighbor's dog enough to shut him up long enough so that I can have a nap in peace and quiet'." ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer. "As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how much they cost, you say '$275.' If his eyes don't flutter, say, 'For the frames. The lenses will be $250.' If his eyes still don't flutter, you add 'Each.'" ----------- Btw., did you know that if farmers had the same mark-ups as optometrists, each egg would cost $249.95 ? ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rosalee Baker, 55, ST. PETERSBURG, Florida, USA St. Pete woman arrested on Thanksgiving Day after trying to sell neighbor's vehicles to scrap yard Two vehicles disappeared from a St. Petersburg home in August, and it wasn't until recently that detectives learned a neighbor tried to sell them to a scrapyard in another city in exchange for money. St. Pete police arrested 55-year-old Rosalee Baker on Thursday. Back in August, detectives said the victim's vehicles a Ford F150 and a BMW were parked at the back of a home in the 1400 block of 28th Street South. Baker lived across the street, according to her arrest affidavit. Investigators said Baker coordinated the sale of the vehicles with Small Planet Auto Recycling in Tampa. They said she made contact with a representative of the company, and "acted as if she owned the vehicle." During the interaction, police said Baker completed a bill of sale and request to cancel the vehicle titles. They said she provided her Florida ID and thumbprint on the cancel title forms. Then, she received $300 for each sale. The vehicles were towed to the salvage yard, police said. However, they were eventually listed as stolen while Small Planet was in possession of them. Hillsborough County deputies were notified since the business was within their jurisdiction. Investigators said they confirmed Baker was involved due to her fingerprints on the documents. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Helga Re: Scanner Dear Webby I am like you. I scan something maybe once every second month, or when my neighbor comes over and gives me a pound of coffee to scan a couple of pages for her. I print with an ancient DELL laser printer and dread the thought of it some day dying. So far it still churns out page after page and I am quite happy with it. For scanning I use an HP DeskJet 2742e. Don't bother printing with it after the test print required for setup. Their inks are ridiculously expensive and the printing is crappy. Scanning and printing a photo makes you want to shove it up somebody's whatchamacallit. You won' try THAT a second time. (The printing, not the shoving!) However, I don't care. I got mine sitting in a drawer and just use it for scanning. It is about $70 at Walmart and I doubt that anybody buys it for printing. Dear Helga Thank you very much! Thanks Have FUN! DearWebby Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a real big farm. The second boy said his dad owned a real big factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied: "That's nothin'. My dad owns hell." "No way," another boys scoffed. "No man can own hell!" "Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that the elders of our church gave it to him last night." | | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A boy was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful Princess, I will stay with you for one week." The boy took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess, I'll stay with you forTrishar." Again the boy took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally the frog asked, "What is it? I've told you I'm a beautiful Princess, and that I'll stay with you forTrishar. Why won't you kiss me?" The boy said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool." ______________________________________________ Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced: "A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000." There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!" ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
One day there was a woman who lost her cat named 'Love'. It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him. When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for Love." In New York that is an indictable offense and she was arrested on the spot. ___________________________________________________ | Today, November 29, in 1864 The Sand Creek Massacre occurred in Colorado when a militia led by Colonel John Chivington, killed at least 400 peaceful Cheyenne and Arapaho Indians who had surrendered and had been given permission to camp. 1890 Navy defeated Army by a score of 24-0 in the first Army-Navy football game. The game was played at West Point, NY. 1892 A patent was issued to Almon Brown Strowger for the rotary dial. 1929 The first airplane flight over the South Pole was made by U.S. Navy Lt. Comdr. Richard E. Byrd. 1939 The USSR broke off diplomatic relations with Finland prior to a Soviet attack, forcing Finland to ask for help from Germany. After the Germans had lost over half a Million soldiers there, the Finns kicked them out and joined the winning Allies 2 months before the end of WW2. 1945 The monarchy was abolished in Yugoslavia and a republic proclaimed. 1947 The U.N. General Assembly passed a resolution that called for the division of Palestine between Arabs and Jews. 1961 The Mercury-Atlas 5 spacecraft was launched by the U.S. with Enos the chimp on board. The craft orbited the earth twice before landing off Puerto Rico. 1963 A Trans-Canada Airlines DC-8F with 111 passengers and 7 crew members crashed in woods north of Montreal 4 minutes after takeoff from Dorval Airport. All aboard were killed. The crash was the worst in Canada's history. 1963 U.S. President Johnson named a commission headed by Earl Warren to investigate the assassination of President Kennedy. 1967 U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert S. McNamara announced that he was leaving the Johnson administration to become president of the World Bank. 1974 In Britain, a bill that outlawed the Irish Republican Army became effective. 1975 Bill Gates adopted the name Microsoft for the company he and Paul Allen had formed to write the BASIC computer language for the Altair. 1982 The U.N. General Assembly voted that the Soviet Union should withdraw its troops from Afghanistan. 1986- Actor Cary Grant died at the age of 82. 1987 A Korean jetliner disappeared off Burma, with 115 people aboard. 1987 Cuban detainees released 26 hostages they'd been holding for more than a week at the Federal Detention Center in Oakdale, LA. 1988 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the rights of criminal defendants are not violated when police unintentionally fail to preserve potentially vital evidence. 1989 In Czechoslovakia, the Communist-run parliament ended the party's 40-year monopoly on power. 1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to authorize military action if Iraq did not withdraw its troops from Kuwait and release all foreign hostages by January 15, 1991. 1991 17 people were killed in a 164-vehicle wreck during a dust storm near Coalinga, CA, on Interstate 5. 1994 The U.S. House passed the revised General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade. 1994 Fighter jets attacked the capital of Chechnya and its airport only hours after Russian President Boris Yeltsin demanded the breakaway republic end its civil war. 1996 A U.N. court sentenced Bosnian Serb army soldier Drazen Erdemovic to 10 years in prison for his role in the massacre of 1,200 Muslims. The sentence was the first international war crimes sentence since World War II. 1998 Swiss voters overwhelmingly rejected legalizing heroin and other narcotics. 2004 The French government announced plans to build the Louvre II in northern France. The 236,808 square foot museum was the planned home for 500-600 works from the Louvre's reserves. 2008 In China, construction on the Shanghai Tower began. 2021 Do smiled. |
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